


Call Me Friend But Keep Me Closer

by pietromavximoff



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, College AU, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Protective Daryl Dixon, Secret Relationship, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, but they're so in love, daryl's a hot bartender and beth's struggling to finish any assignments, my god so much pining, they both want to be more than friends but they're both stubborn assholes who won't admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:13:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 105,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pietromavximoff/pseuds/pietromavximoff
Summary: Beth Greene's starting a new chapter of her life after her mother's death - college - which means independence, freedom, and a whole lot of opportunities to get drunk and make bad choices, or so her sister Maggie tells her. But all Beth wants to do is focus on her studies - that is until she befriends Daryl Dixon, the bartender at Martinez' who isn't half bad to have around when drunk men approach and who she finds herself thinking about late at night more and more. When Beth exasperatedly complains she's not having any of the fun her sister always talks about, her and Daryl begin a whole new kind of relationship that she never in her wildest dreams would imagine but can't ever think of going without again.
Relationships: Bethyl - Relationship, Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene
Comments: 178
Kudos: 177





	1. No Such Thing As Luck

**Author's Note:**

> longer note at the end, but quick disclaimer that i really loved zach on the show and just needed him to be an asshole for plot reasons. enjoy!

The only thing Beth Greene had learnt from her sister Maggie about college was that coffee was liquid gold and that she should never trust a boy who writes his phone number on her arm instead of on paper. The first point was proven valid within the first week of Beth starting her classes, the second within two. Beth had been to one party the first weekend away from home and she’d vowed never again, at least not anytime soon and not with the same people. Her roommate Sarah was wild enough that she could probably tag along to some rave she went to and Maggie was always encouraging her to put herself out there more, but nothing in the world could convince her to go back to a sweaty, horny-boy infested den and play beer pong in a dimly lit room blasting hip hop. It wasn’t that Beth didn’t like certain aspects of it. Sure, she’d tried beer before and didn’t mind the taste and sure, she enjoyed different genres of music – she was a music major after all – but it was just that Beth was all or nothing and she decidedly did not want to be all for getting hammered on the weekend and hooking up with random boys who would act like complete idiots afterwards.

It was a month into college when Beth discovered the small bar on the corner of the main street in town, tucked between an all-night diner and a Laundromat she suspected hadn’t been in use for at least a few years. The outside was unassuming and plain, the inside cramped and usually empty during the days. Beth had taken to bringing her college work in, usually electing to occupy a booth for herself, headphones in as she listened to her lectures and hand cramping while she took notes.

The second month of college had not been nearly as easy as the first, and between two assignments due by the end of the week and Sarah’s non-stop phone calls to her friends back home, Beth had taken refuge once again in the tiny corner bar. It wasn’t even midday yet but the bar was unusually crowded, the casual day-drinkers Beth knew well enough by now in their usual spots and a group of rowdy boys in the booth she usually occupied. Knowing the tables in the middle were reserved for food service, Beth slumped onto a stool at the bar and hoped she wouldn’t be hounded to order. Usually the staff left her alone, and Beth barely caught a glimpse of them during the afternoon lull. She supposed most of their work came after dinner time, when people got off work and school, but she was usually out of there by then. Today there was a man standing at the opposite end of the bar, cleaning glasses with his broad back to her, head down.

The stark buzzing of her phone in her pocket pulled Beth out of her daze, smiling as her sister’s name flashed on screen.

‘Miss me already?’

Maggie guffawed. ‘Yeah, right. How’s school, kiddo?’

Beth grinned, leaning against the bar and studying the alcohol on the shelves opposite her as she answered. ‘Great. Getting drunk and sleeping with a different guy every night.’

‘You’re funny.’ Beth could practically see her sister rolling her eyes.

‘Hey, you’re the one that said college was one of the best times of your life. Isn’t that what you were doing?’

‘Not every night.’ Maggie replied slyly. ‘Besides, it wouldn’t hurt you to live a little. Go wild, it’s the first time in your life you’re away from the farm, from daddy and Shawn and all their stupid overprotective bullshit. Go crazy.’

Beth sighed. ‘The only crazy I’m doing is staying up past midnight to finish my assignments on time.’

She knew Maggie meant well and she surprisingly wished she had a wild story or two to tell her sister. It certainly would ease her mind about Beth being alone after she’d nearly killed herself last summer. That was something that Beth didn’t want to talk about now and something she knew Maggie would edge around nervously until she finally got to asking. It wasn’t that she was still feeling that way – although in many ways she was still that dejected, hopeless girl she had been when her mother had died the year before – but she was at college and she was trying to be different, better. And if all it took for Maggie to feel reassured that Beth was okay was to know that she was going out and having fun, then Beth would give it to her.

‘Went to a party.’ Beth failed to disclose just how long ago this had been. At once her sister launched into a thousand excited questions and Beth smiled despite herself, describing every intricate little detail knowing that it would drive away Maggie’s fears that Beth was not doing well.

Their conversation lasted a few more minutes before Maggie was called back to work and she hung up with the promise that she’d drop by sometime in the next few weeks to visit.

Beth put her phone away, splaying her notebook across the bar and grimacing a little at how the pages stuck to the sticky countertop. Pen in her mouth and bag balanced precariously on her lap, she rummaged through her things until she found her headphones, untangling them and putting them in, drowning out the dull clinking of glasses and raucous noise from the group behind her. Beth had just started listening to the lecture she’d missed the previous morning, droning monotone voice in her ear and pen gliding against her notebook, when she heard a muffled sound, closer to her than she’d expected. She looked up, pulling an earphone out expectantly at one of the boys from the rowdy group who’d broken away. He took a seat at the bar next to her, sliding easily onto the stool with a confidence she admired but didn’t welcome.

‘Hey. Beth, right?’

Beth blinked, turning to his friends who snapped their heads back around to their table when she caught them staring. Slightly uncomfortable knowing that they were all listening in on whatever was about to unfold, Beth took in the boy next to her. He looked vaguely familiar, roughly her age and watching her through easy brown eyes. The voice of her ancient lecturer was still buzzing in one of her ears, reminding her of how little time she had for distractions when she’d already fallen behind.

‘Yeah. Have we met?’

The boy smiled, leaning against the bar with a leather-clad elbow. ‘I’m Zach. You were at Jake’s party a few weeks ago, right?’

Beth nodded, a little stunned that he remembered her judging from the level of alcohol consumed by everyone there. She saw Zach’s eyes skim over her notes, taking in her textbooks and video of the lecture. He pushed a brown lock back into his wavy mane as his eyes fell back on her.

‘How come I haven’t seen you around since?’

Beth shrugged, finally accepting this conversation wasn’t going to be as quick as she’d thought, pausing the video. ‘Not really my thing.’

Zach broke into a wide smile. Beth supposed he was good looking but in that classic, boring way that had never really intrigued her. There was also something to be said about the way his friends behind them were clearly eavesdropping on their conversation, his confident air bordering on arrogant. A little irked because he clearly was trying to hit on her despite placing her in an extremely uncomfortable position –alone surrounded by his male friends and unassuming – Beth smiled politely, knowing she didn’t have time for this nor was she interested, making to turn back to her work before Zach spoke again.

‘How come you’re here all alone?’

His lofty tone made Beth’s skin crawl, and she fiddled her pen between her fingers as she tried figuring out the best way to reject him. The man behind the bar had shifted his body as Zach spoke, head still down as he worked but the music playing overhead was muted enough and he was close enough that Beth knew he could hear them.

‘I’m behind on a few assignments.’ Beth answered tersely, hoping that her meaning would be caught and she wouldn’t have to outright refuse him in front of his friends. If Maggie were here, she’d tell him where to go and then probably scold Beth for being too nice. But Maggie wasn’t here and Beth was too nice and as much as she just wanted him to leave her alone so she could get on with her assignments, she wouldn’t be rude about it.

‘Nice day like this, you should take a break.’ Zach went on as though he’d barely heard her, waving to the glass windows where blue sky poured through. ‘Come have a drink with us, make the most of the day.’

Beth felt a flush creep up her neck as her heart sped up uncomfortably.

‘I’m good. Thanks, though.’ She turned once again back to her books, her skin prickling under his steady gaze.

‘Aw, come on, have a little fun –’

‘I’m alright, thanks. Enjoy the rest of your day.’ Beth said, her voice a little stronger now as it became evident that Zach wasn’t moving to leave.

‘Come on, we’re not gonna bite.’ He made to tug away her book so she’d look back up at him but a rough voice cut across them angrily and Zach pulled his arm back with a startle.

‘Hey!’

Beth’s head snapped up to see the man behind the bar watching Zach with sharp eyes, a scowl pulling his brows together as he made his way over. A wave of relief washed over Beth at the interruption.

‘Relax, man.’ Zach had recovered quickly from the shock of the bartender’s deep voice, regarding him with amusement. Perhaps he could not see the taut muscle cording down the man’s forearms from beneath his rolled up sleeves like Beth could, or the hard glint in his blue eyes. ‘I’m not doing anything.’

‘Ain’t you hear her say no?’ The bartender growled, towel in his hand abandoned by the sink as he waited for Zach’s reply.

‘Mind your own business.’ Zach’s tone was decidedly less friendly now as he surveyed the man up and down, realising he wasn’t about to drop it. ‘She’s a big girl, she can handle herself.’

Beth made to object at that to point out that he didn’t seem to have thought she knew what was best for herself when he’d been trying to convince her otherwise despite her obvious discomfort, but the bartender got in first.

‘Funny. Cause I heard her say no to your sorry ass twice and you’re still here.’

Beth finally dragged her eyes off him, back to Zach, who was glaring at him sullenly. Behind them his friends murmured lowly between themselves and she could feel their eyes on the scene.

‘Why don’t you turn back around and not worry about shit that doesn’t concern you, redneck.’

The older man’s gaze narrowed and Beth saw a look of unbridled anger cross his face and hey, Zach might have sunk a few beers already and he might be feeling confident with all his friends behind him, but if that threatening look was being directed at Beth she might just shrivel up and die.

‘Want me to come ‘round the other side of the bar and beat your ass into the ground?’

Beth’s head pounded at the rate the situation was escalating. Zach seemed to have the sense to look a little apprehensive now, leaning back on the stool to put distance between them. The bartender had a wild look behind his eyes, a feral kind of untamed thing that Beth hadn’t ever seen close up before.

‘Good. Now say you’re sorry.’

Zach began to open his mouth in protest but the bartender slammed a hand down hard onto the countertop, the loud thump echoing through the quiet bar. Beth felt every eye in the establishment on them now, even the older day drinkers who were usually to buzzed to notice anything. She wriggled in her seat uncomfortably, half-relieved that she’d been spared the embarrassment of having to try and ward off Zach by herself and half-unbelieving that this stranger was so willing to step in to help her.

‘The fuck did I say?’

Zach closed his mouth. Swallowing hard and like it cost him more than a few words, he turned to Beth sluggishly.

‘Sorry for bothering you.’

Beth nodded dazedly, watching the bartender out of the corner of her eye as he jerked his head at Zach, warning him to leave. He did, with one last glare at him and no other acknowledgment of Beth, scraping the barstool out and muttering to his friends. Beth watched them go, shooting her annoyed looks or swearing under their breaths at the man behind the bar.

Once the last of them had left and Beth was sure the rest of the patrons had gone back to nursing their glasses filled with various shades of amber liquid, she turned back to the bartender, heart beating more steadily now.

His back was already turned to her, red towel tucked into his pocket as he pulled out a tray of glasses from the dishwasher. Beth watched him unload them with his head down again, blue eyes hidden by his messy dark hair. Thinking it strange that he had barely even looked at her let alone waited for her to thank him as most men would’ve, she cleared her throat.

‘Thankyou.’

The man grunted, swiping the cloth from his pocket to wipe the layer of wet steam on the inside of the glasses, back still to her.

‘I mean it.’ Beth went on, knowing he probably just wanted to be left alone to work and not knowing at all why her mouth had insisted on making a fool of her. ‘I know it’s your job and all but, thanks.’

For a moment Beth thought the man might ignore her and she let her eyes sink back down to her unfinished notes and paused lecture, headphone wires tangled impossibly although she was sure she had barely even touched them during the whole exchange. She fumbled with them until they were unknotted and by the time she looked back up the man had turned his body to her, cloth in his hand working along a glass.

‘’S alright.’ He muttered in a gravelly voice.

Beth offered him a smile, a little more encouraged. ‘I’m Beth, by the way.’

‘Daryl.’ The bartender grated, avoiding her eye. He didn’t turn away, though.

‘Probably be seeing a lot of me around,’ Beth started, clicking her pen against her notebook. Daryl’s eyes went straight to the source of the noise. ‘I’m at the college on the other side of town and this is about the only place quiet enough during the day to study.’

‘Come to a bar for quiet?’ Daryl asked, reaching up to place the glass away before grabbing another.

Beth grinned. ‘Yeah, well, my roommate makes it virtually impossible to even sleep in let alone study and the rest of campus is filled with the same kinda guy like that –’ she nodded to where Zach and his friends had been sitting – ‘so this isn’t too bad in comparison.’

Daryl nodded, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully as he met her eyes, the shock of his deep sapphires on her making Beth’s stomach flutter. He hadn’t looked at her during his whole exchange with Zach but now he was, really looking. His eyes raked over her notebooks briefly before landing back on her face.

‘You know that guy?’ His voice was almost reluctant, as though he’d rather turn back around and ignore her but was talking to her anyway.

Beth shook her head. ‘Went to the same party at the start of semester apparently. Don’t remember him, he probably just saw me and figured I went to college here.’

‘Prick.’ Daryl conceded with his eyes to the floor and Beth let out a breath of laughter.

‘Yeah, well, I try not to be too shocked. There are always guys like that around.’

Daryl’s heavy gaze landed on her face once again and Beth, feeling more relaxed now that Zach and his friends had left, realised that Daryl was quite good looking in a completely different way to Zach and completely better, in her opinion. Maybe that’s what made her say it, or maybe it was just that his silence was eating at her and she felt a desperation to fill it with something, anything.

‘Bet you always get college girls in here hitting on you.’

Beth could have kicked herself as she saw Daryl’s expression close up, his eyes darting away from her. Of course, she’d had to make it awkward. It wasn’t enough that Daryl already seemed reluctant enough to talk to her, but now she’d gone and pointed out that she thought he was good looking enough to be hit on constantly, throwing the whole precarious balance of the nature of their conversation into decidedly flirty waters.

Daryl cleared his throat, eyes still anywhere but on her and now shifting uncomfortably on his feet. God, she could have hit herself. Between the crippling amount of work she had to get through and her idiot brain thinking it was a good idea to sit there and talk to a complete stranger who was probably feigning interest because that was his job and was definitely not comfortable with her insinuations because that was not his job, Beth wiggled in her seat as her cheeks flushed.

‘Anyway. I’ll let you get back to work. Nice meeting you, Daryl.’ She mumbled.

Daryl nodded once, lip still worrying between his teeth as he turned away from her and travelled down the length of the bar, clearing up the half-empty glasses. He stayed silent at the other end of the bar for the next hour, barely looking up except to serve the few people who came up for refills.

When Beth finally accepted this was the most homework she’d be able to squeeze in before her afternoon class, she threw her books back into her bag and pulled her headphones out to greet the pleasant ambient buzz of the bar. She slid off the stool, throwing her backpack over her shoulders and turning to Daryl, who she was sure must have heard the scraping of her chair but hadn’t looked up from the pad he was scribbling on. Her brain was as insistent as her mouth now to continue to make a fool of her.

‘See you around.’ Beth offered, hoping the last hour had cleared some of the awkwardness away – after all, she was here most days and at the very least having an intimidating man on good terms with her could certainly do no harm in warding off unwanted advances from drunk guys. A small smile tugged at the edges of her lips as Daryl finally looked up. He cleared his throat and then, as though he’d thought better of speaking, offered her a half-nod, pen still working unconsciously against paper.

Beth let her eyes linger over him before turning away, hoping that he didn’t think her another annoying girl in college that was trying to hit on him and wondering strangely why she even cared about what he thought. The rest of her day went by much the same as all the ones before although she didn’t yet know that choosing to go into that bar that day had made sure none of the days after would be anything like the days before.

* * *

Daryl wasn’t one for luck. It was because of him that he got out of bed in the morning and because of him that he could collapse into it at night. Everything else that happened in between was the result of the world around him but he’d never call it luck.

The day Beth Greene had decided to sit at the bar and study was another ordinary day like all the ordinary ones before. Another girl being hit on by another self-assured asshole. Another time Daryl had to growl in their direction and warn them away when they forgot the meaning of the word no. But then he’d met Beth’s bright blue eyes and she’d said something, some throwaway comment that he supposed was meant to be a compliment and her eyes had grown wide with embarrassment and her cheeks had flushed pink and Daryl thought oh – this isn’t like all those times before.

_Bet you always get college girls in here hitting on you._

Technically, she wasn’t wrong. Martinez’ bar was walking distance from the college and there wasn’t much else around for miles. As the school year had started again, Daryl had been subject to drunk college girls hitting on him most nights, getting hammered and trying to reach over the bar to grab his arm before he would glare at them harshly enough that they would look to their friends, slightly frightened, and awkwardly avoid him the rest of the night. The other men who worked beside him would shake their heads and call him lucky and then they’d call him stupid for refusing them. Daryl ignored this for the most part but he didn’t miss the way his co-worker’s eyes would linger over a young girl’s exposed chest or along a pair of long legs and offer free drinks the rest of the night in the hopes they would be drunk enough by the end to significantly lower their standards.

The day Beth Greene had walked into the bar was a Tuesday; boring as shit with the same mundane tasks and the same weathered faces. Daryl almost hadn’t noticed her sitting at the edge of the bar with her head down, her blonde hair a shock of light against the grimy interior, scribbling away furiously with a pair of headphones in her ears oblivious to the world around her. Daryl knew that he should ask if she wanted anything but she was clearly not there to drink and there was no one around to scold him for leaving her be, so he didn’t. It hadn’t taken long for someone to interrupt her but it was longer than Daryl had guessed, judging from the unruly group behind her and judging from the fact that he supposed she wasn’t bad looking at all. Not that he noticed. After a minute of Beth trying to decline, far too politely in Daryl’s opinion, he hadn’t been able to ignore them any longer. The boy looked about her age and honestly, it surprised him a little that she was rejecting him at all – most college girls who got hit on at the bar tended to lean more towards flirty and less towards fuck off, but hey, she’d said no and Daryl wasn’t questioning it. Honestly, it was almost cathartic kicking out pompous assholes who thought they were somehow above social manners and it was only a bonus to kick out this one, who Daryl had seen not two days ago hitting on another other group of girls. And then Beth had introduced herself, thanking him, and she’d made an attempt at small talk not even realising how brave that was to try with someone like him. He hadn’t bit of course, but he watched her carefully all the same for the rest of the time she was there, thoughtfully, completely unable to understand how she could seem so _good._ Polite, even to that prick that couldn’t take a hint, thankful, even to him who’d barely done anything more than his job.

The day Beth Greene had walked into the bar was the day Daryl had stopped believing that there was no such thing as luck. How could he, when for everyday that came after she was there – always around lunchtime, always electing to sit in the same spot on the same stool, always offering him that same warm smile each time their eyes met that sent a jolt through Daryl’s spine? Yeah, alright, he thought she was pretty. Her blonde hair would catch the afternoon light filtering through the gritty windows and her dainty fingers would dance across her books whenever she lost her place and she’d always have that same exhilarated laugh when she’d pause her note-taking to answer the phone to someone named Maggie. But he didn’t speak to her, no more than a gruff “hey” and “bye” when she came and went, and yet there was some kind of tugging in him that drew him to her, that made him want to ask what she was studying, to see if she wanted another blackcurrant soda, whether Maggie was her sister and if she missed her. Sometimes he’d catch her staring at him as he worked and her cheeks would flush endearingly or she’d stutter something about wanting to know the time, and he’d oblige with a strange feeling in his gut that he didn’t like but didn’t hate.

Most days there was one sure-fire way to have some kind of interaction with Beth, although it came at her expense; a random guy getting hammered in the middle of a weekday stumbling up to the bar and plopping himself down ungraciously next to her, reeking of whiskey and asking what a pretty girl like her was doing all alone. The first few times Beth had stammered through excuses awkwardly, with that same politeness Daryl just couldn’t understand. He’d never had any reason to be polite, to ask for things he wanted instead of just taking them, but Beth somehow still held hope, even after it was clear men would not leave her alone, that her civil rejections would work. Daryl knew men well and he knew these kind of men even better to know that nothing anyone said would discourage them, especially not coming from a mouth they’d already decided was theirs.

That time of the day was reserved for Daryl to clean up behind the bar and take inventory of each bottle of alcohol, so he was never far when men wandered up to her and started hitting on her. Each time Beth would make her excuses, putting her head down and hoping they left her alone but most times they didn’t. And then Daryl would step in, growling at them to leave her alone or just plain kicking them out if they were being disrespectful enough and he took the fancy, and each time Beth would offer him that radiant grin of hers, like he’d done something more than the decent thing to do. Eventually, it got to the point that she’d been coming for weeks and her and Daryl had formed a silent sort of understanding between them. And each time anyone tried to approach her with unwanted intentions, Daryl would not even wait for her to reject them, sensing her eyes on him asking for help before they could even get more than a sentence out.

There was something reassuring about Beth’s presence each time Daryl looked up and she was there, even if it was just the grateful smile she’d give him after he’d told someone to leave her the fuck alone, or the low humming she didn’t even realise she was doing half the time as she looked for the pen that was usually behind her ear. They spoke more and more, or rather, Beth spoke more and Daryl listened. He guessed she must have sensed that he welcomed her chatter, because lately Beth had abandoned her attempts of studying halfway through her session in favour of talking to him. Sometimes she’d share the homemade cookies Maggie had sent up to her or she’d show him a new song she’d found that had been stuck in her head. He didn’t offer her much by any means but it was a lot for him, to nod and listen to her and ask her follow-up questions. Beth couldn’t know, but most days she was the only person he indulged in conversation with at all. And what’s more, Daryl found he wanted to talk to Beth, too, and soon enough he was grating out details of his day, muttering remarks about his work or asking her if she’d finished her latest assignment.

It had been a few months into their easy rapport when Beth had trudged in one afternoon, hair flying madly around her head and wearing a frown akin to Daryl’s usual expression.

‘’S the matter?’ Daryl asked, pulling out a glass for her and watching her face melt into gratitude as she accepted the cool soda he offered. He shook his head as she pulled out her purse.

‘You’re the only one who drinks this shit.’

Beth blew out a breath, throwing a five across the counter at him and he threw it right back, watching as she rolled her eyes and shoved it back into her purse. It was a game they played, cat and mouse, and he’d pretend it was because the soda would go to waste if she wasn’t the one always drinking it and she’d pretend that she didn’t know that he was doing it because he didn’t mind her company and thought free sodas might just keep her coming back.

‘Fine, but I don’t do well under interrogation. If you get in trouble and they ask me, I’m ratting you out.’

Daryl let out a huff, pulling out a towel to wipe down the bench more to have something to do. Beth took a long sip of the blackcurrant soda, pushing her hair back and slumping against the bar, not even bothering to pull out her books. Daryl waited another few minutes, knowing that she’d turn to him and tell him eventually.

‘Sarah kicked me out. Again.’

Sarah was Beth’s roommate and from what Daryl had heard, she barely attended classes and was getting her rich dad to pay off her teachers to keep her grades from dropping while she got blackout drunk every week. She never came to Martinez’, probably because the crowd she hung with preferred dank basements over places where cops could see you snorting lines. Daryl hated her by default because Beth did, the amount of times she’d come in with eyes heavy from lack of sleep and stressed about missing deadlines doing nothing to make him wonder if this girl deserved his dislike.

‘How come?’

‘Getting busy with one of the guys down the hall.’ Beth rolled her eyes and it struck Daryl that sex was such a commonplace thing in college that Beth barely felt a trace of embarrassment to mention it. Of course, had this been a few months ago when the two of them barely spoke, he knew Beth well enough to know that she would have gone red at the idea of bringing up sex with him.

‘Damn girl don’t get enough when she’s out every weekend?’

Beth let out an amused exhale, swirling the ice around her glass. ‘Getting enough for both of us.’

Daryl scrubbed a little harder on the counter at Beth’s admission, trying not to let his mind wander to whether that meant she was having sex or not. Beth seemed to realise what she’d said because she cleared her throat and said quickly, ‘Glenn come by today?’

Daryl shook his head. Glenn had wandered into the bar one afternoon a few weeks ago, hopelessly lost, new to the city, a steaming pile of pizzas in his hand and not a clue where to deliver them. Instead of following Daryl’s directions, he’d sat and stayed for a while, taking an interest in the music notes splayed across Beth’s notebook, and Daryl could tell for once this wasn’t a scummy man trying to hit on her but someone genuinely made of that same kind sinew Beth seemed to be made of.

Ever since then, Glenn had come in a few times a week after work and sat with Beth and talked with her and Daryl and slowly became a part of their little thing. Daryl liked Glenn more than he liked most people but even then, he couldn’t help the thrill that ran through him each time it was just him and Beth alone like this.

‘Probably still workin’.’

Beth nodded, eyeing him thoughtfully. Then, ‘how’s your brother?’

Daryl had been forced to tell Beth about Merle not because he’d particularly wanted to but because Merle had barged in the week before, drunk off his face and looking dangerously close to sliding in next to Beth and becoming one of the men Daryl stared daggers at if they so much as looked over at her. He’d introduced the two of them somewhat awkwardly before listening to Merle drone on about how the Sheriff was watching him closely because he nearly got caught the other weekend with blow.

Once Merle had left, Daryl had warily avoided Beth’s eye, wondering if she would look at him differently knowing who his brother was and more than likely who he used to be, but she’d simply flipped her book open and asked if he’d seen the stray one-eyed dog that had taken to wandering the town at night as though nothing had ever happened.

‘Ain’t got arrested yet.’ Daryl grumbled in response.

Beth nodded fairly at that, legs hanging off the stool as she leaned in and reached around him for the bottle of blackcurrant soda. By the time she was back in her seat, Daryl was breathing in a dizzying scent of sweet vanilla.

‘That’s the spirit.’ Beth grinned as she poured herself a second glass and Daryl felt a smile tugging the corners of his mouth.

They spent the better part of an hour talking between Daryl putting glasses away and unpacking boxes, and she left him with a wistful goodbye, murmuring that she had a class, turning back to grin at him in that way that always seemed to throw him off balance.


	2. Closer Than Arm's Length

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth attempts to learn more about Daryl with the help of Glenn and alcohol.

Beth was drunk. It was three in the afternoon and it was a Wednesday and she was sitting in Martinez’ with Glenn beside her and Daryl behind the counter and she was undeniably drunk.

Glenn had barged in not forty minutes ago complaining about a terrible customer he’d just had that judging from his description, might just be her roommate Sarah, and demanded that Beth have a drink with him for nothing if not the sake of his own sanity.

Beth had barely touched alcohol since the party at the start of the semester, but she’d caught Daryl’s raised brow and thought fuck it. Something about Daryl looking her like that after so many weeks at the beginning of grunts and avoiding her eye made her a little braver, a little more daring, a little more like she wanted to do something that would make her stay on his mind. She’d gotten over that initial awkwardness fairly quickly the second time she’d come in, and between Daryl sensing when she needed him to scare off unwelcome men and him slowly opening up to her, Beth had found more and more reasons to go to Martinez’ in her free time, even if she had no school work to do that day. She didn’t entertain her little crush on him – she knew he’d never be interested her in a million years, but she thought that sometimes he looked at her like he could see something else. Something more.

Beth had barely touched alcohol in months and now she was four shots deep, beaming at Glenn for having such a marvellous idea and lolling her head forward as she burst out into a fit of laughter as he missed his mouth and spilled alcohol down his top.

Daryl shook his head at the two of them before Beth nudged his untouched shot glass towards him. He stared at her, then, under her stern gaze, lifted the glass to his lips and let the liquor slide down his throat.

It had taken Beth ten minutes to convince him to play the drinking game with them, and he’d only grudgingly agreed because they were the only three people in the bar.

‘Okay, okay,’ Glenn laughed, wiping his mouth and still scrunching his nose from the vodka’s aftertaste. ‘My turn. I never got caught doing something I shouldn’t have.’

Beth was instantly reminded of the time her father had caught her kissing her first boyfriend Jimmy, and shuddered at the memory. It seemed like a lifetime ago – life on the farm – and she was somehow aware of the scar on her wrist shrouded by bracelets that almost didn’t feel like hers lately. She’d been moving on without even realising it – with college and her classes, with Glenn, but mostly with Daryl. She nodded to him and filled her glass halfway. After the second shot they’d all agreed to do half-shots lest they all pass out from alcohol poisoning by the end and she was glad for it now.

‘What, you haven’t?’ Beth asked Glenn incredulously before she downed her shot, Daryl doing the same. She reached dizzily for her blackcurrant juice to wash the taste from her mouth.

Glenn shrugged, a secret smile on his face. ‘Guess I’m just good at being stealthy.’

Daryl blew out a breath as Beth shook her head. ‘Oh, yeah, like last week when you tripped over your own feet on the way to the bathroom.’

Glenn’s objections went unheard as Daryl let out a bark of laughter and Beth turned, staring. She’d never heard him laugh, had barely seen him smile properly more than a handful of times. Daryl saw her looking and his face fell, a small flush across his cheeks that Beth suspected was from the alcohol. What he’d been caught doing she didn’t know but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious. His laugh echoed through her as she turned back to Glenn, fighting to keep thoughts of his pointed canines out of her head, suddenly the only thing she could focus on.

‘I’ve never . . . been kicked out of a bar.’ Beth said, fiddling with her bracelets as Daryl grunted, pouring alcohol into his glass. Glenn nodded, impressed, and raised his hands in a mocking clap to her; they had a silent bet within their game that they could get Daryl drunk. Judging from his steady hand as he lifted the glass to his lips and his lack of visible flinch as the vodka went down, his tolerance was much higher than theirs.

‘I never been on a plane.’ Daryl muttered and Beth and Glenn both sighed exasperatedly, sliding their glasses over for him to fill.

Beth’s throat burned as the liquor went down, another giggle escaping her as Glenn scrunched up his face, tongue sticking out.

‘Alright.’ He said after a moment, composing himself. ‘I’ve never been in love.’

Heart suddenly jumping up into her mouth, Beth was vaguely aware of her shaking her head as her eyes sought out Daryl a little too sharply. It wasn’t a surprise that Glenn hadn’t been in love – he was only a couple of years older than her after all and she hadn’t been – but if she had to guess, Daryl had a good ten years on them and although he never ever spoke about anything like this with Beth, she knew he had plenty of chances the way girls at her college would gush over him after they’d spent the weekend getting drunk at Martinez’.

Daryl cleared his throat, swiping the bottle of vodka and filling their glasses again in anticipation of the next question, not drinking either. Beth raised an eyebrow at Glenn, who mirrored her intrigued look, but they said nothing. This confession from Daryl had done nothing to ease Beth’s fluttering feelings towards him, and now with the liquor and the way Daryl’s arms were tensed around his middle as he crossed them, all she could do was tear her gaze away from him and fight the onslaught of questions that had popped up.

‘I’ve never ridden a motorcycle.’

Glenn beamed, delighted as Daryl took another shot, shaking his head and turning his eyes to Beth.

‘I never been to college.’

Beth felt a small smile creeping up on her, rolling her eyes as she slid her glass back to Daryl.

‘I’ve never got a tattoo.’

‘Tryna get me drunk, Greene?’ Daryl asked roughly, all pretence of order abandoned as Glenn raised his eyebrows and sank back in his chair, watching the two of them carefully.

Beth and Daryl took their shot at the same time, both still glaring at each other with a hard, stubborn kind of determination.

‘I’ve never been in a fight.’ Beth declared, watching in satisfaction as Daryl poured them another set of shots, Glenn’s turn forgotten as he silently observed them. Beth hadn’t seen Daryl being physically aggressive with anyone, but she guessed from his growled threats and taut muscle that violence was something he was no stranger to. She recalled when Merle had shown up at the bar and he’d had that same wild kind of air about him, that same self-assuredness that he could take care of himself.

‘I never played piano.’

Beth blinked, a little shocked that Daryl had paid enough attention to her ramblings about her assignments that he’d remembered she could play piano. He watched her with a tiny smile chewing the corners of his mouth as he took another drink, the bar suddenly thrown off its axis and her grin getting distinctly looser.

‘I can’t keep up with the two of you.’ Glenn declared, throwing his hands up in surrender and pushing himself out of the stool, a little unsteady on his feet. Beth knew if she tried to do the same she’d probably be far too dizzy to stand on her own so she kept still, wondering what would happen when Glenn left.

They both waved goodbye to him, Daryl accepting the notes he’d placed on the counter and moving to check them into the till. Beth’s vision was bordering blurry and her ears were ringing with the silence as she glanced around the deserted bar. She had nowhere to be that day and Daryl didn’t finish for another three hours and there were no customers to occupy his attention and Beth wondered again. This small crush she had on him was significantly amplified right now and it was throwing her into dangerous territory, where the sea of doubts that usually drowned her when she so much as dipped a toe in looked more like a shallow puddle instead. It might have been the alcohol – no, it was definitely the alcohol – that made Beth’s next words spill out of her mouth clumsily.

‘I’ve never had a girlfriend.’

Daryl stilled, turning back to her slowly, fingers fidgeting with the edge of the countertop.

When he spoke, his voice was much raspier than before. ‘We ain’t doin’ this.’

‘Doing what?’ Beth asked innocently, knowing full well exactly what she was doing.

‘Doin’ that thing where you try an’ learn shit ‘bout me.’

Beth sputtered, shaking her head and leaning back on her chair casually, drinking in the way Daryl’s eyes seemed to roam over her face, interested even though he was still keeping himself at arm’s length. In truth, she’d been trying for the last month to crack his hard exterior, each time he’d give her a tiny piece of himself only serving to make her want to know more. It wasn’t enough now to just have him listen to her complaining about college or her roommate – she found she wanted to know more and more about him, and she could chalk that up to general curiosity since his brother had wandered in, but she knew it was more than that even if she didn’t admit it. Daryl put up with her most days, probably because she gave him a source of entertainment on an otherwise dead shift, but she wouldn’t go so far as to think he actually liked her back. For one, she was younger than him, a fact she’d been reminded of the other day when a guy around his age tried to hit on her and Daryl had given her a strange look when she’d shrugged and said it wasn’t the age difference that had bothered her. Clearly it bothered him, and that thought alone was enough to cement her belief that Daryl did not see anything more to her.

Usually Beth left well enough alone, sensing when he was done sharing, when he’d close himself up again and become distant, but the alcohol was hitting harder with each second that passed and she didn’t want to let it go for once.

‘Come on, you know everything about me.’

Daryl huffed, jerking his head in disagreement.

‘You do.’ She insisted. ‘You know about my family at the farm, I’ve told you about Sarah, about my classes.’

Daryl caught her eye at that, abandoning the fruitless attempt he’d made at distracting himself with restacking the glasses above his head.

‘Don’t matter.’

Beth rolled her eyes, feeling her heart stammer as she leant into the bar, far closer than she’d ever been to him before but it didn’t matter because at that second of closeness Daryl had flinched away from her.

Beth drew back quickly, feeling incredibly stupid and not too different to how she’d felt the day they met when she’d suggested that he was constantly hit on and his face had closed up same as it did just now.

‘Sorry, I –’ she stammered, twirling her chair so it faced anywhere that wasn’t him. Her face was burning, she could feel the heat of it and her emotions, already far too delicate from the vodka, began to threaten to overflow.

Daryl was silent for a long while, long enough for Beth to mentally hatch an excuse as to why she had to leave and make it sound like it was nothing to do with him. Then, as though he’d finally remembered how to move, Daryl reached out and grabbed the bottle of vodka and, without further explanation, unscrewed the lid and took a shot straight from the neck.

Beth’s head snapped back around to him, a smile chasing itself across her face as she pushed her golden hair away from her eyes to better look at him. Another confession: he’d never had a girlfriend. This thought was far too much to unpack at that moment but it was enough to know for now.

‘That wasn’t so hard, was it?’

Daryl glared at her stonily, placing the glass bottle down with too much force, eyes unwavering.

‘Alright, Greene. I never used a fake ID.’

At that, Beth’s cheeks flushed furiously. It had been Maggie’s gift to her right before she’d left for college. She was only a year off twenty-one, and although she had been drinking for a few years now – behind her father’s back of course – Maggie had insisted she’d need it to get through her first year of college, and she’d been right, just not in the way Beth had expected. It wasn’t so much needing it to drink rather than needing it as a crutch to rely on to feel like she wasn’t just some annoying teenager bothering Daryl all the time, and alright, she could admit – it made her feel like he might look at her a little differently, too.

The only time Daryl had carded her was a Friday night a few weeks before, when she’d grudgingly allowed the few friends she’d made to drag her to Martinez’ to celebrate the group assignment they’d aced. She’d dressed up a little more that night, golden eyeliner along her lashes and wearing something Maggie would approve of, but had felt strangely guilty when she’d gone up to the bar to order drinks for her and her friends. Daryl’s eyes had widened a little at her appearance and she supposed she couldn’t blame him – she was always a wreck when she studied there during the day – and he’d jerked his head to his co-worker who was watching her suspiciously, silently warning her that he’d need to card her.

Beth hadn’t thought anything of it that night, assumed that Daryl hadn’t even looked at her fake ID because they were friends, and if he didn’t make her pay for drinks then he probably wouldn’t bother refusing her alcohol, but it was clear now that he knew she was under twenty-one.

‘How young do you think I am?’ Beth asked ironically, snatching the bottle of vodka from his hands with a small smile playing across her lips. She enjoyed their easy rapport but the liquor was pushing her into dangerous territory. Daryl stared at her for a moment before shaking his head ruefully, tearing his eyes away.

‘Too young.’

Beth’s mouth grew dry, heart pounding frantically as she paused halfway to bringing the vodka to her lips.

‘Too young for what?’ She breathed, fighting to keep her voice steady.

Daryl couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her now as he chewed the inside of his mouth, seemingly regretting the slip of his tongue. Maybe he was a little tipsier than she and Glenn had thought.

‘Nothin’.’ He said with a shake of his head and Beth let the bottle find her mouth, wondering when she’d begin to feel sick from it and wondering at how she could feel completely drunk but completely in control.

‘Doesn’t sound like nothing.’ Beth quirked an eyebrow up, knowing somewhere deep down that she should drop it and ignoring the nagging feeling.

Daryl grunted, pushing off the counter and swiping the bottle back, screwing the lid on before placing it back on the shelf. Beth willed her thoughts not to travel to his biceps, tensed as he unnecessarily rearranged bottles of alcohol. He stayed silent for the next few minutes, back to her, as he busied himself clearing up the already clean bar. Beth suddenly wished she’d never said anything and they were still talking easily, swapping the bottle without any kind of weirdness between them, but she couldn’t go back now although she suspected he desperately wanted to.

‘I’d better go.’ Beth sighed finally, forcing herself to stand without wobbling and snagging her bag from the bar top. Daryl turned, sapphire gaze piercing her and sending a little shiver down her spine. He nodded and she turned, not looking back at him as she left Martinez’, Daryl scattering her thoughts more than any alcohol could.

* * *

Daryl should have kept his mouth shut. If it wasn’t enough to be on the receiving end of Glenn’s knowing looks, having Merle making snide remarks under his breath each time he saw him lately just about did it. He had no idea how Glenn, oblivious to the point of ridiculous, had even picked up on the fact that Daryl was fond of Beth, but it made him uncomfortable all the same. Glenn had spent enough time around him and Beth now to know that they had a special kind of connection, albeit unexpected, none more surprised at this than Daryl himself. Since their game of I never, Glenn had taken to watching the two of them interact silently, offering his usual humour and opinions on things but still watching with that knowing gaze that drove Daryl mad. He thanked that he at least hadn’t been there when he’d let the vodka melt his brain enough to let it slip to Beth that she was too young. For what, he didn’t say, but he knew she was smart enough to read between the lines. That’s all their relationship had been lately – reading between the lines. Beth hadn’t come in the next day and Daryl suspected it was only because she was suffering a horrible hangover, but he was still met with a wave of relief when she came in the day after that, bright eyed and with a stack of work to do that went mostly unnoticed as they kept up their normal chatter, ignoring any mention of what had been said two days before.

Reading between the lines was never something Daryl had to do, more something he did because he was observant. But now he was almost desperate for any sign, any hint that she might not find him just another creepy asshole hitting on her.

Whenever Glenn was around, Daryl had tried to avoid looking at Beth as much as possible, but he suspected the damage had been done already. If it made no sense for Glenn to pick up on how Daryl felt about Beth, then it made even less sense for Merle to pick up on it. His brother had come in a few times since his and Beth’s first meeting, bothering Daryl until he finally relented and poured him a drink, ignoring his warning looks to leave Beth be, but surprisingly, his brother had kept his crude comments at bay with her and usually engaged in a pleasant, polite conversation that Daryl wouldn’t dare to think possible. It was after Beth left each time, that Merle would turn to him, wiggling his eyebrows with his tongue between his teeth, obscene comments flying out of his mouth. Daryl was no stranger to his brother speaking about women like this, but this was somehow different because he wasn’t so much objectifying Beth as pointing out objectively the things that Daryl had already thought about her. This gave him no feeling of relief; in fact, it did the opposite – if he was thinking of Beth how Merle was, then he was every bit as unwanted as any other guy in the bar that hit on her. But it didn’t matter because Beth had not mentioned anything resembling their last awkward conversation and as long as that meant that she still wanted to talk to him and be his friend, then that was a good thing.

Daryl should have kept his mouth shut but he didn’t, and later on when he slumped into his bed and stared up at the dark ceiling, he might replay the exact moment he’d unwittingly changed the energy between them again, but now he was staring at Beth and had to use all of his remaining thoughts to try and scramble a way out of whatever he’d just said to her.

_‘Could do a hell of a lot better than that.’_

His slip had come as the result of a guy Daryl had never seen before coming up to her minutes earlier, beer in his hand and politely interrupting the group’s chatter, and he, Glenn and Merle had all watched as he successfully engaged Beth in conversation. For once, she did not look annoyed at the interruption or uncomfortable, but that hadn’t stopped the unexpected jealously flare up in Daryl’s gut, and it hadn’t stopped him from leaning forward on the counter and regarding the man with an unfriendly gaze.

‘Need anythin’?’ Daryl had asked and the man faltered, refusing Daryl and walking back to his table, turning back to smile at Beth apologetically.

Daryl had no right whatsoever to interject and even less right to be so protective of Beth when she clearly wasn’t uncomfortable, but it had been an unwelcome shock to see her offering that bright smile to this stranger instead of her usual polite rejections.

And then Beth had spun around to Daryl, a quizzical look on her face that didn’t totally hide her annoyance at him and he’d felt his heart race a little more at the knowledge that he had no excuse whatsoever he could offer her that explained why he’d done that.

‘Daryl, I know you mean well, but it looked like Beth was actually enjoying that for once.’ Glenn had supplied and Daryl shot him a glare that silenced him. Beth, however, was not about to drop it.

‘What did you do that for?’

Daryl bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood but that couldn’t stop his next words spilling out, shrugging casually as though that might downplay their meaning.

‘Could do a hell of a lot better than that.’

Daryl cursed himself silently, looking down to his hands that were thankfully occupied, scrubbing at the stained countertop ruthlessly.

Beth blinked, chest rising as she took in a deep breath. _‘Oh.’_

Now Glenn was staring open-mouthed between them and Merle’s eyebrows had shot up to his hairline and they were both watching Daryl falter as Beth blinked quickly, as though sure she’d made it up.

‘Right.’ She muttered, turning back down to her mess of homework that she hadn’t looked at since she’d arrived.

Daryl turned away, feeling the tips of his ears burning, suddenly suffocating in the stifling air. He pushed past the swinging doors to the back room, where he collapsed onto a pile on unopened boxes, head in his hands. What the hell was he doing? Beth had been able to go about her life fine, talking to him normally and acting as though he hadn’t made things weird and yet here he was again, acting before he could think of how bad of an idea it was.

He thought of that stranger pulling Beth’s attention away, thought of Glenn’s look of glee as Beth kicked him under the table, warning him not to embarrass her, thought of the way her smile had curved around her face and welcomed the man’s attention. Daryl hated himself for feeling this way but he knew as long as he didn’t make a big deal of it, then Beth wouldn’t have any reason to think he’d acted any differently than a concerned friend would have. He could be her friend.

By the time he’d emerged from the back room, taking one of the unopened boxes of stock out for good measure, Beth, Glenn and Merle were laughing, in conversation about something else. Daryl wondered whether they talked about him after he left, then he wondered why the hell he cared. He set the heavy box on the countertop, ripping apart the tape holding it together and busying himself with checking the inventory list at the top, determinedly not looking at any of them.

Merle was the first to leave, muttering something about meeting a woman on the other side of town, then Glenn, checking the time and nearly falling off his chair as he realised he was going to be late for work. As always, that left Daryl and Beth, falling into a silence that Daryl wasn’t about to break anytime soon.

Beth looked down, pouring over her notes and soon enough the dull scratch of her pen on paper worked to reimagine their delicate indifference. Half an hour later, she pushed her hair out of her face and began packing up, and Daryl watched her from the other end of the bar, suddenly wishing the dull, shitty music coming through the speakers was loud enough to drown out the soft lilt of her voice.

‘See you later, Daryl.’

Daryl nodded, eyes following her out, noticing the man who’d attempted to talk to her watching her leave too, a crestfallen look on his face. Daryl ignored the immediate anger that swelled up in his chest and worked for the rest of his shift with his head down, suddenly drowning in thoughts of Beth that seemed would no longer be kept at bay.

* * *

As well placed as she knew her sister’s intentions were, Beth couldn’t help the slight annoyance she felt at Maggie as she lay on her bed, throwing a scrunched up paper in the air and catching it again. Her roommate Sarah was out, and Beth finally had time to relax in her own dorm without having any awkward run-ins with her one night stands or having to deal with her hungover.

‘Surely you’ve got some kinda story for me.’ Maggie’s voice crackled through the phone and Beth fidgeted, exasperated, scrunching the ball up tighter.

‘Nope. I told you, I’ve had so many assignments I barely have any time for anything else.’

Technically, this wasn’t true, but what could she say to Maggie – that she’d been spending all her free time hanging out at a corner bar because she had a crush on a bartender? Maggie, who had a plethora of wild stories to tell from her college years of going out and getting drunk and dating guys and having random sex, would certainly not categorise spending all her free time bonding with a man nearly double her age as time well spent. Still, Beth had tried a few days before to act on her passing thoughts that maybe she did want to just have sex, maybe she was sick of Sarah always flaunting about the boys she’d hooked up with and Maggie constantly asking her with that maddeningly knowing voice that told Beth she suspected she already knew the answer. Not that Maggie would ever pressure her or make her feel stupid for it. Beth knew her sister simply wanted to know that she was experiencing new things, hoping that that would take some weight off the last year, off her attempted suicide. What was more, Beth was finding in the last few days, that she kind of did want to just have sex, partly because she hadn’t in a long time and partly because Daryl’s tensed arms wiping down the bar top made somewhere lower than her stomach flutter with longing.

Strangely, Beth had found herself forgetting about the scar on her wrist more and more the last few weeks. She still wore her bracelets daily and the thought of anyone seeing what was underneath made her heart stammer weakly, but she didn’t feel as fractured as she once did, and she knew that had a lot to do with her friendship with Daryl and a lot less to do with college itself.

Still, Beth thought back to how he’d interjected the other day, turning the guy who’d been hitting on her away, and felt a stab of annoyance. Daryl clearly didn’t want her that way since each time she’d made a suggestive passing comment or the conversation took a decidedly intimate turn, he’d pull away. So what was his problem? If she wanted to flirt with someone, she could. Never mind if said flirting was only coming from a desire to try and forget about how she felt about Daryl.

Maggie blew out a breath and the air crackled through the speaker. ‘Fine. But you gotta at least tell me how you know Merle Dixon.’

Beth’s stomach clenched painfully, her brain unable to make the connection to how on earth her sister could possibly know that. ‘What?’

‘Remember Andrea, from law school? Well, she was back in town last week and she mentioned she was seeing someone who had started hanging out at the bar his brother worked at with a certain little blonde girl who studies music at the college nearby.’

Beth’s heart thumped quicker. ‘Uh, yeah. Merle’s the bartender’s brother.’

Even through the phone, Beth could see Maggie’s grin. ‘Alright, at least I know you’re being social. But god, you aren’t friends with Merle Dixon, are you?’

Beth let out a shaky laugh, grateful Merle had said nothing more suggestive to Andrea about the nature of Daryl and Beth’s relationship. Not that there was anything more there, but she knew he had caught her staring at Daryl as much as Glenn had when she’d thought they weren’t looking.

‘No.’ Unless having a vested interest in his brother automatically made her friends with him.

‘Alright, good. From what I hear about the Dixons from Andrea and dad, they’re a hell of a handful.’

‘Don’t worry.’ Beth cut in quickly, squashing her sudden urge to ask Maggie what else she’d heard about the Dixons. ‘I’ve got friends. Just – you don’t need to worry about me, okay Mags? I’m good.’

Maggie let out a deep breath, her relief clear. ‘Alright. I’ll tell dad I spoke to you. And I’ll come up soon, during one of your breaks, okay? Miss you.’

‘Miss you too. Send me some more of those cookies, okay?’

Maggie laughed. ‘You got it, kiddo.’

Beth hung up, her heart slowly pacing itself back to a normal rate in the dull silence. And, like a magnet, she couldn’t help the tug she felt to go to the bar now, to see Daryl and tell him that her sister was friends with the woman that Merle was seeing, just to see how he’d react, just to have something to talk to him about. She was being stupid and she knew it. She didn’t doubt he enjoyed her company but she knew that if she tried initiating something more, he’d simply push her away and the last thing she wanted was to go back to how they’d been at the start of the year.

Blowing out an exasperated breath and turning over onto her stomach, Beth pulled out her notebook and settled on finished her song writing assignment, determinedly crossing out any lyrics that fell out of her that reminded her of Daryl.

* * *

Between Beth’s mountain of assignments and Sarah insisting she needed their dorm more often than not to “practise” for her acting class – which Beth knew was really code for “I’m about to bang the philosophy teacher’s son and see if I can find the meaning of life” – Beth really didn’t have much choice each afternoon but to go to Martinez’ and slump against the bar, exhausted as she tried to get on top of her work. That day had been no exception, and she’d spent the better part of the afternoon sipping blackcurrant soda and furiously taking notes in the mostly-empty bar. Daryl must’ve seen how stressed she was, because around lunch time he’d come out of the back with a mouth-watering grilled cheese and slid it over the counter to Beth, barely looking up as she thanked him. She’d torn it apart ravenously, realising just how hungry she was and just how often she skipped breakfast these days and Daryl, taking back the empty plate a minute later, had shook his head at her as though she should know better than to skip meals, a smile visible on his face as he turned away.

After Beth had finally trudged out of the bar with a full stomach and feeling a little better about her workload, she’d spent the rest of the day working on a group assignment before deciding to call it a day. It was pitch black outside when her group finally left the library, and all Beth could think of as she saw it was almost eleven, was how badly she wanted to crawl up in her semi-lumpy bed and let sleep take her. Of course, when Beth finally arrived at her room, she’d been greeted with a barely legible sign on the door, warning her away.

‘You’ve got to be kidding.’ Beth grumbled, making a fist and pounding on the door, patience spent.

There was a thump from inside, then an “ow!” before Sarah had opened the door a crack, hair wild and pink lipstick smudged across her cheek.

‘Yeah, I’m gonna need you to go somewhere else for the next few hours.’

‘What?’ Beth snapped, and Sarah had the sense to look apologetic.

‘Please, Beth. I really like this guy –’ she stuck her head out the door to whisper conspiratorially as though the guy inside somehow couldn’t hear past thresholds – ‘I’ll make it up to you, I swear. Can’t you just stay with someone else for the night?’

Beth stared at Sarah, then, realising she was being dead serious, pushed past her to blindly grab her jacket from her bed, shoving it into her bag angrily and not even bothering to greet the guy who was half naked on Sarah’s bed holding a camera.

‘God – just – don’t touch my bed, alright?’ Beth retorted, ignoring Sarah’s murmurs of thanks as she made her way down the hall and out of the building. If she were Maggie, she would have told her where to go before stubbornly slumping into bed and falling asleep. But she wasn’t Maggie, and although Beth was just as stubborn, it was a whole different kind.

The cool air hit her face, making her skin erupt in a thousand goosebumps. Beth shouldered her backpack and put her headphones in, not entirely sure where she was going until she’d stopped short in front of Martinez’. Hoping fervently that Daryl was still in, she pushed open the door, registering the little bell that sounded over her head as the few patrons still left turned to look at her. From behind the bar, Daryl looked up, eyes widening as he took her in, hand suspended in mid-air as he reached overhead for something.

‘You look like shit.’ Daryl offered as Beth collapsed against the bar, not even caring that her face was pressing into the dirty counter. His gruff voice had an edge of concern as he asked, ‘what happened?’

Beth allowed herself another minute to wallow in self-pity before she forced her head back up, throwing all her weight onto her arms as she leant on her elbows.

‘Sarah happened.’

Daryl raised an eyebrow and Beth was delighted to see the flicker of annoyance that crossed his face at the mere mention of her name. There were coins haphazardly scattered over the counter and Beth realised he must have been counting the till, ready to close. Monday nights were always the graveyard shifts and he was usually put on, but Beth had never been here this late before. She peered around to the two other people still there, both already collecting their things to leave. The clock behind Daryl read eleven-forty-five, and although Beth knew they were meant to be open until one in the morning, the town was dead enough now that there’d be no one else entering and he could lock up and spend the next hour in peace. Thus, the graveyard shift.

‘I finally get back from the library and she’s got some guy in our room half naked with a camera, asking me to stay somewhere else for the night.’ Beth ranted, shaking her head as she heard her own words aloud. Really, she was madder at herself than Sarah, whom she expected this from.

Daryl frowned, eyes on the two patrons as they left with a nod. Once they were out of the bar, he moved to the door to lock it and suddenly under the warm yellow light and low music everything seemed more intimate. Beth cleared her throat, jumping up and moving to follow Daryl as he began wiping down tables.

‘I mean, it’s not like I care what she does, she can have sex with whoever she wants as many times as she wants, just not in my room next to my bed while I’m trying to sleep.’

Daryl didn’t respond but Beth knew he was listening as he skirted around her to the other tables.

‘And don’t even get me started on her parents. They came in the other week to check in on her which I know is just code for bribing her teachers to keep her at a passing grade. They were horrible, even had a tantrum to the dean about Sarah having to share her dorm and demanding that she get a private one. God, I wish.’ Beth shook her head, a fresh wave of irritation coursing through her.

Daryl finally finished wiping down the tables, looking up at her through the hair that had fallen in front of his face.

‘Ain’t thought of tellin’ the dean ‘bout it?’

Beth huffed in disbelief. ‘Her parents are paying off everyone at the college to turn a blind eye, I really don’t think me complaining to him is gonna help.’

‘I’ll go. Rough him up a bit.’

It took Beth a few seconds to realise Daryl was joking, and by then he’d looked away. Quickly moving to help him stack the stools on top of the tables he’d cleaned, Beth let out a burst of laughter.

‘I’d like to see that.’

Daryl couldn’t hide his sly smile. ‘Get you a private room an’ everythin’.’

Beth grinned at him as she bent to pick up another chair, feeling her heart swooping as though it was falling through her chest cavity.

‘Where you gonna stay? Tonight?’ Daryl asked once they’d finished stacking the chairs. He moved back behind the bar to finish counting the till and Beth followed him, plopping her exhausted body down onto the stool he’d left for her.

‘I’ll go back there in a few hours.’ Beth reasoned. ‘They’ve gotta be done by then.’

Daryl raised an eyebrow as though he doubted it but didn’t contest it. ‘Alright.’

It went unsaid that Beth would stay there until Daryl locked up and left the bar for good that night and her heart hammered a little more at the thought that they were alone for the next hour at least. Daryl was focussed on counting the money so Beth busied herself by looking around the bar, at the spots she’d never noticed before. Without the steady hum of clinking glasses or low chatter, it seemed smaller somehow, and Beth couldn’t believe that she’d missed the dusty jukebox in the corner. Her heart slowed painfully at the sight of it, familiar and unexpected.

‘No way.’

She felt Daryl’s eyes following her as she moved towards it.

‘Does it work?’

Daryl shook his head briefly before turning back to the money. Beth felt a wistful stab of regret in her stomach and although she tried to stop it, thoughts of her dead mother came rushing in at once. They’d had a jukebox like this at the farm once upon a time, something Hershel had gifted to his wife for one of their anniversaries. How Annette had loved to sing. She’d taught Beth all her favourite songs, had taken her hands and spun her around the living room, letting her step on her toes while they danced, while they sang. Although Beth was studying music, she hadn’t sung for anyone out of desire to in a long time.

‘My mom would have loved this.’ She breathed, running a hand along the dusty outside.

The clinking of coins stopped as Daryl stilled. Beth hadn’t mentioned her mother before to him and she knew nothing of his, or his father for that matter. She’d talk about Maggie and Shawn and Hershel but never her mother, and she knew that if Daryl was even half as smart as she thought he was, he had already put the pieces together without having to ask.

‘Sorry it doesn’t work.’ He offered and the sincerity in his voice caught something in Beth’s chest, pulled it further out.

She smiled, moving away from it and back to the bar. ‘Thanks.’

There was a beat of silence before Beth cleared her throat, blinking away the tears that had formed in her eyes. ‘Need help?’

Daryl shook his head, eyes searching her face before turning to tip the coins into a little bag. He scribbled across it the date and amount, packing it up with a finality.

‘What now?’ Beth asked quietly. Daryl shrugged, leaning against the shelves of liquor and crossing his arms.

Beth had thought the next hour would be them falling into an awkward silence as they had so many other times, or Daryl saying that he had somewhere to be and he had to close up early, but she hadn’t thought it would be this; Daryl pouring her a blackcurrant soda and disappearing out back before returning with another grilled cheese as though he knew she’d skipped dinner, the two of them talking for far too long about nothing in particular, Beth bubbling with laughter and completely forgetting that she had been kicked out of her own room, Daryl turning up the music he called shitty at least once a day after he heard Beth humming along to it.

They talked about nothing and everything, and towards the end Beth discovered she had learnt a lot about him without learning a lot about him. Knowing she wasn’t doing herself any favours as this only deepened her crush, Beth finally looked to the clock behind the bar, startled to see it was nearly two a.m. Feeling a little guilty at how late it was, she stood up, pulling her jacket out of her bag and wrapping it around her shoulders.

‘Sorry I’ve kept you so long.’ Beth muttered, her sleep deprivation threatening to zap the remainder of her energy as she stood on her two feet finally. Honestly, if Daryl hadn’t fed her, she couldn’t be sure that she’d be able to stand upright at all.

Daryl shook his head. ‘’S alright.’

Beth shouldered her backpack, moving towards the door as Daryl switched the music off and followed her. The lights were the last to go, and as they reached the door and he flicked them off, the only thing that was visible were his sharp blue eyes as the pale moonlight illuminated them.

Beth fumbled with the lock, grateful as she burst onto the street and into the fresh air, cold enough to shock her awake. She waited silently as Daryl locked up, a little lost for words because it felt like she should say something but she didn’t know what.

‘Ain’t walkin’ back are you?’ Daryl asked, concern tinging his voice as he glared out into the dark, empty street.

‘It’s only twenty minutes –’

‘Hell no.’ His voice was harsher now, and he chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before seemingly coming to a decision. ‘C’mon.’

Beth felt her cheeks flush as Daryl nodded to her, signalling her to walk with him.

‘What are you, my chaperone now?’ She joked, more to cover up the rush of affection she’d suddenly felt for him. He grunted, thrusting his hands into his pockets, elbows bumping her accidentally. Even though he’d barely brushed her, Beth felt a shiver run down her spine and she didn’t miss the way he made sure after that to give her space as they walked, and his arm didn’t brush hers again.

The streets were completely deserted save for the odd car that zoomed past. It was a still night and the only constant noise came from the cicadas, full moon glowing as the street lights flickered on and off, making their shadows dance across the pavement.

Because they’d just spent an hour talking about mostly her, Beth took a deep breath, not able to push down her curiosity about him any longer.

‘You didn’t ride your motorbike in?’

Daryl shook his head. ‘At the mechanic’s.’

‘So . . . you must live around here. Walking distance.’ Beth thought it strange how they seemed to know each other so well and yet she barely knew the simplest things about him.

Daryl was quiet for a moment then nodded, eyes trained ahead. Not wanting to push him too far but knowing this was a rare enough admittance for him and that possibly he was in a divulging mood, Beth went on.

‘How about Merle?’

‘Ain’t lived with him for a long time.’ Daryl’s voice grated out, a low rumble.

‘Since you were kids?’ Beth turned to study the side of his face, taking in the way his jaw clenched and his eyes searched the empty road ahead. He gave the barest of nods and Beth knew she should drop it but she was tired and her brain was fried from all of her school work and she did not want to drop it.

‘You miss him? Living with him?’

When Daryl didn’t answer, Beth shoved her hands into her pockets, more so he wouldn’t see her wringing them nervously together. ‘I miss Maggie. My annoying overprotective brother Shawn. My dad. My mom.’

If Daryl had been uncomfortable before, he would be infinitely more uncomfortable now. He bit down on his lip at her words, silent. Beth supposed she couldn’t really blame him, what had she expected after all? For him to comfort her, to open up and confide in her the things inside him that he clearly never let anyone else see? She was being stupid again, romanticising things, hoping that he felt the way she did when he clearly did not. Each time they spoke it was mainly Beth that was doing the speaking, anyway. Why should it change, just because she’d decided she’d like to know him? Beth fell silent for the rest of the walk back to her dorm, a little relieved when they finally reached the dimly lit building.

Daryl looked as though he wanted to say something as she turned to him, pulling her key out of her bag.

‘Thanks. You didn’t have to.’

Daryl cleared his throat. ‘I know. Wanted to make sure you got in safe.’

Beth’s jumbled brain didn’t have the capacity to dissect that. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ She murmured, offering him a slow smile that he returned before she turned and scanned her key, walking down the hallway towards her room as the automatic lights flooded on. She didn’t turn back to look at Daryl but she could feel his eyes on her until she rounded a corner and disappeared from view.


	3. Maybe We Can Help Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth's frustrations finally get the better of her and she takes a risk that has the potential to ruin hers and Daryl's friendship.

Ever since Daryl had walked Beth home that night, it had become a semi-regular occurrence. To Beth it happened far too much that her roommate Sarah kicked her out but in Daryl’s opinion it happened just the right amount, as it gave him the chance to mutter that she couldn’t walk the streets in the early hours of the morning alone and keep up the façade that it was only out of concern that he was offering. He walked her home four more times after that first time and although he’d promised himself it was solely for her benefit, he couldn’t help the way he’d look for her each time he was on the closing shift, a small flower of relief blooming in his chest when she’d swing into Martinez’. Daryl would clean up and Beth would wordlessly help, and each time Daryl would be floored by the simple fact of how good she was without even trying, without a thought.

They’d known each other a few months now and Daryl realised, the third time he’d walked her home, that this was the most he knew anybody besides Merle. He didn’t have friends like her, didn’t know anyone like her at all. Somehow she was set apart from Glenn and Daryl’s co-workers, even though he’d known them years longer than he’d known Beth. And although Daryl was often closed off to the point of indifference to her, that didn’t stop her prodding and poking her way into his heart with her easy smile and curious eyes. He bit more times than he should have, offering her up pieces of himself, giving her enough to form a clearer picture. She knew his mother’s name now, knew she died in a fire, knew that he could hunt, knew that he smoked, knew that one time he’d nearly died because a tweaker Merle was friends with had put a gun to his head. And in turn, he got even more of her, more than he thought he deserved, more than he knew what to do with. The story of when Beth’s mother had brought her her first guitar, the colour of her favourite horse back home, the time she’d thrown Maggie’s birth control pills out and then lied to her father about it. Beth’s cheeks had reddened and she’d shook her head in embarrassment at that, remarking how ironic it was that she was on birth control now and that Maggie would probably freak out if she knew similarly to how Beth had, although probably not for the same reasons. Daryl had skimmed over that piece of information quickly, heart hammering as he wondered if she was having sex, gut churning with jealousy at the thought of who it could be with.

Daryl listened intently to everything she told him, wondering at how this girl who was so good and bright could even want to be sharing this with someone as worn down as him. Truth be told, he felt like the luckiest guy in the world just by the way her face would light up each time she’d enter Martinez’ and see him behind the bar, but he’d never admit it. He supposed he and Glenn had helped her through the year, what with him being most of the reason she remembered to eat at all now and Glenn being the rest of the reason. A diet of pizza and grilled cheeses and blackcurrant juice couldn’t be healthy and yet Daryl knew that she put her own wellbeing so far down on her list of priorities that she wouldn’t eat anything if they didn’t make her. Hell, most nights she missed out on much-needed sleep because her idiot of a roommate insisted on fucking every guy on campus in their dorm room.

The first few times Beth had brought up Sarah’s after-school activities, Daryl felt his heart race and his stomach tighten. She didn’t seem to feel as awkward as he did talking about sex, so he tried his best to act indifferent to it. It wasn’t sex itself that made him uncomfortable – he’d had sex plenty before he’d distanced himself from his brother and started working at Martinez’. Looking back on his teenage years, he hadn’t enjoyed getting with the random girls Merle had pushed into his lap each weekend and more often than not, had lied to his brother about sleeping with them. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had sex but he heard the men he worked with talking about banging college girls enough to know that it wasn’t that particular topic that he felt nervous about. It was Beth. It was each time she’d lean in to the bar, inches of creamy skin exposed in the warm lighting, perfect rosebud lips curving around words detailing what her roommate got up to that had Daryl turning away as his traitorous brain forced him to imagine what sex would be like with Beth.

He was almost double her age it was beyond wrong and if she knew he was thinking this she’d probably look at him in disgust and stop coming to the bar at all, but Daryl couldn’t help the aching in his gut each time her laugh bubbled up past her lips and fell somewhere into his chest. Not that he hadn’t tried to push those thoughts of her away. He’d been trying for months and it had been working for a while, allowing her to keep him company on the graveyard shift, legs swinging under the barstool as she chattered about her week, trying to keep her at arm’s length although he never quite could manage to leave her with silence lately. So Daryl had allowed her in, allowed her to know so much about himself that he didn’t even remember most of the time, because each time he did she’d have that ecstatic smile on her face like he’d just told her a secret only they knew, and it sure was easier to see her happy and bear the weight of being known alone than seeing her disappointed.

This precarious balance he’d managed had worked for the last two weeks; Beth spending more and more of her free time at Martinez’, not a trace of that awkwardness they’d had even two months into their friendship, Glenn easing their weight a lot of the time by offering welcome distractions. But Daryl had felt as though he’d been biding time, borrowing it from someone else who she’d simply mixed him up with. Someone who deserved her.

They were well into November now, Jack-o’-lanterns and fake cobwebs around the bar being replaced with twinkling fairy lights and hanging stars. Beth had helped Daryl set them up the night before, claiming that she couldn’t sleep as she barged into Martinez’ at midnight, grinning without needing an explanation at the open boxes by his feet before plunging into them and emerging covered in glittering tinsel.

Now, Daryl was listening to her familiar humming as he cleaned a couple of beer glasses, mid-afternoon sun creeping through the dirty windows. His eyes raked over her face and she looked a little more drawn than usual, dark circles under her bright eyes and mouth pressed into a hard line as she flicked through a textbook. Daryl hated seeing her as worn as he was, but there was little he could do to make her take better care of herself. The most help she accepted was as much food as he’d give and his gruff orders to get more sleep as though it merely annoyed him when she was tired.

Beth’s precarious hum turned into a noise of exasperation as she slammed her book closed, the couple beside her at the bar jumping and looking at her with wide eyes over their raised glasses. Beth shot them daggers in return and Daryl had to hold back a laugh at how appalled they looked at her attitude. When they turned to him in disbelief, expecting him to mutter some sort of apology, he’d just glared right back at them until they turned away, whispering to themselves.

‘Out with it.’ Daryl said lowly, leaning in to snag Beth’s empty glass. Beth’s eyes shot up and found his and a usual if not still unfamiliar jolt shot through his spine at the bright blue of them.

‘I’m just tired.’ She muttered.

Daryl titled his head a little, considering her through the hair that had fallen over his eyes. ‘Your roommate still kickin’ you out every night?’

Beth snorted, ignoring the look the couple next to her shot again. Daryl resisted the urge to glower at them as he watched Beth. He was used to seeing her tired from studying, from staying up late finishing assignments and keeping him company on late shifts, but each time she’d still have that bright smile on her face as though she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. He was not used to seeing her snappy and worn, like she had been all day. Something else was wrong.

Beth stretched her arms out, yawning, shaking her head at herself as she began packing her things away.

‘It’s nothing. Just being stupid.’ She caught sight of the time behind him and doubled her speed, practically running out the door calling out that she’d see him later.

The next few hours stretched on far too long for Daryl. But as it always did in a town like this on a weekday, the crowd slowly filtered out, and when Beth finally appeared just before midnight again, Martinez’ was empty. She’d brought her textbooks with her this time, sluggishly turning to a dog-eared page and clicking her pen thoughtfully as she skimmed across the information.

Beth was usually talkative, even when she was exhausted, but now they both worked in silence, Beth making little frustrated noises every now and then as Daryl cleared up the bar and counted the till. Thinking she might find it easier to concentrate in silence, Daryl switched off the Christmas carols Martinez had ordered them to play all day long but then there was only stark silence and there was nothing to distract him from his nagging thoughts of what was wrong with her.

After twenty minutes and another aggravated growl escaping her, Daryl finally slammed his hands onto the bar top, making Beth jump out of her skin. She looked wide awake now, staring at him apprehensively and dropping her pen unconsciously.

‘What’s with you, girl?’

Beth shook her head stubbornly, recovering her pen and moving back to her work, but Daryl deftly snatched her textbook from her.

‘Daryl –’ Beth started, sounding bone-weary, weakly lifting her arms to show him that there was no way she’d be able to reach where he held it high above his head.

‘Ain’t gettin’ it back ‘til you tell me.’ Daryl’s voice was rough but he knew that Beth could hear his conviction, and finally, after jumping onto her toes and failing to reach her book, Beth slumped back down onto her stool. She took a deep breath, rubbing her eyes.

‘I’m just so sick of everyone telling me how good college is meant to be. Maggie’s always going on about all the crazy stuff she did and I know Shawn is out getting hammered every weekend and I’m fine with not doing those things because I don’t really care about parties. But it’d be nice to have something that made me feel good – I mean, Sarah’s a pain in the ass but even she’s getting laid –’ Beth cut herself off with a groan, throwing her head into her hands as though she’d said too much. Daryl’s heart pounded, his chest tightening with the sudden change of topic.

‘That was this is ‘bout?’ He asked finally, dropping her book onto the bar. Beth didn’t even look up, just nodded through her fingers, and between them he saw her fair skin flush.

Feeling incredibly awkward and trying desperately to ignore the fluttering in the pit of his stomach, Daryl made to turn away but Beth finally dropped her hands from her face as though forcing herself to clarify.

‘I’m just sick of being hit on by these stupid college boys who all share the same horny brain cell and who probably wouldn’t even be worth my time.’

Daryl chewed on the inside of his mouth, eyes raking over her timid gaze, noticing the way her fingers were shaking slightly as she pushed her hair out of her face.

‘I’m sick of Sarah bragging about how much sex she has and using our room like I might not wanna use it for the same thing too, sometimes. But everyone knows everyone at this stupid college and it would get so complicated and I thought I could get through just studying and not making things messy and ignoring how I’m feeling but I can’t anymore. God, I miss sex. I just want uncomplicated, good sex.’

There it was. A deafening silence fell over them, and Daryl, finally realising he wasn’t frozen to the spot and did indeed have full mobility of his arms and legs, sank against the shelves of alcohol behind him, arms crossed over his chest to try and stifle the thumping of his heart. He thought of how she’d mentioned before that she was on birth control and felt an odd relief that it wasn’t being used for its intended reason. Not that he should have any say on who she had sex with. But if she asked, he’d agree with her that none of the guys who hit on her deserved to even talk to her let alone put their prick in her. This didn’t need to be weird – he didn’t need to make it weird. They were friends, and this is what friends talked about, right?

‘God – sorry –’ Beth cringed, biting down on her lip as she dared to look at him through squinted eyes. ‘I shouldn’t be telling anyone this, least of all you –’

‘Why?’ Daryl’s voice was barely audible. He cleared his throat, forcing himself out of his stupor at the sight of how embarrassed she was. ‘Ain’t nothin’ wrong with it.’

Beth swallowed hard, chest rising and falling a little slower as she allowed his words to reassure her. The redness that spread across her cheeks slowly disappeared, and she fumbled with the pages of her textbook for a minute before letting out a heavy sigh. Daryl hung onto each shaking breath that escaped her, each twitch of her mouth as she made to speak.

‘Yeah. It’s just, I don’t know, sometimes I wish I could just have sex and feel good for a bit and just forget about college and deadlines and assignments.’

Daryl nodded, sure he was drawing blood as he bit down on the inside of his cheek. His chest was falling in on itself, ribs mismatched as his arms stayed tensed over them as though they could hide how he was malfunctioning.

‘You – uh, you takin’ care of yourself?’ His meaning was clear and he forced himself to hold her gaze.

‘Yeah.’ Beth said softly. Daryl swallowed hard, feeling his groin stirring at the thought of her hand between her thighs, tangled up in warm sheets in the dead of night in her dorm, getting herself off. Stop. They were friends. Friends didn’t think about each other like this. ‘But it’s not the same.’

Daryl stayed quiet, allowing her to attempt to take some of the tension off their conversation as she shifted her books around on the bar.

‘Bet you’ve had sex more recently than I have.’ Beth grumbled finally.

At his silence, she peered at him again and her eyebrows shot up at the way he shook his head stiffly. Considering Daryl hadn’t had sex in years and sex was still fresh enough in Beth’s memory that she missed it, he’d wager that she’d had sex much more recently than he had. If he wanted to he was sure he could find someone else that wanted to as well, but he hadn’t wanted to, not until now. Not until Beth.

‘Daryl Dixon, getting laid even less than me. Who’d have guessed.’ Beth said through a shaky laugh, although Daryl didn’t miss the wave of relief in her voice.

A hot flush was creeping up Daryl’s chest now and he was sure Beth could see it on his neck as his heart furiously pounded, demanding more blood for a reason unknown to him. All the extra blood he had was going straight to his groin, and the last thing he needed was Beth to see him half hard at the thought of her touching herself.

‘Maybe we can help each other out, then.’

Beth’s words hung in the impossibly tense air between them. Daryl’s heart thumped into his throat as she shifted slightly in her seat, considering him through heavy-lidded eyes. Her voice had come out light, almost as though she was joking, but all of a sudden nothing ever seemed less funny.

Daryl’s brain seemed to have stopped working. His mouth was dry as Beth’s voice echoed, her words unmistakeable in the glaring silence that followed them. Sure she was only trying to dissipate the suddenly stifling air between them, Daryl finally managed to drag his eyes away from her, letting out a huff of air.

‘Keep it in your pants, Greene.’

‘No, I’m serious!’ Beth was sitting up a little straighter now, watching him with wide eyes. Daryl’s heart stopped again at her earnest and he silently wondered how many more times Beth could take him by surprise before she killed him.

‘I mean, you’re not having sex, I’m not having sex.’ Her words came out rushed, as though if she waited longer to get them out she would talk herself out of it. ‘What if we . . . you know? Just as friends?’

Daryl held her gaze longer than necessary. He could see immediately from her curving grin and keen eyes that she was not joking in the slightest. A little terrified and somehow still turned on despite the nagging feeling that she was still joking, Daryl shifted his body back around, now closer to her as he leant against the bar. Beth took in a sharp breath but didn’t move away. And then he could smell her sweet vanilla perfume, could smell the paper of her textbook and the blackcurrant juice still on her lips and she was all around him, in his head, in his heart.

The deafening silence was unbearable. Daryl’s breath rattled in his chest as it fought its way out and Beth’s eyes darted from his lips to his eyes. When it became clear that neither of them were going to say another word, Beth pushed off from the counter, her stool scraping against the hardwood floor as she shakily walked around the bar and stopped right in front of him. His body betrayed him as she reached out and placed a hand over his chest, the warmth of her skin seeping through his top, heart jack rabbiting against her. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Beth Greene was in front of him, wanting to have sex with him, wanting him to be the one she chose to relieve her.

When Daryl didn’t move, Beth took in another trembling breath, gliding her hand down his chest, dipping below his ribs and then past his tight core, before her tentative fingers scratched at his hard cock.

The air in Daryl’s lungs grew thick, waves of desire coursing through him as he watched the curve of a small smile forming on Beth’s lips. She wasn’t joking. She wasn’t joking and she was in front of him palming his dick and her warm breath was stuttering across his face and her eyes were still a little worried about his reaction but Daryl, for once, was not going to push her away. This couldn’t be real and yet it was. He’d wanted her too long, chasing away thoughts of what she’d taste like each time she wrapped her lips around the straw in her soda, tried forgetting about how her skin would feel against his each time she’d shivered under the air conditioner.

Daryl held Beth’s determined gaze, fighting the wave of fear that shot through him as he reached out with a shaking hand and placed it at her jaw, thumb brushing over the lobe of her ear as his fingers tangled in her hair. His skin was alight, on fire at the contact and desperate for more as though it could put him out. He’d never touched her before, not like this, not anything more than a friendly elbow nudge or hands brushing hers as he helped her with her books. He wanted to be gentle, wanted to taste every inch of her soft skin, but Beth’s hand was already working along the zip of his pants and he knew that this was all she wanted from him and he knew he could give it to her and worry about how far gone he was later. He wasn’t gentle.

Beth let out a small gasp as Daryl gripped her waist, pushing her back against the counter. The till rattled as her hips collided with it but Beth didn’t seem to mind his roughness as she pulled him in closer, tugging his pants down. He didn’t even bother to kick them off, just kept them bunched down around his ankles. If they got caught doing this Daryl would be fired without question and Beth surely gossiped about in hushed tones around campus, but that didn’t seem to be any kind of deterrent for either of them.

Daryl’s calloused hands were under Beth’s top now, fingers digging underneath her ribs as he pushed his body hard into her, straining cock barely contained by the thin cotton of his underwear as it rubbed against her jeans. Beth let out a breathy exhale, hurrying to unzip her jeans and when her shaking hands couldn’t manage the button, Daryl moved her hands out of the way and did it for her, throat closing up as he thought of what they were doing, what they were about to do, mind still minutes behind his body.

Beth’s eyes were wide, pupils huge as she looked up at him and Daryl was startled to realise how much smaller she was up close. He towered over her; he thought of how he’d have to bend his neck low to even reach her lips and then abruptly shook the thought from his mind. Beth didn’t want any of the romance – she’d said herself they were friends. She didn’t want to kiss, she wanted to have sex.

Beth was wriggling out of her skin-tight jeans now, kicking them off along with her shoes. Daryl’s hands were already on her round ass, squeezing her hard as he thrust his hips forward into her again, pleasure shooting through him at the feeling of her so impossibly close and at the small moan that escaped her. Judging from the way her edges welcomed his harsh pressure, no one had ever treated her this roughly before, like she wasn’t made of glass. Things were happening too quick but then they weren’t happening fast enough. Daryl could feel her impatience, could feel how built-up her sexual frustration truly was as her fingernails scratched down his thighs as she pulled his underwear down. His throbbing cock sprang free and his slit was already dripping with anticipation, but this was about her. A low growl escaped Daryl as he bent to hook his arms under her thighs and lift her up, practically throwing her onto the bar top. Her legs dangled for a moment before Daryl spread them open, hands flying to either side of her as they held her up. Daryl wanted to tease her, to make it slow, to know that she was enjoying it, but as he ran a finger down her mound and dipped it lower, he was startled to feel how wet her panties were already. Cock twitching almost painfully, Daryl ripped off her underwear and pressed his head against her ribs as his eyes landed on her pussy. She was dripping already; he could see the shiny slick between her parted lips as her thighs quivered. Daryl gulped down a shaking breath and let a thick finger travel over her opening, collecting the wet there before he brought it to her swollen clit and started rubbing her in circles. He pulled his head off her ribs to look up at her and another spike of arousal shot through him at Beth’s face; eyes squinted closed and brows knitted together as she threw her head back, golden hair falling in a curtain around them.

‘Daryl –’ Beth managed between strained breaths and Daryl, encouraged by her mewing voice saying his name like that, slid a finger through her sopping opening and she moaned loudly.

‘Christ, Beth.’ Daryl rasped, finger already easily knuckle-deep inside of her. ‘you weren’t kiddin’.’

While he slid another finger through, his other hand snaked under her top and cupped a breast, impatiently tugging the cup of her bra down. Her nipple was hard as he pinched it lightly between his thumb and forefinger, twisting a little as Beth’s pulse hammered out of her chest and into his wrist.

Daryl’s head collapsed against her ribs again as he watched his fingers slip in and out of her, his thick, calloused digits covered in evidence of how badly she wanted him.

Beth’s chest was rising and falling quick and as Daryl pulled his fingers out of her finally, her eyes fluttered open. She was too high up for him on the bar top so he dragged a crate over and stood on it, careful not to trip over his pants still around his ankles. His hips were at the same height as hers now, and he met her eye as she shifted, leaning back on her elbows, half-expecting to see a little apprehension but was greeted with nothing but longing.

Daryl stroked his twitching cock a few times, already embarrassingly close to release just by the mere sight of Beth with her legs spread open on top of the bar, pussy soaking wet for him. Her juices were still on his fingers as he pumped his shaft a few more times, Beth’s eyes wide as she watched him, tongue darting across her bottom lip. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in impatiently. Daryl’s hands fell onto her hipbones, digging in hard as he teased her opening with the head of his cock. He clenched his stomach at the feel of her soft folds against him, barely still in control anymore as Beth whimpered. She slipped on her elbows, arms shaking, before righting herself again. This time when her blue eyes landed on his, there was not only longing but a raw, intimate need. Daryl heaved out a breath, wasting no more time as she bucked her hips into him, eyelids heavy as his cock slipped against her clit. He tightened his grip on her and lined himself up, steadying her as he buried his aching cock deep inside her.

Beth let out a breathless gasp, head lolling backward. Daryl’s legs were weak, balancing hazardously on the rickety crate as he moved in and out of her with long thrusts. She felt like heaven, tight and wet and warm all around him. She looked like heaven, her skin luminous under the twinkling fairy lights as he quickened his pace, breath catching as he felt just how close he was already.

Beth had managed to lift her head back up, her skin flushed with sweat, hair curling around her temples in tendrils from the heat of her skin. Her eyes were oceans, rocky currents that pulled him in, that he could not escape even if he wanted to. Body racked with tremors, Daryl shifted her hips slightly as he thrust into her again and felt a rush through him as Beth let out a low moan, lips wrapping around each letter of his name.

‘God, Daryl, just like that – right there –’

She swallowed her next words and Daryl knew that Beth, stubborn and never pretending to be anything she wasn’t, wasn’t exaggerating her moans in the slightest as he pounded against that spot inside her that reduced her to noises instead of words. The fact that he was pulling these sounds from her, making her legs shake as they stayed locked around his middle, did nothing to help Daryl keep himself in control. He thrust into her messily, harder and harder until Beth finally slipped back on her arms and lay across the bar, hair flowing down the other side. One of Daryl’s hands moved under her shirt again, finding that breast he’d exposed earlier still waiting for him. He closed his hand around it, kneading his palm into it and flicking his thumb across her nipple, enough friction to create a fire.

‘You gonna come for me?’ Daryl growled and Beth shivered against him, and instinctively, Daryl reached out to grab her hand right as she extended it to him. Beth wrapped her arms around his middle, pulling herself as close as she could, holding onto him as though he was about to shatter. Feeling Beth’s shaking breaths on his shoulder, head head resting in the crook of his neck and her barely-controlled groans was a different kind of intimacy that Daryl didn’t think he could have ever prepared for. Sex was never about closeness but now he couldn’t get close enough, and he found himself wanting to rip off the clothes that separated them and sink against her skin, and even then she would still be too far.

Beth nodded in response, biting down on her lip as though it was the only thing stopping her crying out as he slammed into her harder, the sound of his balls slapping her ass the only noise in the quiet bar. And then Beth’s fingernails were digging into his back through his top, close enough to his scars that it caused a shock of fear through him that somehow worked to push him further to his finish, and then she was trembling against him and her walls were tightening around his cock as she came with her lips against his collarbone, gasping softly. Daryl was a second behind her, thrusting into her with desperate pumps, a whimper coming out of him like a wounded animal as he shot himself into her.

Beth unwound her trembling limbs from him, face flushing a little. Her walls pulsed around his cock, his come dripping out of her and creating a sticky heat between them. Daryl pulled himself out, reaching over the bar to grab a dishtowel to clean up, offering it to her with a tentative gesture. He’d just been inside of her and now he could barely look at her, could barely string together a few words to break the heavy silence that was settling in. His mouth was dry, his head a mess and his lungs furiously fighting for oxygen. That had just happened. He and Beth had sex. His brain knew this as a fact but he could not make himself believe it, even when Beth slid off the bar and retrieved her jeans, pulling them on shakily. She finally met his eyes after he’d zipped himself back up. Her giant grin made Daryl sure of one thing, even if it threw a lot of other things into uncertainty; he’d given her exactly what she’d been missing.

Beth cleared her throat, almost shy now, and Daryl couldn’t fathom that a minute ago she’d been taking his dick on top of that bar moaning his name. Her cheeks were still a little flushed from the heat and her legs wobbled as she shifted her weight on them.

‘Thanks.’ Beth’s voice was melodious. ‘It’s not . . . it’s not gonna be weird now, right?’

Daryl shook his head automatically, his heart still beating too fast, his fingers still itching towards her.

‘Just don’t fall in love with me or nothin’.’ He muttered, half-joking, and Beth laughed weakly.

‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’

‘That what you needed?’ Daryl tried to make his gravelly voice as indifferent as possible. They were friends. Beth somehow wanted to be in his life, somehow kept coming back and he found, with a heavy heart, that he could not bear the thought of her gone. She’d just needed to have sex. They were friends.

A shadow crossed Beth’s face as though she was considering something, then she breathed out a soft sigh. Her big smile was back, eyes practically glowing and she was looking at him as though he’d given her the sun. ‘Yeah. That’s what I needed.’

Daryl nodded, dipping his head and fingering the bar top absently. It was still damp with their sweat and probably not altogether clean of his come, but he’d clean it when he got in in the morning, as well as take care of the security footage on the off chance anyone checked it. ‘C’mon.’

Daryl finally found the resolve to turn and switch the lights off, binning the dishcloth they’d used by the door. Beth’s pattering footsteps followed him in the darkness towards the dimly-lit street. He locked up same as he always did – turning the open sign on the inside of the door around, jingling the key in the lock until it clicked, Beth beside him clutching her arms as though the warm air was cold – but everything had changed.

They reached her dorm quicker than it took Daryl to even form a single thought about what just happened. They’d walked in silence but it was not uncomfortable, at least not for Daryl, which gave him something any words they might exchange right then ever could. Beth was exciting, she was terrifying but she was comfortable. For the first time in his life, he had something that he was not holding onto for fear of abandonment or because he needed it to survive, but rather because now that he’d felt the warmth Beth brought him, he did not think he could go back to being cold.

‘Thanks, Daryl.’ Beth murmured, nudging him lightly. Daryl had thought after feeling her skin in ways he’d never dreamed he would, something as casual as a nudge would feel like nothing, but it still shot jolts of electricity up his arm.

‘’S alright.’ Daryl managed, because what else could he say? That he’d been pining after her for months, that what they’d just done had thrown him even deeper into whatever treacherous waters he’d already been treading? Oh, how he didn’t want her to leave.

‘Goodnight.’ Beth murmured, eyes glowing under the dim yellow streetlight.

‘Night.’

Beth offered him one last smile before she disappeared into her building. Daryl watched her go, a weight lifting off his chest that he’d never been able to breathe with and feeling like it was being replaced by a new one that he would gladly allow to suffocate him.

* * *

Beth’s body woke up before her brain the next morning. It was eight and Sarah’s bed was deserted, fractured light spilling in through their broken blinds into Beth’s eyes. She felt a weight over her, in the spots that Daryl’s rough hands had gripped the night before as though he’d still been touching her until a second ago. Her stomach fluttered awake, underwear dampening as she felt the dull ache between her legs that told her she hadn’t been dreaming at all – Daryl had been there, had gripped her hips with bruising pressure and had squeezed her breasts and pinched her nipples and had his thick fingers and even thicker cock inside of her. They’d had sex.

Beth sat up, still wrapped in blankets, blinking awake. She’d fallen asleep the moment her head had hit her pillow last night and had slept through the night uninterrupted for once, but now she was wide awake, mind reeling at the thought of what her and Daryl had done. She felt incredibly satisfied, more than she’d ever been after sex, and she knew with a part of her that didn’t even care that much anymore that he’d given her what she’d asked for. And she had asked for that, for only that.

_What if we . . . you know? Just as friends?_

Daryl surely couldn’t know that she had been crushing on him for months, that the mere thought of him each night before she went to sleep had her hands snaking into her pyjama shorts, that each time she entered the bar and he looked up to greet her sent her heart into overdrive, that when he walked her home at night she found herself wishing more and more that she lived further away.

Beth did not want to shower, did not want her skin to be washed of his touch, but she knew that if she refused herself now then she would keep on refusing herself, and she couldn’t allow that. She had to pretend to be okay, at least, to not be as infatuated with him as she was. They’d had sex on the condition that they were friends, and although she might, she knew that Daryl certainly wouldn’t want anything more from her. Friends.

As Beth collected fresh clothes and a towel for her shower, she couldn’t help replaying the night before in her mind. She’d been more sexually frustrated in the last week than ever before and it was a mark of hers and Daryl’s friendship that he’d been able to see something was wrong. At the thought of telling him what was gnawing at her, her stomach had tightened and her palms had begun to sweat, but he had that reassuring way about him, that measured look that told her that there was nothing she could tell him that would make him think different of her. And so what – it was just sex, right? Friends talked about sex all the time. Friends certainly didn’t have sex all the time, but Beth skipped over that fact deftly as she thought about the rest of the night, of how she’d practically asked Daryl to fuck her as though her life had depended on it. Of how Daryl had held her gaze so long she thought she’d ruined their friendship forever. Of how his hard cock had twitched against her fingers, betraying him in an instant, of how he’d growled and thrown her onto the bar and had fucked her until she could barely breathe. He’d pulled her apart, sending each piece of her into disarray, and yet as her heart had shattered against her ribs and she’d come, gasping into his chest and locked tight around him, he’d somehow managed to pull her back together, to give her what she’d needed and set her right. And then Daryl had released himself with a strangled whimper as though he couldn’t hold on any longer and for a moment as she felt his warm seed spill into her, Beth had let herself pretend that they could do this again, felt herself aching already for his touch as they untangled themselves, sweating and breathing hard.

It barely made sense – they didn’t know each other’s bodies, what they liked or didn’t, and yet Beth knew that Daryl could have done just about anything to her and gotten the same result.

Beth’s classes went by far too slowly that morning. She was barely taking anything in, half her mind on the slides in front of her as she jotted notes and the other half still in that bar under the glittering Christmas lights with Daryl. She knew he was working the morning shift today because someone had called in sick the day before. Was he standing behind the spot they’d had sex, sliding drinks down the bar she’d sat on half-naked? Had he completely forgotten about it, had he gone to sleep last night and woken up with nothing different? Had it felt as good for him as it had for her? Beth couldn’t bear the millions of questions running through her mind. She managed to sit through her last class of the day with minimal fidgeting, but as soon as the hour was up, Beth stumbled out of the room and made straight for the exit as the hallways grew crowded. It was a Friday and she knew because most students had scheduled their classes to finish early that day, there would be a rush at Martinez’. Knowing Daryl’s shift finished in less than an hour, Beth let her feet carry her down the narrow streets and through the main road and towards the bar. It was a hot day and as the sun beat down on her she gladly thanked her scattered brain that morning for having enough sense to dress her in shorts and a singlet. Feeling a swooping sensation in her stomach as she reached the bar, Beth took in a deep breath and swung the door open, praying that she could at least attempt to act normal around Daryl. This didn’t need to be weird. Friends. They were friends.

The tinkling bell overhead alerted everyone inside of her presence, yet it was only Daryl who looked up, halfway through collecting a twenty from a patron. The bar was fuller than normal, most tables taken by groups of three or four, a steady hum of chatter filling the usual silence. The customer shuffled back to their table balancing a tray of beers as Beth walked in, taking another shaking breath and plopping herself down on her usual stool.

‘Hey.’ She said brightly, hoping that her voice didn’t betray how nervous she was.

Daryl chewed on his lip, moving to shove the note into the til. ‘Hey.’

More for something to do with her hands, Beth unpacked her bag, throwing books she did not need on the bar top, knowing her bare ass had been in the same spot hours ago, moaning as Daryl’s fingers traced over her – stop. Friends. They were friends.

‘Been busy?’ Beth asked, cringing at how forced her voice sounded. If Daryl noticed the change in her tone, he didn’t comment. Shrugging, he busied himself unpacking boxes of beer behind the counter. Beth noticed the red plastic crate he’d stood on to reach her last night in the corner, by the back room. Tearing her eyes away and wondering how on earth she kept managing to find things to distract her, she settled for placing her gaze on the shelf of alcohol behind Daryl, then immediately regretted it as she remembered that the glowing bottles had been directly in her line of sight as they had sex. Great.

‘You?’ Daryl’s voice was rough. She wondered if he’d spent all morning at the bar, looking at things the same way she was. Probably not.

Beth shrugged back and a rueful smile tugged at the corner of Daryl’s mouth at their easy repartee, and the fact that they still had this despite the uncertainty about last night made Beth sigh in relief. He pulled a bottle from the fridge behind him and poured fizzing soda into a glass before leaving it on the counter for her. Beth grinned, accepting it with a dull thrill shooting through her as she met Daryl’s eyes.

Another few minutes of silence that were filled by jolly Christmas carols spilling out of the crackly speakers, the clinking of glasses and occasional loud laugh passed by before Beth cracked open a textbook.

Daryl disappeared to the back and Beth breathed freely for a moment, clicking her pen compulsively against the bar top as she finally began to take in the words on her page. And then Daryl was back and he was placing a plate in front of her and Beth looked up, blinking, her mouth watering at the smell.

This was normal – finishing classes for the day and sitting in the same squeaky stool pouring over books as Daryl wordlessly slid over a blackcurrant soda and disappeared for a minute before returning with a fresh grilled cheese for her. This was what they did – what friends did.

‘Thanks.’ She grinned gratefully, eyes glued to the corner of Daryl’s mouth as he gnawed at it, nodding at her before turning away to a customer that was trying to get his attention from the other end of the bar.

Beth devoured the sandwich, realising just how hungry she was and resolving as she always did that she’d start waking up earlier to make time for breakfast from now on. The cool sweetness of the blackcurrant juice stained Beth’s tongue as she sipped it, straw lolling about loosely in her mouth as she bent to scribble a note in her margin. In truth, she’d never had a taste for blackcurrant and had panic ordered it, knowing she was underage, the first time Daryl had asked her if she wanted a drink. Now she couldn’t imagine not having it almost everyday, couldn’t imagine a time where she could have it and not think of Daryl, of warm afternoons spent under the rattling air conditioner of Martinez’, of laughing at something he said and watching as a smile chased itself across his face.

Beth peered around to see Daryl leaning on the edge of the bar, scribbling onto a notepad as he counted the stock levels of alcohol in the fridge beside him. It was hard to catch him when he wasn’t aware of it, his sharp eyes and keen hearing seemingly always in overdrive, but he wasn’t looking her way now. Beth let her eyes travel along the curve of his spine, the bulge of his taut biceps visible under his grey t-shirt, the way his hair fell across his eyes each time he bent his neck to jot something down. His skin was tanned and Beth imagined him out riding on his motorbike in the sun, weaving through tall trees with a jerk of a handlebar.

As though he could feel her gaze, Daryl turned around, and it was all Beth could do to avoid her knee-jerk reaction of looking away awkwardly. He kicked the fridge closed, flipping the pad and throwing it into the draw underneath the register as he walked back over to her. Beth shifted in her seat, willing the flush forming in her chest not to creep up to her neck as she tilted her head, feverishly trying to think of something to say that could excuse her staring.

‘Seen your brother lately?’

Daryl shook his head, pulling a blue dishcloth out from his back pocket and wringing it around his fingers. After an excruciating few seconds of silence, Beth cleared her throat, heart stammering nervously. It didn’t need to be weird, and if the cost of it going back to normal was her assuring him that last night was just a one-time thing, then she would.

‘Look, about last night –’

The familiar tinkling of the bell at the door had Beth and Daryl both turning to the newcomer, unusually focused on the distraction. At the sight of Glenn making his way towards them, mumbling apologies as he knocked over someone’s purse with the large pizza box obscuring his line of sight, Beth felt a rush of relief.

‘Hey!’ Her voice was uncharacteristically high, octaves raised in anticipation of what she’d almost said to Daryl, rushing to grab the box from Glenn and place it down. Glenn grinned at her gratefully, pulling her into a hug and ruffling her hair as one might a dog or younger sibling.

‘Hey, been a while.’ Glenn beamed, leaning over the bar to punch Daryl lightly on the shoulder. Daryl, who Beth couldn’t recall once ever initiating or even welcoming physical contact, stiffened a little before nodding to Glenn, turning to grab him a drink.

‘What’s new?’

Beth took a long sip from her soda, traitorous heart slamming into her ribs as she shook her head. ‘Just college, you know.’

Glenn nodded fairly, opening the pizza box and whistling at the greasy goodness within.

‘Come on.’ He nudged Beth, grabbing a slice and demolishing half of it in one mouthful, gooey cheese dripping down his chin.

‘Actually, I just ate.’ Beth muttered, eyes raking over Daryl as he returned with a cider for Glenn, who nodded at him appreciatively and washed the pizza down with it. ‘What have you been up to?’

Glenn enthusiastically launched into the events of the last week in his life, from delivering pizza to a man who’d answered the door with nothing but a toiler plunger covering his you-know-what to finally finishing the video game he’d been playing for weeks. Beth tried listening as intently as she could but she couldn’t seem to stop looking over at Daryl where he leant against the bar, watching Glenn with hooded eyes, giving her the feeling that he was fighting not to look at her too.

‘And then you’re surrounded by these NPCs, and one of them has a baseball bat and he’s singing some nursery rhyme to decide who should die next and – hello?’

Beth’s head snapped back to Glenn apologetically to see his amused expression. His eyes flicked over to Daryl meaningfully before he cleared his throat. ‘Anyway,’ he stuffed another slice of pizza into his mouth, ‘I ran into Pete on my way here. Says Martinez is throwing some party here tomorrow night.’

Beth looked up interestedly. Pete was one of the other men who worked at the bar who Beth had met a few times well enough that she could tell he was a trustworthy enough source.

Daryl frowned slightly. ‘First I heard of it.’

‘Yeah, Pete didn’t know much either. Something about karaoke.’ Glenn’s eyes landed on Beth as he took a sip of his apple cider. ‘Maybe we’ll finally get to hear you sing.’

‘Hah. Yeah right.’ Beth grumbled, running a hand through her hair nervously, turning back to her books. Neither of them had heard her sing before and she intended to keep it that way, mostly for her own sanity because she hated the feeling of putting herself out there to be judged and a little because she was secretly worried that her voice had died along with her mother the previous year. She hadn’t properly sung since then.

‘Alright, maybe you then.’ Glenn joked, pointing the neck of his bottle to Daryl and breaking into an easy grin at Daryl’s incredulous “ppft”.

The three of them stayed there for another ten minutes, catching up and laughing easily, and Beth was relieved to have Glenn there, partly because she’d missed him and partly because she did not know what she’d be saying to Daryl right now if he was not there to distract her.

A woman at the end of the bar waved Daryl over with an empty glass and Daryl pushed off, turning his attention away. Before Beth could draw a breath, Glenn had smashed the pizza box lid shut and swivelled on his chair to face her accusatorily. He took the liberty of spinning her barstool around when she didn’t turn.

‘Okay. Something is totally going on with you two.’

Beth’s heart leapt into her throat. She’d never been a good liar, but growing up with Maggie sneaking out each weekend and listening to her skirting around truths to their father had its perks – if she was an unconvicting liar, she just had to find something that was so shocking that Glenn didn’t have time to focus on her tells.

‘Yes, you’re right.’ Beth sighed, finger trailing across the countertop dramatically. ‘We’re totally having sex.’

‘What?’ Glenn sputtered, eyes bulging as though he hadn’t truly believed his own suspicions.

‘Yep. Totally had sex on this very bar top last night.’ Beth smacked a hand along the mahogany with a shrewd grin, relief flooding her as Glenn rolled his eyes and turned away, hands up in mock surrender.

‘Yeah, alright.’ He conceded, reaching into the box for another slice of pizza. It looked as though he wanted to say something else, but as Daryl returned he simply chewed through a mouthful of pizza, raising an eyebrow between the two of them, shaking his head at Beth.

Beth knew Glenn had suspected she’d had a crush on Daryl for a while now, but his uncanny sense that was completely random targeting them this afternoon, when she knew full well that he was right for once, didn’t settle her churning stomach.

Beth’s thoughts were interrupted once again as Pete walked through the door, nodding at Daryl that he was relieving him. Daryl threw his dishcloth into the empty sink behind him.

‘See you tomorrow?’ Glenn called as Daryl made to turn away, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Beth. ‘Karaoke night.’

‘Workin’ at five.’ Daryl muttered, eyes raking over Beth before he nodded goodbye to them.

Beth, trying to act as though she was indifferent to this piece of information, turned to Glenn and allowed him to distract her with an even more detailed description of the video game he’d finished. Her ears were peeled for the sound of a motorbike engine coming to life, and when she finally heard it roaring away from the bar, she couldn’t help the shock of disappointment that ran through her and then the sliver of comfort that came from the thought that she would see Daryl again tomorrow night.


	4. Drunk On Something Stronger Than The Drinks In The Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bar has a karaoke night and Beth does something she hasn't done in a long time, with a little help from Daryl and a supply closet.

Beth’s Saturdays were usually spent in the chaotic calm of the college library, tapping her fingers against the keys of her laptop as she attempted to write lyrics and steadily collecting ink smudges on the sides of her hands as she tried to compose some form of tangible melody. Her song writing class was her favourite although the work set by her teachers was usually the most time-consuming as it relied heavily on her own creativity and no book or website in the world could help her. Before her mother died, words had spilled out of Beth as easily as blood might; a tiny cut, a steady stream. And then Annette had fallen sick and she’d watched her mother slowly fade, and Beth felt the cuts growing bigger and yet nothing escaped her but blood. She hadn’t been able to write songs, to string words and notes together in the way she used to with such ease. And she hadn’t sung, not seriously, not for anyone since.

She’d still applied for college as she planned, knowing that her mother wouldn’t have wanted her to forget her dream of being a singer just because she was no longer there to see it. And being at college had helped, having the steady diversions of classes and assignments and countless people around to distract her, but it had been Daryl who she felt most herself around. It wasn’t that she changed, more like she was remembering how to be hopeful again – bright – that same person she had been when her mother was still alive. That person she thought she’d never again see. The person that would sing.

A stark buzzing stirred Beth out of her daze and tempted her fingers away from her laptop and to her phone.

_So . . . karaoke tonight?_

Glenn’s text had Beth completely forgetting her assignment and sinking back against her chair, stomach in knots. She never usually went to the bar on a Saturday night, the main reason being that Daryl didn’t usually work weekends and it was always too crowded for her liking. But he was working tonight and Glenn would be there and she had the ready excuse of whatever karaoke night Martinez had organised to fall back on in case it got weird between her and Daryl. Not that it would. Not that it should.

Beth hurriedly typed a reply telling Glenn she’d be there around six before checking the time and realising that was somehow only an hour away. Packing her laptop and books into her backpack, she made straight for her dorm to rifle through her small closet frantically, only getting as far as pulling out a pair of boots before her phone started ringing.

‘Hey.’ Beth sandwiched her phone between her shoulder and her ear as she turned back to her closet, tugging on various garments that she suddenly found she hated.

‘Hey.’ Maggie replied brightly as Beth struggled to pull a sweater off a hanger. ‘What’s new?’

‘Uh, nothing much.’ Beth lied, deciding that the top she’d successfully wrestled out of her closet was hideous and throwing it onto her bed. She half-expected Maggie to exasperatedly ask Beth why she wasn’t meeting new people and making the most of her freedom, but her sister moved on swiftly.

‘Shawn called yesterday, said he’ll be coming down for Christmas –’

‘I had sex.’ Beth blurted out, partly because she was strangely annoyed that Maggie had apparently given up on asking for details about her life and partly because she needed to tell someone before she went mad. Not that she’d be telling Maggie who with.

At once, Maggie shrieked, and there was a hard thump from the other end, followed by Hershel’s familiar voice yelling “Maggie!” but her sister did not seem to care. Judging from her heavy footsteps she was rushing up the stairs before slamming her bedroom door shut behind her.

‘Tell me everything!’

Beth bit back a smile as she rummaged through her clothes a second time, lowering her expectations. ‘It happened a few nights ago. I was just . . . I don’t know, feeling like it. A lot. And so was he.’

Maggie squealed, and Beth could just imagine her laying on her bed bursting with silent excitement, limbs flailing about. ‘Finally! Thought I’d die of old age before you did anything at that college besides studying. So, who is he?’

Beth cleared her throat, pulling out a flowy top and holding it against her body, surveying it in the mirror. ‘One of my friends.’

‘What’s he study?’

Beth’s heart hammered but as she made to form some kind of excuse or lie, Maggie interrupted.

‘Oh, who cares. Was he good? Did he –’

‘Yeah, it was good.’ Beth laughed as she pulled out another top.

‘Where did you do it, not in your room surely –’

‘No.’ Beth bit her cheeks, thinking of the cool mahogany bar under her skin. ‘His place.’

Maggie let out a low whistle. ‘Alright, Beth! And compared to others . . .’

Beth blew out a breath. ‘Doesn’t compare.’ She grinned despite herself as her sister let out a whoop, finally pulling out a top she could work with and throwing it onto her bed.

‘What does he look like?’

‘Uh . . . he’s . . .’ Beth trailed off for a moment as she thought of all the ways she’d described Daryl in her head and all the things she could not repeat to her sister. ‘Brown hair, tanned skin, arms like you wouldn’t believe. The usual.’ She deflected.

Maggie let out a laugh. ‘Well, there you go. Did you have fun?’

‘Yes.’ Beth said through gritted teeth, knowing what Maggie was trying to prove.

‘Aren’t you glad you’re at college meeting new people and experiencing new things?’

‘Yes.’

‘Alright, settle down.’ Maggie deadpanned and a bubbling laugh escaped Beth despite her annoyance. Even though she’d barely said a word about Daryl, she felt suddenly that she’d shared enough, like if she told Maggie more then there would be less of him for her. And she didn’t want anyone to know what happened between them if she didn’t know whether Daryl cared or not. Plus, she had a feeling Maggie would be less impressed and more worried if she knew it was Daryl Dixon she had slept with.

‘I’m coming down to visit, soon, I promise. Just have to work out my time off with work.’

Beth pulled out a pair of jeans that she didn’t hate and, checking the time, decided the outfit she’d thrown together would have to do. She put her phone on speaker and tossed it into the pile of clothes on her bed.

‘Listen, I gotta go Mags.’

‘Somewhere to be?’ Maggie sounded positively delighted. ‘Saturday night date perhaps?’

Beth guffawed, quickly getting changed and glancing at herself in the mirror. ‘More like karaoke. With some friends.’

Maggie didn’t miss a thing. ‘Friends like the friend you just slept with?’

‘I gotta go now.’ Beth sang, moving to hang up her phone as Maggie laughed knowingly.

‘Alright, I’ll just ask you when I come down. Won’t be easy to hide this guy you’re into –’

‘I never said I was into him –’

‘– When I’m visiting. I’ve got an eye for these things, you know?’

Beth rolled her eyes, shaking her head and beginning to regret ever bringing it up. ‘Bye, Maggie.’

‘Bye, Bethy.’ Maggie teased, grin audible as Beth hung up on her. She stole a glance in the mirror, figuring she didn’t look half bad in the ripped jeans and off the shoulder top she picked out, before ransacking her makeup bag and hurriedly swiping a stick of gold eyeliner across her waterline.

Beth arrived at the bar half an hour late, apologising to Glenn for keeping him waiting. It was already quite busy; most of the booths were filled up and none of the tables in the middle were free. She caught sight of Martinez at the door and gave him a wave, which he returned. He knew her well enough, if only by the fact that she was the college girl always distracting his best bartender. The twinkling Christmas lights overheard were bright and the steady hum of chatter and clinking glasses created a busy atmosphere that Beth was grateful for because she couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting in the usual quiet, not tonight. Her apology went unheard for the most part as Glenn was already well into his third drink and seemed to favour his relief that she’d come over any potential annoyance that she’d made him wait.

‘Daryl’s been keeping me company.’ He grinned at her as he pulled out a stool. Beth sank into it, eyes darting around despite herself to find Daryl. A man she’d seen a few times in passing was behind the bar along with Pete, who inclined his head to her in greeting.

‘Drink?’

‘Uh, yeah –’

‘Give us four more.’ Glenn declared, throwing Pete a handful of notes before turning to Beth, grinning. ‘You gotta catch up.’

Beth rolled her eyes but accepted the bottles Pete slid over with a word of thanks. She took a sip of the crisp cider and at Glenn’s raised brow, she tilted the bottle higher and took a few extra gulps. Glenn seemed satisfied because he turned to the tiny stage to watch the group of people who had drunkenly stumbled up and were requesting a song, clutching microphones. Beth took the chance to scan the bar for Daryl, but couldn’t find him between the thick of people lining up for a bartender.

‘He’s out back.’ Glenn murmured in a staged whisper, eyeing her in amusement.

Beth glared at him before bringing the cider back to her lips, deciding the sooner she could get drunk the better. Glenn’s irritatingly knowing look finally disappeared as he asked her about school and Beth welcomed the distraction from her worries that Daryl was avoiding her. It was stupid – he had no reason at all to. If anything, she should be the one embarrassed by it all after she’d practically begged him to have sex with her. Almost on cue, Daryl pushed through the backroom doors, a crate filled with vodka bottles in his arms. He was far away enough from where Beth and Glenn sat that he couldn’t hear them talking, but he definitely saw them. Beth’s eyes wandered over the swell of Daryl’s biceps as he set the crate down next to the sink, willing her face not to flush red as she recognised it from the other day. It might not be the same one. Daryl’s fingers lingered over the red plastic, tracing the lattice, mouth working wordlessly. It was definitely the same one.

Beth’s lips twisted into a small smile as Daryl made his way over, hooded eyes darting over her before turning to the stage.

‘Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?’

Beth had to silently agree, as the trio on the tiny wooden platform sang over each other, completely out of tune and barely getting the words right. They seemed to be having fun, even if the crowd was watching them like they were a bunch of screaming cats.

‘What’re you drinkin’?’ Daryl asked, leaning against the bar top like every other night. His eyes raked over the ciders in front of her and Glenn and one of his eyebrows shot up in amusement.

Beth remembered that he knew she wasn’t twenty-one yet, and raised an eyebrow defiantly.

‘Apple cider.’

‘Pfft.’ Daryl scoffed, turning to grab a bottle of vodka out of the crate.

Beth watched, a little amused and a lot relieved that things seemed normal enough that Daryl was making fun of her alcohol choices and complaining about the terrible singers on stage, as he poured a shot’s worth into a glass and mixed it with a dash of blackcurrant juice. It was such a casual yet strangely intimate thing, that he knew Beth so well to know that she did not have a taste for cider, to know that even when she was drinking she preferred the bitter taste of vodka and the sweetness of berries.

‘Thanks.’ She grinned, sliding over her half-finished bottle to Glenn, who looked at her in horror.

‘I know you don’t think I’m finishing all this.’

‘Sure you are.’ Beth said sweetly, batting her lashes at Glenn’s dread. She took a generous mouthful of the drink Daryl had made her and felt her stomach welcome the rush of adrenaline that the vodka had given her. ‘You’re getting up on that stage before I am.’

At this, Glenn let out a bark of laughter and turned to Daryl incredulously.

‘Can you believe her?’

Daryl, who’d been ignoring quite a few angry people at the bar waiting to order in favour of talking to them, simply shot Glenn a look that was not unlike Beth’s smug gaze before turning to the crowd waiting.

Beth giggled at Glenn, turning back to observe the singing group that was apparently getting booed off stage. She thought of singing, of getting up there and facing the crowd and feeling the warm lights hit her face and imagining that this was five years from now and she had everything she’d ever dreamed of. She imagined not remembering words, not remembering how to sing at all. She took another drink.

In hindsight, Beth had nothing to fear of embarrassment. Four more acts followed the initial one she’d seen, all as bad as each other. The one thing they all had in common was that everyone that had stepped onto that makeshift stage was far too drunk to even care, and end up either walking off in fits of laughter or had to be dragged away by their friends because they did not want to stop.

Glenn had miraculously gotten through every single cider and was now roaring with laughter at something Beth had said, a blackcurrant vodka in his hand courtesy of Daryl. Beth hadn’t spoken to him much that night but it felt like she had, each time she caught his eye over the swell of the crowd like the next sentence in a conversation. Daryl was flat out, a never-ending stream of customers stumbling up to the bar for refills and it seemed that, although the karaoke itself was a bust, Martinez certainly knew how to bring in money.

Feeling reassured that things were back to normal with the two of them, Beth watched Daryl hunch over the register, thick fingers pressing small numbers as he slid someone their change. Glenn, for once, was far too drunk to notice how she was staring at him, instead opting to gaze lovingly at the poster on a wall of some post-apocalyptic zombie game that Beth was sure she’d already heard all too much about.

Daryl looked over the beer tap as he filled a pint glass, blue eyes glowing against the golden orbs hanging around them. He made his way over after hurriedly passing the drink to a patron, somehow getting away with ignoring the rest of them waiting as Pete shot him an exasperated look, eyes flicking over Beth like she was to blame.

‘You lit, Greene?’ Daryl’s rough voice cut through the music.

Beth grinned, shaking her head. ‘Nope. But even if I was, there’s no way I’d be getting on that stage.’

For the sake of seeming occupied, Daryl shuffled the bottles of alcohol on the shelf behind him around. Pete gave up on trying to get his attention and turned to the rowdy crowd to attempt to make a dent in it alone. Beth didn’t know where the other bartender had gone but she didn’t care – the way Daryl was looking at her right now was enough to make all other thoughts leave her mind.

He leaned against the bar top, clutching his elbows. ‘Why?’

She shrugged automatically. ‘I don’t know.’

Daryl stayed silent and god, he had that annoying way of being able to say so much with his silence that it was as though he’d made an excellent point because Beth sighed and went on.

‘I haven’t – not since my mom.’

This time Daryl’s quiet did not say anything. Instead, he shifted a little uncomfortably. ‘Sorry.’

Beth nodded, offering him a small smile. It wasn’t strange to share this with Daryl as it had been with other people. If anything, she wanted to tell him more about her, about when she was alive, instead of the usual speech about her death.

‘She used to be the one listening all the time. Got me my first guitar, taught me to play piano. I don’t think I could sing now for all these people and know that no one’s listening.’

Daryl tongued his cheek, biting in on the corner of his mouth. Beth wondered if he ever drew blood from his unconscious habits, as she so often did when she picked the skin around her fingernails when she was anxious.

‘’M listenin’.’

Beth’s heart was louder than a drum. Before she got the chance to reply, however, Martinez had wandered over and Daryl hastily turned away from her in favour of serving one of the impatient customers waiting beside her. Beth desperately wanted to finish that conversation but she knew under Martinez’ gaze that wouldn’t happen. The last thing she needed was to get Daryl in trouble.

Fortunately, Glenn seemed just about the perfect distraction and was in the best mood to offer himself up as bait with little questioning. Beth sent him in Martinez’ direction with a new bottle of cider and her best hopes that he could pull Daryl’s boss into conversation that would distract him enough to allow them to finish theirs.

Daryl, eyeing Glenn’s brave attempt to steer Martinez away, poured a round of tequila shots before turning back to Beth, lips quirking.

‘You tryin’ to get me fired?’

‘Hey, no one’s making you talk to me.’ Beth grinned back, delighted that he had once again abandoned his duties in favour of her.

The alcohol hadn’t hit Beth as hard as she’d hoped and she still found her eyes roaming hungrily over his lips, thoughts far too sober to be excused. Daryl wanted to hear her sing; he’d said it. And yeah, Beth might be romanticising everything and yeah, she’d sworn to herself that it was a one-time thing, but Daryl had looked at her and she felt, for the first time in a long time, somebody _seeing_ her. Somebody knowing her. Since she’d had sex with Daryl, she’d been a whole other kind of frustrated that didn’t have as simple a fix. It was Daryl, that had seen to her frustrations and somehow made her satisfied yet all the more lacking for it. He was the poison and the antidote, all at once.

Beth snuck a glance to Martinez, who Glenn had inexplicably lured out to the opposite end of the bar, and then to Pete, who was far too busy tackling the crowd to notice them. The other bartender emerged from the back door, binning his cigarette and Daryl turned, noticing.

‘I’m takin’ fifteen.’ He muttered to Pete, moving around the bar to Beth’s side. Her mouth grew dry and she hastily gulped down the rest of her drink. Pete looked slightly harassed at this news but nodded, knowing he could not refuse him.

Daryl slouched onto the stool next to her, elbows on the bar top. He ran a hand across his face before turning to her.

‘Ain’t you sick of this place?’

Beth feigned interest at a group of college students, some of whom she recognised, feeling Daryl’s gaze on hers.

‘Not as sick of it as you are I bet.’ She began, feeling a little bubble of elation growing in her stomach as he snorted in amusement. ‘Sick of college, though. Sick of Sarah and my tiny bed and waking up early for classes and having a million assignments to do that probably won’t even help me get to where I want to be.’

‘Where’s that?’ Daryl’s voice was molasses, trickling all the way down her spine.

Beth held Daryl’s gaze, shrugging as though this was something she’d only considered a few times in her life and not every other hour of the day.

‘Away. I thought leaving the farm would do it for me, and it did, for a while. But I want to travel, I want to go on road trips around the states and play in shitty bars and wake up for sunrise and fill books with lyrics. I don’t know – I just want more.’

Beth didn’t know how she expected Daryl to reply to this, but she did not expect the way he watched her thoughtfully, sincerely, without a trace of mockery. He chewed out his lip as he turned back to glance at Glenn, who was still successfully distracting Martinez. Beth thought of how she should probably tell Glenn he didn’t need to anymore as Daryl was on a break, then felt that she’d much rather be talking to only Daryl right now.

‘What about you? You ever want more?’

Daryl shifted uncomfortably, and Beth could tell this was one of those things she would not get out of him easily. He was closed most of the time, to her as well as everyone else. Sometimes she saw a sliver of what was inside, that tough exterior starting to crack, but each time he’d found a way to seal himself back up before she could be let in. Until the other night, that was.

‘Ain’t meant for more.’

Beth raised an unamused brow at him, then, realising he wasn’t joking, frowned and nudged him with her shoulder lightly, because their stools were close enough that she could do that and she did not need to think about it – it was Daryl. It was them, and they were friends.

‘Don’t be stupid, even this place would fall apart without you.’ She spoke with her tongue around her straw, sucking the last drops of blackcurrant flavoured vodka from her glass. ‘You’re meant for whatever you want.’

Daryl’s eyes lingered over her for a moment before he finally turned. ‘Alright. Fuck it, let’s get outta here.’

‘What?’

‘Y’heard me. Fuck college, fuck this place, fuck it all.’

Beth laughed, enchanted and strangely touched at his offer although she knew it was all pretend. ‘Yeah, okay. We can hitchhike to Memphis in the back of some random guy’s minivan and stay in crappy motels and you’ll get so bored of my singing that eventually you’ll run off to Vegas –’

‘And you’ll be off singin’ to crowds of people forgettin’ all ‘bout this place –’

‘Merle’ll join you and he’ll rack up the biggest debt this country’s ever seen –’

‘While you’re gettin’ hitched to some farmhand with no teeth named Travis –’

Beth let out a bubbling laugh, turning to properly face Daryl know, feeling drunker at the sight of his shrewd smile.

‘There is no way I’m marrying anyone called Travis.’

Daryl’s grin grew wider and Beth couldn’t tear her eyes away at how easily it had come. ‘C’mon, nice girl like you? Get that farmer’s daughter act goin’. Travis’ll eat that shit up.’

Beth couldn’t help it now, as the twinkling lights around them seemed to dim, the hanging silver stars glittering above their heads. She thought of the other night, of how she’d spread her legs open for him, of how he’d fucked her on the top of the very bar they were leaning on now. Of how she decidedly was not the nice, sweet girl he’d pegged her for and of how Daryl seemed to be recalling the exact same thing as his face flushed and he cleared his throat, looking away.

‘Nice, hey?’ Beth asked, chest tightening painfully around her butterfly heart, knowing she probably shouldn’t bring it up but a traitorous part of her brain egging her on anyway.

Daryl jerked his shoulders up in a shrug, raising a finger to his lips and biting at the edges of his thumb.

‘Did you think I was nice the other night?’

If Beth had not seen her mouth moving in the dull reflection on the swinging doors across from them, she would not have believed the words had come from her.

Daryl seemed equally surprised but recovered quicker, eyes finally landing back on her. He seemed to fight against his better judgement as he muttered, ‘’s one word for it.’

Beth’s heart skipped several vital beats and there didn’t seem to be enough oxygen getting to her brain as she hastily took a breath. And this was a bad idea, such a terrible, terrible idea that had landed her in this pit of uncertainty in the first place but she could not remember why at this particular moment it was so bad as she swirled her chair around a little more, allowing her knees to brush against Daryl’s legs.

He stilled, and for a second, she saw more of his shell cracking, more light slipping out or maybe instead, he was allowing light in.

Daryl’s eyes were heavy as they landed on her, hands braced against his legs, fingers achingly close to her.

‘I should get back.’

Beth didn’t mention how he hadn’t even taken half of his break yet, the thought dying as quick as it had come at the way Daryl was looking at her now. She watched as he got up with a grunt, walking back around the bar and turning to eye her once more before disappearing behind the double doors that led to the back room.

The music was still pounding, another hopeful taking to the stage to sing a terrible rendition of some eighties classic. Beth didn’t know why exactly she did it. She should have stayed at the bar, maybe order another drink, maybe go around and talk to familiar faces she’d seen around campus or else relieve Glenn of his distraction duties, but she didn’t. Instead, she slid herself off the stool and tiptoed around the bar, making sure the two bartenders behind it hadn’t noticed her before pushing on the heavy doors and entering the back room.

Daryl was half-way in a supply closet, leaning against the doorframe and at her appearance, stood up a little straighter. Beth didn’t know what the hell she thought would happen and didn’t know what the hell she’d do if Daryl asked her what she was doing here but to hell with it all. She was doing it anyway.

There was no one else back there and the dim light was drastically different to the twinkling fairy lights outside, but it still flickered with a deliberate atmosphere, casting shadows across them both. Beth didn’t allow herself time to think; she moved in closer to Daryl and at the sight of his eyes growing darker with desire knew at once that he was feeling the same as her. He reached a hand out to grip her top, bunched in his fist around her stomach, before roughly pulling her in. The supply closet was dark and Beth stumbled over a set of boxes before Daryl flicked another dim light on, wasting no time in pushing her up against the door. Beth let out a tiny gasp, underwear growing damp at the feeling of Daryl’s big hands on her hips. She’d wanted this to happen again so badly that it had been easier to convince herself it would never happen again than to actually imagine that he wanted it, too. But now it was happening and her mind was in overdrive, her body on fire.

Daryl was already half-hard, pelvis pressing into her hipbone with urgency. Beth’s hands roamed down his arms, feeling the ripple of his tight muscles and letting out a long breath, one that she’d been holding since the last time she’d felt him like this. Daryl’s pupils were blown wide as he looked down at her, his cock growing harder pressed up into her. Knowing that they didn’t have all day and knowing that she could barely stand to wait any longer, Beth’s hands found Daryl’s groin and she palmed his erection through his jeans, heart stuttering as his eyelids fluttered. She was aching to feel his dick inside of her again, to feel that initial pressure of his tip, to feel herself being filled by the rest of him, to feel that friction between them that could start a fire. Daryl’s head was already dipping as he tugged her top down, exposing her bra. Beth fumbled with his zipper before he pushed her hand away, making quick work of it himself and instead of pulling down his jeans, he simply reached in and pulled his hard cock out. Beth’s breathing caught at the sight of him sticking out like that, red and huge, tip slick and a vein running down his shaft that throbbed with need. She felt her pussy flutter at this, underwear positively soaked now as she tugged her jeans down and kicked them off. She was wearing something black and lacy tonight, and if anyone asked, she’d deny the truth that it was because she’d thought there was a tiny possibility that this would happen again.

Daryl’s hands roamed over her ass, pulling her hips forward so she could meet the tip of his dick as he pressed it into her mound. The music from outside was barely audible and the only comfort Beth took in not being caught was knowing that the swinging doors would make a loud creak if anyone was to come out the back.

‘Want this again?’ Daryl asked, his voice nothing more than a rasp. He knew what he was doing to her, he must, the way he was looking at her with an almost smile, cock sticking out of his pants and rubbing against her clit through her underwear.

Beth didn’t answer, just grabbed his shaft and let her hand run up and down a few times, her heart racing loudly in her ears as a low groan escaped him. Daryl’s hands automatically went to the fabric separating them as she continued to pump him, and then he was bending, sliding out of her grip and Beth could hardly breathe as his teeth grazed her hipbones, tongue leaving wet marks as his lips found her underwear. He took them between his teeth and pulled down, letting Beth wiggle out of them the rest of the way as one of his fingers trailed across her thighs.

Beth whimpered, legs already barely unable to hold her weight as Daryl teased her. His dick swung around as he slid up her body, fingers suddenly pressing against her clit.

‘Oh –’ Beth managed as Daryl quickly slid a finger into her, thumb rubbing her clit in circles. She was already embarrassingly wet for him; the mere thought of him could do it for her these days. Impatient, Beth found his dick again and in the dim light she was glad to see the wave of pleasure shoot across his face as she teased his head against her opening. He pulled his finger out of her and braced his hands on either side of the door behind her.

‘Tell me what you want, Beth.’ Daryl’s voice was low against her ear and made her shiver.

‘I want you to fuck me again.’

That was all Daryl needed. He gripped her hips again hard, pinning her ass against the cold wood of the door and allowing his cock to slap against her pussy a few times. Beth could barely believe this was happening again, could barely fathom that Daryl wanted her again. In her head, it had just been once, just as friends, but now she thought that maybe it did not have to be that at all. Sure, it didn’t have to be anything more than that – mainly because she knew he wouldn’t want that – but that did not mean it only had to be once.

Impatient and not wanting someone to barge in before she got to feel him inside of her again, Beth twisted in his grip, facing the door and accidentally knocking a few empty boxes down off the shelf to her left. Daryl kicked them away impatiently, grip tightening on her hips as she bent forward, sticking her ass out and letting his cock slide between her cheeks.

Daryl let out a panting moan, and when she turned to look at him, his eyes were half-closed, fingers digging in hard as he held her in place, cock slipping between her cheeks. Beth could feel the heat between her legs and as though Daryl had read her mind, he snaked one hand around her and cupped her pussy tightly, squeezing and letting two fingers slide through her entrance easily. He didn’t need to even try get her wet; there was no getting more turned on than she already was. Daryl seemed to sense this because after a few quick pumps inside her, he withdrew his fingers, gripping his cock as he lined it up with her soaking hole.

Beth leant forward more, bracing herself against the doorhandle as Daryl slowly pushed the tip of his dick into her pussy. A strangled groan escaped him and Beth couldn’t bear it anymore – she needed the rest of him now. She sent her hips back, pushing her ass into him and gasping with pleasure as the rest of Daryl’s thick cock slid into her.

‘That how you want it?’ Daryl asked her, a huff of amusement escaping him as Beth whined needily, turning again to meet his eyes over her shoulder. Daryl pulled his hips back, cock sliding out of her ever so slowly, before slamming back into her hard. A moan escaped Beth as her head bumped against the door, knees giving way for a moment.

‘God –’

Daryl braced a hand across her stomach and another on the door by her head as he leant over her, forcing her lower. His hips were moving in a steady rhythm now, cock sliding in and out of her with ease, every nerve ending in her body on fire. As he bent her lower, Daryl moved his hand from her hips to her bra again and hurriedly tugged her breasts free, strapping his forearm over the both of them as he dropped his head to her shoulder and fucked her. Her nipples were hard, breasts bouncing against his arm each time he reached that spot inside her that made her squirm.

‘Fuck, your pussy feels so good.’ Daryl rasped, fingers tugging at a nipple as he continued to pound into her. Beth was close, so close that the intensity of the moment was almost bringing her to tears, and she felt the words forming on her lips to tell him not to stop just as a squeak came from outside the supply closet. The music from the bar grew temporarily louder as the back doors swung open. Daryl stopped at once, hipbones digging into her ass and cock still buried deep inside her as footsteps sounded right outside the door.

‘Daryl, man, your break ended five minutes ago.’ Pete’s voice carried through the closed door and Beth held her breath, still gripping the handle. Pete knocked on the door and Beth felt the vibration run through her, dread mixing with adrenaline. ‘You in there?’

‘Be out in a minute.’ Daryl managed, voice a little strangled. Beth’s legs were twitching with anticipation, aching with how close she’d been and Daryl seemed to know that because, with Pete still right outside the door, he slowly slid himself out of her and then back in. One of his hands was flying over her mouth before she got the chance to make any noise, and Beth turned and looked to Daryl, who put a finger over his lips as he gently started thrusting into her again. Beth could have come right then at the feeling of Daryl’s rough hand keeping her quiet as he fucked her.

‘What’re you doing –’

Daryl cleared his throat, and somehow his voice was even when he answered. ‘Clearin’ out some boxes.’

Beth felt the handle she was gripping jiggle and held onto it tighter in horror, torn between panic and elation as Daryl’s cock slowly slid in and out of her.

‘Why’s the door locked –’

‘Keep it fuckin’ closed.’ Daryl’s voice was a growl now and Beth was grateful that he was intimidating enough that Pete’s attempts stopped, albeit annoyed at how his low snarl could send shivers down her spine. ‘Got boxes stacked up against it.’

Daryl’s hand slipped from Beth’s mouth to her neck and oh, god – it’s like he wanted to get caught. He couldn’t possibly know how much this was turning her on but she couldn’t stop the tiny groan that escaped her throat as he buried himself deep into her once again, squeezing her neck slightly. They could be caught right now and Beth would not find a bone in her body that cared as long as he kept his hands and cock right where they were.

‘Alright man, just hurry up.’ Pete replied, evidently not hearing her as his footsteps gradually grew fainter, the double doors swinging again as he went back out to the bar. Beth felt a wave of relief wash over her as she turned to look at Daryl. His pupils were still wide with lust and it seemed that his measured voice was not to be an indicator of how in control he was because his face was flushed and he seemed to be gritting his teeth just to hold out. The moment the noise from the bar quietened again and the door slammed shut, Daryl was fucking her harder than ever, head dipping as he moved both hands to her ass, spreading her cheeks apart.

‘F-fuck, Daryl!’ Beth gasped, head lolling forward again and she knew if she didn’t have the support of the door, she’d collapse. The dim light may as well have not been on because there was nothing Beth could see except the frantic movement of Daryl’s hips as he fucked her with long, deep strokes. Head falling with exhaustion, Beth caught a glimpse of his balls slapping against her thighs before her hair fell across her eyes. And just as she thought nothing could feel better, Daryl spread her ass cheeks apart wider and spat between them. Beth shuddered as his warm saliva dripped across her tight asshole, down to mix with her juices on his dick. One of his fingers was playing down the curve of her spine, trailing across her back dimples before landing on the wet hole above her pussy.

Beth had to fight to keep from crying out at the feel of one of his thick fingers tracing around the rim of her asshole, delicate touches juxtaposed with his desperate thrusts into her sopping pussy.

‘Like that, sweetheart?’ Daryl rumbled, and there was no mistaking this time just how much he was fighting for control as well as his voice shook.

Beth whimpered, legs barely keeping her standing as she collapsed all of her weight onto the door, surrendering herself completely to the feeling. Daryl’s finger inched deeper, and she felt her body tense up for a moment before relaxing around his digit, waves of pleasure burying themselves deep in her gut.

‘You’re gonna make me come.’ Beth gasped, eyes filling with tears at the combined pressure of his throbbing cock stretching her pussy and his finger sliding further into her. Daryl’s breath caught at her words and with one hand still gripping her hip tight, he pounded into her ruthlessly, sloppy strokes again and again until Beth finally felt her heart shattering against her ribs, pussy throbbing as a breathless moan escaped her. For a moment all she knew was the blissful release as her body shuddered, hands slipping against the door handle and legs trembling. Then Daryl let out a choked noise, doubling over and dropping his forehead against her shoulder.

‘Fuckin’ Christ, Beth, fuck –’ He grunted and a second later Beth felt the warm squirt of his release inside her and her pussy pulsed again, closing in around his cock tightly. Beth turned her head a fraction and suddenly their lips were close enough to touch and she was overcome with the desire to kiss him but she turned back around, panting hard and trying to push the thought from her mind that she knew would only tip this situation into even more uncertain waters.

Daryl pulled out of her a moment later, hands gentle on her arms as he guided her up onto her unsteady legs. Beth fumbled around in the half-dark for her clothes, hurriedly getting dressed at the sound of Daryl zipping his pants back up. His come was already dripping out of her, dampening her underwear as she slid her jeans back on.

This was not like the first time, where it had almost been a favour, where she could thank him for helping her out and they could go back to normal and pretend it hadn’t happened. This had happened again because Daryl had been thinking about her, because he wanted it to happen again as much as she had.

Over the faint light, Daryl’s eyes landed on Beth and her heart came to a painful slow. The room was suffocating, the heady smell of sex filling her lungs and making it hard to form a rational thought.

‘That, uh – ain’t gotta mean nothin’ . . .’ Daryl mumbled, dragging a hand across his face. ‘If you’re still, fuck I don’t know – feelin’ horny ‘nd shit, we can –’

Beth’s heart restarted, pounding in her ears. ‘Keep having sex?’

Daryl shrugged slightly as though he wasn’t opposed to the idea, still considering her through heavy eyes. Beth’s mouth grew dry.

‘Uh, yeah.’ She heard herself stammering. ‘As friends, right?’

Daryl cleared his throat, dropping his gaze now and moving to open the stock room door, checking if it was clear to leave.

‘Mhm.’

Beth would never have let herself dare to believe Daryl would want her like this, would even have sex with her in the first place let alone offer to be there for her anytime she was feeling like it. His eyes darted over her face self-consciously as he shouldered the door wider, nodding at her that she could come out. Beth blinked in the stark white light, following Daryl to the double doors and pausing when he held his hand out, looking through the window. When he opened the door quietly, she followed, crouching low so no one could spot her, thankful that both bartenders were far too busy to notice her slight figure sliding across the top of the bar and back onto her stool.

Beth’s heart was racing, looking around to make sure she hadn’t been spotted as Daryl was immediately flagged over by the drunk group of students she’d vaguely recognised. The bar had been cleared and there was nothing for Beth to do but wait, hands playing nervously against the mahogany. When Daryl returned, pulling out a rack of clean glasses from the dishwasher, he met her eye uncertainly, the weight of his offer hanging between them.

Beth didn’t even have to think about it – he had her, he’d had her for a while now without even knowing it. Friends. They could be friends who had sex. Even the thought of it made Beth shiver a little, the knowledge that they wouldn’t have to awkwardly skirt around each other like they were afraid they had ruined their friendship, the knowledge that Daryl wanted her more than these last two times. This would just be a benefit of it, something they could do on their own that was so much better now that they could do it with each other. She wasn’t fooling herself into thinking that Daryl might actually have feelings for her deeper than that, but she knew hers would not go away even if they had sex everyday or if they never had sex again. She was too far gone now, either way.

Beth inclined her head a little, chewing on her lip, feeling as though she was pushing herself off the edge of a cliff. Daryl nodded at her in understanding, glass in his hand forgotten as he watched her. At the sound of Pete calling his name over the swell of the music, he finally turned away from her, unable to hide the small smile that tugged the corners of his mouth at her answer. Beth bit back a grin, watching him go with new eyes now, knowing that she could have his hands on her whenever she wanted them, a strange feeling settling in the pit of her stomach as she felt their relationship shift.

‘Where have you been?’ Glenn’s voice made Beth jump slightly, quickly tearing her eyes away from Daryl as she spun in her chair guiltily.

‘I, um –’

Thankfully, Glenn did not seem to be too mad that she’d disappeared as he slumped onto the stool next to her. ‘I know how you can make it up to me.’ He wiggled his brows suggestively towards the empty stage across from them and Beth shook her head immediately, a jolt of fear spiking through her chest.

‘Nope. No way.’

‘Come on.’ Glenn whined, tugging at Beth’s arm and with surprising strength, managed to drag her from her stool and towards the stage, parting the crowd.

‘Glenn, I really can’t –’

If her words found a way into Glenn’s ears, he didn’t show it. On the way to the stage, he swiped a shot Daryl was pouring out and thrust it at Beth, ignoring her weak attempts to discourage him. The alcohol spilled down her hand as Glenn nudged her, nodding at Daryl to pour another.

Daryl, who Beth knew would be far from amused had anyone else done this, wordlessly slid over the bottle of spiced rum over, leaning on his elbows as he watched Beth in interest with those sharp blue eyes of his.

Beth, feeling that tonight certainly could not get anymore unexpected, felt a surge of electricity at Daryl’s smirk, at their new agreement, at the way he made her feel like she could do anything she wanted, to him or not.

With an exasperated look at Glenn that told him he got his way, Beth downed the shot in her hand before swiping the bottle and pointing the metal tip down, so that when she tipped her head back, spicy liquor shot down her throat.

Glenn let out a whoop, clapping and turning to Martinez, signalling that she was next on stage. When Beth slid the rum back across the bar top to Daryl, he caught it, eyebrows raised, waiting.

‘You better enjoy this, Dixon.’ Beth grinned, hoping the alcohol kicked in soon as her stomach did nervous flips at the thought of singing in front of all these people, in front of Daryl. ‘This is a one-time thing.’

‘Heard that before.’ Daryl countered with a rough voice, grin growing wider as Beth shook her head at him, eyes darting over Glenn who thankfully had not heard. She suddenly wanted to stay, order another drink keep this new banter up with Daryl, this flirty, suggestive teasing that she knew they’d had before but had meant something completely different then. But then Glenn was dragging her away from the bar and before she knew it, she was being thrust on stage, legs jittery as she climbed the steps, willing herself not to fall. The last-minute alcohol had been an excellent idea from Glenn, because if Beth’s head was spinning with anxiety now, she did not want to think of how sick she’d be feeling had it not been for the rum.

‘What’ll it be, chica?’ Martinez asked from the edge of the stage, turning to queue up a song for her.

He may as well have asked Beth to converse with him in Russian. She grappled with her empty mind for a moment before offering him the first song that she could think of. The fairy lights over her head grew brighter and dimmer in waves, casting a warm glow over her. Martinez nodded and as he turned to find the karaoke version of her song, thrusting a microphone into her hands, Beth felt another wave of nervousness. Glenn was right below the stage, whooping and cheering although she hadn’t even started yet. Most of the crowd was not paying attention and Beth took a deep breath in, ignoring the few eyes that were on her and instead, like he was a magnet she was drawn to, found Daryl by the bar, watching her over the drink he was pouring.

The music was starting far before Beth felt ready for it but there was nothing else to do except let the familiar chords wash over her as she took a shaking breath in, palms sweating as they gripped the microphone. And then she sung. At first, she was not aware of anything other than the crowd below her as they turned, eyebrows spiking in interest and whispers being exchanged. She heard her own voice shaking a little, then, seeing Glenn’s impressed grin, allowed a small smile, thinking of how her mother had looked at her the same way everytime she agreed to let her hear. And then it did not seem so important what all these strangers thought of her. Beth forgot everything else except her own voice, her own familiar, sweet lull, the one she’d so desperately missed and had been so desperately afraid had been lost forever. The bracelets on her wrist rode up as she gripped the microphone, tickling her scar as though welcoming her home.

_‘Now I’ve got friendships to mend_

_And I’m selfishly dispossessed_

_You don’t wanna be my boyfriend_

_And that’s probably for the best_

_Cause that_

_That gets messy_

_And you will hurt me_

_Or I’ll disappear_

_So we will_

_Drink beer all day_

_And our guards will give way_

_And we’ll be good.’_

The last few notes faded out as Beth stepped back, lowering the microphone and holding her breath right as the bar erupted in cheers, Glenn the loudest and rowdiest of them all.

‘Woohoo! Yeah, Beth!’ He screamed, cupping his hands over his mouth, face split into a beam. Adrenaline mixing with the alcohol finally, Beth let out a bubbling laugh and took a mock bow before stumbling down the stairs shakily. Glenn was right there to greet her, looking utterly impressed.

‘I knew you could sing, but holy crap!’

Beth was unable to stop her laughter now as Glenn rambled on about how incredible her voice was and how everyone in the bar had stopped to listen to her. Finding her fingers still trembling a little, she sank against the bar as the clinking of glasses and loud chatter resumed, claps fading. She’d done it. She’d sang for the first time in so long and she had done it in front of a whole crowd of people. She’d never felt closer to that dream she had and farther from the scared, sad girl she’d been the year before.

Beth turned to see Daryl making his way down the bar, wiping it down with a dishrag.

‘Wasn’t she amazing?’ Glenn raised his voice over the noise of the room to reach Daryl, who nodded, biting the inside of his cheek as he leant over to scrub at a spot near where she stood.

‘Better than stain’ at shitty motels and playin’ in dive bars in Memphis.’ He muttered, catching Beth’s eye and making her flush.

The compliment might have not made sense to Glenn, who watched the two of them in confused amusement, but Beth felt her heart racing again and honestly, the amount of times Daryl had nearly sent her into cardiac arrest was getting ridiculous. He should not have this kind of power over her, and yet even the barest of smiles from him, even the quickest glance could make her tremble as though he were inside her again, rough voice all around her, holding her heart in his hands.

Daryl caught Glenn’s knowing stare and turned away hastily, busying himself by collecting the empty glasses that littered the bar.

‘C’mon.’ Beth nodded, nudging Glenn. ‘You’re about to pay for all that alcohol you gave me.’

Glenn’s mouth opened in surprise as Beth tugged him into the middle of the bar, where a few people were up and dancing to whatever new song Martinez had chosen. She grinned as Glenn spun her around, allowing an easy laugh to escape her as they twirled across the dance floor. She felt elated and not just from the alcohol. Adrenaline still buzzed through her veins and for the first time in a long time, as she spun under the glittering lights with Glenn, Beth was looking to her future with an open heart instead of a broken one.

* * *

Beth’s voice had long echoed through Daryl’s head. When she’d thanked him the first time they met, wide eyes taking him in with an uncertain gratitude leaving her lips. Then when she’d laughed for the first time at something he said and he felt something in him crack in two at the melodic noise. Then, when she was all around him, moaning and gasping his name and clutching him so tight he thought she’d put the two halves she’d split him in back together. And all the times in between, of course – the teasing banter, the sincere words, the witty remarks, the slow ascent that told him each time she spoke to him she was giving him more and more of herself and taking more and more of him. But then she’d sung. Oh, god, she’d done something else to him that night. He hadn’t expected her voice to sound so sweet, so perfectly tuned, so incredibly _Beth_. Daryl had watched from behind the bar, absently rubbing at an already clean glass as Beth’s lips curved around words, fairy lights glowing on her, giving her a halo of gold. She’d sung and Daryl had felt his heart being thrown further from his chest.

Now, Daryl was in bed. Beth and Glenn had stayed at Martinez’ until they closed that night, and despite Beth’s whining that she wanted to keep dancing and Glenn’s obvious unsteadiness, Daryl had somehow managed to convince them that they both just needed a good sleep and had paid for a cab to take them home. Beth had thanked him, fluttering her eyelashes maddeningly as she leaned out of the rolled down window to rub a hand across his jaw adoringly. Although he knew she was drunk, Daryl had barely been able to stand her touch like that, the ease of which she showed her affection, how she didn’t care that Glenn might turn and see or if Pete or Martinez were watching from inside. That affection, that emotional connection was something Daryl knew he would never have enough of for Beth, which is why when he’d made his offer earlier that night, he’d agreed when she’d clarified that they’d be just friends.

In retrospect, Daryl had been stupid to even entertain the idea that they could be more than that. Talking with Beth at the bar about the life they could run away and live had brought Daryl an ache he did not see coming. It wasn’t the maybe of the situation but the not ever of it that stunned him. Beth was young and good and so talented and there was so much of her life ahead of her that she could not even yet see. Daryl, on the other hand, was too worn, too broken and too stuck in this town to ever leave it. There were things Beth didn’t know about him, there were old scars scattering his back that felt new each time he recalled them. There was the pain and the sorrow and the suffering he’d known most of his life that he would sooner bear all over again if it meant Beth didn’t have to. And so he offered her what he had, thinking that if he would not allow himself to even imagine he could have her the way he wanted, he could at least offer her something else that he knew she needed.

Daryl lay back in the mess of his sheets, staring at the window across his bed. It was pitch black in his room but the dull glow of a street light was reflecting against his window, casting memories of the way Beth looked on that stage across his mind. It would be impossible to sleep tonight, he knew. If hearing Beth singing hadn’t done it, then having sex with her in the supply closet definitely had.

Daryl thought of the arch of her back as she’d bent over, the way her breath had caught as his fingers teased her ass, her legs shaking and barely holding her up as she moaned. He hadn’t thought she’d actually follow him out the back, hadn’t dared to hope that she wanted to have sex again. And he was not about to be that creep who suggested it to her, but then she’d pushed through the swinging doors and had stood there with her chest heaving and he could see in her eyes that desire that he felt in his gut. Daryl had not planned to fuck Beth Greene in the back of the bar. Half torn between disbelief that she wanted him again and the worry that he would not last as long as the time before, Daryl had known only one thing; that he wanted to give Beth another orgasm that made her forget, even if for a fleeting moment, all of her frustrations. The way a husky moan had left her lips like a kiss as he’d spread her ass cheeks and pooled saliva between them, the way she’d asked him to fuck her, the way his uncertain grip around her neck had only pushed her further to her release, hips rocking back against him almost desperately as Pete stood on the other side of the door.

And in that moment of her bliss, Daryl could pretend for a second that this made him someone good, someone worthy of someone like her. It was stupid, he knew, suggesting that they do this again. But if there was ever a time to stop, it would have been after the first time. And so now they had plunged into this thing, this unfamiliar relationship where they were friends, and nothing about that had changed, except now they could have sex with each other and not have any complications attached. Daryl knew deep down that this would cause him complications, but as long as Beth was happy, he could deal with wanting from her what he couldn’t have.

Daryl fell into an uneasy sleep eventually, still facing the orangey glow illuminating his window. And she’d never believe it if he told her, but in his dreams Beth was singing at the top of her lungs, sticking her head out the car window with a laugh as Daryl sat in the driver’s seat beside her, on their way to the next shitty dive bar.

* * *

Daryl didn’t have work the next day until later than afternoon so he allowed himself to sleep in much longer than usual. When he did finally get up due to the sunlight streaming into his eyes, he forced himself into the shower to wash off Beth’s scent lest he be reliving memories of the night before all day. Not that he didn’t want to. He’d happily sink into whatever daydream she lived in, if it meant he could be with her. But she was not there now and her sweet vanilla smell on his skin only served to remind him of what he couldn’t have.

He considered calling his brother, but shook the thought. Merle had been getting into more trouble than Daryl cared to bother with; his brother had proved long ago that he had no interest in even attempting to get out of his drug habits and dangerous lifestyle, and Daryl had made it clear right back that he had no interest being dragged back in. He thought of Beth, of her sister who always called to check on her and ask if anything new had happened, thought of how this was something he and Merle never had and would never have. Fervently, Daryl wondered if Beth had told Maggie about him and almost laughed at the prospect. Judging from what he’d heard of Maggie, there was no way someone as outspoken and intelligent as her would enjoy the thought of her little sister sleeping with a Dixon, especially a Dixon almost twice her age who worked in a bar. But it didn’t matter. Because he and Beth were not something to tell people about, were not exciting news nor cause for celebration. Beth was so much more, deserved so much more, and Daryl was glad he could even be this for her. Someone like him could never be the thing someone like her wanted, at least not once she’d had her fill and realised she wanted something more. And until Beth had enough, Daryl would give her every last bit of himself.

He rode his motorbike in to work, feeling the burning sun on his back and hoping it could sink through his skin and into his bones, give him some of that radiance Beth always seemed to be graced with. He wondered what she thought of, when she looked at him.

The bar was unusually empty, even for a Sunday. As Daryl peeled his leather gloves off, bell overhead tinkling familiarly, he spotted Glenn, head on the table as he slouched in a booth by the window. Glenn lifted his head weakly as Daryl made his way over with a glass of water, frowning and squinting blearily.

‘I’m dying.’

Daryl let out a huff, setting the glass down in front of him and waiting in silence until Glenn finished it.

‘Damn near drank half the bar last night.’

A ghost of a smile spread across Glenn’s face before he moaned, throwing his forehead back onto the table.

‘So . . . sick.’

Daryl knew it wasn’t the time, but he couldn’t help but wonder how Beth had pulled up this morning, whether or not she’d said anything to Glenn in the cab ride home.

‘I’ll get you somethin’ to eat.’ Daryl muttered, pausing mid-turn as Glenn seemed to gather all of his remaining strength and flail out a hand.

‘Your brother. He’s been waiting for you. Something about Beth.’

Daryl stilled, chest tighter. His first thought was that something happened to her, but shook it immediately. There was no way Merle of all people should know something about Beth he or Glenn didn’t. But then what would Merle want to talk about her for? Daryl looked around fruitlessly, not surprised when he didn’t spot his brother. Between the four other patrons and Glenn, Merle would have been hard to miss.

Glenn moaned, waving Daryl away as he sank lower in his chair, hand obscuring his eyes from the glaring sun. Daryl made his way behind the bar, nodding at Martinez, who jerked his head towards the back door.

‘Your brother was looking for you.’

‘He out back?’ Daryl asked, voice low. Martinez nodded and Daryl moved past him, pushing open the double doors and trying not to think of the night before as his eyes slid over the supply closet. Merle was waiting for him in the alley behind the bar, cigarette dangling between his lips. At the sight of him, Merle tossed it on the ground and crushed it with the heel of his shoe, blowing smoke out the side of his mouth. Daryl leant against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, waiting.

‘You seem chipper,’ Merle deadpanned, ‘busy boy with a big boy job ‘nd all. No time for ol’ Merle no more, that’s for sure.’

Daryl bristled but didn’t give his brother the satisfaction of a retort.

‘Just came to warn you ‘bout that little blonde that’s always lookin’ at you with those big cartoon eyes o’hers.’

Daryl raised an eyebrow, knowing full well his brother knew Beth’s name.

‘Andrea’s been tellin’ me ‘bout her sister, apparently they went to some fancy lawyer school together a couple years ago. Don’t sound the type to be too happy if she knew you two been spendin’ time together.’ Merle raised a brow, eyeing Daryl with an infuriatingly smug glare. Daryl narrowed his eyes.

‘The hell are you talkin’ ‘bout –’

‘Don’t shoot the messenger, baby bro. Just warnin’ you not to get involved in shit you ain’t got no business gettin’ involved in. That girl’s father’s mighty close with the Sheriff in that town an’ I bet he gets wind there’s anythin’ goin’ on between you –’

‘Ain’t nothin’ goin’ on.’ Daryl growled, turning away from his brother. Merle had always been selfish, but trying to warn him away from Beth just because he was scared that the Sheriff might do some digging on Daryl and thus find Merle’s own illegal activities was a new low.

‘Hey, normally I’d be all for it, you know me.’ Merle’s voice was tinted with humour and Daryl knew all too well without him having to say how approving Merle would be if he knew Daryl and Beth had had sex. The idea of his brother’s support did not make Daryl feel better about it all, and certainly not any more deserving of her. ‘She ain’t half bad, annoyin’ as all hell, but she’s growin’ on me. Got a sweet singin’ voice from what I heard.’

Daryl waited, wondering briefly who Merle had heard that from before reminding himself that other people talked about Beth and he should not care because she wasn’t his. Even though it felt like he was only truly alive when he was with her, it was not true the other way around.

‘But ain’t just ‘bout me, worryin’ about the Sheriff pokin’ ‘round. If that girl’s family gives half a damn ‘bout her, they ain’t gonna be happy with you. And trust me, she ain’t worth the grief that’ll cause. Do yourself a favour, little brother, an’ stay away from her. Leave her to her own kind.’

Merle’s words grated inside Daryl. If Beth’s own kind was people like her roommate Sarah or that asshole Zach, then he knew who she’d be better off without. It wasn’t just that Daryl wanted her, because he, unlike his brother, wasn’t selfish. It was that he knew that she wanted him, that for some insane reason, she had chosen him when she could have had anyone. Merle might really care about Daryl getting in trouble with her family but he obviously didn’t know Beth enough if he didn’t think that Daryl would suffer even worse at her hand, because of this arrangement between them. It was wrong, he knew, to have her the way he did and want her in lots of other ways too, but he knew that as long as she kept wanting him back, even if it was only fleeting, nothing her family could say would change her mind. And as long as she was certain of this one secret between them, then Daryl would not be the one to cast doubt or end things. Especially not because Merle was only trying to save his own skin.

‘Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.’ Daryl replied dryly, and Merle must have known that nothing he’d said had stuck because he threw his hands up, impatient.

‘Ain’t hard to find another college bitch lookin’ to get her rocks off ‘round here if that’s what –’

‘Ain’t about that.’ Daryl snarled, knowing it was half a lie. He didn’t want sex at all usually, never had the desire for it like his brother and co-workers did, until Beth. But he didn’t just want to fuck whoever would open their legs. He wanted Beth only. ‘Don’t fuckin’ talk ‘bout her like that, either.’

Merle held his hands up, shaking his head with a grin. ‘Touchy. Hell, boy, if you ain’t gonna do it for yourself, do it for me. I can’t afford to have the Sheriff sniffin’ ‘round my business –’

‘Ain’t gonna happen. Ain’t gonna give up the best thing –’ Daryl cut himself off, swearing and slamming the back door shut, noise echoing in the alley.

Now, Merle’s voice was a purr. ‘The best thing?’ He echoed, eyes measuring Daryl for anything he could use against him. It was pointless; Daryl had just showed the cards he held closest to his chest. Beth wasn’t just some girl he was having sex with, and now Merle knew it.

‘Fuckin’ leave it –’

‘You choosin’ that girl over your own blood, boy?’

Daryl was barely aware of what he was saying as he closed his hands into fists, blood thrumming through his body. It might be easy to lie to himself about how deep his feelings ran for Beth but it seemed the further he pushed them away, the closer they bubbled to the surface, the easier they burst out.

‘I ain’t choosin’ nothin’. This ain’t ‘bout her, this is ‘bout you.’

Merle’s voice had no humour in it now. ‘You best remember nobody gonna care ‘bout you ‘cept me. Somethin’ to think ‘bout when the girl dumps your ass into the dirt, right where you came from.’

The worst part was Daryl knew that Merle didn’t care nearly as much as he did, that he was only able to get this far under his skin because he knew exactly how to. His brother would find a way around it, never mind if Beth’s father was friends with the Sheriff and never mind if that pushed him further into the limelight. This was Merle’s way of finding out just how much Daryl cared for Beth. But his sudden change in tone told Daryl one thing – his brother hadn’t expected the answer he’d gotten and he didn’t like what it meant. Because they’d only ever had each other. They’d only ever needed each other. But things had been changing slowly the past few years, and now it seemed neither brother could ignore it.

Daryl was spared having to answer as Martinez banged open the backdoor, eyes raking over Merle before landing on Daryl.

‘Everything alright?’ He asked tersely and Daryl nodded, clearing his throat and pushing past Merle roughly. Merle gave a titter before turning away, disappearing down the street, shaking his head.

Martinez watched him go, muttering ‘asshole’ as he followed Daryl back into the bar.

‘What did he want?’ He asked as they pushed through the double doors. There were only a few customers sitting quietly in the booths, Glenn among them, head still in his hands.

‘Don’t matter.’ Daryl muttered, leaning down to unload the dishwasher. He felt Martinez’ gaze follow him as he set the clean glasses on the bar top and began wiping them down. It seemed like he’d say something for a moment, but then he shook his head and turned back to balancing the til for the afternoon shift, and the two of them worked in silence for the rest of the day.


	5. Like You'd Get Your Knuckles Bloody For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl realises his feelings for Beth are getting too hard to ignore, and when a stranger starts hitting on her, his reaction tells her more than his words ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i suck at summaries. longer chapter for you all since i haven't updated in over a week! even though i've already written this whole fic, this chapter's for wandering_gypsy_feet, you'll know why once you keep reading. hint: motorbike ;)

Daryl didn’t see Beth until Monday, when she came in around dinner time, Glenn by her side carrying a stack of thick books he was barely managing. Thankfully not busy and suddenly nervous, Daryl took a dishcloth in his hands and ran it through his fingers absent-mindedly as they made their way over.

Beth’s eyes landed on him and a small smile crept across her face as she got closer, throwing her things down across the bar and spinning to help Glenn place her books carefully down, hitting Daryl full in the face with her sweet vanilla scent as her hair fell across her back.

‘Hey.’ She grinned, taking her usual stool and leaning on her elbows, looking up at him through those big eyes of hers. Cartoon eyes, Merle had called them. They certainly looked real enough to Daryl right now, flecks of the palest green in the middle and reflecting the golden lights all around them.

‘Hey.’ Daryl mumbled, stilling as she held his gaze, feeling his heart begin to race as neither of them looked away. This agreement they had, whatever it was, had changed something between them, alright. There was something about knowing they were probably going to have sex again that made things a little heavier, a little more real. Now when he looked at her and saw her lips curl into a knowing smile, or her cheeks flush a little, he would know it was about him. Now, he could look at her and feel that pining in his gut and if she noticed how he was staring she would just chalk it up to their secret arrangement and remain blissfully oblivious of just how deep his feelings for her ran.

Glenn heaved a breath as he collapsed into the seat next to Beth, pushing her books to the side.

‘Man, am I glad I’m not in college. Why on earth do you need textbooks to sing, anyway?’

Beth finally tore her eyes away from Daryl in favour of glaring at Glenn. ‘You really don’t know the first thing about music, do you?’

Glenn laughed, accepting the cider that Daryl had slid over. ‘If I need to know about music to understand those books, then I think I’ll pass.’

‘You’re gonna regret teasing me about it when I’m a famous singer forgetting all about you in this shitty town and travelling the world.’

Glenn guffawed, shaking his head. ‘I’ll believe it when I see it.’

‘You know, I think I liked you better when you were drunk. Drunk Glenn supported me.’ Beth mused with a wicked smile on her face as Glenn groaned at the memory, still too fresh in his mind.

‘Drunk Glenn won’t be making a reappearance for a very long time.’

Daryl bent to the fridge under the bar to pull out a blackcurrant soda, turning Beth’s words over in his head despite knowing that this kind of thinking about her would only make things worse. Because she was right – she would leave eventually and forget this town and everyone in it, including Glenn, including him. Daryl was just a chapter in Beth’s life but for him, she had slowly become the whole book. He couldn’t imagine going to work everyday knowing that she wouldn’t walk through the door, cheeks red from the heat and golden hair in tendrils around her temples, coming to see him.

While Beth and Glenn bickered back and forth, Daryl slid Beth’s soda in front of her, ice clinking around the glass. She reached out for it with those delicate fingers of hers, and when they brushed the edge of Daryl’s hand, a jolt shot through him that he knew she didn’t miss. Her grin widened, edges of her mouth pulling in as she tried to control herself in front of Glenn. Daryl turned away as he felt the corners of his mouth being pulled into a similar shape, barely able to believe something as commonplace as the brush of a hand has sent his stomach into knots.

‘Hey.’ A man’s voice broke the comfortable silence between the three of them and Daryl turned his head sharply, frowning a little as a stranger slid in next to Beth a little too close for comfort, resting his hands on the bar. He pushed her books aside, making room for himself and Daryl’s eyebrows shot up at his nerve.

Beth blinked, flinching closer to Glenn and crossing her arms across her chest. ‘Hey.’ Her voice had none of the warmth it usually had, and Daryl guessed, judging from the lack of personal space she was being given, that the warmth would not return.

The man turned to Daryl, his eyes carelessly moving over him as he surveyed the drinks behind the bar.

‘Get the girl a glass of Chardonnay, on me.’  
Daryl did not move, skin prickling at the way the man had emphasised the word girl. Glenn stared, unimpressed, and Beth shook her head, forcing a polite smile.

‘I’m good, thanks –’

‘Martini then,’ the man declared, winking at Beth and Daryl fought the urge to crumple up the money he’d slid over the bar and throw it into his face.

‘She don’t drink that shit.’ He grated, noticing the way Beth had scrunched her brows up in dislike as the man ignored her.

‘I’m fine, thankyou –’

‘Alright.’ The man glared at Daryl through his straw-coloured hair, gritting his teeth. ‘A dry white.’

Beth looked to Daryl, her eyes widening in disbelief as the man continued to ignore her. Daryl had gladly dealt with lots of assholes for her, but he suspected no satisfaction he’d had before would come close to what he’d get from being able to deny this asshole. Daryl’s jealousy was usually close to the surface whenever men approached Beth, but until now, he’d had to put away his own feelings and just deal with it as any other bartender would. It was something else, knowing that he was the who was having sex with Beth because she wanted him – whether it was just sheer convenience or not – having what this man was clearly so desperate for.

‘Dry white?’ Daryl mocked. ‘The fuck you think this is, the south of France?’

Glenn let out an appreciative chuckle at that, dipping his head to force politeness.

‘As tempting as this is, I don’t want a drink.’ Beth said, her voice laced with irony. ‘Got one right here. Got a boyfriend, too.’

If this was meant to discourage the man, it didn’t do its job. He turned to survey the bar, eyes glazing over the few other customers nursing their drinks silently.

‘I don’t see him around.’ The man purred, reminding Daryl strongly of Merle’s infuriatingly knowing tone the day before. His eyes flicked down to Beth’s chest, where her tank top hugged her, and Daryl felt his blood turn thick in his veins.

His fists clenched against the bar top as he growled, ‘you’re looking at him, asshole.’

Now, the man’s eyes widened and he had the sense to stand up straighter, body moving away from Beth. He looked at Daryl properly this time, noticing the swell of his arms under his shirt and his significant height.

‘Sorry, man.’

Daryl had his mouth curled into a snarl, blood pumping through his body furiously. The man pushed off from the bar, glancing over Beth and Glenn before shuffling away, the bell above the door alerting them of his absence.

After a moment of silence, Glenn burst out laughing. ‘I know that wasn’t funny or anything, but god, Beth, you sure do attract some creeps.’

Beth shook her head, smiling ruefully, shoulders relaxing as she let go of her tension. ‘Yeah, guess so. That was a new kind of douchebag, even for me.’ Her eyes found Daryl and behind her sincerity, he saw a hint of intrigue. ‘Thanks, for that.’

Daryl nodded, holding her gaze and suddenly unaware that Glenn was staring between them.

‘Prick didn’t even say sorry.’ He grunted, half a mind to to and drag him back just to apologise to Beth, but she laughed.

‘Guys like that don’t say sorry. Means more, what you did anyway.’

Daryl grunted, feeling strangely touched by her compliment and hurrying to change the topic before Glenn made some remark. After another minute of making fun of the stranger, Beth and Glenn relaxed into another easy conversation, books spread back out over the bar and collecting dust on the counter, forgotten.

The sun was setting by the time Glenn left, complaining about work all the way to the door, where he gave them a wave before disappearing. Daryl dug around the register for change before pouring a beer and delivering it to a waiting customer. When he returned, Beth was grudgingly opening one of the thick books beside her, head falling into her hands.

‘You eat today?’ Daryl muttered, already knowing the answer.

Beth looked up from her book, a smile playing over her lips. ‘Kinda got out of the habit since you started making me those grilled cheeses.’

Daryl snorted, shaking his head at her. ‘You’re runnin’ this place outta business.’

‘Not my fault the bartender’s sweet on me.’

Daryl bit back a smile, a thrill shooting through his chest. His and Beth’s easy banter might have been just that once upon a time, but now he knew behind the flirty teasing there was something real there, something tangible. He disappeared out the back for a few minutes before returning with her dinner, taking in her beam as he set it in front of her.

‘Need anythin’ else?’

Beth shook her head, lashes long as they fluttered against her cheek. ‘You’ve done more than enough.’

The rest of Daryl’s shift went surprisingly quickly, considering Beth had fallen into a quiet concentration and barely looked up from her stack of books to offer him any kind of distraction. It had started raining once it was dark out, bringing more customers off the street seeking somewhere warm. The gentle pitter-patter of the rain hitting the roof was barely audible over the jolly Christmas music Martinez had once again hooked up, but Daryl knew Beth could still hear it each time she paused mid-hum, turning her ear up to the sky. The steady stream of patrons had kept Daryl busy enough to forget the time, and between pouring beers every now and then and clearing tables, it was midnight before he knew it. Nodding the last of the customers out and giving Martinez a wave as he left, Daryl threw the damp cloth he’d been using to wipe tables down into the sink. As he stacked chairs, he looked to Beth’s hunched over figure, hands in her hair, smudging ink on her cheek. At the sound of wooden legs against the hard floor, Beth straightened, snapping her book closed with finality.

‘Sorry – I didn’t even realise the time.’ Beth yawned, shuffling her books off the counter and stuffing them haphazardly into her backpack. It was an element of them that he marvelled at – that she always seemed to be in sync with him, that she knew simply by the dragging noise of the barstools being stacked that it was time to pack up.

‘’S alright. You can stay, I don’t mind waitin’.’ Daryl replied, dusting his hands against his pants. It went unspoken now, as it did most nights, that he’d be accompanying her home.

Beth shook her head, rubbing her eyes. ‘No, it’s okay, got enough done for today.’

Daryl nodded, moving to turn the lights off and grab his keys.

‘Oh, no.’ Beth’s unimpressed mutter had Daryl stopping at the door, looking back around. She was rummaging through her backpack, peering into zips and shaking it about. After half a minute, she threw it back down, running her hands through her hair.

‘I forgot my key.’

Daryl didn’t know how college dorms worked, but he knew that she couldn’t get in to her building let alone her room without it.

‘Can you get Sarah to buzz you in?’

Beth shook her head, annoyance crossing her face. ‘She’s out all night and I think I’d rather sleep in the street than have to break up whatever weird sex tryst she’s at.’

Daryl turned to look to the street, still drizzling rain. He cleared his throat, not fully convinced this was a good idea yet. ‘You, uh – can stay with me.’ He cringed internally at how his voice seemed to shake.

Beth’s eyes grew wide with relief. ‘Really?’

Daryl shrugged like this was something he offered everyone that locked themselves out of their room.

‘C’mon.’ He muttered, moving to lock the door behind him but before he could so much as turn the key, a man’s voice cut through the quiet night, a little slurred and a little familiar. Daryl turned quickly, feeling Beth instinctively lean closer to him as he moved in front of her. It was the man who’d harassed her earlier, his dirty blonde hair messy as he stumbled over towards them, eyes surprisingly focussed for someone who sounded so drunk. He hadn’t seemed to recognise them until he stepped into the pool of light they were under, and then Daryl could smell the alcohol on him and knew he must have spent the rest of the afternoon getting drunk at one of the pubs across the street. Daryl made to turn, grabbing Beth by the arm but the man spoke first, eyebrows raising in interest.

‘Hey! Aren’t you the pretty blonde girl from earlier?’ His voice was not so slurred now, and Daryl thought, noticing the way his eyes roamed over Beth carefully, that he was not so drunk. ‘Gonna let me buy you a drink now?’

Beth stiffened beside Daryl, and he thought he heard her breathing slowing and felt her fingernails digging into his arm and he thought how badly he wished that there was nothing in the world that could make her this scared.

‘No thanks.’ She said, turning away, and Daryl had every intention of following her to his motorbike but then the man spoke again and he was half-way back to the street light he stood under before he could blink, tearing his arm off Beth.

‘The fuck did you say?’ Daryl’s voice was barely more than a growl as a snarl tugged at his mouth, a sudden boost of hatred pumping through his body and making his fingers itch.

The man let out a dry chuckle, pushing past Daryl roughly but he didn’t get an inch closer to Beth before Daryl had grabbed him by the jacket and shoved him away from her.

‘I said, what the fuck did you say?’ Daryl barked, hearing Beth’s voice in the background telling him to leave it, but all he could hear was the muttered _bitch_ echoing through his head, and all he could focus on was the arrogant look that had taken over the stranger’s face. If he hadn’t been with Beth – if she had have been alone – he had no doubt in his mind what would have happened to her.

‘You heard me, redneck.’ The man spat in anger now; Daryl had pinned him to the brick wall. He struggled against him for a moment, and when Daryl didn’t let up, he turned his head around him to look at Beth, but Daryl had grabbed his jaw and twisted his head back around to face him, anger coursing through him that was fast turning to adrenaline. Beth’s arm was on his, trying to tug him away, but he barely felt her there.

‘You don’t fuckin’ look at her.’

‘Come on man, is this bitch really worth all this trouble –’ The man didn’t get another word out before Daryl’s fist had cracked over his jaw. Beth let out a surprised gasp, stumbling backwards as the man pushed himself off the wall, taking advantage of Daryl’s momentary distraction from her and swinging wildly out, but Daryl dodged him easily. He felt a weight falling onto him as he swung again, feeling a sick satisfaction as bone crashed into bone, ignoring the searing pain in his knuckles. He didn’t think about how the man reminded him of his father, and he didn’t think about whether or not he’d have the courage to do what he was doing now if he met him on the street at this age.

He got in another punch before the man doubled over, spitting blood over the pavement, and before Daryl had the chance to form a rational thought, Beth’s hands were on his, closing tightly and leaving no room for doubt this time. She’d pushed open the bar door – he couldn’t remember locking it now that he thought about it – and closed it firmly behind her before switching on the lights and guiding him into a booth. Daryl’s hands were shaking, his chest tight as he took strangled breaths, heart fighting to keep him breathing despite how badly it felt like he was suffocating. He couldn’t look at Beth; couldn’t bear to face the fear he knew should be in her eyes. He remembered her shallow breaths as the man had addressed her barely more than a minute ago, knew without even looking at her that a thrill of fear was shooting up her spine, that her skin was prickling uncomfortably under the stranger’s gaze. Daryl was used to fighting, alongside Merle more than anything, but he’d never fought like this, for someone else. And he’d wanted desperately in that moment for Beth to have no reason to be scared of anything, but as he caught sight of his own reflection in the shiny window beside him, he thought that maybe he’d just given her another thing to be afraid of.

She was back, and Daryl hadn’t even realised she’d disappeared in the time it had taken him to slow his erratic heart and try and still his shaking hands. Beth sat down across from him, placing the first aid kit she’d found onto the table and pulling out a strip of gauze before her blue eyes were on him, willing him to look up at her. He finally did, eyes heavy and hating himself.

‘Are you okay?’ She asked, voice soft as she ripped open a plastic packet.

Daryl shrugged nonchalantly, dropping his gaze again but Beth’s hand reached out and settled under his chin, moving his gaze back up to her face. At her determined stare, he nodded once, swallowing hard, before she seemed to accept this answer, moving her hands to his. At the warmth of her touch, Daryl felt his tensed body relax, and Beth seemed to notice too, for she said, ‘you didn’t have to do that.’

He stared at his bloodied knuckles, still tremoring even in her hands, and managed in a gravelly voice, ‘I did.’

Beth unscrewed the lid of a bottle of antiseptic off and she poured a few drops onto the bandage before dragging it gently over his knuckles. It stung but he was used to physical pain; it was the ache settling in his gut that he did not know what to do with. Every second that he waited was another second he had to convince himself that she was looking at him differently, that she was scared of him now. He stayed silent.

Beth looked out the window, where the man was disappearing down the street, staggering significantly more now.

‘Asshole.’ She muttered, and hearing Beth say that was unexpected enough that Daryl couldn’t help the laughter that rose in his chest. She grinned at him as though that reaction was enough, and a part of him lightened.

‘You ain’t – ain’t scared of me or nothin’, are you?’ Daryl’s voice was softer now, and he forced himself to focus on his red knuckles, wondering what colour they’d be tomorrow.

Beth didn’t laugh or grin this time, like she could tell just how much these words weighed by the way he said them. She pushed away the bloodied cotton aside and leaned back.

‘No, Daryl. I could never be scared of you.’

Daryl snorted, feeling like he was indulging her but asking anyway, ‘yeah? Why’s that?’

Beth shrugged but simply answered, ‘you make me feel safe.’

Daryl’s mouth grew dry and words got stuck in his throat. Like she could read his mind, she went on.

‘I know you were protecting me. I guess – I don’t know, I’m used to guys like that, I didn’t think anything of it. But I’m not used to you. I’m not used to this.’

Her words fell over him like rain, sliding down his spine and sinking into his skin and all he could feel over the searing pain in his knuckles was the slow ebbing of the fear that he’d somehow screwed things up. She wasn’t afraid of him. She felt safe with him.

‘Didn’t do nothin’ special –’

‘You did.’ Beth insisted, and he didn’t have anything to say to that. After a moment she inspected his hands once again, her soft fingertips tracing over his worn knuckles, over the places where his bones had stretched his skin thin, over the spots that had taken a beating to protect her.

‘Come on.’ She said finally, pulling on his fingers lightly as she slid out of the booth, throwing away the scraps and placing the first aid kit back behind the bar. Daryl followed her wordlessly, feeling less heavy each step he took behind her. He locked up the bar and followed her to the back alley where his motorbike was parked, and he thought Beth brushed her fingers over his knuckles as she moved back to allow him to pass her, and he thought he might have imagined it, and he thought that if he did he didn’t want to know.

Daryl mounted his bike, letting the engine roar to life. He caught Beth’s face illuminated by the headlights and for a moment thought she might object, but then she was smiling and sliding onto the seat behind him, legs hugging him as her arms wrapped around his middle. She was achingly close to his scars – her cheek was practically resting against them – but she couldn’t know that. She couldn’t know that the beating of her heart was shocking against them, to feel something so warm and alive over what had been long dead.

‘Hold on.’ Daryl said over the swell of the rain as he revved the engine, voice surprisingly thick. Beth let out an excited squeal, and god, did everything she did have to be so damn endearing? He could barely feel the pain in his knuckles anymore as she clutched him tighter, arms tensed against his ribcage. When they took off out of the dim alley and onto the empty road, Beth let out a nervous gasp, and then an exhilarated noise. By the time they were flying down the street towards his apartment, Beth was laughing against him, rumbling chest pressing into his back and because Daryl couldn’t help it, and because she couldn’t see him, he let the wide smile spread across his face without restraint as he felt her joy. Maybe she’d melted into him – or at least her laugh had – for he no longer felt the cool rain washing over him or the wind in his hair. All he could feel was the warmth of her palms on top of his shirt, the heat of her legs against him. As he slowed for a red light, Beth caught her breath.

‘Screw walking, you are so giving me a ride home every night.’

Daryl chuckled, watching the empty intersection as the rain hit the pavement, knowing if he turned back to look at her, he’d see nothing but her wild hair and wilder eyes, and be forced to find the rest of his way home blind. When the light turned green, he took off quicker than Beth expected, because at their sudden speed she had let out a surprised gasp and had shouted his name reproachfully, although he could hear her smile.

The ride home was not long and before he knew it they were only a minute away, stopping for another set of lights as Beth’s grip relaxed a little.

‘Y’alright?’ Daryl asked, voice a little strangled as her hands fell into his lap. He hadn’t realised until that very moment, but the adrenaline from the ride and Beth’s body pressed against his had made him half-hard, the vibrating engine underneath them doing nothing to help the situation.

Beth stilled as her knuckles brushed his groin accidentally and he knew she could feel it, too. They were both dripping wet from the rain and had hair sticking to their faces and the last thing he wanted was to have her think that he’d just offered her a ride so they could have sex. But at her small sigh as she murmured ‘I’m good’, he somehow knew she didn’t think that of him. Beth pushed her chest closer in to his back and he could feel against the scars he’d somehow forgotten about, the two small lumps of her breasts against him, and then he was growing even more restless against her. God, this girl.

The light should be green; there were no other cars around and no pedestrians to cross and yet it was still glowing red, reflecting against the puddles in the potholes in the road. Beth’s heart was a trapped hummingbird against him as she leaned in, lips tickling his ear, burying her head into his neck. Her scent was dizzying against the smell of the rain and gasoline and Daryl found himself gripping the handlebars tighter, knuckles probably bone-white beneath the bruising that was setting in.

The light flashed green and Daryl sped off, seeing his apartment building at the end of the street and trying desperately to focus on that and only that, but Beth was making it impossible.

Her hands had trailed lower down and a warm palm was pressing into his damp pants, his cock hardening the rest of the way under her touch.  
Daryl let out a low huff, feeling her mouth form a smile against his neck. Beth was rubbing him harder now, tugging his zipper down and before he knew it, her rain-soaked hand was on his hard dick. Daryl groaned, fighting to keep his legs from twitching as she stroked him slowly, fingers tracing over the weeping slit on his tip tantalizingly.

‘Fuck, girl, you’re gonna cause an accident if you don’t stop –’

Beth’s voice fell against his neck. ‘God, Daryl, I just want you. I want you right now, I’m so wet –’

A growl tore from Daryl’s throat as he pulled up closer to his building, hearing Beth’s low whine and feeling the way she circled her hips against the seat restlessly. The thought of her wet pussy grinding against the hard leather of his seat to create some kind of friction made his heart thump harder. A split-second later he was turning sharply into the dim alley in the street behind, lit only by a single flickering light. All Daryl knew was that he needed her now, screw waiting for the elevator or climbing the stairwell to get to his apartment. It was late and there was no one around and this neighbourhood definitely didn’t have security cameras, which was actually a step up for them. Daryl barely gave himself enough time to kill the engine before he was dismounting, spinning Beth around on the seat by her hips. Her chest was heaving and she blinked up at him, rain still steadily falling, and fuck it – he could look, she was allowing him to, she wanted him to. So he did. Her pale skin was glistening with rain, top wet enough that it was almost transparent, hard nipples easily visible even in the poor light. Daryl’s grip tightened on her waist, fingers scrunching against her clothes before he snaked his hands up to feel her warm breasts. He didn’t care that his dick was damn near popping out of his pants or that anyone that took a fancy to explore the alley behind the apartment would see them as he dropped to his knees and pulled her shorts down. Beth’s breath caught as she lifted off the seat to wriggle out of them, Daryl wasting no time as he pushed her legs open. She was wearing plain black underwear but Daryl knew she could be wearing anything and he’d think it sexy, because it was her.

‘How bad you want it?’ Daryl muttered over the steady patter of rain, tracing a thick finger up Beth’s thigh and not stopping until he reached the tiny bump of her clit. His hands were shaking slightly, and he knew it was less from the trauma of the fight and more from the feel of her.

Beth tilted her head back to rest on the brick behind her, fingers itching for anything she could hold onto as she watched him. Daryl held her gaze as he rubbed a finger across her and then slid it beneath her underwear in one quick motion. Beth’s legs shook as he found her clit, knuckles dragging against it as he teased her opening. God, she hadn’t exaggerated – she was dripping already, and if the small gasps coming out of her now were anything to go off, she couldn’t possibly get wetter. He knew they should be quick, knew that it would be easy to be quick because just the sight of her like this made his cock throb and he knew a few shallow strokes in her was all it would take. But his tongue had been searching for a taste of something he wouldn’t get anywhere except for between her legs. Her lips, maybe – her perfect mouth that smiled and twisted and pouted – but he couldn’t have that.

‘Daryl –’ Beth whined, voice low and needy. He dipped his head low and heard a hiss escape her mouth as he held her underwear to one side and slid his tongue across her swollen clit. With his nose pressed into her pelvis and his hands flying to either side of her ass to hold her in place, Daryl rolled his tongue around her in circles, chin scratching against her wet opening. Beth mewed and her fingers finally found a place to rest in his hair, clutching him through shuddering breaths. She tasted like rain and sweat and salt and something sweet that was just her. Daryl tightened his grip against her as she grew unsteady, rocking his motorbike slightly even against the kickstand. He dipped his head lower as Beth’s fingers tangled harder in his hair, and when he stuck his tongue through her sticky lips, she let out a low groan, hips squirming around. This time Daryl let her, relaxing his grip slightly as she dragged her pussy up and down his mouth. A soft gasp was escaping her with each movement, her thighs quivering around his ears. The hard ground was stubborn against his knees and his back was soaked from the rain but all Daryl could focus on was reaching that sweet spot inside her, that spot that would make her sing. It shouldn’t be this easy, for him to make her feel this good. If he had to wager, she was probably more experienced with this kind of shit than he was, but there was something about the way Beth’s fingers were curling and her chest was palpitating and her hips were pushing harder into him so his tongue got deeper inside of her, that told him she hadn’t had better.

Daryl let out an approving hum against her, feeling the vibration through his lips move into her body, sending a shiver down his spine.

‘Daryl – oh, you’re gonna make me come.’ Beth breathed, head knocking back against the hard brick as she managed to open her eyes a slit, watching the way his tongue darted in and out of her and he moved a finger back up to work on her clit. ‘Oh, f-fuck – god –’

And just like that she was coming all around him, thighs clenching and breath jagged and hips slowing with restless movement. He sucked on her soft skin, slowly lapping up her sticky remnants as her fingers grew lax, breath steadying again. Daryl barely had time to pull his tongue out of her before she was dragging him back up, big eyes lining up with his groin now, where his aching dick was hanging out of his pants. There was something about seeing Beth leaning against his motorbike, pussy red and swollen with the last few breaths of her orgasm leaving her that made Daryl almost feral with desire. How badly he’d wanted her the last two months, how he never thought he’d have her. Beth had been bringing him to his knees long before today, and he suspected she’d keep bringing him to his knees even after she decided she was done with him.

Beth pushed herself up, now not so gently thrusting Daryl into the place she’d been. He fell against the motorbike seat hard, watching her with a look he knew would tell her she could do just about anything she wanted with him. Beth ran her tongue across her lips before she kicked her underwear off, landing somewhere in the gutter.

‘How bad you want it?’ She asked now, voice playful and eyes anything but. Daryl could still taste her in his mouth as it grew dry at the sight of her wrapping her legs around his waist, sitting on top of him. For a moment he thought the kickstand wouldn’t hold their weight but that combined with the solid brick wall seemed steady enough for her. Beth wrapped her arms around his neck, lowering herself down on him slowly, dripping opening teasing the head of his cock. She’d managed to stand both of her feet somewhere either side of him to create enough height to allow her to lift her body back up, thighs tensed, right before the head of his cock slid into her.

Daryl let out a groan as her wet heat enveloped him, moving his hands to her ass once again. Her skin was soft and against the rough of his hands it felt like he was holding a cloud, knowing it would float away and desperately trying to keep it from slipping between his fingers. Beth pushed her ass into his hands and Daryl felt her clit brush the tip of his dick again and a tug in his gut wound back tight. She was going to make him come just by teasing him if she kept it up.

‘Get on this dick already.’ Daryl rasped and at Beth’s wicked grin, felt something else in him tugging, something in his chest. She happily obliged, lowering herself onto him not so gently and letting out a small sigh as he slid into her easily. His fingernails dug into her as she tightened around him, only letting her go as she began to move up and down at best she could, feet slipping against the wet motorbike every now and then. It didn’t matter that her movements weren’t graceful and perfectly balanced, it didn’t matter that his dick slipped out of her a few times or that her hipbones dug into his stomach every now and then. It mattered that Beth was riding his dick like she was getting paid for it, hands splayed out against his chest and eyes locked on him and mouth parted in a groan and wet hair sticking to the sides of her face. Daryl knew that, like every other time, she was in complete control. Each time her warm pussy buried his cock he felt himself buck his hips upwards in anticipation, but at Beth’s sly smile, he stayed seated. She was going slow now but there was nothing gentle about it – she was slapping against him harshly each time she brought her body down and still letting a moment pass with his dick completely out of her, torturing him, before slamming herself back down onto him.

Daryl grunted, his gut in knots as waves of desire crashed over him, and he knew he wasn’t long for this. ‘Keep that fuckin’ pussy right there.’

Beth stilled and Daryl couldn’t bear it. ‘Right here?’ She asked innocently, batting her lashes at him.

Daryl gritted his teeth, fighting for control. ‘Fuckin’ killin’ me, Beth.’

At that she smiled and as the rain began to ease she finally began to bounce on his cock with a proper rhythm, going quicker as Daryl sank his head into her shoulder, nothing more he could do expect hold onto her as her wet pussy dragged out the last remaining semblance of control out of him.

‘Fuck, girl – like that, right fuckin’ there –’ Daryl was barely aware of what he was saying as Beth pounded into him quicker, ass slapping against his thighs. Daryl moved his hands back underneath her shirt and found her hard nipples again, cupping a breast in each hand as she bounced on his dick.

‘Oh – shit –’ Beth moaned and Daryl’s head pricked up at her desperate plea and saw her head thrown back, watching him through heavy eyes, eyebrows racing to meet each other in the middle. Just the sight of her with her legs spread wide, mouth open in pleasure and face flushed was almost enough to do him in, and he knew that if she came again he wouldn’t be able not to.

Daryl couldn’t move his hips even if he wanted to now – they seemed to be locked to the motorcycle, the only movement he had the strength for was squeezing her breasts as she moved. As she shifted her weight around, she somehow managed to pull him deeper in, and now their groins were bashing together harshly and he couldn’t even feel the pain that it should be eliciting over the rest.

‘Fuck, love that tight little cunt.’ Daryl moaned, barely intelligible as Beth let out another low groan, breath catching at his words. He didn’t know her body nearly as well as he would have liked but he still knew it well enough to know that her thighs tensing up and her fingers curling hard against him meant she was close. Bracing his hands against her ass once again, he squeezed the wet skin there, watching his reddened cock disappearing into her tight pussy.

After a few more seconds of Beth’s quick movements, Daryl came, a hiss on his lips as his heart exploded, nothing else in the world mattering except the feel of Beth’s pulsing walls as he shot himself into her, pussy squeezing every last drop out of his twitching cock. He felt the warm release of his load and a rippling of pleasure washed over him, legs growing weaker as he struggled to keep himself upright against the motorbike. He could almost smell how close Beth was, his come dripping down over his cock as she moved, and when he reached further around her to spread her ass cheeks again and tease a finger over her clenched hole, she cried out, head dropping onto his as her movements became messier. Their foreheads were pushed together as Beth came and Daryl felt a shock go through him that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with how they were the closest they had ever been, sharing the same staggered breaths.

When Beth’s eyes blinked open, she gave him a small smile, mouth trembling like she was unsure of herself now that the heat of the moment was gone. Daryl could feel a grin biting him and he let it take over his face, Beth’s tinkling laugh at the sight of it doing nothing but coaxing it wider. His cock twitched in her restlessly and Daryl could feel himself softening but for the life of him didn’t want to leave her warmth, wanted to stay buried in her as deep as he could.

Beth breathed out slowly, peering behind her shoulder to ensure they were still alone before untangling herself from him, her fingers lingering slightly over his chest before she stood up. As she stumbled around to retrieve her wet clothes, Daryl forced himself up, a little dazed that they’d just done that and a little more dazed at the fact that they were going to stay in his apartment. He’d never had anyone there except Merle on the odd occasion that he was too high to function alone and needed a place to crash.

Beth struggled into her wet clothes and Daryl quickly tucked himself back into his pants, revving up his motorbike and moving it around the corner to the parking. Beth met him at the building’s entrance, hands wrapped around her arms like she was cold, drenched clothes stuck to her.

They rode up the elevator in silence, Daryl fingering his keys all the way there, feeling a familiar pain in his hands that came with bruising and not minding it as much as he should have. He knew that Beth’s dorm was nothing to brag about but the home back at the farm she always talked about seemed the kind of thing Daryl had always dreamed of as a child. A real home, a real family, a real place to exist, safe.

Beth lingered in the elevator, watching him patiently as he dawdled at the end of the hall.

‘C’mon.’ He muttered, elbow jutting out a little to nudge her to follow. His apartment wasn’t half bad but compared to the kind of home Beth was used to, it was enough cause for insecurity. His eyes raked over his bare place self-consciously as he unlocked the door and shouldered past it, Beth following him closely.

It was clean at least, but then again it always was. His lack of belongings shone through most in the living space they’d just entered – places where people usually kept photographs, candles, plants or books empty. Beth’s arms were still wrapped tight around herself as her wide eyes looked around, moving in slowly as though she didn’t want to wet his floorboards. Again, Daryl thought of how good she was, that even in a situation like this she could be considerate enough to worry about something so trivial.

‘Ain’t getting’ any worse.’ Daryl said, eyes flicking down meaningfully to the wet tracks they’d already left and Beth smiled nervously.

‘Yeah, sorry. I just – my mom always used to tell us off for that. Make us take our shoes off at the door.’

Daryl felt a pang in his gut at her words, knowing she wasn’t looking for any kind of sympathy and still finding that he wanted to say something to comfort her. What would a friend say, if another friend shared a memory of their dead mother? Daryl wouldn’t have a clue.

‘Y’cold?’ He asked roughly, eyeing her. She shrugged, blinking out of her memory as she turned to watch him jerk head towards a door to their left. ‘Shower’s there. I’ll get you somethin’ warm to wear.’

Beth blinked, a sweet smile on her face. ‘Thanks.’ She stopped on her way to the bathroom, turning back to him with wide eyes. ‘Are you sure you’re not hurt?’

Daryl nodded, biting down on his thumbnail. Bruised knuckles were nothing to Daryl, having endured so much worse for so much longer, but she didn’t know that. ‘Ain’t gotta worry ‘bout me, Beth. ‘M good.’

Beth shook her head at his determination, smile still on her face like she couldn’t believe he didn’t know better by now, like it was a given that she would worry about him regardless. She disappeared behind the bathroom door with one last look at him, eye raking over his knuckles.

When he heard the water running, he went into his bedroom and pulled out a warm flannel and a pair of socks for her, figuring his pants would be far too big and that if she pulled the socks up high, most of her legs would be covered.

By the time Beth got out of the shower, he suspected there’d be no hot water left in the world but he didn’t care, knowing that he needed a cold shower to clear his head. Daryl tossed her his clothes through the gap she’d made in the door and waited patiently until she emerged a minute later, socks bunched adorably around her ankles and flannel huge around her, a few buttons unnecessarily open exposing her collarbones.

‘Tryin’ to seduce me, Greene?’ Daryl asked and Beth laughed lightly, wiggling her brows at him.

‘Oh, yeah. Like I’d need to.’

Daryl shook his head at her before turning to the kitchen area behind them, mumbling at her to help herself as he went into the bathroom. It turned out Beth had not used all the hot water after all, and despite knowing he needed the icy cold to shock him out of this stupor she’d put him in, Daryl let the scalding heat wash over him, surrendering himself to it and knowing that it would stain his skin red but not minding as much as he got lost in thoughts of Beth in his apartment right now, in his clothes.

By the time Daryl turned the taps off, the mirror was fogged up and the air was thick with humidity. Running a hand along the glass, Daryl felt a shock go through him as he caught sight of his own reflection. It wasn’t his face that had made his heart spike but his back as he’d turned to switch the fan on, marred with scars that he somehow always seemed to forget about when he was with Beth. She didn’t know about them – how could she when he never told her anything about himself, least of all something like this. Merle would call him a pussy for even thinking this but Daryl half-wished she knew already, just so he wouldn’t feel like such an impostor when he was with her. He could pretend to be whole for her but deep down he knew he wasn’t; knew he was just biding time until someone better came along or she decided she was bored of him. And although Daryl knew that Beth wasn’t like that – wouldn’t just toss him aside because at the very least they were friends – the demons on his back and the monsters in his head had done quite a good job of making him believe he wasn’t worth a damn thing, certainly not something like Beth. Daryl could live ten lives over and still never deserve her. It must have been a past life, then. He might have been good then. Good enough for someone like her. But it didn’t matter anyway, because Beth didn’t need him whole. Beth didn’t need him at all.

Daryl emerged from the bathroom to find her sitting on his kitchen counter, bare legs swinging around as she hummed a tune he didn’t recognise. It wasn’t surprising – he didn’t know a damn thing about music, and certainly hadn’t known the song she’d performed at karaoke the other night. He remembered seeing that gleam in her eyes as she sang, that elated smile whenever she heard the audience cheering, gaze searching him out amongst the sea of people afterwards as though she wanted to know what he thought. Like that mattered. She had a crowd of people cheering for her, and if that didn’t tell her how good she was, Daryl couldn’t imagine anything his untrained ears heard would somehow make her believe it.

‘You eat somethin’?’ He grunted, rolling his sleeves up as he opened his fridge. Beth shook her head and he couldn’t blame her. He had the bare minimum; a couple of beers and an old pizza box taking up most of the first shelf, a few old vegetables on the bottom one.

Daryl closed the fridge, figuring they’d just order something later, leaning on his elbows against the cool of the bench. Beth spun around, long legs resting against one of the chairs to the side of her.

‘How long have you lived here?’

Despite his initial reaction to brush her question off, Daryl found that he actually did want to tell her, to share parts of himself with her that no one else got. As unnerving and unfamiliar as it was, he held her gaze and saw the real curiosity behind her eyes.

‘’Bout a year.’

Beth nodded, eyes flicking around. ‘What about your brother? Sorry – too much?’

Daryl shook his head, a little warmed that she knew him well enough to know that he didn’t particularly enjoy talking about his brother. To be fair, he didn’t particularly like talking about anything. At least he hadn’t, until her. ‘Dunno. Don’t see a lot of him.’

Beth nodded and fiddled with the buttons on his flannel.

‘What ‘bout your sister?’

Beth’s eyes flicked up to him, a small smile growing at his interest. ‘She’s been really busy lately with work. Going to come up and visit me soon.’

They were silent for a moment, and Daryl wondered what her sister would say if she knew what he and Beth had been doing.

‘You miss her?’ He asked in a gravelly voice.

Beth inclined her head slowly. ‘Yeah. She’s stubborn, annoying and can probably drink you under a table. You’d like her.’

Daryl snorted. ‘Sounds like Merle.’

‘God, imagine the two of them meeting.’ Beth scrunched her nose up at the thought and Daryl had to silently agree that it would probably be a terrible idea to have the two of them in the same room.

Beth was studying the window across from them, an orangey glow hitting her face as the street lights streamed in. They were silent for a moment and then Beth turned to him with wide eyes, sleeves falling over her wrists as she leant a hand on her chin.

‘I miss my brother, too. And my dad. How about your – I mean – do you ever . . . too much?’ Beth asked slowly, wincing a little at her awkward attempt to get to know more about him.

Daryl nodded, fighting the stifling feeling that had risen up in his chest at the thought of his father. The scars on his back itched and he stood up, leaning back against his fridge with his arms crossed over his chest. His knuckles felt too obvious under the warm light, so he tucked his hands under his arms as though that would make the evidence of violence go away.

‘Too much,’ he muttered, voice lower than before.

Beth nodded understandingly and didn’t push him, instead drawing her knees up to her chin. After a moment her grin was back, playful, and she seemed to want to draw some of the tension out of the conversation as she said, ‘thanks for before. For telling that guy you were my boyfriend. And then for what you did after.’

Thrown, Daryl nodded, thumbing his biceps for something to do. ‘’S alright. Dunno how you deal with those assholes all the time.’

Beth half-shrugged, a smile on her face. ‘They aren’t usually that pushy. And it’s not that often.’

Daryl raised a brow at her, somehow already forgetting the heaviness that had been brought up inside of him at the thought of his father. ‘Girl, you get hit on every second day you’re at Martinez’.’

‘Okay, it does not happen that much.’

Daryl shook his head at her in disbelief. ‘You ain’t even seen how half the guys who don’t come up to you look at you.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ Beth asked, grinning at him like she was going along with a joke. ‘How?’

Daryl felt his heart skip a beat as he struggled to keep his voice even. ‘Y’know.’

‘How?’ Beth let out a little laugh, tilting her head to keep her gaze on him as he fought for words. His flannel had fallen off her shoulder now, hair curling as it dried over her neck and Daryl cleared his throat, shrugging, hoping that his tone did not betray the sudden urge that had risen up inside his gut to caress his fingers over her shoulder.

‘Like they wanna fuck you.’

A silence followed in which Beth sucked a breath in, colour flushing her cheeks. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she drew her knees up closer to her chin, his shirt bunching around her thighs and exposing so much of her bare legs that Daryl stood up a little straighter. Beth spun around on the bench top to better face him and suddenly he became painfully aware that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Hers must have been dirty and wet from the gutter she’d kicked them into not twenty minutes ago and she must have felt too awkward to ask him for a pair of his. Still, there was no trace of awkwardness on her face right now, just a hint of uncertainty barely visible under the determined set of her gaze.

Beth’s pink folds were visible between the gap of her ankles and Daryl jerked his gaze up to her face too late. Like she knew he had seen, she bit down on her lip, more uncertainty showing, but she didn’t move away or fix her position like he thought she would. Instead, she slowly dragged her bare ass across the bench until she reached him, legs still drawn up to her chin and hands pressed into the cool marble to allow herself to lean back a little and consider him.  
God, they’d just fucked and already Daryl was feeling his dick stir with longing at the sight of her, practically drowning in his shirt and messy hair reflecting light like a halo and bare pussy inches from his fingers.

‘Do you wanna fuck me?’ Beth’s voice was soft and her eyes wandered over his body, down to his groin where he knew his desire for her was showing. As she moved her fingers across the bench to push herself up straighter, he saw they were trembling a little, and the thought of Beth still not knowing the effect she had on him was incomprehensible.

Daryl cleared his throat, biting on the edge of his thumb as he watched her slowly untangle her legs, heels dragging across the cold marble of the counter. He adjusted his hard prick, pushing his palm into himself a little longer than necessary.

‘You want somethin’, you gotta tell me.’ Daryl muttered, pushing off slowly from the fridge, hands hanging by his side as he closed the gap between them. Beth’s eyelids fluttered, a small smile growing at the edges of her mouth. In response, she moved her heels further apart, flannel falling across her hips now, her pussy glaringly visible.

‘Want you.’ Beth murmured, voice like honey, and Daryl’s heart leapt into his mouth. A shadow crossed her face as he moved in, blocking the dim yellow light flooding through the kitchen.

‘Tell me what you want.’ Daryl grated, voice impossibly rough. Desire was crashing through his gut, spikes of adrenaline making his fingers twitch towards her and scattering all other thought from his brain.

Beth took a shaking breath in, her rosebud mouth parting as her tongue wet her lips. ‘I want you . . . want your big dick inside me again. Want to feel you all over me.’

Daryl’s heart hammered painfully as his hands fell across the bench by her side. There was something about Beth talking dirty that did more to him than he would admit. Her eyes were oceans as she watched him, restless blue waves pulling him in, her thighs quivering as he filled the gap between them. And even though it still eluded Daryl how on earth she was here and somehow still wanting him over and over, he wanted her too badly to doubt it.

With a thick finger, he reached up and trailed a soft touch over her inner thigh, her eyes blackening as she let out a soft whimper. He knew this must be driving her crazy, these soft touches where she wanted harsh pressure, but it was driving him crazy too, and he knew that secretly, she liked him taking the lead, liked him setting the pace.

‘Christ, look at you.’ Daryl managed through a grunt, pushing his hips into the hard countertop. Beth’s abdomen rose up and down quickly as he traced up along the light thatch of hair she had, glistening lips awaiting his tentative touches. When he finally let a finger brush down her opening, Beth let out a low breath, but her eyes didn’t waver as they held him there.

‘That all for me?’ He rasped, two fingers pushing apart her folds to look at her wet hole. Beth nodded fervently, her hair already sticking to her neck as she grew agitated under his touch.

‘All yours.’ She whispered, brows knitting together in pleasure as he thumbed her clit slowly, drawing circles with the lightest possible pressure he could.

Daryl leant in closer, hand falling to the small of her back as Beth fell backwards with him. He held her slight weight, biceps tensing as his other hand worked her pussy. Her warm breath was fluttering over his face as she let out staggered breaths, the rise and fall of her chest growing faster with each of his nimble movements.

‘Like that?’ Daryl grunted, pleasure shooting through his gut and blood rushing to his dick at the sight of Beth’s eyes growing wilder, almost closer than he could bear as he pulled her apart, threading his fingers into her like he was trying to become a part of her. Two of his fingers were knuckle deep now, pumping slowly a few times before her head lolled back and he caught it quickly, hand supporting her neck up.

‘Daryl –’ Beth’s voice was a flutter, shooting down his spine and making goosebumps ripple up his arms. She turned to look at him, and their noses brushed ever so slightly. For a moment, they both stared at each other, Daryl’s fingers slowing as he swallowed the urge to kiss her. He knew Beth had only wanted sex, no strings, nothing else making it complicated. He knew he had agreed to give it to her. But he also knew that he had no experience with keeping promises, and if the way her eyes were darting to his lips was anything to go off, she was thinking the same as him. Daryl couldn’t bear this raw tension, couldn’t bear the silence that was enveloping them and he just couldn’t hold her bright eyes any longer, knowing how much he suddenly wished they were not just friends.

He pushed his fingers deeper into her and she let out a groan, closing her eyes as the moment passed. Daryl determinedly pushed away thoughts of how she’d taste, of how her moans would feel hitting the back of his throat, as he deftly rubbed her clit in circles again, fingers moving a little more urgently inside her.

‘You like that?’ Daryl’s rough voice cut through the thick air between them. It was only now that Beth had brought her heels back up to the bench that her legs had begun to shake, knees pointing to the ceiling and toes curling around the edge. She nodded, letting a soft whimper out as she pulled herself up enough to reach his pants, tugging the button hard until it popped open. He could feel how bad she wanted him, how wet his fingers were each time they slid in and out of her easily, but he knew even more than that want there was that need, that need that made her impatient, that made her beg. Daryl let her tug his pants down and he kicked them off, but as she made to cup his dick he closed a hand around her wrist and slammed it back down to the table.

A shock of surprise shot across her face before her lips quirked into a smirk, and there was nothing tentative or unsure about the way she was looking at him now. Confident that he’d read her right, Daryl quickened his fingers, pushing a little harder with the pad of his thumb, her pussy growing redder and wetter as his fingers grew messier. He listened for the small catches in her breath, felt the way her body slowly shook in tremors as she grew closer to sweet release. Just as she sucked in a sharp breath, Daryl pulled his fingers away from her and her head snapped up needily.

‘You like teasing me?’ Beth panted, blowing hair out of her eyes impatiently. Daryl let out an amused huff, fingers coaxing the buttons of his flannel open against her and reaching under for one of her hardened nipples.

‘God.’ She groaned as he pinched it between two fingers, twisting it not so gently. He was a little worried that he would hurt her, that she wouldn’t like something, but Beth’s fluttering eyelids and her maddening little noises of approval did nothing but tell him he could do just about anything to this girl and she’d enjoy it. Daryl’s cock was aching, straining harshly against his underwear as he snaked both hands under the shirt Beth was wearing and cupped her breasts, perfectly fitting in each hand. Beth was laying completely on her back now, knees still in the air as he trailed his rough hands across her soft skin, tugging harder at her nipples to pull more of her sweet gasps out. Then, as her heels knocked against the bench restlessly, Daryl brought one hand back down between her legs, feeling her warm slick welcome his fingers once more. Her clit was swollen and her lips parted open for him already, and it only took a few more quick touches to have her shuddering, writhing her hips against his hands to create some kind of pressure she could work with.

‘I want you to fuck me so bad, Daryl.’ Beth whined breathlessly, raising her head off the bench to meet his gaze. Her hair was wild around her, eyes dark with need and lips parted, tongue in her cheek to hold onto some shred of control.

‘What was that?’ Daryl teased, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth as Beth let out a frustrated groan, knocking her head back onto the table.

‘Fuck me, Daryl!’ She replied, sounding as though it was meant to be a demand that had come out as a beg.

‘Can’t hear you.’ Daryl cooed, two fingers working her swollen clit now. He squeezed one of her breasts hard, thumbing her nipple with enough force that she cried out. When she moved to buck her hips up, Daryl tore his fingers away from her pussy and slammed her ass back down, gently enough that it wouldn’t really hurt her but with enough force that she moaned, kicking her feet apart and spreading her legs wide open for him.

‘God, fuck me!’

Daryl grinned at her, feeling his canines poking against his lip. Through her breathless pants, Beth smiled deliriously at him, shaking her head.

‘If you don’t get your dick out and fuck me right now –’

She didn’t need to finish as Daryl cut her off with a growl, putting a hand on either side of her hips and dragging her so her ass was hanging off the table. Beth closed her mouth, jaw jumping as Daryl pulled down his underwear, hard cock springing free. At the sight of it, her eyes grew heavier, mouth working wordlessly as her hips swirled around in anticipation. He slapped himself against her overstimulated clit a few times, feeling his gut ache with need as Beth’s legs twitched with the contact. When he spun her around onto her stomach she let out a soft groan, and he knew by the way her hips were moving against the cool bench that it was feeling the heat of her pussy. A low grunt escaped Daryl’s lips as he drew her closer and his cock pressed against her leg. He ran a hand over the curve of her ass and Beth let out a long breath, pushing up into him until her ass was in the air in front of him, dripping pussy at his chest. It was instinctive now, the way he squeezed each cheek apart, the way he knew exactly how to blow across her opening to make her tense up. His dick was dripping with pre come but he ignored it a little longer as he kneaded her ass cheeks together then apart.

‘Daryl –’ Beth groaned against the bench and the needy tone to her voice made Daryl a little surer as he squeezed her harder, leaving red patches against her pale skin.

‘Wanna fuck you so bad.’ He muttered heavily as he smacked her ass lightly, unable to tear his eyes away from her throbbing pussy. Beth let out a sharp breath as his hand collided with her ass, pushing herself even further back into him, and he couldn’t bear it any longer.

‘Come and fuck me then.’ She murmured softly but Daryl was already there, hoisting himself on top of the bench next to her and she spun around, somehow underneath him now, reaching forward to grab his cock in her hands. At her touch, Daryl crumbled, knees almost giving out against the hard bench with each achingly slow pump. Her fingers cupped his tight balls, massaging them between her palms before moving to tease his tip, running along his slit and collecting the wet dribble coming out. She tugged his shirt apart to expose her breasts, and when she ran her wet finger along her nipples, leaving a glistening trail of his come behind, Daryl growled, his stomach clenching up tighter than ever.

Beth hooked her ankles together at the base of his spine and pulled him in, her hands moving to his ass as she lifted her hips to meet his cock. She bit back a moan as he entered her easily, her tight, wet walls expanding enough to fit him but barely giving any more room than that.

Daryl dipped his head to her neck, resting his forehead against the cool press of the table as he thrust into her hard, one hand flying to pin her hips down and the other tangling in her hair. Beth’s fingernails were digging into his backside now and when he lifted his head back up to meet her eyes, she was looking back at him, biting down on her lip as her brows met in the middle. Daryl pushed into her again, feeling that he would be lucky to last more than a minute. It seemed she didn’t even need that long though as her mouth parted and a hum escaped her and Daryl pounded into her quicker, hitting that spot that kept her toes curled with long, fast strokes. He trailed the hand pinning her hip to her clit and Beth cried out as his rough fingers worked her at the same time his cock did.

‘F-fuck, Daryl, oh, fuck –’ Beth’s words tumbled out all at once and he heard that edge to her voice that told him she was going to come. She did after another few seconds of drawing her out, and Daryl rode her orgasm with a grunt, feeling his own bubbling to the surface as she shuddered around him.

‘Come for me, Daryl.’ Beth managed between her shaking breaths, pussy walls tightening. ‘Want your come inside me.’

Daryl clenched his jaw at her words, losing himself inside of her as he felt a white-hot thrill shoot up his spine, one hand still in her hair and the other squeezing a breast as he let out a loud groan, her name at the centre of it. For a second or two, the only thing he was aware of was Beth’s legs slipping around him and her breath against his ear as he released himself inside of her, collapsing against her and burying his cock as deep as he could. Then, with her sweet-smelling hair tickling his nose, he lifted off her weakly, feeling the heat of her skin seeping into him through his shirt.

Beth’s chin pointed up as she gazed at him through her half-closed lids, chest rattling with deep breaths. Daryl felt his legs slide against the marble bench as he struggled to take his weight off her, tensing his arms around her head as he pushed himself up. As he met her sky-blue eyes, he was hit with the strange thought that they hadn’t had sex like this before – facing each other, laying on top of her like a couple would in bed. Daryl had never been so close to someone before, physically and emotionally. It wasn’t just that there was a heady air between them right then, it was that he realised he had never quite understood sex up until then – never understood exactly what it meant to know someone else’s body and crave their touch like it was air. Sure, he’d desired her before, but it was nothing like this dawning realisation that he needed her more than he wanted her, that he could not bear the thought of her wanting someone else.

‘How come we wasted two perfectly good months not doing this?’ Beth breathed out, laughing a little shakily. Daryl shook his head in bemusement, not trusting himself to speak as he finally rolled off her completely, hard bench unrelenting against his edges and slippery with their sweat. Beth sat up, pulling his flannel back over her breasts and turning to look down at him as he pushed himself off the counter.

‘You hungry?’ She asked and he shrugged at her through his hair, pulling his underwear back on. Beth flopped down, her heels padding softly against the hardwood floors as she went to rifle through her bag. Everything she did was soft – from the way she moved, as though air moved through her instead of her through it, to the way her delicate fingers pushed her hair back as she bent her head down to study her phone. She disappeared into the bathroom holding it to her ear and Daryl hastily dressed the rest of the way, wiping the mess they’d left on the bench away with a paper towel.

Beth was back a minute later, hair tied up messily behind her head, loose strands framing her face. She said she’d ordered pizza as she fell down onto the couch in the middle of the room before her phone rang.

‘Maggie?’ Beth cleared her throat, looking to Daryl apologetically.

He didn’t mind at all that she’d answered – after all, it wasn’t like they were on a date or something that shouldn’t be interrupted. He shook the thought from his mind immediately, wondering what the hell had gotten into him. The reply on the other end of her phone crackled through and was easily audible in the quiet of his apartment.

‘Good news, I’m coming down to visit next weekend – haven’t caught you at a bad time, have I?’ Maggie’s voice was shrewd.

‘What – no.’ Beth replied quickly and Daryl heard a bark of laughter from the other end.

‘Oh, yeah, not seeing your special friend?’ Maggie asked, clearly grinning on the other end. Beth brought her palm up to her forehead, wincing in Daryl’s direction.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, mouthing “special friend?” before she threw a cushion at him with a silent ferocity, trying to hold back laughter.

‘I’m waiting for dinner, actually.’

Maggie scoffed. ‘Dinner at this time? That’s as good as a confession. So who is the lucky guy? Am I gonna get to meet him on the weekend –’

‘Probably not.’ Beth replied quickly, eyes searching over Daryl in panic. He didn’t blame her for not wanting to tell people they were having sex but there was something inside him that stung all the same at the thought that he had been right to think they could never be anything else. And that was okay. Beth deserved more and he would just have to try and figure out how to want something else more than he wanted her. Somehow.

‘And why not? Thought this was the best sex you’ve ever had –’

Beth hissed into her phone, slamming her head down onto the armrest. ‘I’m going now, Maggie. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ She hung up the phone with Maggie still blabbering away into it, the stark silence suddenly making excellent company for Daryl’s racing thoughts.

‘Best sex you’ve ever had, huh, Greene?’ He teased, because that’s what they did. They fucked with each other and they fucked each other and he was not about to ruin their balance just because he’d gone and developed feelings for her that he’d previously warned her away from.

_Just don’t fall in love with me or nothin’._

He’d said that to her after the first time they’d had sex but ever since then, he’d been wondering if it would have been better for her to say that to him, because he was not good at taking his own advice.

‘Yeah, alright, gloat.’ Beth sang, rolling her eyes through a smile. ‘I’m not denying it.’

Daryl grunted, swinging a leg over the couch and sprawling back across the armrest. ‘You ain’t too bad yourself.’

Beth raised her eyebrows, knowing this coming from him was more of a compliment than what Maggie had said. In truth, he barely remembered any other sexual encounter he’d had before Beth and he was glad – none of them had mattered, until her. A small smile twisted at the corners of her lips. She lay her head back, inches from his and they stared up at the ceiling together.

‘Do you think if my mom were here she’d be disappointed in me?’ Beth asked quietly a moment later. Thrown, Daryl turned to look at the side of her face. ‘Makes you say that?’

Beth kept her eyes on the ceiling. ‘I don’t know, she was just always so proud of me, of my music. I used to write all the time, play all the time. Since she died I just – haven’t been the same.’

Daryl’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. He had never been very good at providing reassurance simply because he’d never needed to.

‘Don’t have to be a bad thing. Changin.’’ He said in a low voice, thinking of how he was glad he was nothing like his brother anymore, nothing like who he’d been. There had been a few years where it looked like he might just go down the same path as Merle but he had changed, had given himself the chance no one else had given him. He knew if he had met Beth back then, he would have thought her just another dumb college bitch and she probably would have thought him some redneck asshole just like all the rest. The thought made him feel a little sick.

Beth nodded. ‘I guess so.’ She played with the thin bracelets that were perpetually wrapped around her left wrist. Daryl was so used to them that he barely noticed them anymore as anything other than a part of her. Now though, she was weaving the ends around her fingers nervously and it was hard not to pay attention to the blue and green beaded things, the thick leather band and the few mismatched ribbons.

Beth seemed to be working up to something, taking in small breaths before finally tilting her head to look at Daryl.

‘After my mom died, I tried to kill myself.’

Beth’s voice was so soft and she was so still that it took Daryl a second to comprehend her words, a shock slowing his heart. His mouth grew dry but he did not say anything, catching the look in her eye and knowing this was not something she needed to tell him, but something she wanted to.

‘Well, I thought I wanted to. I don’t think I actually meant it.’ She went on, voice a little thoughtful like she’d never spoken this aloud to anyone before and was playing around with the wording to see what fit her best. ‘I always wished I could just change. Be someone else. But I’m glad I’m still me. I’m glad I’m still here. If I wasn’t then I never would have met you.’

Now, Daryl’s tongue was ten times too big for his mouth. His heart quickened painfully, leaping against his ribs. He thought he understood a little more about her family’s overprotectiveness that she was always complaining about. He thought of how Beth was probably right to not want Maggie to know he and her were having sex, if she was already worried about Beth being alone at college. Because she didn’t know Daryl, not at all, but if she heard what they’d been up to, he wouldn’t blame her if her mind went straight to concern that her sister was being taken advantage of, now knowing what she thought of when she thought of Beth. Daryl’s eyes darted between Beth’s and she smiled slowly.

‘Anyway.’ Beth muttered, looking away and pulling her bracelets back down over her silver scar harshly. ‘I just wanted you to know. You’re like, my best friend.’ She laughed off the end to take some of the tension off her words but there were still layers and layers of it drowning him.

Daryl nodded, swallowing hard. ‘You too.’ He managed through a tightening chest. Beth’s eyes grew brighter as she smiled, letting out a shaky breath that she’d clearly been holding.

They stayed laying against the couch for a while after that, Beth softly humming a tune that sounded like the song she’d sung at karaoke the other night and Daryl listening while he thought of how she’d said she was glad she’d met him. Beth only stopped her lilting hum at the sharp rap at the door and when Daryl answered to Glenn’s grinning face, he took the pizza off him with an unamused grunt.

‘What are you two doing?’ Glenn asked as he leant against the doorframe, peering inside with a grin that stretched to his ears. ‘And what happened to your hands?’

‘Couldn’t have ordered from anywhere else?’ Daryl muttered to Beth as he left Glenn at the door, ignoring his question as he threw the hot pizza box onto the coffee table.

‘Yeah, but I have to pay everywhere else.’ Beth replied brightly, before turning to Glenn. ‘Movie night. Locked myself out of my dorm.’

Glenn nodded fairly, eyes still darting between the two of them, and Daryl knew that their friend did not miss them deftly skipping over his question. But he didn’t bring it up again, instead remarking, ‘TV’s not on.’

Beth raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Do pizza boys usually double as detectives?’

Glenn laughed easily, sassing her right back. ‘Do college students usually get free pizzas?’

Beth shook her head ruefully, rifling through her bag and passing him a tip, which he took with a bow of his baseball cap.

Beth was good at deflecting questions she didn’t want to answer, Daryl realised, but her easy jokes would not make Glenn forget what he thought he already knew about the two of them. Even if they both wanted to keep it just between them, they had forgotten that there was a third person in their little group more often than not, who might be oblivious some of the time, but honestly – movie night? Between Beth only in Daryl’s shirt and the deafening silence, they had the subtlety of a brick wall.

Once Glenn had left with a wave and a promise they’d see him on the weekend, Beth and Daryl had tucked in to the gooey cheese pizza, both ravenous from earlier that night but both not mentioning that that was the reason.

Once Beth began to yawn more and more frequently as it hit the early hours of the morning, they’d packed up slowly, both becoming aware that Daryl only had one bed.

‘You take the bed, I’ll uh – stay here.’ Daryl muttered, nodding to the couch.

Beth frowned. ‘Well, you’re the one doing me a favour, letting me stay here. I’ll take the couch –’

‘Y’ain’t sleeping on a couch, Beth. Take the bed.’ Daryl said, a little firmer this time as he nudged her towards his bedroom. He flicked on the dim light, pushing a few clothes scattered on the floor to the foot of his bed. The tangled sheets looked a hell of a lot more inviting than the stiff couch, and perhaps Beth thought the same, because her voice had less resolve in it.

‘Daryl –’

‘C’mon.’ Daryl interrupted, pulling the edge of her shirt and leading her into his room.

He eyed his unmade bed, trying not to picture her in it but his will was growing weaker each moment he spent with her. It had started as him finally allowing himself to acknowledge that somehow, he thought she was gorgeous, after going his whole life barely thinking that of anyone. Then he’d talk to her during his shifts, give in to her endless polite chatter with a grunt that she’d grin at like he’d given her something else. Eventually, he’d accepted these feelings for her weren’t going away and he’d let himself think of her while he jerked off late at night, feeling guilty each time afterwards at the thought of what she’d think of him if she knew. And now, somehow, she was tangled up in his sheets, bare legs poking out the edges and hair messy across his pillow.

Beth smiled at him gratefully as she pulled the covers tightly around her. Daryl nodded at her, eyes tracing the outline of her in his bed, before turning away and flicking the light off.

‘Daryl?’ Beth’s voice was soft and somehow a part of the dark all around him. ‘It’s just a bed. I mean, we’ve had sex, sharing a bed isn’t a big deal, right?’

Silence. Daryl stood between the doorway, eyeing the couch ahead of him that was barely visible in the dim kitchen light. He knew what he wanted to do, what logically, he should do. Friends did this. Friends offered friends their place to crash when said friends forgot the key to their room. Friends did not find the thought of sharing a bed strange or suffocating.

‘Come on,’ Beth said a few seconds later with a noise like she was shifting the covers off one side of the bed, ‘you’ll sleep better here than on the couch, anyway.’

Daryl closed the bedroom door softly, feet carrying him back to his bed. His eyes were adjusted enough to the dark that he could faintly make out Beth’s outline on one side as he took the covers from her hand, a shock going through him when their fingers brushed. He climbed into his side of the bed next to her, sinking uncomfortably into the mattress as his clothes tangled around him.

‘You usually sleep fully clothed?’ Beth asked, a hint of humour in her voice that was shadowed by the click of her throat as she swallowed.

‘You usually sass people who let you stay in their beds?’

Beth let out a soft giggle, sheets crinkling as she turned off her back to face him. After a moment, Daryl conceded that she was right. He usually slept naked, but he sure as shit wouldn’t be doing that now. He wriggled out of his pants, throwing them to the opposite side of the room where they landed with a soft thud against the floor. His shirt wasn’t going anywhere, even in the darkness that ensured Beth wouldn’t be able to see his scars. What if she accidently felt them, during the night? Or if she woke up before him and saw them littering his back while he was sleeping? The very thought of her knowing about them sent shivers through his spine. It wasn’t fair, he knew it wasn’t – she’d given him so much of herself, had even showed him her own scar, and yet there was still something inside of him, a shadow that whispered every now and then in his ear that if Beth knew this about him, she wouldn’t want him anymore.

Beth did not say anything about his choice to keep his shirt on but he knew she noticed when her arm brushed his accidentally.

‘Thanks. For letting me stay here.’ She said finally, after such a long silence that Daryl was sure she was asleep.

‘’S alright.’ He muttered, shifting a little to look at her silhouette. He could just make out the sapphires of her eyes, disappearing every few seconds as she blinked sleepily.

‘Goodnight, Daryl.’ She yawned, curling up inside herself, knees pressing lightly against his legs.

Daryl turned to look at the dark ceiling again, feeling the familiar pull of exhaustion tugging at his eyelids. There was something about the night like this, when the darkness felt like a physical presence, when it felt like there was no one else in the world awake, that worked to slow his racing thoughts, that told him it was okay to rest. Screw everything else other than Beth’s steady breathing beside him. He would worry about whatever else there was in the world tomorrow, when the sun inevitably came up and Beth inevitably left.

‘Night, Beth.’


	6. When The Party's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth makes a drunken confession to Daryl after Merle drags them to a house party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, i've been away for a few days, but hopefully this one makes up for it! leave a comment if you liked it <3

For the first time in a while, Beth slept completely through the night. Ever since moving into her dorm, she’d been a victim of a lumpy mattress and Sarah’s night-time adventures that usually kept her awake or woke her up in the early hours of the morning to unlock the door. Daryl’s bed though, in the complete quiet, surrounded by warm sheets and a soft mattress and alright, the beating heart of someone else next to her, had lulled Beth to sleep almost immediately after they’d said goodnight. She didn’t dream but she didn’t wake up during the night either, and when she finally opened her eyes in the morning, it was to blink at the sun in annoyance. And it was only after she’d realised she was not in her dorm that she felt the warm press of Daryl’s body behind her, his arm hanging loosely over her waist, edges curving along hers. Beth, heart hammering far too fast for this early in the day, cleared her throat and shifted against him, praying things wouldn’t be weird between them when he woke up. She recalled feeling his body against hers sometime during the night, when she’d been in a light enough sleep to be aware that he had pulled her closer, that she had curled up into him.

Now, Daryl’s fingers twitched against her and then he was moving, arm retracting quickly and clearing his throat as she turned to look at him shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight. His bare legs had been against hers but they weren’t touching any longer, back to his side of the bed.

‘Morning.’ Beth said, pushing her hair out of her face.

‘Mornin’.’ Daryl’s voice was incredible when he woke up – husky and rough but still somehow coated with molasses, knotting Beth’s stomach as he adjusted himself, sitting up against the wall that doubled as his headboard. Beth followed suit, pulling his shirt back over her shoulders where it had slipped off. In the day his room looked bigger, with a few discarded clothes on the floor and a small wardrobe at the end, a lamp in the corner and a set of dressers with a pack of cigarettes on them.

‘Sleep alright?’

Beth nodded, meeting his eye with a grin. He had one eye still closed in the face of the beaming sun, bringing his arms out of the covers to shield his face.

‘You?’ Beth asked, more for something to say that could fill the silence she desperately hoped wouldn’t be awkward. They were having sex – they had sex twice last night – and yet falling asleep next to each other was the thing she felt most unsure about. She thought of how she’d been shaking like a leaf the night before when she’d sat in front of him on his kitchen bench and spread her legs apart, wet pussy wanting and waiting for him. When she’d told Daryl she wanted him, her voice small but determined, she hadn’t let herself say anymore than that, instead swallowing the words that were threatening to spill out about how she wanted all of him, not just this. She’d never been so bold in her life, doing something like that usually required the kind of confidence she didn’t have, but she’d done it anyway, because she wanted him. Because she needed him.

Beth thought of Maggie’s call later that night, of the way Daryl’s eyes grew focussed on her sister’s voice when she’d teased Beth about him. Each time Maggie asked to know about this mystery guy she was sleeping with Beth automatically refused to divulge information. At the beginning, part of the reason was because she did not want her sister worrying over her or judging Daryl too harshly, but now it was something else. Now it was because she wanted to keep Daryl – this thing they were, whatever it was – all to herself. She wasn’t stupid enough to think this would last – at the very least, Daryl would probably tire of her eventually, would probably begin to take her less seriously if he knew what she was feeling for him. It had started out as a crush, it really had, but then she had known what it was like to touch Daryl and to be touched by him, and all of a sudden things weren’t so whimsical. It was his reaction she’d been searching for after she’d sang at Martinez’, it was his eyes she sought out whenever she walked into the bar.

_Just don’t fall in love with me or nothin’._

Daryl’s words played on a loop in her head each time she thought of how deep her feelings for him ran. She hadn’t expected him to even agree to having sex with her, half-expected him to brush her off as though it was the stupidest idea he’d heard because he would never think of her like that. Because they were friends. But then they’d had sex, and they kept having sex. Because they weren’t just friends. But Daryl did not want her to fall in love with him and she did not want to, did not plan to, did not even know what she’d call this heavy feeling in her chest when she thought of him and all the things they could have. But it didn’t matter, because she had offered him just sex in the first place. Was it so hard to believe that he would only want that if she’d been the one to clarify there’d be no strings attached?

Beth knew she shouldn’t read into things, shouldn’t think about how Daryl only ever smiled at her, of how he’d looked at her after she’d sang at Martinez’, of how his voice had shook when she’d told him that he was her best friend and he’d said the same back. It was Daryl, it was familiar until it wasn’t, and she was still trying to find her way back to some kind of map or sign that would point her back into the right direction. Scattered. That’s what she was. And thinking about how Daryl looked when he woke, how his coarse voice reverberated though her and how the sunlight turned his eyes the colour of the sea in winter, was not going to make pushing away her feelings for him any easier.

‘Yeah.’ Daryl muttered in response to the question Beth had already forgot she asked. She caught sight of his hands and the dark red and purple bruising littered over his knuckles.

‘They sore?’

Daryl shook his head at her, hands falling against the thin sheets that covered his groin and that weren’t doing anything to disguise his hard cock, a lump that Beth had felt when she’d awoke, pressing between the curve of her ass. She still wasn’t wearing underwear and could feel a warmth between her legs, an automatic response to Daryl, to his body, to his dick against her. Cursing herself for not being able to control how badly she wanted him all the time, for how much the thought of him getting his knuckles bloodied for her made her weak in the knees, she turned away, reaching over to check the time. Luckily she didn’t have classes that day, but she did still have a whole lot of studying to do. She wasn’t exactly looking for a reason to go, but Daryl started work in a few hours, and she knew that if the only thing pulling her away were her assignments, she’d probably stay in his bed all day.

‘I should go.’ Beth muttered finally, turning back to Daryl, who was already getting out of bed, tugging on a pair of pants hurriedly. He nodded at her, diving into a draw before pulling out a pair of shorts and underwear, throwing them across the room to her.

‘Ain’t plannin’ on goin’ commando, are you?’ He asked through a tiny smirk, hair falling across his eyes.

‘Thanks.’ Beth fumbled with the clothes in surprise, turning away awkwardly to pull his underwear on. They were plain white with a thin waistband and they were too big on her, but they at least seemed to be absorbing some of the moisture between her legs. His shorts fit her even more poorly, but she tightened the drawstrings as best she could and they did not fall.

Beth stumbled out of Daryl’s bedroom, breathing in deeply when she entered the kitchen area as though the air was different there. She retrieved her now dry but still dirty clothes from last night, bundling them up and shoving them into her bag. Daryl was waiting for her by the door, leaning against it easily with his arms crossed over his chest.

‘Guess I’ll see you later?’ Beth asked, pulling her bag over her shoulder and struggling a little with the weight.

Daryl nodded, chewing on his lip. ‘Yeah.’

Beth wanted to say something else, but anything that came to her seemed unimportant. What would thanking him again for the night before do, when she was so far past the invisible line they’d drawn? How much difference could it make really, to bother with the façade that she only wanted him as a friend, when it seemed so glaringly obvious that she was surprised he hadn’t thrust her out the door the moment they’d woken up. She’d admitted to him last night that she was glad she hadn’t killed herself because she had met him, how much more obvious did she want to be? Misgivings running through her mind, Beth averted her eyes from his piercing blue stare and, with a small smile that she didn’t wait to see if he returned, spun on her heel and made her way down the hall. Beth didn’t look back but she felt his eyes on her as though he was drawn by a magnet, zoning in somewhere in her centre and seeing things he ought not to be.

* * *

For the next week and a half, Beth was so busy with assignments that she seriously considered dropping out and moving back to the farm just so she’d be able to get a decent sleep in without worrying over the countless alarms she snoozed each morning in favour of five more minutes of precious sleep. In between her rush of work there was Glenn, offering to help and coming to Martinez’ after his shifts to build on ideas with her or test her on music theory. There was Maggie, still calling to check in every few days and providing an easy reassurance that she was always there for her, and there was Shawn, who called her one Wednesday in the middle of class to tell her he brought a pet pig for his roommate as a graduation present, and while it wasn’t necessarily helpful, it did make Beth laugh. And then there was Daryl. Since Beth had stayed over that night, something had changed between them, but it wasn’t something either of them was likely to admit. Still, it was there, in each little smirk exchanged and each lingering stare. Although technically Beth wasn’t still in the state of sexual frustration that had started all of this, they were still having sex. They didn’t talk about it so much day-to-day, especially not when she was at Martinez’ and he was behind the bar, slacking off in favour of talking to her and risking trouble by ignoring customers. But most nights Beth would stay back as Daryl cleaned up, and he’d lock the door and turn the music off and then they’d find each other, sometimes in the stock room, or back on the bar top, or in the side alley behind the building. Each time it was the same; that raw, animalistic need that overtook them, that made Daryl growl against her skin and then whimper into it a second later. It was good, it was so good that it almost didn’t feel real that it could keep going on like this. Beth had never felt this strongly about sex but now that she knew just what it could feel like all the time, she dreaded the day their agreement would end, when he’d no doubt realise she was too young for him, or he was bored of her. But it hadn’t happened yet, and far be it for Beth to bring it up. She would have him like this as long as she could, if she could not have him any other way.

Beth had just finished her last assignment in the early hours of a Saturday morning, head in her hands, asleep on the tiny desk in her dorm, when her vibrating phone startled her awake. Blinking her tired eyes and realising she’d slept through most of the morning, she groggily answered it, rubbing a hand across her face, before realising it was just the alarm she’d set the previous night.

Shaking her head at her own exhaustion, Beth dragged herself out of her dorm and into the shower, grateful that she did not have any assignments as of right now at least. The worst of the semester was done, and she could spend the rest of her time at college before Christmas a little more relaxed.

She went to Martinez’, this time without the heavy bag of books weighing her down and with a decidedly lighter outlook on the day as she realised she had absolutely nothing to do. When she swung the door open, tinkling bell signalling her arrival, her eyes landed on her usual spot at the bar to find Merle there, talking to his brother. Daryl was wiping down a glass with a dishrag, head bent low. He hadn’t seen her yet and Beth took the chance to let her eyes roam over the swell of his bare arms as he worked, his thick fingers that gripped the glass with a strange delicacy that she knew he reserved for her skin most nights.

‘There she is.’ Merle’s voice broke through her trance, and Beth cleared her throat as she tore her eyes away from Daryl and looked to his brother.

‘Here I am.’ Beth grinned, throwing herself onto the stool next to him. ‘You’re in my spot.’

Merle chortled, glancing to Daryl with raised brows. ‘Bossy little thing, ain’t she?’

Beth shook her head at him, small smile still on her face as Daryl poured her a drink. Nothing was going to ruin her growing good mood that day, even Daryl’s infuriating older brother.

‘Glenn here?’

Daryl shook his head. ‘Got called in to work.’

‘Which is too bad for him.’ Merle said, swivelling around on his stool to face Beth, leaning back leisurely. She recognised his look – a little amused, a little unpredictable – the same look she’d seen in Daryl’s eyes, although when it was coming from Merle, she was decidedly less comforted by it.

‘Don’t you have somewhere to be? Running from the Sheriff or stealing candy from babies?’

Merle let out a bark of laughter, sinking the rest of his beer. He and Beth usually had an easy banter that was not altogether friendly, most times born out of enough annoyance that it turned to a strange kind of admiration of the other. Sure, Merle was a piece of work and a terrible brother to Daryl most of the time, but Daryl, even if he didn’t admit it, liked having him around and Beth liked that he liked that. She and Glenn had decided some time ago that they’d grudgingly put up with him for Daryl’s sake.

‘Speakin’ of the Sheriff,’ Merle went on smoothly, eyeing his brother meaningfully before turning back to Beth, ‘heard he knows your daddy.’

Beth raised an eyebrow, lips quirking into a line. ‘Yeah, they’re close. Oh, please don’t tell me you want me to put in a good word for you –’

‘Blondie, the day that I start sucking up the Sheriff’s ass is the day me and you start bumpin’ uglies.’

Beth scrunched her nose, throwing a stray napkin at Merle’s head. ‘Trust me, not even then.’

Daryl shook his head at his brother, smirking a little at Beth’s response. She felt a thrill in her chest at that but tried to school her features into a neutral expression as Merle glanced between them both, an irritatingly knowing expression that she had seen far too many times on Glenn’s face.

‘Wonder what your daddy would have to say ‘bout you hangin’ ‘round with a couple’o Dixons.’

Now, Beth felt her heart pounding a little more as a rush of apprehension grew in her chest at Merle’s words. Here, it was easy to just do what she wanted when she wanted. It was easy to be with Daryl, without fear of judgement and without worrying over how her father, Maggie or Shawn would react. Even the Sheriff, who Beth knew well, would probably have a few things to say if he knew what she and Daryl had been up to. Not that it was anyone else’s business. And not that there was anything wrong with it. Irritated that she’d let Merle under her skin, she turned back to him, annoyance undisguised.

‘He’d probably ask why the hell I didn’t call the Sheriff and have you arrested sooner.’

‘Can’t pin nothin’ on me, darlin’.’ Merle replied easily, grinning at her look of frustration.

It wasn’t a secret that Daryl’s brother had been dealing and taking drugs his whole life, but somehow, the slippery bastard just had gotten luckier and luckier as the years went on, and the last she’d heard, he hadn’t been arrested in years. Silently thinking a lot of that had to do with Daryl looking out for him, she gritted her teeth but didn’t reply, swirling her straw as ice clinked around her glass.

‘Besides, if I was arrested, who’d be here to tell you ‘bout the party I’m havin’ tonight?’

Beth looked up to exchange a raised eyebrow with Daryl. He shook his head, leaning against the bar top and glaring at his brother, voice rough.

‘Y’ever think maybe college girls don’t wanna get lit in junkie dens?’

Merle scoffed. ‘Ain’t never met a college girl that didn’t wanna get lit, junkie den or not. But don’t worry, baby brother. Blondie here’s the only college girl gettin’ an invite.’ He winked at Beth as though this should somehow make her feel special instead of feeling as though she needed another shower.

‘I’ll pass.’

Daryl’s lips twisted into a smirk as he turned to serve a customer waving an empty glass at him.

‘C’mon, live a little.’ Merle nudged her, successfully jolting her body enough that blackcurrant soda spilled over the lip of her glass and onto the bar. She glared at him.

‘Daryl’s comin’.’ Merle teased unapologetically and Beth, feeling her stomach do a nervous flip, walked around the bar to retrieve a bunch of paper towels from one of the cupboards. Technically, she shouldn’t be doing this, but Martinez was used to her enough that he didn’t even bat an eye from where he sat, pouring over finance reports in the corner. Pete was far too busy to even notice her, but she knew if he did he’d just roll his eyes in exasperation and ask her to put the paper towel back where she found it when she was done. How she knew her way so well around the bar she could only put down to nights spent tangled up with Daryl behind it.

‘Yeah, right. What makes you think that would convince me, anyway?’ Beth asked, knowing she was falling right into a trap.

Merle wiggled his brows, now reaching over to grab another beer from behind the counter, chortling when Beth smacked his hand away.

‘C’mon, blondie, we both know he’s sweet on you. And I know you two been fuckin’.’

Beth hastily wiped away the sticky soda that had spilled, determined not to look up, feeling her heart jump into her mouth at Merle’s words. Sweet on her. She took everything Merle said with a grain of salt, but even a spoon of it couldn’t stop her foolish hope that maybe he was right. Daryl was finishing up with the customer to her left, and she didn’t think that she could be trusted to stand in such a close proximity to him when Merle was determined to antagonise them.

‘He tell you that?’ Beth answered, making sure her voice sounded more incredulous than interested.

‘He don’t need to. Anyone with a workin’ pair of eyes can see how hard his prick gets everytime you walk into the room.’

Beth’s mouth grew dry but before she got the chance to retort, Daryl was back. Beth quickly binned the wet napkins and slid back into her stool, taking care not to accidentally brush past Daryl on the way out in case Merle was searching for a bodily reaction from her that he could use against them.

‘So.’ The older man announced, clapping his hands together as though he hadn’t just pointed out his brother’s apparently obvious feelings for her. ‘You’ll both be there tonight?’

‘Told you, I ain’t goin’.’ Daryl grunted, crossing his arms. The bar was steadily growing busier, people piling through the narrow entrance and the bell ringing incessantly, but Daryl left them for Pete to deal with.

Beth laughed, grateful for the distraction. ‘See?’

‘Come on, what the hell else you two got to be doin’ on a Saturday night?’

Unbidden, thoughts of Daryl’s hands running along her spine, hair sticking to sweaty skin and fingers playing with her until she came apart flooded Beth’s mind.

‘Don’t answer that.’ Merle said gruffly. ‘Come on, I promised Andrea you two’d be there.’

Beth raised her eyebrows. ‘Andrea’s going?’

Merle nodded, sensing that this was a piece of information he could exploit. ‘Live a little, blondie. Thought college was killin’ you? Time to have a bit of fun, I think.’

Despite herself and everything she knew about Merle and the kind of people he hung around with, Beth knew that he was right about this. Although parties were never really her thing, her new-found freedom from assignments was not something she was about to take lightly, knowing that after Christmas she would be back stuck in the same harsh routine of college. What could one little party hurt, anyway?

‘Alright.’ Beth said finally, allowing a small smile at Merle’s whoop. ‘But I’m not staying long.’

‘There you go.’ Merle beamed, taking a napkin and scribbling out an address, sliding it to Beth. He pushed off from the bar, pointing to his brother. ‘You’re missin’ out, boy.’

Beth half expected Daryl to keep up his indifference but when she turned to him he was watching her with a mild look of exasperation, shaking his head ruefully.

‘I’m comin’.’

Merle paused on his way to the door, a look of glee spreading over his face. ‘That’s more like it. You can tell that Chinaman who’s always here to come, too.’

‘He’s Korean.’ Beth and Daryl answered automatically, but Merle waved them off.

‘Whatever.’ He winked at Beth once more before turning to go, leaving the two of them to think of the night ahead.

‘Thought you hated those things your brother goes to.’ Beth mused after a moment, sipping her soda. Daryl shrugged, pulling out another rack of clean glasses from the dishwasher and stacking them on a shelf.

‘Yeah, well, I ain’t lettin’ you go alone. Ain’t seen half of the sorry sons of bitches who he hangs ‘round. Make you wish you were back here bein’ hit on by some dumb college kid.’

Beth felt a warmth spreading in her chest at his stubborn protectiveness of her. His voice was harsh and unassuming, but she thought she could hear some of the sweetness behind it that Merle had pointed out.

‘Yeah, right.’ She replied lightly, leaning against her elbows on the bar top, determined to act as though Merle hadn’t said anything. ‘Just admit you’re jealous and we can move on with our day.’

Daryl snorted but his amusement seemed to die when he met her eyes. As his lips parted to say something, Pete hollered for him at the other end of the bar. Daryl’s eyes darted away from her, and Beth swallowed hard, waving him off when he jerked his head to her apologetically. After a few minutes of sitting idly, Beth realised the swell of customers that were lining up for drinks ensured that Daryl would stay busy for the next few hours until he got off. Thinking it strange that for once, she didn’t have anywhere to be, she called Glenn and begged him to come to the party until he caved, giving him the address and promising that she owed him if it turned out to be terrible.

Beth grabbed her bag and made her way out of the bar, pausing in front of Daryl, who was in the middle of pouring a beer out.

‘I’ll come back later.’

Daryl looked up, grunting in response, sliding the drink to a customer and holding out the card machine for them to pay, eyes on her. ‘Get off at seven.’

‘See you then.’

Daryl nodded, attention tugged away from her by another patron and Beth slid out of the bar quietly. With the next few hours free, she found herself walking aimlessly back to her dorm, unsure of what to do with herself. She’d had little free time in the last few months that wasn’t shadowed by a growing pile of assignments, the only real time she forgot about them being the time she spent alone with Daryl, laughing and talking and fucking. If she were at the farm, she’d take her horse for a ride, or ask if her father needed anything from town. This time last year, her mother was still alive. This time last year, she might have been playing piano in a sunlit room or learning how to make apple pie alongside her. Beth felt a strange distance from the person she’d been then, the person that had never known true loss and had never gotten through it. The only thing that had remained was her love of music, the only thing she felt that was really left of her mother. Relieved to see her dorm was empty, Beth sank onto her bed and pulled out her guitar from under it, fingers playing across the dusty strings and finally allowing herself to revisit times when her mother was right next to her, instructing her fingers and offering helpful input. She thought she’d been alone since then, but she wasn’t now, how could she be, when each time she messed up a lyric or got stuck on a chord she could feel her mother there, laughing or shaking her head at her. Beth played for the rest of the afternoon, sitting in the fractured sunlight spilling through the blinds, beaded bracelets rattling as she took them off for the first time in a long time, scarred wrist brushing the strings and sending waves of comfort up her spine instead of sorrow.

When Beth checked her phone next, she was startled to see it was almost seven. Jumping up, she quickly grabbed her bracelets, got changed and ran a hand through her messy hair, cursing the heat for making it curl. She swiped a mascara wand across her lashes and put a little lip gloss on before shoving her dorm key into her bag and leaving. It was still warm out but the air was growing cooler as the sun went down, disappearing behind tall trees. She arrived at Martinez’ fifteen minutes later, a little out of breath from her brisk walk there. Daryl was outside the entrance, leaning against the brick wall with a cigarette dangling from his lips. He took a long drag as he spotted her, blowing smoke out of the corner of his mouth, straightening up. He was still in his clothes from earlier, but out here his black sleeveless shirt looked even darker, at odds with his tanned skin in the natural light.

‘You’re late, Greene.’

Beth flashed him an apologetic grin and followed him to the back alley where his motorbike was waiting. His hair fell across his eyes as he bent to pull the kickstand out, twirling his keys in his fingers as he mounted his bike. Thoughts of what had happened the last time he had offered her a ride played through Beth’s mind and something about the way Daryl cleared his throat, adjusting himself as she slid in behind him, made her think he, too, was remembering.

‘Hold tight.’ Daryl muttered over the roar of the engine and Beth slid her arms across his chest, linking them together over his heart. His familiar scent was dizzying and she was glad she was holding onto him because the sudden speed they were gathering was distracting enough without his feel under her sending her off course. It was more dark than light outside now, street lights flickering on around them as they sped through busy streets.

Ten minutes later, they’d reached the address Merle had given them. Daryl pulled them around the side of the small house, dismounting and offering Beth a hand. She took it, sparks shooting through her fingers as she righted herself on unsteady feet. There were a few coloured lights shining through the windows of the house but it was dark all around them, breeze whispering through trees and pulling leaves off the ground to swirl in circles. 

‘Still not used to that.’ Beth muttered, nodding to the motorcycle.

Daryl huffed, quirking an eyebrow and leading the way to the front door. ‘Couple more times, you’ll get the hang of it.’

Beth grinned. ‘So you know these guys?’

Daryl shook his head as he reached a hand out to test the door. Unlocked, it creaked open easily and the low thrum of music that had been audible already grew louder. It wasn’t music Beth listened to but she didn’t mind it for once, relieved that it sounded nothing like anything she could link to college.

‘Just – stay close. Ain’t sayin’ they’re bad, but if they’re anythin’ like the degenerates I grew up with, don’t want you strayin’ off by yourself.’

Beth nodded, not having the capacity to feel worried with Daryl by her side. ‘Yes, Mr. Dixon.’

Daryl raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head, the ghost of a smile playing across his face as he led the way in. The short hallway led the way into a badly-lit kitchen, where purple and yellow lights splashed around in flashes. A crowd of people were rowdily chatting away in a corner, more by the door that led outside. As they entered, Beth caught sight of two people making out in the opposite room, door wide open and half-naked already. So it was that kind of party.

‘There y’all are, ‘s ‘bout time.’ Merle’s familiar voice drew Beth’s attention away and she nearly slammed into Daryl as he came to an abrupt stop in front of her. Peering around him, Beth took in the few people – mostly men – who’d turned their heads at their arrival and were looking at them with interest, some with bloodshot eyes and some already gone from alcohol alone. Beside Merle was a woman Beth recognised immediately.

‘Andrea!’ Beth smiled as Maggie’s friend spotted her, allowing her to pull her into a hug. She hadn’t seen her since Maggie graduated but she looked much the same; blonde hair tied back behind her head and the same intelligent air around her that made Beth question at once what on earth she was doing with Merle Dixon in a place like this. The same could be said about Beth, though, so she didn’t make a comment on it.

Before she even got the chance to ask how Andrea was doing, another voice was cutting through the roar of music and then Beth’s eyes had landed on the figure behind them.

‘What are you doing here?’ Maggie’s voice was full of shock, concern chasing itself across her face as she placed the beer in her hand on the table beside them, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘Maggie?’ Beth asked in disbelief. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were coming down?’ She allowed her sister to pull her into a confused but happy hug, not missing the way Daryl stiffened beside them. They broke apart, Maggie’s eyes trailing over Beth before raking across Daryl behind her.

‘I told you I’d be down this weekend, remember? Didn’t think you’d be here.’

Merle chortled beside them, sliding a hand around Andrea’s waist and pulling her in close. Beth didn’t miss the vague dislike crossing Maggie’s face and honestly, couldn’t blame her for it, but felt a strange desire to defend Merle against his sister’s judgement. Not that he didn’t deserve it and not that he probably didn’t deserve worse, but if Maggie didn’t like Merle, she knew she already would have her mind made up about his brother. And it shouldn’t matter, what Maggie thought of Daryl, if she liked him or approved of him as a friend for her sister let alone someone she was hooking up with, but it did. It mattered to Beth and she hated that it did.

‘C’mon, darlin’, let’s get you another drink, leave these three to get acquainted.’ Merle muttered into Andrea’s ear, shooting his brother an amused look that Daryl didn’t return. They shuffled off, Andrea waving to them and ensuring she’d catch up later in the night. Maggie untangled her arms, picking her beer back up and slowly taking a sip.

‘You must be Daryl.’ She said finally, tilting her head as though sizing him up. Beth was met with the same irrational desire to protect Daryl against her sister’s judgement, but she knew she could do nothing now.

Daryl nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. ‘Heard a lot ‘bout you from Beth.’ He offered, voice a little smoother than the roughness Beth was used to. Somewhere deep down, Beth knew he was trying to adjust his posture, make his voice less intimidating, make him seem the completely opposite of his brother, and her heart swelled at the thought of him caring what Maggie thought of him, or caring about her enough to want to look like someone who deserved to be around her.

‘Really?’ Maggie asked interestedly, eyes surveying Daryl still. Beth prayed she didn’t recall how she had described the guy she’d been having sex with, but her sister, as usual, was impossible to read. ‘You’re Merle’s brother?’

Daryl nodded.

‘Dixon, huh?’ Maggie raised her eyebrows, looking now to Beth. ‘The one who works at Martinez’?’

‘Yeah. Daryl’s always there when I go to study, I’ve got another friend who’s meant to be coming too –’ Beth looked around desperately as though Glenn would appear in thin air and offer a solution to the awkwardness that had arisen.

‘Do you and Daryl usually go places together?’ Maggie asked, leaning back on her heels now, coloured lighting splashing over her face. Behind them, someone had changed the song to something even louder and angrier, and the ear-splitting bass only worked to intensify Beth’s feeling of dread.

‘Merle dragged us along.’ She said, trying to appear impassive. ‘What are you doing here, anyway, thought you hated parties like this?’

Maggie shrugged. ‘Andrea dragged me along, seemed to be under the impression she wasn’t going to know anyone here.’

Beth looked around the room for Merle, cursing him silently that he’d lied to them just to get them there and place them in this situation. She didn’t think he really wanted to ruin anything, but still, she knew enough from Daryl to know that his brother thrived off conflict. When she finally accepted he and Andrea had probably disappeared into one of the dark rooms, she turned back to Maggie.

‘You friends with a lot of college girls?’ Her sister’s tone was light but her eyes were hard on Daryl, who narrowed his eyes at her insinuation.

‘Maggie!’ Beth scolded her sister in disbelief, silently feeling that Maggie and Daryl had the same stubbornness and if they got into a heated conversation about Beth, it would not end well.

‘Where’s that guy you’ve been seeing?’

Beth’s heart hammered so loudly she was surprised neither Daryl nor Maggie could hear it over the music. ‘Uh . . . he’s busy.’

‘What’s his name again?’

‘Zach.’ Beth replied automatically and beside her, Daryl snorted.

This noise did not get drowned out with the sound of the music and Maggie’s eyes narrowed, looking between the two of them, something like enlightenment crossing her face that Beth didn’t like. ‘So you two are what . . . friends?’

‘Yep.’ Beth replied quickly, digging her elbow into Daryl’s side. ‘Friends.’

There is was again, that word that she never should have said to begin with, that word that couldn’t even begin to encompass all that Daryl was to her.

‘Right.’ Maggie said, clearly unconvinced. Her eyes flashed to Daryl once again, taking in his close proximity to her sister and suddenly Beth was reminded of the way Maggie had scared her first boyfriend, Jimmy, out of his skin when she’d caught them kissing in the barn. Sensing that Daryl was about to get one of Maggie’s infamous don’t-touch-my-little-sister-if-you-know-what’s-good-for-you speeches, Beth looked around wildly for a distraction and nearly laughed aloud in relief when her eyes landed on Glenn, making his way into the the room, looking infinitely out of his depth. Beth leapt forward and grabbed him by the shirt, barely allowing him enough time to greet her in surprise before she shoved him in front of Maggie, a stream of words coming from her mouth in a ridiculous attempt to take the attention off her and Daryl.

‘Maggie, this is my friend Glenn, Glenn this is my sister Maggie, Maggie – Glenn’s the pizza delivery guy I’ve been telling you about –’

Daryl nudged her lightly and Beth closed her mouth as Glenn smiled awkwardly at Maggie, offering a weak wave, befuddled look fading. Maggie’s eyes had flicked from Daryl to Glenn, and somehow, they stayed on Glenn.

‘Hey. I’m Maggie.’

Beth, hardly daring to believe her luck, grabbed Daryl’s hand and dragged him away slowly, hearing her sister’s laugh as Glenn made a comment she didn’t catch. His rough fingers closed around hers as she led him out of the kitchen and down the hallway, out the other end that led to the backdoor. Once they’d successfully entered the backyard, Beth let out a relieved breath and turned to Daryl, letting his fingers slip out of hers, hoping her face wasn’t burning too much at his touch.

‘Sorry about that.’ She cringed, tilting her head to the house. Coloured lights were making their way out the open window beside them and staining Daryl’s face pink and blue, intensifying the colour of his eyes and doing nothing at all to stop Beth from staring.

‘’S alright.’ Daryl muttered, watching her evenly through heavy eyes. ‘I sure as fuck don’t look like someone you should be hangin’ ‘round with. Don’t blame her.’

‘You’re my best friend. She’s just gonna have to get used to having you around.’ Beth insisted, feeling her heart skip as Daryl’s expression changed, eyes widening. What she wanted to say was that he was so much more than just her best friend, that Maggie would just have to get used to Beth having him around because she did not want to imagine her life without him again. But she didn’t. She cleared her throat and tore her eyes away, focussing on the group of people near them, exchanging a joint and clinking bottles together. ‘She’s just worried about me. Since last year.’ She fingered her bracelets absently. Daryl’s heavy gaze landed on her wrist and she felt a dull thrill that he knew, a small shock that she didn’t have to hide this from him. He knew more about her than she’d even intended him to. He knew her as well as she knew herself.

‘But she can’t keep treating me like I can’t make decisions for myself. I mean, who cares if we’re sleeping together anyway?’ She went on in a hurry, determined not to meet his gaze, feeling the last few weeks of confusion muddling up her brain. It was a last-ditch attempt to ensure that she could keep Daryl around and not have him worry about whether there was something to worry about. If Maggie seemed concerned for her sister, Beth just had to convince Daryl that there was nothing to be concerned about. That this did not mean whatever her sister suspected. Even if it did. ‘Its not like we’re in love or anything, right?’

Daryl’s eyes held her stare as his teeth worked at the inside of his cheek. There was a loud silence between them, before Daryl tore his eyes away from her and cleared his throat, voice rough. ‘Yeah.’

There it was. She’d been right to reassure him that there was nothing more to worry about because there was nothing more between them. Fighting her bitter disappointment and the weight that was falling onto her chest at the stark fact that this wasn’t just sex, that she might well be in love with him, Beth turned away, feeling as though he would see right through her façade.

Quickly coming to the conclusion that she could not handle this night sober, not if it was peppered with Maggie’s big-sister intuition or Daryl’s burning gazes that made her long for him much more than she should, she glanced over the garden, eyes landing on something that would do just fine.

After one quick look over the huddled group and determining that they were all too drunk or high to pay any attention, Beth reached over easily and picked up a bottle filled with amber liquid.

Daryl was silent as he followed her around the corner, behind the side gate and into the front yard. It was empty here and they were hidden away by the towering beech tree. The only light came from the distant yellow of the street lights and the silvery tint of the moon as clouds moved across it.

Beth unscrewed the cap quickly, watching the sky as she took a deep sip. It burned on the way down but she welcomed the feeling, her eyes prickling with tears that weren’t altogether only from the alcohol.

‘Beth –’ Daryl started, voice surprisingly gentle, and all Beth could think of was how her mother’s voice had sounded right before she told them all that she was dying. But if he was about to tell her how maybe they shouldn’t be doing this anymore, how maybe it was not a good idea and how he no longer wanted her like this, she could not bear to hear it. His words died in his throat as she thrust the bottle towards him, reading her mood.

‘Y’alright?’ Daryl’s voice was lower than before, as though he didn’t want anything further than the leaves surrounding them hearing him.

Beth nodded, swiping the bottle back and taking a longer sip, already feeling her head spinning a little.

‘Startin’ to think I’m a bad influence on you.’ He grunted after a minute, pulling the bottle from her hands and raising it to his lips.

Despite her misgivings, Beth felt a small smile creeping onto her face. It was Daryl, after all, and he knew how to pull smiles out of her deepest depths. She could do this. She could pretend a little while longer.

‘Yeah, you’ve corrupted me good, Dixon. Maybe Maggie was right after all.’

Daryl scoffed, leaning back against the thick tree trunk, head tilted up to the sky. Beth knew that if she looked at him, she’d see the stars and the moon and every distant planet reflected in his eyes, so she didn’t look. He was the only person who could hold the sky inside himself, he was the only person that was a whole world. Maybe she was just caught in his orbit, destined to spin around him until she got too dizzy to know the difference between home and him. Maybe they were the same thing.

‘Goin’ home for Christmas?’ Daryl asked a few minutes later, voice low. They’d been swapping the bottle back and forth and it was considerably lighter than before. Beth had had the most of it, now playing with the neck, twirling it around her fingers. She nodded.

‘You?’

Daryl grunted, sprawling back to get comfier as he put a hand behind his head. ‘Might as well already be there.’

Beth caught his meaning as his narrow eyes raked over the house. Daryl never spoke to her about his childhood, or the place he’d grown up in. She’d gathered enough from Merle that their upbringing had not been a happy one, but knowing Daryl had infinite walls up, she had never wanted to push him. Now though, under the bright moonlight and in the still of the garden, he was offering her a tiny piece of information, a little bit more of himself.

‘You grow up here?’

‘Somewhere like this. Junkies, assholes my brother hung ‘round with. My father.’

Beth watched as Daryl fumbled for the alcohol again, taking a long swig, cringing a little. It could have been from the taste but Beth knew him too well to think that, his mouth twitching as though he wanted to say more.

‘What was it like?’ She waited patiently.

Daryl did not look at her, just closed his eyes slowly, as though it helped to talk about this aloud if he couldn’t see her. ‘Never got nothin’ from Santa Clause.’

Beth felt her heart ache at his forced indifference. Behind his gruff façade, she could see him as he still was – broken, haunted by things in the past he could not control. For the first time, she felt a strange guilt about the farm, about how happy her childhood had been and how filled with love.

‘Don’t matter, anyway.’ Daryl declared after a minute, pushing himself up and finishing the rest of the whiskey. His fingers shook as he tossed the bottle away, watching it roll into a bush nearby. ‘Used to it, things bein’ ugly. Growin’ up in a place like this.’

‘But you got away from it.’ Beth said quietly, her chest tightening with sorrow for him.

Daryl shook his head, letting out a small puff like a laugh. ‘I didn’t.’

‘You did.’ She said, voice a little stronger now. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that Daryl Dixon was not his past and he was not his brother or his father. He’d built a whole life for himself that was far away from either of them, and just because he found himself at some junkie’s den getting drunk with people like those he’d grown up around, it did not mean he had stayed in the same place.

‘You were like me. You changed.’ Beth said slowly, and the moon and the stars and the whole goddamn galaxy could hear her for all she cared if it meant that Daryl could, too. ‘You gotta stay who you are. Not who you were.’

Daryl was silent for a moment and then he finally tilted his head around to look at her. His eyes were bright in the darkness, mouth pressed into a hard line as he considered her words.

‘What if you can’t?’

Beth thought of how she’d been suffocating the last year without her mother, of how she’d desperately tried to find that girl she’d been, the one that had died with her.

‘You have to. Or it kills you. Here.’ She reached her hand out and placed it against Daryl’s solid chest. Her palm found his heartbeat and she held it there as his eyes darted between hers. He nodded after a moment, eyelids heavy as he watched her. The beginnings of a smile were working at her lips and, suddenly aware that she was still touching him, Beth dropped her hand and shimmied closer to him, leaning her back against the tree trunk next to him.

‘We should go inside.’ Daryl muttered after a while. ‘Probably lookin’ for us.’

Beth kept her eyes trained on the stars, feeling that enough of the whiskey had gotten to her head that she no longer cared what Maggie was thinking of her and Daryl, or the fact that her sister was somewhere inside at all.

‘Probably.’ Beth agreed, but Daryl didn’t make a move to get up and neither did she.

‘Been writin’?’ He asked, tonguing his cheek as he glanced at her. The weight of their previous conversation was being shed, and Beth felt a sudden warmth at his interest.

‘A bit.’

‘Fixed that jukebox up, last night.’

It took Beth a while to understand what he meant. Then she remembered, feeling as though it was far longer ago than it had been, running her hands along the dusty machine regretfully, thinking of her mother. He’d apologised to her that it didn’t work that night, but she never thought he would have remembered that conversation.

‘You did?’

Daryl shrugged as though it was nothing and Beth’s heart swelled. ‘Ain’t sure it works, might have to test it out sometime –’

‘Oh, so this is just all part of your plan to get me to sing for you again, huh?’ Beth laughed, pushing her hair from her face.

Daryl smirked. ‘You ain’t sang for me in the first place, Greene.’

‘Sure I did.’

‘Whole bar full of people. Don’t count.’

Beth blew out a breath, shaking her head at him. ‘Right, cause you gotta know if I’m any good before we make that road trip to Memphis, right?’

She half-expected Daryl not to remember that either, but at her words, his eyes grew a little brighter, his smile a little wider. For as many times as she’d seen it, she could never get used to the way it seemed to take over his whole face, pointed canines showing and lines around his eyes that he never usually had.

‘Right.’

Beth let out a soft laugh, heart racing against her ribs. It was easy, when they spoke like this, to think that he could look at her and see something more. A hope, a spark, a flickering candle still alight against the uncertain wind.

When she turned to him again, Daryl’s eyes were on her lips. A sudden shiver ran down Beth’s spine as her smile seemed to freeze under his gaze, mouth growing dry. How many times had she wanted to kiss him, but hadn’t? He was so close to her that their lips could easily touch but she swallowed hard, pushing the thought from her mind again, not even sure why she was fighting herself on this still. All she knew was that she did not want to lose Daryl, and doing something like kissing him when they were both tipsy after they’d agreed that they didn’t have deeper feelings for each other seemed like a pretty stupid way to do it.

Daryl tore his eyes away, clearing his throat and pushing off the ground. He held out a hand to her, almost uncertainly, and she took it, righting herself. The air around them was so quiet that Beth could no longer hear the insects whirring around or the buzzing of the flickering street lights. She did not want to go inside, did not want to face her sister’s judgement and certainly did not want to deal with Merle or any of his friends. What she wanted was to stay there with Daryl. What she wanted was Daryl. And now that her alcohol-riddled brain had pinpointed her sudden urge, she could not shake it.

‘Wait.’ Bravely, Beth tightened her grip on his hand and tugged him further around the tree, where they were hidden once more. She pushed him against the trunk but a second later, he had spun her around, and now his body was a sharp line against her, her back against the rough bark. His breathing was a little ragged now, as though he’d been thinking of doing the same thing.

For a moment they stared at each other, tension filling the air, Daryl’s hands on either side of her. Beth’s heart thumped hard as his head dipped low, lips brushing her shoulders. This was the closest they’d come to something more intimate that sex, and her head spun at the thought that there could possibly be anything more intimate than that. Kissing. God, she’d never wanted to taste anyone more. But right now was not for kissing, and it might be because she was still terrified of overstepping, of losing him, or it might just be because his half hard cock was pressing into her hip and pulling her thoughts elsewhere. Her pussy throbbed and she felt her underwear dampening and she knew what she wanted, screw where they were and who was around. 

‘We shouldn’t.’ Daryl muttered thickly as though he didn’t even agree with his own words. He lifted his head back up, warm breath tickling her cheeks, the smell of whiskey and smoke all around her.

Beth grinned at him, her stomach in the kind of knot that only he could untangle. ‘Says who?’

Daryl huffed out a laugh and Beth pressed her hips into him, satisfied when she felt his cock growing harder against her.

‘Horny little thing.’ He rasped as a hand flew to her ass, holding her against him tightly. Beth scratched her fingers over his chest, pulling them down towards his groin, and his eyelids fluttered. Maybe he did still want her, after all.

When she reached the bump of his dick, she let her palm press into it, stomach twisting with anticipation as Daryl let out a stuttering breath.

‘Don’t see you complaining.’ She grinned and he shook his head slightly, letting out another shaky exhale. His hands were moving across the curve of her ass, fingers digging into her skin-tight jeans.

‘’S what I’m here for, ain’t it?’

Beth felt the deep rumble of his voice through her chest, thought back to the night where this had all begun. Technically, yes. But each time they did something like this it seemed less and less because of their deal and more and more because of something else.

Before she lost her nerve, Beth unbuckled his belt and popped the button on his pants, tugging them to his ankles. She let her fingers run across the waistband of his underwear before pushing past it, down lower and over his erection. Daryl let out a grunt, pressing his forehead against the tree by her shoulder as she moved her hand slowly up and down his shaft. Sensing he was about to change his position, Beth dropped to her knees.

Daryl’s quads tensed as she ran her hands up them, tugging his underwear down and peering around quickly to make sure they were completely alone.

‘Beth, you ain’t gotta –’

‘I know.’ She sang as his cock sprang free, already gripped between her fingers. She let her tongue run along the underside of his dick, teasing his balls before licking at his tip. At the low groan that escaped Daryl, she looked up to see his eyebrows pulling together, lips parted as he let out a small hiss. Feeling a flutter in her stomach at the sight of him like this, Beth kept one hand around the base of his cock, pumping slowly as she wrapped her wet lips around his head. Daryl was fully erect now and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to fit all of him in her mouth without gagging, but her throat was aching for a taste.

Daryl’s hands had moved, fingers snaking through her hair as she bobbed her head along him, running her warm tongue over thick veins and lapping up what was already dripping out of his tip. She cupped his balls gently, massaging them around her palm and Daryl swore under his breath, one of his hands flying back to the tree trunk to support his head as he collapsed against it. And now that she’d found a rhythm and was settled comfortably amongst the dead leaves on the ground, Beth moved faster, closing her lips tight around him and allowing saliva to pool before she sucked faster. Her lips were thrumming with friction, her hands sticky as they messily rubbed along his shaft.

‘Fuck.’ Daryl moaned, and the sound was so low and choked that Beth’s gaze was drawn back up to him, and now his eyes were open, watching her as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. His eyes were heavy lidded, more black than blue as he caught his breath with each flick of her tongue.

Beth hummed against him and Daryl’s hand weaved deeper through her hair, stilling his hips as though forcing himself to keep steady. She popped her mouth off his dick, letting her tongue rim around his head as her hand slid up and down easily, pulling out a strained grunt from his throat. Bending her neck a little, Beth took one of his balls in her mouth and Daryl growled, fingers tugging harder on her hair as she sucked him.

‘Christ, Beth. So fuckin’ good.’

Beth couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face as she moved her head back up, taking his throbbing cock in her mouth again. This time, when she moved her lips against him, she took him deeper, and at the sensation of his dick hitting the back of her throat she did not stop. Fighting the gagging feeling that rose up in her throat, she jutted her mouth over him more urgently, letting out a moan that she hadn’t even realised had been brewing in her stomach as the seam of her jeans rubbed against her wet pussy.

Daryl’s hips were pushing into her slowly now as he grew reckless under the pleasure, head completely dipped to watch her and apparently no longer half-listening for anyone approaching. He was cupping her head with shaking fingers, matching her rhythm with shallow thrusts into her mouth. Beth moaned against him again, knees digging harshly into twigs, and his wet cock twitched in her mouth. The thought of Daryl falling apart around her and still holding onto her as though she was putting him back together again was almost unbearable.

‘Shit –’ He hissed, and as his strokes grew messier and his grip on her grew tighter, Beth loosened her mouth enough to allow his dick to slide easily in and out of her, slapping against the back of her throat. His cock was slipping against her lips with impossible ease and when he let out a soft whimper at the feeling, Beth dropped her hands and kept her lips pouted as he fucked her mouth hard.

Daryl’s grunt turned to a purr as he came, quick thrusts turning sloppier as his shaky legs threatened to give out. Beth slurped up his warm come, running her tongue along his weeping slit and his movements slowed, cock twitching as he spent himself. When his grip waned and his trembling breath grew steadier, Beth pulled away, wiping her sticky mouth with the back of her hand. She fell back against the tree and gazed up at him, tongue running along her tingling lips. Daryl’s forehead was still pressed against the tree, one hand slowly untangling from her hair. His eyes locked on hers and he bit back a small smile, thumb grazing over her cheek softly before he let her go and she felt drunk, drunker than the whiskey could make her. Not that that wasn’t helping, of course.

‘Fuck, Beth. That –’

‘Beth?’ Maggie’s voice cut clearly across the empty garden and in an instant Beth was scrambling up, almost knocking heads with Daryl as he jerked forward to pull his pants back over his softening cock. Her sister hadn’t seen them yet but she was getting closer by the second, and Beth knew that the drooping branches of the beech tree could only shield them for so long. The rattling of Daryl’s belt fastening brought Maggie’s attention over, and it was just as Daryl had managed to zip himself up that Beth’s sister walked around the thick trunk and found them there.

‘There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’

Beth smiled, fervently hoping Maggie couldn’t read their faces. Daryl had barely come down from his orgasm and sweat was glittering over his cheekbones as he dipped his head and appeared intensely interested in the grass.

‘Sorry. Daryl and I were just getting some air.’

Maggie’s eyes narrowed conspiratorially. ‘Just the two of you?’

Beth rolled her eyes as though her sister’s insinuations were completely unfounded. ‘Yes, Maggie, just the two of us. Friends, remember?’ She felt a flush creeping up her neck and she was sure her lips were swollen.

Beside her, Daryl cleared his throat. ‘You, uh, seen Glenn ‘round?’

Maggie blinked at him. ‘Inside somewhere.’

Daryl nodded, elbow nudging Beth lightly before he disappeared into the house. She tried not to think too hard about how she’d been sucking him off a minute ago, how she could still taste him in her mouth.

Maggie seemed to be on the verge of saying something but then shook her head as though thinking the better of it.

‘So – Glenn.’

Beth raised a brow, her head spinning as she turned around interestedly, the whiskey in her blood stronger now.

‘He’s nice.’ Maggie said, biting back a smile.

Grateful for the distraction, Beth jumped on the new topic, a little too overly-zealous but thankfully, Maggie didn’t notice. ‘Yeah, he is. Why, you like him?’ She asked suspiciously as her sister’s protests began.

‘What – no. I just, I don’t know, most of the guys I work with are grade-A douchebags. And he seems . . .’

‘Nice?’ Beth finished smugly, glad she had something to hold over Maggie’s head if she insisted on digging around her and Daryl.

‘Yeah. Nice.’ Maggie finished lamely. She eyed the empty bottle in the bushes behind them. ‘What have you been up to?’

Beth grinned loosely, knowing Maggie’s policy on underage drinking was infinitely more lenient than her policy on sleeping with bartenders almost double your age. The warm night air was settling her racing mind but the taste of Daryl in her mouth mixed with the alcohol was not making it any easier to stop thinking of him.

‘Some crappy whiskey.’

Maggie snorted, shaking her head. ‘If you’re gonna do it, at least do it right. Come on. Let’s go get something better to drink.’

Beth grabbed Maggie’s outstretched hand and thanked that her sister, apparently as tipsy as her, had forgotten about Daryl for the time being.

Inside, they managed to snag a few bottles of beer from the fridge, which in Beth’s opinion was infinitely worse than whiskey but she wasn’t about to ruin Maggie’s laidback mood. Merle and Andrea were dancing in the living room opposite, eyes closed and bodies writhing so close together that Beth could not look at them for long without feeling as though this was something she shouldn’t be watching. Maggie raised an eyebrow at her friend, shaking her head and sighing.

‘I have no idea how on earth she’s attracted to him, but here we are.’

Beth shifted uncomfortably, thinking of Daryl. Instinctively, she looked around for him and found him almost immediately; the swell of the music softened as her eyes fell on his tensed arms crossed over his chest, face coloured with blue and green lights as he spoke to Glenn. He raised a beer bottle to his lips and took a long sip, shaking his head at something Glenn said and opening his mouth to speak. It was stupid to think they were talking about her, but alcohol and jumping to the first conclusion she came to seemed to go hand in hand. Almost on cue, Glenn spun his head around and found her, nodding at her and saying something else to Daryl with a grin. Beth looked away, heart suddenly racing, hoping that her sister could distract her from her drunken thoughts of Daryl. No good could come out of what she was thinking. They had been toeing the line between friends and something more for too long now, but she wasn’t ready to ruin it just yet, even with the whiskey suddenly convincing her that she needed to tell him how she felt. Not just yet, at least.

Grabbing Maggie’s hand and resolutely chugging the rest of her beer, Beth slammed the bottle down on the table a little harder than necessary, dragging her sister towards Merle and Andrea. The two greeted them with sly smiles, opening their arms wider to allow them into their circle. Beth didn’t look to see if Daryl and Glenn were still watching as she spun Maggie around and her sister giggled delightedly, offering her her hand and twirling her right back. They danced for what felt like hours, but Beth knew it couldn’t have been that long because her feet weren’t even beginning to hurt. Somewhere in between the fluorescent lights and twisting limbs, Merle had brought another round of beers over, and then another, insisting they were his to give away, and Beth had lost count how much she’d had to drink. It was harder to tell when she was dancing, sweating under the lights and between stranger’s bodies, but once she’d decided that the heat inside was too stifling and she needed some air, it was glaringly obvious that she was completely and utterly drunk. Stumbling through the living room, Beth blindly managed to unlock the latch on the front door and stagger into the garden, fresh air hitting her face and ears buzzing as they adjusted to the quiet. She sat down on the porch steps, elbows resting on her knees and chin resting in her palms. For a few minutes, she was distracted by the bright crescent of the moon and nothing else, humming a light tune under her breath as the stars spun around her. Then, the creak of the front door opening and the brief swell of music dying down as the door closed.

‘Hey.’ Daryl’s rough voice brought Beth’s heart rate up tenfold. Her chin slipped off her hands and she turned, unable to stop the wide smile that stretched over her face when he sat down next to her, leaning back on his elbows and looking to the sky.

‘Hey.’

Daryl pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and flicked a lighter over its tip. ‘You alright?’

Beth nodded, but her face must have betrayed how drunk she was because Daryl raised his eyebrows in amusement, a soft chuckle escaping him in a puff of smoke.

‘How much you drink?’

Beth grumbled, swatting a mosquito away from her ear. ‘Blame your brother. I don’t even think any of that alcohol was his.’

‘Yeah, he’s an asshole.’ Daryl muttered as though this explained it.

In the easy silence that followed, Beth tilted her head to look at him through her lashes. Daryl was beautiful, but then again he always was. She knew if she said that to him, he’d scoff and tell her that’s how he knew she was drunk, but she thought this even when she was sober. Not that she’d ever tell him, of course. His ocean eyes, the tanned skin taut over his muscles, the way his canines adorably poked into his bottom lip when he offered her that rare smile of his. More than that, the way he fiercely protected her, the way he made her food without question because he knew she wasn’t taking care of herself, the way she knew he believed in her dream of making music. Yeah, she was drunk, and yeah, he was still beautiful.

‘Sorry – ‘bout before.’ Daryl said after a beat, and suddenly he was sitting upright, painfully close to her, eyes darting over her hands before following her arms up to her face.

‘Sorry for what?’ Beth frowned.

Daryl’s eyes raked over the giant beech tree, a hand playing across his chin thoughtfully, sucking deep on his smoke before answering. ‘If your sister hadn’t come out, I would’a . . . y’know.’

Beth’s tongue felt too big for her mouth at his words. She shook herself lightly, forcing her gaze back towards the deserted front yard.

‘You don’t have to.’ Beth shrugged, hoping he couldn’t see through her forced nonchalant movement.

Daryl grunted at her words, silent for a moment before he muttered in a raspy voice, ‘wanted to. Still do.’

It was almost sinful, the way he could make her stomach instantly cave in on itself, the way her heart was forced to go a hundred times its usual pace just to keep her brain working.

‘I didn’t do it so you could eat me out, Daryl.’ Beth said lightly, her loosened tongue betraying her imagined modicum of control, and suddenly words were tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. ‘I did it cause I like you. Like, _like you_ like you.’

In the silence that followed, Beth dropped her head, biting down on her lower lip and squinting her eyes shut as though they could erase what had just been said. Yeah, she was drunk alright.

Daryl was silent for an ungodly amount of time. Then, as though he was scraping words from his deepest depths, he said, ‘you’re drunk,’ around his cigarette. Did she imagine, or did it sound as though he was trying to convince himself as well as her?

For this reason and many more Beth couldn’t focus on, she didn’t latch onto this easy explanation, the alcohol making confessions fall straight from her lips to his ears.

‘I like you, Daryl.’ Beth heard her words jumbling together as the full meaning of what she was admitting hit them both. She leant in a little, catching the scent of smoke on him and god, she’d never wanted to kiss him so badly, to know what he tasted like and to taste like him. ‘I’ve liked you for so long.’

Daryl was staring at her as though she was speaking another language. With a trembling hand, he reached to his mouth and pulled the cigarette from his lips, squashing it hard between his fingers. He breathed a faint cloud of smoke out of the corner of his mouth, careful not to get her. Beth’s head was spinning worse than ever as she waited for him, ears still buzzing from the music inside and not entirely sure whether or not she was dreaming.

‘I like you too.’

Beth’s heart stopped painfully, sending her lungs into a fit and her stomach into knots. But she could see that familiar closed-off look behind his eyes, that dismissive reflex he had that told him he wasn’t good enough, that told him she didn’t mean what he thought she did. And maybe it was because she was drunk, but she realised she saw it all the time, just hadn’t known what it meant until now. Once again, words poured from her mouth before she had a chance to stop them.

‘No, no.’ Beth frowned, shaking her head, feeling like her brain was bouncing around her skull. ‘I _like_ you. More than a friend. I like you more than a friend. I want you more than a friend.’

Daryl’s eyes were fixed on hers, apparently frozen. Beth’s heart was in her mouth and it tasted of whiskey and cheap beer. His eyes moved across her mouth now, and she thought she saw his head tilt in towards her a little before he pulled himself back, clearing his throat. Maybe he was a little drunk, too.

‘Beth –’

‘No. Don’t say anything.’ The overwhelming feeling that she’d just made a huge mistake loomed over her like a shadow. She didn’t want to lose him, didn’t want to ruin this friendship, and if she just had, then she didn’t want to know. ‘Let’s just go back inside, let’s dance, okay?’

Wordlessly, Daryl nodded, allowing her to take his hands and drag him up. He made to speak but she shook her head, feeling a little sick at the realisation of what she’d done, feeling more sick about the amount of alcohol that was threatening to come back up. She dragged him back inside, and in the dull lights and blaring music she managed to forget what she’d said, twirling around him and pulling Maggie and Glenn into their space to alleviate some of the tension. Daryl was still, watching her carefully as he allowed her to use his arm to spin herself around, cigarette still in his other hand. By the time Maggie dragged Beth off the dance floor, most of the other people had passed out or left, and she was certainly not in a fit state to get home by herself. She overheard her sister muttering that she’d drive her home, and by the time she realised that she was looking out of a car window, Daryl was nowhere to be found.


	7. For The Longest Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl tells Beth what she said to him while she was drunk and they finally admit their true feelings for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is the one you've been hanging for !!! i hope this lives up to expectations and the wait was worth it! can't wait to read all your beautiful comments <3

Work that afternoon was slower than usual for a Sunday. Daryl had woken up semi-hungover but memory completely intact, unfortunately for him. Beth’s bright eyes searching his expectantly, her half-smile and breathy voice only amplified by the alcohol as she’d said in that lilting tone of hers that she wanted him as more than a friend. His immediate reaction was that she was joking, and then that she was not, and then his curiosity turned to fear. Because the truth was, Daryl had been pining for Beth for ages, far longer than she could even know, and he’d never imagined that she could want him the same way he wanted her. She had been drunker than he’d ever seen her last night, but her eyes had been clear when they looked at him. Still, when he made to open his mouth, unsure of what he was even about to say, she’d stopped him, and that above all else had made him think that she regretted her words, that she didn’t really mean them after all. It was easy, to deny himself her when it was just him in his own head, but now she was there too, and every look they’d ever exchanged and every unexpected laugh or panting moan was being played on repeat, wondering if she’d felt the same as he had all along.

Beth usually came in Sunday afternoons, but Daryl didn’t really let himself believe she’d come in until he saw her opening the door, bell tinkling above her. Quickly, he pulled a wet rag from the dishwasher and began hastily wiping down the bar, cursing that there weren’t more people for him to busy himself with. Beth slowly made her way over to him, grunting as she sat down and he was finally forced to look up at her. Her hair was messy and pulled back from her face, under eyes a little black from exhaustion mixed with mascara that hadn’t been washed off properly. And she was still beautiful.

‘Morning.’ She said, her voice a few octaves deeper than the usual bright chirp he was used to.

A jitter went through Daryl at her voice but he forced his own to remain even as he replied, ‘’s two thirty.’

Beth raised a brow at him, shaking her head and a small smile working its way across her face. Frowning in the bright light and blinking it away, she muttered regretfully, ‘I am never drinking again.’

‘Heard that before.’ He turned to offer her a glass of water, which she took gratefully. She was silent for moment, sipping the cool drink and running a hand across her chin, then she was looking at him with a sudden panic, and Daryl felt his stomach clench up.

‘I didn’t – I don’t really remember much after we went back inside the first time . . .’

Memories of him pinning her to the tree, the way her delicate hands worked their way down his body before her soft lips were wrapping around his dick sent his thoughts spiralling. He glanced at her, took in the way her teeth were worrying at her lip, a crinkle in her brow and her eyes wide and troubled.

‘Did I . . . I didn’t say anything to you, right?’

And Beth’s anxious voice was enough to convince Daryl that she hadn’t meant a thing she’d said the night before at all, just as he’d thought. She clearly regretted it as she sat here and wrung her hands together, asking him for reassurance that she hadn’t said anything stupid. She was drunk and she’d said something she hadn’t meant. She wouldn’t be the first or the last, but he couldn’t pretend like his chest wasn’t tightening painfully as the tiny hope he’d nurtured on his way home last night vanished. He should have known better. But he wasn’t about to ruin their balance by telling her otherwise.

‘Nah.’ Daryl lied, voice low but sure, and at Beth’s sudden look of relief, he knew that he’d answered right. She breathed out slowly, a smile growing across her face.

‘Good. Probably just a dream I had or something. I just – I don’t even remember half the night, I was really drunk and I just wanted to make sure I didn’t say anything stupid, you know –’

‘’S alright, you say enough stupid shit when you’re sober.’ Daryl teased, hoping desperately to ease the weight on his chest, but her tinkling laugh did nothing but force his heart to beat harder for her. But this was the right thing to do. He had been suffering not having her how he truly wanted but he could keep suffering, keep being half fed, if the only other option was to starve. This was the right choice, because if nothing else, she seemed comforted by the fact that nothing had been said last night.

‘You’re lucky I don’t have the capacity to think of a smart reply right now.’

Daryl let out a huff of air, running the dishcloth down the length of the bar again, pushing what she’d said last night out of his mind as though it hadn’t happened, because to her, it hadn’t. And she would never know just how her words had made his heart race, had made him feel closer to _something more,_ had made him ache with longing for her. But that was okay, because he knew, and he would keep it tucked away as long as he needed to. Friends.

At the sound of the door banging open, they both looked up, and Glenn was trudging in with a box of pizza and a smile on his face that made Beth grumble.

‘How aren’t you hungover?’

Glenn ruffled her hair fondly as he slouched down next to her, offering her the box of pizza, which she dove into immediately, stuffing half a slice into her mouth.

‘I wasn’t the one who finished a bottle of whiskey and half a dozen beers last night.’

Beth sighed again, waving him off as she grabbed a second slice.

‘Quiet today, huh? You certainly had a lot to say on the way home.’

Daryl stilled, halfway between pouring Glenn a drink, and turned to listen with what he hoped looked like a dethatched curiosity. Beth frowned.

‘What did I say?’

Daryl’s heart pounded as Glenn shrugged, picking up a slice of pizza for himself. ‘Bunch of nonsense, really. Bit about how much you hate Sarah and want to unscrew her bedframe so that when she goes to have sex on it, her and whatever unfortunate soul is with her collapse, a bit about how Maggie’s the best sister ever because she always dances with you until your feet feel like they’re gonna fall off. You were asking about why Daryl wasn’t in the car either, and then about someone called Annette.’

Beth’s fingers trembled as she reached for her glass, a look like she was going to be sick on her face. Daryl’s thoughts of her asking about him immediately vanished at her mother’s name. His heart ached for her but he could say nothing with Glenn sitting between them, knowing she probably wouldn’t want to talk about it in front of him, judging from the fact he didn’t even know who Annette was. Not for the first time, Daryl was struck with the strange knowledge that Beth trusted him with more parts of herself than one.

‘How do you know?’ She finally asked, wiping her expression clean.

Glenn dipped his head, nodding at Daryl in thanks as he slid a drink over. ‘I was there. Maggie offered me a ride. Told her I lived near campus.’

Beth scrunched her nose up, eyes widening as she no doubt recalled throwing Glenn into Maggie’s field of vision so her and Daryl could escape. Daryl wondered if she’d recall their conversation if he told her what was said, or if she’d simply look at him in shock.

‘Oh, yeah? And what are your intentions with my sister?’ Beth’s voice was a jest but Glenn still sputtered a little at the question.

‘God, relax.’ She groaned, rubbing her eyes and sinking her head to the counter. ‘You could have married her last night and I wouldn’t even care at this point.’

Despite himself, Daryl let out a huff of laughter and Beth grinned at him, eyes quickly darting back to Glenn, who looked somewhat relieved. Daryl was called away a few moments later and for the rest of his shift, he balanced his time between customers and Beth and Glenn, only allowing his job his full attention when they had both left – work in Glenn’s case and the dire need to lay down in Beth’s. He watched them go, nodding them out, with a twinge of regret that had little to do with Beth leaving but more to do with her not remembering what she’d said the night before. If he could do the night over again, he’d make sure to get as drunk as she had been just so he wouldn’t have her voice playing on a loop in his head, admitting feelings that he was sure from her reaction today never really existed.

* * *

Daryl barely saw Beth for the next few days as she was kept busy showing Maggie around her campus and spending time catching up with her. It would be good for her, Daryl knew, to have someone from home that she missed so dearly finally being there. He knew that he and Glenn offered good support but he also knew that he missed his own brother every now and then, and could only imagine how much Beth missed her sister in the last few months. The first time he saw her since the morning after the party was when she brought Maggie into the bar to properly introduce her to him, and he’d fumbled through an awkward conversation as Maggie’s sharp eyes surveyed him interestedly. Glenn arrived shortly after and Daryl was spared further scrutiny as Beth’s sister turned her attention to him, and he and Beth watched in amusement as the two flirted their way into plans for a date.

It was the first of December when Beth called Daryl, the stark vibration of his phone against his dresser pulling him out of sleep. When he groggily answered, he was met with Beth’s chirpy voice on the other end announcing that she was at his door waiting to be let in. Suddenly feeling a little nervous, Daryl hurriedly put a top on before answering, her incessant knocking at his door not leaving room for him to get fully dressed.

‘Where’s Maggie?’ He asked, leaning over his kitchen bench as Beth unloaded a bag of groceries onto it. There was a braid in her hair where it poked out from under a grey beanie and it bounced as she turned to him.

‘She left last night. Doesn’t even feel like she was here long, but I’ll see her at Christmas soon, anyway.’

‘’S the time?’

‘Nine.’

Daryl groaned. ‘There a reason why I’m up so early?’

Beth smiled, waving her hands in a grand gesture over the mountains of flour and sugar she’d brought. ‘We’re making cookies. Actually, I’m using you for your kitchen because I don’t have an oven and I think the communal living space has cockroaches.’

‘You really love this Christmas shit, huh?’

Beth raised her brow at his reproachful tone, pulling off her beanie and letting her hair fall around her shoulders. Her voice was small when she spoke. ‘It was always my mom’s favourite holiday. She taught me this recipe, made me swear I had to make it every year.’

Daryl, knowing Beth well enough that he could recall several occasions where she’d called her mother a terrible cook and declaring her a heathen on other occasions for accidentally telling her as a child that Santa wasn’t real, snorted in disbelief. Beth flung her beanie at him, a pleased grin on her face that she didn’t fully hide when she turned and all Daryl could think of was he knew her, he knew her.

‘What’re you lookin’ for?’ He asked as she rifled around the kitchen.

‘Mixing bowl. You reckon you got one around?’

Daryl blew out a breath, placing his hands on her waist to move her out of the way while he reached up and grabbed one from the top shelf. Beth squirmed against him and spun around, face to face with him and bumping against his dick, hard before she’d even gotten here from the morning. He felt desire course through his gut, and suddenly he was wide awake. Beth’s eyes were big as she took the bowl from his hands, turning around to place it against the table. The curve of her ass brushed against his groin and he jumped back, moving to the other side of the bench. They hadn’t done anything sexual since the night of the party, and although nothing had really changed, Daryl was leaning towards thinking that she had decided she was done with all that with him.

The bright morning sunlight was scattered over the kitchen, catching in Beth’s golden hair and across her hands as she ripped open a packet of chocolate, popping a piece into her mouth. She dangled the packet towards him in offering but he shook his head and she grumbled at him.

‘I’m starting to think you don’t like Christmas at all.’

Daryl scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and willing his hard cock to soften but that seemed impossible under her gaze. ‘Ain’t never had much to celebrate.’

Beth watched him thoughtfully, and although he felt a strange nervousness run through him at eluding to his childhood again, it was bearable. She was the only person to ever get so much as a hint of what it was like growing up with his father in that house, but even she didn’t know the half of it. He’d keep it that way as he kept the shirt on his back at all times, because as much as he knew about Beth, he did not think he could bear her knowing of the scars that littered his back, the things that made him so much more broken than she thought. What would she think, if she saw them and realised he was just another monster pretending to be something more for her?

‘Well, that’s just because you didn’t know me.’ Beth said brightly, pulling out a wooden spoon from the drawer.

Daryl allowed a small smile. He didn’t like a lot of things before he met her.

While Beth bustled around measuring flour and cracking eggs, Daryl dug through her still half full bag to find a knotted bunch of tinsel, some glittery ornaments and a wreath.

‘The fuck’s this for?’

Beth looked up, a smattering of flour across one cheek already, eyes bright. ‘They’re for you. To decorate.’

Daryl’s heart lurched and his grip tightened around the tinsel as it itched his fingers. ‘Decorate?’

Beth raised her eyebrows, her voice light and teasing. ‘Yeah, decorating? You know, what people do to make their homes look nicer? Bit slow today, Dixon.’

Daryl glared at her, throwing a small snowman ornament at her head. ‘Alright. But I ain’t puttin’ this shit on my door.’ He grunted, throwing the wreath onto the bench and Beth smiled as though he’d exceeded her expectations just by agreeing. By the time he’d haphazardly hung the tinsel around an empty bookshelf and placed a few ornaments along the kitchen windowsill, Beth had the cookies in the oven.

‘Fifteen minutes.’ She hummed, setting the timer down and turning around, now considering him with heavy eyes. She had a chocolate covered spoon in her mouth, tongue darting around it. ‘What should we do?’

Daryl knew what he wanted to do – he wanted to bend her over the kitchen bench and fuck her until the timer went off. He wanted to tell her how he thought he might love her. He suspected he could only do one. At Beth’s smirk, he moved around the bench, fingers skimming the top until he reached her.

He never felt awkward about sex with Beth, never felt like she wanted it less than he did, and although they hadn’t done anything since the night of the party, he could see the desire clearly in her eyes now and a breath of relief swirled in his chest. Maybe she wasn’t done with him as he’d feared.

‘You want somethin’ from me?’ Daryl asked, his stomach knotting as Beth reacted the way he knew she would – a soft exhale escaping her, pupils blown wide.

‘Yeah, I want something.’ She muttered but this time it seemed she would not be patient for it. She tugged off her jacket, revealing a red bra underneath and Daryl decided that he liked Christmas infinitely more now.

‘Mhm, what’s that?’ He crooned in a rough voice, fingers tracing over a lacy cup, dick immediately growing hard again. The lines were so blurred between what they should be and what they thought they were and what they really were that it didn’t seem strange to them that they were able to talk to each other like this, like there was more to it than just desire, like teasing words that builded tension were necessary even though it was just meant to be about getting off.

Beth grinned, her sunshine smile somehow working to turn him on and bring him comfort all at once.

‘You know what.’

And then Daryl had found the clasp of her bra and her pink nipples were exposed and hard in front of him and he sank his head down and took one in his mouth. He wanted to take his time, to feel her in his mouth and savour the taste, but he never could, not with how he felt about her and not with how he was sure she didn’t feel about him.

Beth gasped, hand flying to the bench to steady herself because he’d never done something as close to kissing before, never so close to her mouth. But Daryl didn’t care, because this was not kissing, this was still friends, and he wanted to taste whatever part of her he could. He swirled his tongue around her nipple as her hands tugged his underwear down and pumped at his shaft a few times until he was practically dripping. When he finally stopped sucking on her nipple, he dipped lower, pulling her jeans off and flicking a finger over her slit, feeling her getting wetter through the thin cotton of her panties before he pulled them off.

Beth turned around, sliding his dick between her firm ass cheeks and Daryl groaned as he slipped against her dripping pussy.

‘Always so wet for me, Beth.’ He grunted, placing his hands on her hips and resting his fingers in her back dimples. Beth made a little whine at the feeling of him against her and bent lower onto the bench, flattening her breasts against it. Daryl had perfect view of her ass from there and he palmed her cheeks apart, spitting into her tight asshole like he knew she liked as she writhed under him. He watched his saliva disappear inside her as she clenched at the feeling. With one hand moving to cup her breast against the bench, the other played down her back, lightly trailing around her ass before he grew impatient, cock already weeping. Daryl’s hand moved to rest on the wooden spoon, and when he brought it to her ass and smacked her lightly with it, she let out a surprised gasp of pleasure, turning around to look at him through sated eyes.

‘Don’t stop.’ She warned, and Daryl would never dream of it. He brought the spoon across her ass again and she bent into it, throbbing hole achingly close to him. Chocolate was spattered across her creamy skin and he couldn’t resist the urge to bend and lick it off her, so he didn’t. Beth reached in between her legs and found his cock, stroking him slowly up and down and nearly causing his knees to buckle as he bent down closer to her, licking a long stripe up her pussy to her ass. With his tongue exploring her asshole, he brought the wooden spoon across her right cheek once more and she let out a cry, forehead pressing hard into the bench. When Beth pushed her ass out more, Daryl stuck his tongue inside her hole and a long, low groan escaped her.

‘Fuck.’ Daryl muttered as Beth’s fingers traced along his slit, moving down to tease his balls. He moved his head up, a finger pushing inside her now.

‘That feels so good.’ She purred, pumping him a few more times before straightening up, Daryl’s finger slipping out of her. She did not climb onto the bench like he thought she would, instead wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped up onto him. Daryl caught her easily, one hand on each ass cheek and spreading them apart as he pinned her against the kitchen wall, the head of his hard cock teasing her slick opening. One of his fingers reached closer in and found her contracting asshole again, and this time he balanced her on one knee as he brought his hand up to his mouth to spit into it, Beth’s eyes growing heavier as he rubbed his saliva across her hole.

Daryl’s cock slid into her and she bent her head back, eyes fluttering closed as he filled her. She was always so tight that it felt like he wouldn’t fit, but once his head was through, her walls expanded enough to let him the rest of the way in, always so impossibly snug that it made it hard to last. His finger was still working her asshole as he slowly thrust into her, her small breasts pressing against his chest distractingly, and he bent to take another in his mouth, teeth grazing her nipple and biting down a little when she whimpered.

‘You like that?’ He growled against her, fighting for some kind of control as his throbbing cock slid in and out of her warm, wet pussy.

‘Yeah, just like that.’ Beth said breathlessly, eyes fluttering open to watch him. On the bench next to them was the snowman ornament he’d thrown at her earlier and after one glance at the clip on the end of it, Daryl kept her steady with one hand and grabbed it with the other, opening the latch enough to clip it onto the end of a hardened nipple.

‘Oh – fuck.’ Beth moaned at the sudden pressure as the ornament bounced between them and she sank lower onto his cock, and now he was balls-deep in her and he was thrusting harder and harder. His other hand was back on her ass and he spread her cheeks apart as far as he could, brushing over her tight asshole and when she moaned for more, he pushed a finger into her and could have come right there at the noise she made. Slowly, he moved his finger in and out of her, matching the rhythm of his thrusts and Beth was barely able to draw breath quick enough to let them out. Her head lolled forwards and now their foreheads were resting against each other and they were nose to nose and their eyes fluttered open every few seconds to watch each other take their pleasure. Once Daryl’s gut tightened and his heart was thrashing hard enough to explode, he took his finger out of her, gripping her ass tightly as he pounded into her. The snowman ornament slipped off her nipple as he slammed into her but neither of them paid any attention to it. And when Daryl was feeling the beginnings of his orgasm teasing him, Beth shifted against him, rolling her hips forward and his dick slipped out of her pussy and before he could still, his next stroke had pushed his head through her asshole.

‘Fuck, Daryl!’ Beth cried in pleasure, slamming her head back against the wall and Daryl felt her ridiculously tight hole envelop him and then he was coming into her, harder and quicker than he’d anticipated.

‘Fuckin’ Christ, Beth –’ Daryl whimpered as she rolled her hips forward and coaxed him further into her as she shuddered against him, and instinctively, he reached a hand out to rub her swollen clit as she came. His come was already dripping out of her, causing too much easy friction against his twitching cock. He pulled out of her slowly, gently sitting her onto the bench again as she winced.

‘’M sorry, I didn’t mean to –’

Beth shook her head, pushing hair from her eyes as her legs shook. His hot come was pooling around her but he didn’t care as he looked at her, scared he’d accidentally hurt her.

‘That felt so good.’ She managed finally, opening her eyes and meeting his with a shocking blue.

‘Did I hurt you?’

Beth smiled at him, body quivering still. She blinked away the tears that had formed when he’d slipped into her, mingling with the sweat glistening on her cheekbone. ‘God, that was so good.’

Daryl finally allowed a small smile at her words, reassured. They stared at each other for a minute and Daryl was overcome with the urge to kiss her and for once he didn’t have the strength to talk himself out of it, but then the oven timer went off and the were both looking away hastily, moving to get dressed.

Daryl’s heart pounded as he found his clothes, mind a million miles away when he retrieved a paper towel to clean up the bench. Beth fumbled around with her clothes before bending to take the cookies out of the oven, and the warm smell of chocolate filled his apartment. After a minute of silence, he met her eye, and was relieved to see her small smile.

‘I don’t . . . I don’t wanna ever stop doing this.’

Daryl felt his chest tighten at her words, mouth dry. It took him a few more moments before he was able to rasp, ‘me either.’

Beth beamed, letting out a small breath of laughter, and Daryl knew he was gone, had been gone since the very first time he’d heard that sound. His heart seemed to beat different when she was around, and this jagged, uneven pattern now was no exception. He wasn’t aware of what she’d said after that, just that she’d been looking at him with that same exhilarated look that she’d given him right before she’d drunkenly declared that she wanted him as more than a friend, and suddenly he was out of sorts all over again.

When the cookies cooled, Beth threw them into a plate and she collapsed onto his couch, accepting the blanket he threw over her shoulders. This time, when she asked if he wanted a cookie, he accepted, and all he could think of was if this was what Christmas could be, then maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

* * *

Beth did not remember much from the night of the party. Relying on Maggie to inform her of most of it turned out to be a mistake as she, one; was far too detailed about her description of Glenn, two; took the opportunity to wonder aloud for the fiftieth time what on earth Andrea was doing with Merle Dixon, and three; was not with Beth the time she needed to remember the most. It had been over a week now and Beth was sure that she hadn’t said anything to change things between her and Daryl, but things sure felt different. He’d assured her she hadn’t said anything, so where was this sudden, strange feeling in her gut each time he looked at her coming from?

Beth had spoken to Maggie on the phone a couple of times since she’d left, but most of their conversations were centred around the giant crush she now had on Glenn, and if Beth was honest, it was at least a good distraction from her feelings of Daryl to listen to her sister fawning over him. She would have known Glenn felt the same way even if he didn’t tell her – which he did. Most nights when she was at Martinez’, he was there, usually just finished work and chewing her ear off about how amazing he thought her sister was. Beth would shake her head and exchange exasperated looks with Daryl, but in truth she was glad of this strange new relationship between Glenn and Maggie. In a way, they were perfect for each other, and she felt bizarrely proud that it had been her panicked actions that had brought them together. Of course, she let Glenn think it was all down to fate and not because Maggie had been seconds away from figuring out that she was sleeping with Daryl. She’d thought that maybe he’d be sick of her by now, but after the day she’d gone to his apartment to bake cookies, she felt sure he wasn’t sick of her, not yet at least.

_I don’t ever wanna stop doing this._

Daryl’s grating reply echoed through her head. _Me either._

Did that mean more, could it? Or did he just enjoy the convenience of getting his dick hard with someone he was friends with? Because as much as Beth was enjoying their little arrangement, she was not sure how much longer she could keep it up, knowing each time his trembling lips were close, all she wanted to do was lean in and claim them as her own.

‘You’re quiet today, girly. Somethin’ on your mind?’ Merle Dixon’s crass voice cut through Beth’s thoughts and she blinked, wrapping her hand around the cold glass of soda in front of her to ground her. The bar thrummed with noise around her and she glanced at the older man.

‘Wouldn’t you like to know.’

Merle chortled, nodding to Martinez for another beer. Daryl was out the back on break but ten minutes felt like a whole lot longer with his brother next to her. She’d nearly gotten up to join him like she usually did, breathing in the smoke that came out of his mouth just to taste something that resembled a kiss, but under Merle’s watchful gaze she stayed planted in her seat, thinking that she’d just have to get her fix when he returned and filled the air with his scent. Pathetic, she knew.

‘If it’s my brother, ‘m sure I can help you.’

Beth’s face flushed and she took a sip of her drink distractedly. ‘Don’t you have your own problems to worry about?’

Merle’s face split into a grin and her defensiveness was as good as a confession. ‘Don’t get your panties in a knot, blondie. ‘M only tryin’ to help.’

Beth grumbled, turning away determinedly. As far as she knew, Daryl hadn’t said anything about the two of them to either Glenn or Merle, but it didn’t stop their infuriatingly knowing glares each time the two of them so much as looked at each other.

‘’Sides, I thought you two might’a had somethin’ goin’ on, after that night.’

Beth’s heart beat a little harder, and even the loud Christmas jingles over the speakers couldn’t disguise the smug note in Merle’s voice.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘After the party last weekend. You were off your damn face ‘fore they took you home, kept askin’ me if I’d seen Daryl and if I had, could I please tell him you didn’t mean what you said.’

Beth stared at Merle for a minute, mind working quickly as he took a drink of his beer, smirking. ‘I said that? What didn’t I mean?’

‘Fucked if I know.’ Merle said, turning in interest as Daryl re-entered the bar. ‘Why don’t you ask him and find out?’

Beth’s eyes grazed over Daryl and he was somehow looking at her already, always looking at her. She swallowed hard as Merle cocked a brow at her and slid off his seat.

‘He botherin’ you?’ Daryl asked as he looked over the room, eyes following his brother as he moved away.

Beth shook her head, heart in her mouth. ‘Just telling me about how drunk I was the other night.’

Daryl let out an amused breath, looking around for a pen as he began to take inventory. Knowing it was probably a terrible idea to push it, Beth went on anyway. ‘You sure I didn’t say anything weird to you?’

Daryl stilled, thumb in his mouth as he bit around his nail distractedly. ‘Yeah. How come?’

Beth shrugged, hoping her face wasn’t burning as his blue eyes pierced her. ‘Just thought – I don’t know, forget it.’ She looked around for something to change the topic as Daryl considered her silently. Her eyes fell on the dusty jukebox in the corner and immediately her chest warmed, remembering how she’d tentatively tested it the night before when Daryl had been clearing up. She hadn’t sung, just flicked through the catalogue of songs and hummed under her breath, but it had been enough to feel something her mother once loved so dearly come to life.

‘You leavin’?’ Daryl asked Merle, spinning around to watch him talking to a man at the other end of the bar. It was late and Martinez was already waving them goodbye as he took off out the door. The few stragglers were finishing their drinks, chatting loudly as they grabbed their coats.

Merle looked to Beth, who hadn’t moved from her seat, then back to his brother. ‘What, I gotta be sleepin’ with you to stay a little later?’

Beth sputtered, feeling her face growing red as Daryl scowled angrily, turning away. Merle grinned, knowing he’d gotten under their skin before sinking the rest of his drink and nodding towards the man he was talking to, pushing something into his hand under the table.

‘He isn’t even subtle about it. You could lose your job with him doing that.’ Beth muttered in annoyance as Merle left, stuffing a wad of notes into his pocket, his companion following soon after.

Daryl grunted, but she knew he hated when his brother dealt, even more so when he did it right in front of them. Once the last person had cleared out, Daryl turned the music down and Beth jumped up to lock the doors, feeling the warm night breeze hit her face as she swung the entrance shut. Sarah had a guy over that night and Daryl had offered her his place to crash once again, and knowing how the last time had gone sent goosebumps up Beth’s arms, wondering if tonight would be the same.

Daryl cleaned up quickly, counting the till before stacking up the stools. He was quiet, chewing on his bottom lip and not looking up at her, lost in thought. By the time they left, the street outside was deserted, the glowing full moon providing a wash of bright light over their skin. Beth hopped on the back of Daryl’s motorcycle and wrapped her arms around his chest, feeling the deep rumble of the engine shooting through her body and finding an odd comfort in being able to hold Daryl tightly with a ready excuse. His apartment was quiet when they entered, the jingling of the keys in the lock the only noise. Beth grinned around at the tinsel that still hung up, the small ornaments he’d placed haphazardly around the kitchen that seemed to glimmer in the moonlight spilling through the windows.

‘Thought you hated Christmas.’ She joked lightly, her stomach in knots at his gruff chuckle.

‘Some girl came in and thought she owned the place, left a mess everywhere.’

Beth glowed. ‘Didn’t think to clean it all up?’

Daryl’s eyes met hers across the room. ‘Nah. Don’t mind mess so much when it’s hers.’

The tips of Beth’s fingers tingled as a familiar thrill of adrenaline shot through her, his words burying themselves somewhere deep in her gut. Trying to remind herself that he was just teasing her, that his flirting didn’t mean what she thought it did, she turned around, busying herself with rearranging her bag.

‘Beth?’ The hesitation in Daryl’s voice had her spinning around instantly. Daryl was never hesitant, was never unsure, except when he spoke to her, and then it seemed as though half the time he didn’t even know who he was. ‘’Bout the other night, at the party . . . you uh, you did say somethin’.’

All of a sudden, Beth’s ribs were closing in tight around her and she forgot how to draw air into her lungs. Fighting to keep her voice from wobbling, she straightened up, hands wringing together nervously. ‘I did?’

Daryl nodded, eyes heavy as they grazed over her collarbones, her neck, her lips. ‘I mean, you were drunk and it didn’t mean anythin’, but I know it’s been buggin’ you, so –’

‘What did I say?’ Beth’s heart was fluttering in her chest like a bird that had just learnt to fly, desperate, reaching for something it probably would never be ready for.

Daryl took in a deep breath, fingers fumbling with his keys on the bench. They stilled as he opened his mouth to speak, gravelly voice deeper than she’d ever heard it.

‘Said you liked me.’

Beth’s heart seemed to collapse on itself. Her voice caught in her throat, dying at Daryl’s next words.

‘Said you wanted me more than a friend.’

When she spoke, her voice was as fragile as glass. ‘ _Oh_.’

Daryl’s eyes were glued to her as she took a stammering breath in, struggling through her hundreds of racing thoughts to find one that could reassure him that she hadn’t meant it, that she was just drunk and stupid. But when she finally let herself look at him, there was something heavy in his gaze, something that felt an awful lot like he wasn’t waiting for her to tell him she didn’t mean it. Something that felt an awful lot like he was waiting for something else. And then he was moving around the kitchen and he was right in front of her and his breath shook when he inhaled and his fingers were trembling as they stayed slack by his side and the whole goddamn room had disappeared and only the space between them remained.

‘Didn’t think you meant it.’ Daryl muttered thickly, voice tremulous. Beth’s heart ached with longing, terrified that he did not feel the same, stupidly hopeful that he did. ‘Lied the other day when you asked cause I thought it’d be easier than you tellin’ me that you didn’t mean it cause you were just drunk. Ain’t stopped thinkin’ ‘bout it.’

There was hardly any space between them now, and they were like magnets slowly being coaxed closer together by a force they didn’t fully understand.

Maybe some part of Beth had known all along that she had done something irreversible when she’d been drunk that night, maybe she just hadn’t wanted to believe it. But Daryl had known, he’d remembered when she hadn’t, and he’d been thinking about it all this time – when they joked together at Martinez’, when he’d fucked her in this kitchen. She swallowed hard, knowing what she was about to do and being so insanely terrified that she didn’t even let herself think about how it could ruin everything before she was leaning forward and brushing her lips across his.

Daryl stiffened beneath her as her lips pressed into his and for a second she’d thought she’d made a terrible mistake, but then his trembling lips were closing over hers and her heart was exploding with emotion. Almost as though he’d finally been given permission, Daryl pushed into her roughly, a hand tangling into her hair and thumb brushing her cheek as she hit the wall. When he pulled back, the arc of his neck bending to allow his forehead to rest against hers as they exchanged the same gasping breath, his eyes were no longer searching.

‘Wanted you . . . for the longest time.’

An almost painful thrill went through Beth’s body, almost too much for her to contain in her tangle of fragile bones and impatient nerves as Daryl’s words hit her. He wanted her. He’d been wanting her as she had wanted him, all this time, maybe even longer. And this time when she leaned in to kiss him again, he knew it was coming and met her in the middle, lips pushing against hers with bruising pressure. She opened her mouth to taste him as he darted his tongue across her lips easily, sending sparks of electricity shooting through her fingers, aching for him in a way she never had thought possible.

‘Daryl –’ Beth was surprised to hear how desperate her voice sounded, how strung-out and needy, but when Daryl dipped his head into the crook of her neck and began gently kissing the skin there, she knew he understood just what he was doing to her, because she realised as his tentative lips closed around her ear lobe and sucked lightly, just what she’d been doing to him. Her hands were trailing across his chest, moving lightly over his back, running along the creases of his jacket. A small whimper escaped his lips before they were back on hers, searing with desire, tasting of smoke. His hands were moving now from her face down to her body, and he let his fingers run along each bump of her spine, each curve of her figure, before resting somewhere near her quivering thighs. When his hands squeezed her hips and he lifted, Beth wrapped her legs around his middle and fell onto him, deepening the kiss, barely aware of her surroundings until he was laying her down in the tangle of his bed sheets. It was dark in his room, the only light coming fractured though the half-closed blinds, but it was still bright enough to see every hard edge of him as he moved on top of her, his blue eyes glowing like sapphires. Beth pulled him in, wrapping her legs around him again tighter, her hands weaving through his hair as she took in shaking breaths between kisses.

When Daryl pulled back, Beth felt a weight fall onto her chest, only lightening when she saw he was only giving himself room to tug off his jacket, revealing a thin black t-shirt underneath. The ripples of his muscles were hard under her as she ran her fingers softly over him, marvelling at how she could do this, how she could look at him like this and touch him like this without worrying he would notice. Daryl seemed to be thinking the same, for when Beth slipped out of her top, his eyes raked over her chest, fingers drifting across her collarbones like he was tracing her. He didn’t say anything as he fell back onto her and covered her body with his, pushing his hard cock tenderly into her hipbones, claiming her mouth once again with his own. Sex without kissing had been better than Beth had ever dreamed but now that they were kissing, she couldn’t fathom how they’d gone so long without it. It wasn’t like she was taking in deep breaths each time they broke apart because she needed them, more like because she suddenly found herself without air when his lips left hers and she was fighting for something that resembled the blissful clarity that his lips could give her. How had she been breathing so long, without even really knowing what breathing was until now?

Daryl’s hands were moving from her side to her chest, and he unhooked her bra with unsteady fingers, looping her arms out of the knot of straps before dipping his head lower to suck on a breast. Beth felt the damp between her legs spreading as his hot mouth closed over her hard nipple, tongue darting over her like he was kissing her lips, sure he could feel the harsh hammering of her heart against his cheekbone. Her arms fell onto his top and he let out another soft moan as her fingers ran down his back, playing around his waist until she found the zip of his pants, and then he was kicking them off. Daryl was back to her mouth now and Beth leant forward to kiss him eagerly, thinking of each time he’d been so close to her lips and wondering how on earth she’d managed to stop herself doing this each time. She felt drunk, drunker than she’d ever been, drunker than the night she’d told him how she felt. Daryl had a hand squeezing the pillow by her head to steady himself and another was lightly caressing her breasts before trailing down the sharp edges of her ribs to her jeans, still kissing her fervently. When Beth wriggled out of her pants and spread her legs around him again, Daryl’s fingers played across her sopping opening, pushing her panties out of the way and pressing into her clit with a butterfly-like pressure that made her writhe and moan beneath him, stealing his own breaths as he panted against her mouth.

The knowledge of how bad she wanted him was nothing new, but his tentative touches were, the way his fingers were shaking with apprehension as he spread her lips apart, as his thumb pushed her clit in circles, as his knuckles teased her opening. With each touch he was softening her more and more, and she felt like butter, slowly being melted away under his heat, sinking into his sheets and pulling him down with her. Beth bit down softly on his bottom lip as his tongue ran across her mouth, and Daryl groaned, feeling her hand wrapping around his dick and slowly moving up and down the length of his shaft.

His biceps tensed, straining to keep his weight off her, knees digging deep into his mattress as he held himself up. It startled Beth to realise how well she knew his body, how she knew that if she traced a finger over his wet slit he would moan, how she knew that if she cupped his balls his stomach would tense, how she knew if she dragged his aching cock over her dripping pussy he would let out a strangled breath. His top was still on but it always was and Beth didn’t care in that moment and he didn’t seem to either as she teased his tip across her opening, his head dipping into the heat of her neck and and biting down lightly. When he came back up for air, his eyes were soft, watching her with a mix of reverence and disbelief, and she pushed her eyebrows together pleadingly, letting her lips fall against his as he thrust himself inside her.

Beth’s chest jumped at the building pressure in her pussy, at the way Daryl let out a choked breath into her mouth and she swallowed it. He moved slowly, gently stretching her out as though he hadn’t fucked her hard and fast before, taking his time to set every nerve ending inside her on fire as he filled her. This was different to anything they’d ever had – this was slow, this was tender, this was all the time in the world for something they knew so well that suddenly meant something else.

The air was charged as Daryl pushed himself deep into her, his tongue running against hers deliberately, like she was the only thing he’d ever tasted. He let his rough fingers play across her clit for a minute, dick still completely inside her as he worked her close to finish. Just as the friction of his thick digits was almost unbearable, he stopped, pressing his thumb hard into the bump of her clit and pulling his hips back slowly, dick sliding out of her easily. Beth whined, a tingling feeling teasing at her pussy as Daryl gradually pushed himself back inside her, and she knew that this was almost unbearable for him too, because at the feeling of her tight pussy constricting around his cock, his knees buckled slightly and he fell against her, hips mashing into hers and pushing his dick against the spot inside her that made everything else unimportant.

‘Daryl . . .’ Beth moaned, breaking away from his lips to look into his eyes. His gaze was heavy and when he pulled his hips back and thrust into her once again with an aching intensity, her name left his lips like it was the only word he knew.

Beth locked her ankles together just above his ass as he found a slow rhythm, one hand slipping behind her head to rub a thumb along her ear and the other moving to her hips to pull her into him as each time he thrust gently. She felt each twitch of his dick, each shaking breath as he closed his lips against hers, each startlingly hard beat of his heart against her chest. His strokes were messy and he seemed to be fighting for control just as she was, low grunts escaping him each time he buried his cock into her. Something deep inside her was being drawn back, tightening with anticipation as Daryl’s dick teased it, each time his balls slapped against her ass a wave of pleasure washing over her. She was so close to release she couldn’t bear it, and she knew by the way his kiss was more desperate now that he was close, too. She didn’t need to say that she was going to come, didn’t need to tell him to keep going because he knew her body as she knew his, and he knew that by the gasping breath that left her chest and by the way her thighs tensed tighter around him that all he needed to do was keep going just like that. His fingers found her pussy again and he rubbed her clit in circles and the pressure was too much to handle, the feeling of his cock pushing through her wet hole and then his lips sucking on the soft spot below her ear something so intimate that it thrust a shudder through her body.

When Daryl heard her desperate moan his lips were on hers, kissing her roughly and swallowing her breath as she came. Nothing had ever felt like this before, no amount of pleasure could ever compare to the mind-numbing bliss that ran though her body as he pulled her apart and kissed her back together.

‘Beth – god . . . Beth –’ Daryl groaned, a soft cry coming from his lips, her name like a prayer as one of his hands tightened on her hip and he collapsed, coming inside her with sloppy jerks of his hips. They were still kissing even after they came, breaths trembling and lips tingling as they fought to hold onto the feeling a little while longer. When Daryl’s hips stilled and his dripping cock pushed through her with a finality, Beth opened her eyes to see his fluttering open, pupils blown wide and lids heavy. And it hit her, tangled up in him with his pulsing cock inside of her and his shallow breaths tickling her cheek, that they hadn’t just had sex, that they had made love, in every meaning of the word, despite the fact that Beth was sure neither of them had fully realised until this very moment.

Daryl pushed himself off her and rolled to the other side of the bed, his dick slipping out of her messy pussy easily. Beth took a deep breath in, feeling the weight of this realisation crushing her as she turned to meet his eyes. He’d let his head fall back onto the pillow and one hand was resting against his forehead as though deep in thought, but when her eyes found his, a small smile tugged at his mouth.

Beth turned to her side, the dim room casting an easy quiet over them. It would have made sense to get up and get dressed and pretend like everything hadn’t just changed, but Daryl hadn’t moved yet and neither had she. When he leant forward to tilt her chin up towards him and kiss her again, Beth’s heart shattered against her ribs and she kissed him back with all the built-up longing she’d held for him deep in her heart the last few months. They broke away after a minute, ragged breaths betraying just how much this was not just a kiss, how this had not been just sex and they had not been just friends since the very first time.

Daryl was the first to speak, his voice gravelly and low. ‘Kissin’ you – never thought none of those pricks at the bar deserved to have sex with you, but kissin’ you . . .’

Beth felt a laugh bubble up in her throat, delight and an unbridled desire flowing through her veins. ‘I wanted to. So many times.’

Daryl’s eyes widened on hers as though trying to figure out if she was joking. Lifting a heavy hand, he traced her jaw with the edge of his finger, following to her lips and as they tingled under his warmth Beth was struck with how gentle he was being with her. He knew her limits, knew that she never needed to be treated as though she was fragile and he’d always been rougher with her, knowing she liked it. But this was something else, this was tentative touches because he needed them just as much, maybe more than all the other touches before. This was him slowing down to do what he had not yet been able to. She’d never been cherished like this before, never felt as adored as she did right at that moment, and she thought that all the other heart-stopping moments they’d shared must have been preparing her for this one split-second where she felt her heart finally beating right.

_Wanted you . . . for the longest time._

‘What now?’ Beth asked quietly a moment later, moving in closer so her nose brushed against Daryl’s. The shocking blue of his eyes was all she could focus on as they softened and he answered her with another kiss, sweet and lingering and not nearly as frantic as before but just as passionate. Beth’s stomach was a box with butterflies trapped inside as his tongue ran along hers, as his hand pushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear, as he pulled her closer by her waist and held her against him. Maybe he didn’t have an answer for her, maybe he couldn’t answer her. All she knew was that she could not go back to not kissing him, to not having him in this way. Beth’s body reacted as it always did with him; melting, skin flushed with heat and breath rattling in a chest that seemed too small to fit her bursting heart. They kissed for the longest time after, taking their time exploring each hard edge and sharp curve of their bodies, to memorise the way they tasted, and Beth thought she couldn’t have possibly ever been right to try to convince herself to stop feeling this way about Daryl because he wouldn’t feel it back. Because he was there and he was kissing her and he was so real under her lips and he did feel that way. He always had.


	8. Into The Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear overwhelms Daryl when Beth discovers something about him he wasn't ready for her to know.

They ended up falling asleep. Although Daryl had fought to stay awake in favour of listening to Beth humming, that melodious rumble in her throat had made his eyelids heavy eventually. Between the tepid air slipping into his apartment through an open window and the comfortable quiet settling over them, Beth was lulled into an easy sleep not long after by the steady rhythm of his heartbeat through his chest. One of her ears rested against the soft fabric of Daryl’s shirt as it stretched over his torso, a sliver of tanned skin visible below his belly. When he woke, blinking rapidly in the sunlight as his eyes grew adjusted to the light, he tugged down his top almost instinctively, and the movement stirred Beth awake. She lifted her head slowly, blinking at him through those big blue eyes of hers and Daryl ached, because her first instinct was to seek him out, even if she was not fully alert yet, and his had been to make sure there was no way for her to see the scars on his back.

‘Morning.’

‘Mornin’.’ Daryl’s gravelly voice was rougher from disuse, emotion stuck in his throat at the sight of Beth untangling herself from him. So many nights, he’d wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms as they had last night and so many times he’d pushed the thought away and dismissed it as nothing more than a stupid fantasy. Things had changed beyond comprehension, and it was with a strange nervousness that Daryl thought of the night before, thought of how he’d kissed her so deeply that he thought he might swallow her, thought of how her body, so familiar and beautiful, had bent around him like the bud of a flower growing towards the sun. He’d never had sex like that before. Before, it was always quick and frantic and awkward and always lacking something that Daryl had never wanted to put a name to. Since Beth, it had been something else entirely, something else that felt a lot like sex and nothing like it at all. Because sex was not just skin on skin or beads of sweat gathered on temples, but the heady moans torn from throats, the gasping breath that lungs could not contain, the inexplicable feeling that this was the beginning and the end of everything. Beth had shown him that’s how sex could be, but last night, it wasn’t sex at all. Being able to kiss Beth after so long wanting to would have done it for him, being able to feel her soft lips and taste that sweet smile. But then had come the slow, tender touches, the tentative movements that suggested that this was altogether new for the both of them. Daryl had heard before of making love, but he’d always just assumed that shit like that never happened, especially not to him. But it had, and as he looked at Beth now as she stretched out in the sunlight, he felt a flicker of fear cross his heart and settle somewhere deep down in his gut. He’d never been closer to everything he wanted and he’d never had anyone so close.

‘Was it – I mean – is it okay that I . . .’ Beth stammered, unsure still even after last night. Daryl had to remind himself sometimes that she did not know half the things that made him so unworthy, that made him so broken, or half the things about her that made her far too good for him. Here she was asking if it was alright for her to fall asleep against him, not even knowing that the thought of kissing her could bring him to his knees, that the slightest touch from her could set his skin on fire. She had fallen asleep against him, and her ear had been pressed against his sternum and he had felt hollow the moment he woke up, an empty husk that couldn’t possibly have anything inside that would be enough for a sunflower like her. Beth grew towards light, she was light, and although Daryl was filled with an overwhelming joy that she somehow felt this way about him, he was burdened by the knowledge that she did not know everything about him, and the thought that she wouldn’t want him after she found out. He thought he’d be okay if he could just push his feelings away, but now it was virtually impossible after the night they’d had. And although Daryl wanted nothing more than to be able to give Beth every part of himself, he knew the darker parts were less willing to come into the light.

‘’Course.’ Daryl’s voice was rough. He cleared his throat, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as Beth reached for her clothes. They both dressed quickly, almost like they could pretend this was like any other time they’d had sex, pretend like nothing had changed for a while. But it had. It all had.

‘Do you have work today?’ Beth asked finally, lingering at the door like she didn’t want to leave.

Daryl nodded, chewing on the inside of his mouth as he neared her. Blonde hair fell down her chest and her blue eyes were watching him carefully, as though worried if she brought anything more serious up he’d say something she didn’t want to hear.

‘I’ll, uh – see you later, then?’ Beth gave a half-smile as Daryl nodded again, feeling his lips quirk at the way she was looking at him now. She moved towards the door and Daryl felt a strange sinking feeling at the sight of her leaving.

‘Last night . . . that was – I haven’t ever had that before.’ She quickly said, turning back around almost breathlessly. Daryl’s heart raced.

‘Me either.’

Beth finally let her lips melt into that sunshine smile that caught him completely off guard each time he saw it. She moved back towards him, and this time Daryl knew by the way her wide eyes were darting across his that she meant to kiss him, and he couldn’t get to her quick enough. Their lips pressed together gently, and Daryl was surprised to hear the shaking breath that she took when they finally pulled away. His hand had found the side of her head and he let his thumb brush across her cheek before he let go, Beth unwinding her hands from the front of his shirt as she let out a breathless laugh and turned to leave.

Daryl heard her close the front door softly behind her and he was left standing alone in his empty apartment. His mind was reeling with possibility, his veins thrumming with adrenaline that after all this time, Beth had felt the same way about him. He’d never felt anything remotely similar to this, never felt this bubbling joy in his heart and this weight off his mind. With a shake of his head and an increasingly familiar smile playing across his face, Daryl ran the shower and stripped his top off. Beth had never seen his back, didn’t know a thing about his scars and although he wanted to give her as much of himself as he could, he knew he was not ready to show her this. He shuddered as he glanced at his marred flesh in the mirror, at welts and slashes and raised angry scars that were a permanent reminder of a pain that he’d never wanted so badly to forget. With Beth, he could almost pretend they didn’t exist. But then she inevitably left and they were still there. They would never not exist. He leant over the sink, splashing cool water across his face to fight the sick feeling that had risen up in his chest because, as much as he thought he could do this, could be someone Beth deserved, the moment he looked at his back everything seemed to always come crashing down.

‘Daryl?’

He hadn’t even heard her come back in over the rush of the water. At her light voice Daryl spun around like he’d been branded with a poker, fighting the feeling of terror as he met Beth’s blue eyes, slowly growing wider as her lips parted and he knew immediately that she’d seen.

‘The hell, Beth?’ He didn’t have time to think before words were racing out of his mouth, his desperate mind doing whatever it took to defend him, to protect him, like it had always done against threats. Beth was not a threat and she would never hurt him, but it was hard to feel comforted when she had just seen the most terrifying part of him he could imagine. He was not ready for this – he would never be ready for this. Thoughts of how he could try to be his best for her vanished as Beth’s gaze raked over his exposed chest, then over the mirror that he knew she could see his back reflected in.

‘I – I forgot my bag.’ Beth stuttered, waving her purse at him weakly, knuckles white as she gripped it. ‘I didn’t mean to . . .’ but the words died in her throat as she met Daryl’s gaze again, and he was hit with a sudden pain that this had just ruined everything. Her eyes were full of shock and he did not think he could bear to keep looking at her for longer to find disgust and fear settling in.

‘Get a good look?’ Daryl snarled, hurriedly reaching for his t-shirt and shifting behind the bathroom door to tug it on. His palms were sweating and his hands were shaking and he could barely hear the rush of the shower over his heart as it hammered against his ribs.

‘I – I didn’t mean –’

Daryl pushed the door open again, not meeting her eyes. What did she have, a delicate scar on her wrist that was no harder to love than the rest of her? Not him, he was ugly and worn and broken and unlovable and the scars on his back were there either because of that or because they proved that. Either way, now she knew and she knew that he’d listened to her talk about her scars and pretend he wasn’t even more broken than she was. He always felt like an impostor with Beth, like he’d stumbled into another reality where someone like him could have someone like her and it could be as good as it had been last night all the time. But he was back now, torn out of the floating dream that had enveloped him and forced back into the crushing reality that he’d tried so hard to ignore.

‘Daryl, I’m so sorry.’ Beth’s voice was trembling and as she reached out to touch him, he jerked backwards automatically. The scars on his back seared with approval, melting through flesh and wrapping around bones and holding him there, tight. Beth did not react in anger when he flinched away, which somehow worked to make Daryl feel even worse. She was good, she was patient, she was understanding and he could not bear it, could not bear the way she was watching him like he was something that deserved pity. A fear was simmering in his gut, the same shock he’d felt when he’d woken up, the same kind he’d felt when he first realised he was falling for her. Merle’s voice was in his head, calling him every name under the sun that encompassed just how stupid he’d been for wanting her this way, just how foolish he was for letting himself believe that he could have this and forget about his past.

‘Your back – I didn’t know –’

Daryl huffed, fingernails making half moons in his palms. ‘It scare you?’ His voice was almost taunting and he almost hated himself enough to stop, but his father was there, too, and he stood on the other side of Beth, in her shadow, placing long, bony fingers on her shoulder and threatening to drag her into darkness, too. No. Not her. Not Beth.

Before she got the chance to reply, Daryl was speaking again, his voice a little angrier than before and a whole lot more frightened. ‘Ain’t gotta fuckin’ stare at me like I’m some abandoned puppy on the side of the road.’

Beth blinked, a crinkle appearing between her brows. ‘I wasn’t – I didn’t mean to; I just didn’t know you had –’

‘What? Bunch of ugly fuckin’ scars on my back? Think it tells you what you gotta know ‘bout me?’

Beth let out a disbelieving breath in protest. ‘I know you already Daryl. Know more about you from what you’ve told me than those scars ever could.’

Something about hearing the word scars slip out of her mouth so easily made Daryl thrum with unbridled irritation. Because she did know him, she knew him better than he knew himself most days, but she did not know this. And she would not want to know this. After a week, a month, a year, she would realise that she could not fix him, that she could not make the shadow that was always looming over him fade. And if it was a choice between trapping Beth in the darkness with him or pushing her back out into the sunlight, he knew what he’d pick.

‘You got what you wanted from me. Had your fuckin’ fill yet? Cause I ain’t doin’ this, not now, not with you.’

‘What are you talking about? Daryl, I don’t think any different of you – you could have told me. Why didn’t you tell me?’

It was her earnest tone that tugged at a nerve in Daryl’s chest, pulling out years and years of pent up anger and misery.

‘What, like you told me ‘bout cuttin’ open your wrist cause you wanted attention? Like we’re even remotely the same, like I fuckin’ want to tell you ‘bout how my daddy beat me up for years while you got frozen yogurt and pet fuckin’ ponies?’

Something behind Beth’s eyes had gone hard and at once Daryl knew he’d gone too far. He didn’t mean what he’d said but he couldn’t take it back now, not when it was doing exactly what he needed it to.

‘Is that what you think of me? That I nearly killed myself because I wanted attention? That I told you cause it wasn’t a big deal?’

Daryl’s heart jumped at her tone; they’d bickered before but they’d never been angry with each other, not like right now, not flashing eyes and raised voices reminding him of his parents, pushing him further and further out into the alluring darkness that they disappeared into. It felt terrifying; it felt like somewhere he was meant to be. Not home, exactly, but somewhere familiar, somewhere that had been calling to him all his life. It would never feel like home because Beth had been his home for a time longer than he even knew. But she could not follow.

‘Think you can fix me, ‘s that it? Think cause we fuck you can make shit better?’

Beth’s mouth set into a hard line and her jaw jumped at his words, hands shaking with anger by her side. Underneath all his self-loathing and fear, some small part of him registered that her angry tone was doing something else for him, and the confusion of almost getting aroused when he should be angry did nothing but frustrate him further.

‘Can you stop being so afraid for one second and realise that I’m not trying to fix you?’

‘I ain’t afraid of nothin’.’ Daryl growled, stepping in closer to her, barely more than a breath away. Every inch of his skin was burning with anger at how well she knew him, at how he could not even push her away without her seeing right through him. Their closeness sent jolts through his spine, churning his gut. It terrified him, being known, almost as much as he longed for it. And he’d wanted it so badly, but he hadn’t thought it’d feel like his chest was caving in on him, like his stomach was dissolving. He’d wanted as much of her as he could get but he hadn’t considered just how much of himself he’d been keeping back.

‘You are.’ Beth’s voice was clear, the simplicity of her counter enough for Daryl to pull back, catching his breath. ‘I’ve seen you afraid. When police come in, looking for your brother. That time Glenn almost got into a fight with that biker because he knocked his drink over. And me. Everytime some jerk hits on me or touches me and you’re always the one to stop them. You’re afraid because you care and now all of a sudden you’ve let people get too close and you realise you actually have something to lose.’

Daryl’s breath caught in his throat. He was startled at the admission of how much she’d been paying attention to him when he didn’t notice, at how accurate her words were despite the fact that he’d never been able to fully admit these things to himself. If he had, maybe he’d be more okay with them. Maybe he wouldn’t be lashing out at all.

‘That what you think?’

‘That’s what I know.’ Beth’s glare was hard and unwavering and god, she was just as stubborn as he was. ‘We were friends before all this –’ she waved her arms wildly around the space between the two of them – ‘and I don’t care if you don’t think I know you because I do. Just like you know me. I told you things I don’t tell anyone –’

‘That ain’t what the fuck this was meant to be. I wasn’t made for shit like this, ain’t someone who can walk out of your life, knowin’ that there’s some other prick who gets you instead –’

‘What makes you think I want anyone else?’

Daryl was suffocating in the thick air between them, overwhelmed by emotion and the sinking feeling that he was ruining the only good thing he’d ever known, marred by the whispers of demons in his ears, telling him that it was always going to come to this between someone like her and someone like him.

‘You really think this whole thing started just because I just wanted to have sex? That I’d just be done with you after all this? God, Daryl, you’re so clueless sometimes –’

‘Don’t change the fact I ain’t right for you. Why don’t you go and ask your daddy what he thinks of you with me –’

‘I don’t care what he thinks –’

‘Maybe you should!’ Daryl’s voice was strained now, and he knew by the lump growing in his throat that the anger and fear from the shock of Beth seeing his scars were being overwhelmed by a new emotion now, something that felt like sorrow and heartbreak, something that he’d never experienced quite so raw and certainly not with another person. Vulnerable. And he hated it. He was showing scars that would never close up to a world unknown, where vultures roamed rampant and there was no guarantee of safety.

‘Fine. You think we’re so bad together, then we’ll be what we were meant to be. Friends.’

Beth was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling and making her hair fall off her shoulders. Her eyes were clouded with anger, and a sick, broken part of Daryl was glad to see it. Now, he’d disappointed her. Now, he had nothing else to fear. Without another word, she spun on her heel and stalked out of his apartment, slamming the door behind her and leaving Daryl with the feeling that no amount of physical pain he’d experienced could ever compare to the ache in his heart watching her leave again.

* * *

Beth had never gone so long without seeing Daryl since she met him. It had been a week since their fight, since their white-hot glares and their biting words, and she’d determinedly stayed far away from Martinez’. Blinking awake in her dorm for the seventh day straight and thinking of the looming day without classes or any form of distraction only worked to worsen her mood.

Their fight had been playing on a loop in her head for the whole week. She’d thought, the moment she’d heard the shower running, that she wouldn’t even see Daryl, that she’d duck in and grab her bag and then leave. She’d had the best night of her life the night before, and there was something about it that she wanted to keep untouched, waiting, like leaving your favourite book open at a page you wanted to return to. And then she’d caught sight of his tanned skin rippled over taut muscle and his head was dipped and his shoulders bunched tight and the sight of the scars on his back had hit her gut like an actual punch. She knew she wasn’t meant to see this, that he wouldn’t want her to, but suddenly a lot of things made sense in that moment and she hadn’t been able to stop his name falling from her lips. They’d fought after that, and maybe it was because they never fought or maybe it was just because she was reeling from guilt at not knowing how he had been silently suffering, but Beth couldn’t bear it. Friends. That’s what she said they would be now and she meant it, knowing that she could not bear not having him in her life at all. But she hadn’t heard from him since that day. She’d kept busy with college, but it was almost Christmas break and there was not nearly as much work to do as she hoped. Sarah hadn’t been a good distraction either since she was hardly ever there and although Glenn and her sister had offered her sound advice the day before, she knew she couldn’t rely on them, either. No. Annoyingly, the only person she wanted to talk to about this was Daryl himself, and she’d stubbornly refused to go to Martinez’, half out of the anger she felt towards him at being so thoughtless that he assumed she wouldn’t want him if she knew this about him, and half out of fear at being rejected if she turned up and he pushed her away as he pushed away everyone else.

Beth sat up in her bed, blinking in the sunlight and stifling a yawn. She recalled her chat with Maggie and Glenn the day before, when they’d sat for a picnic in the park near campus and Beth had momentarily forgotten about her problems when she heard that the two were dating.

_‘Uh, you’re welcome, I guess.’ Beth said through a grin that couldn’t stay off her face. She looked to her sister’s smile and heard Glenn’s familiar laugh and was struck with the strange thought that the two of them might never have met if it wasn’t for hers and Daryl’s relationship._

_‘Yeah, yeah.’ Maggie grumbled, leaning back on her elbows and letting her chestnut hair dance in the light breeze. ‘What about you, how’re things going with Zach?’_

_Startled by the rapid change of topic, Beth distractedly picked at short blades of grass, ripping them up absently. Glenn raised an eyebrow at this but didn’t say anything._

_‘We, uh – we haven’t been talking much lately. It’s kind of over.’_

_Maggie’s voice was genuine. ‘I’m sorry, Beth. At least it wasn’t anything too serious, right?’_

_Beth nodded vigorously, fighting the sudden lump in her throat._

_‘I was at Martinez’ yesterday.’ Glenn said slowly, eyeing Beth carefully. ‘I saw Zach.’ He put an emphasis on the name and Beth knew that he was giving her a chance to keep up her façade in front of Maggie. He knew it was Daryl. He must have known for a while now. She felt a rush of warmth for her friend and was instantly ten times more glad that he was with her sister._

_‘He’s not doing too good. Won’t tell me that, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.’_

_Beth crossed her arms over her chest. ‘It’s not like we were ever going to work out anyway –’_

_‘I don’t know,’ Glenn interjected, moving to lean his arm against Maggie, who grinned in his direction adoringly. ‘Sometimes the people you think are too different for each other are the same in all the ways that matter.’_

Beth had rolled her eyes after that and made a smart-ass comment about him and her sister to deflect attention, but Glenn’s words had hit home. She knew deep down he was right, but that did not stop her still being angry and hurt about the way Daryl had pushed her away so easily, as though nothing they’d had meant anything at all. He’d changed her but she knew she’d changed him just as much, even more, and it was beginning to feel like none of that meant anything if Daryl was still determined to stay who he was before.

It was with a great deal of persuasion on Glenn’s part and an infinite amount of reluctance on Beth’s that she finally allowed him to drag her to Martinez’ that night with the promise that Daryl wasn’t working.

Maggie had gone back home, unable to take any extra time off work but Beth still had to listen to Glenn chewing her ear off about how he was completely falling for her sister. Honestly, it was nice to know that Maggie had someone so adoring of her and that Glenn had someone who she knew would never hurt him, but it was hard to hear the ease at which they’d been able to understand and develop their feelings for each other. The bar was busier than Beth was used to and she attributed it to most classes finishing early. There were a few familiar faces littered around but she didn’t linger as her and Glenn sat across the bar on their usual stools. Although she wouldn’t admit it, she was looking for Daryl in every dimly-lit face.

‘Long time no see.’ Pete leant across the bar and greeted them with a smile. ‘What can I get you guys?’

It was strange, to see someone else where Daryl would be, to be asked for her order instead of it being slid across the table already with a sultry glance and a nod. Known. That’s what she’d been. Maybe that’s what Daryl had been so afraid of.

Glenn seemed to sense that Beth did not want to talk about Daryl, because as he accepted their drinks from Pete a moment later, he turned to the rowdy crowd in the corner and muttered, ‘bet they get kicked out before midnight.’

Beth turned, surprised to see that Zach made up part of the group. He was laughing raucously at one of his friends, a beer in his hand, leaning back on his chair. She thought of all that time ago, when he’d hit on her, when she’d met Daryl. It was impossible – she couldn’t be in this bar without thinking of him. Resigned to her fate, Beth swivelled her stool around to look at the jukebox in the corner collecting dust. Daryl had fixed it for her, he’d remembered what she’d said about her mother and he’d done it because he wanted to, for her. No one ever used it, even now that it was fixed. It was something that was only hers, and a slow yearning feeling was taking over her as she stared at it, a longing that wasn’t entirely only about Daryl.

‘I’ll be back.’ Beth muttered to Glenn, sliding off her chair and making her way over to the old machine. It was almost identical to the one she had back at the farm, except this was not loaded with her mother’s favourite songs, this did not have Beth’s initials carved into the back. She skimmed through the list, letting her eyes wander over familiar titles. They were not playing music out of this tonight – Martinez still insisted on the horrifically catchy Christmas carols playing on a low volume through the speakers – but as Beth pulled a coin out of her pocket and selected a song, she didn’t care if anyone else could hear or not.

‘Isn’t this that song you sang at karaoke?’ Glenn asked from the bar, bouncing his knee to the tune. Beth nodded, not saying another word as the lyrics started, and the familiar droning voice kept her company as she took her seat again and sipped her drink in silence. The song ended after too short a time but it didn’t matter, because for the rest of the night Beth was filled with a strange reassurance that despite everything that was going wrong and how her heart was breaking without Daryl, everything would be good.

* * *

It was six days until Christmas and classes were well and truly over. Beth had spent the last few days packing her belongings into an old suitcase and doing her best to stay idle and out of trouble until Maggie came to pick her up in a few day’s time. She supposed it would be good, to go back home for a while, to see her brother and her father, to allow them to provide fresh new distractions from her feelings about Daryl. She hadn’t been to the bar since Glenn had dragged her that night but she felt today she was finally ready to see Daryl and face a possible truth that terrified her. He might not want her. She did not know. All she knew was that she had to be okay with that and the only way she could be was if she knew for sure. Glenn was working and Beth wouldn’t dream of asking Sarah to go with her, so, with a shake of the head at her roommate’s snoring form, she left her dorm and started walking to Martinez’. It was a pleasant day; mild breeze tickling trees and the sun shining through patchy clouds. By the time Beth reached the bar it was midday, and although she hadn’t spoken to Daryl in a while, she hoped he hadn’t changed his schedule around too much. The bar was quiet, with hardly any patrons and the low jingling of Christmas music over the speakers, drowned out as Beth opened the door and the loud bell overhead tinkled. Daryl was behind the bar, hunched over a notepad and scribbling something down. He didn’t look up as the door swung shut but at the sound of her drawing a stool back he did, eyes widening. Beth’s heart jumped into her throat at the sight of him. He looked tired and drawn and as though he didn’t have much left in him to give, but underneath that he still had those steady blue eyes, that line next to his mouth that was waiting to be filled with one of his rare smiles.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

Beth sat down a little shakily, feeling ridiculously nervous and not knowing what to do with her hands. This was stupid – this was Daryl – he was the only person she’d ever been completely herself with, completely comfortable with. Taking a deep breath, she wrung her hands together and held his gaze.

‘I’m sorry. About the other day.’

Daryl stared at her, a line appearing between his brows. His fingers were tightening over the pen in his hand absently, finally throwing it down as he leaned his elbows against the bar and shook his head.

‘Ain’t meant to be you apologisin’. ‘M sorry, Beth. Ain’t your fault.’

Beth disagreed, not thinking it either of their faults, but she didn’t say. There was something about the familiarity of him, of the way she was sitting in the same spot as always, the way he was leaning into her as though she might be telling him a secret, the way the whole bar was all around them yet they couldn’t even see it, that made her feel a rush of warmth.

‘I didn’t mean all that shit I said to you.’ Daryl’s voice was heavy as his eyes were searching her face as though wanting to find a hint of loathing, something that he could latch onto to prove he was as bad as he thought he was.

‘Yeah, I know.’

In the silence that followed, Daryl dipped his head, fingers scratching lightly against the bar top. Beth remembered all those weeks ago, the first time they’d had sex, remembered thinking that maybe this was the beginning of something, and knew that that hadn’t been the beginning at all. It had happened long before that, maybe before they even met. All she knew was that her life up until then had been the summary of a thousand little hurts and heartaches, and that maybe it was just shaping her into the person that would be right for the person Daryl was now. They were the beginning and ending of it all, together. And they’d always be together, no matter what. But they could not be together the way she wanted as long as Daryl held onto the person he used to be, the person that wasn’t right for her now.

‘You know you can talk to me. About anything, right?’

Daryl took in a sharp breath but nodded after a moment. When he didn’t say anything, Beth let a soft smile fall over her lips, only now fully realising that they were speaking again – they were good.

‘I’ve missed you.’

The song over the speakers changed, something more upbeat and with decidedly more sleigh bells than the one before. Daryl bit down on the inside of his cheek, eyes heavy on her again.

‘Missed you, too.’

Beth let out a deep breath of relief, relaxing her shoulders a little. ‘So . . . friends?’

Daryl straightened up, fingers twitching towards things behind the bar like they wanted to pull his attention away from her. Friends. It was what he wanted and while she thought she could not bear to be just friends with him, the last two weeks without him had proved her wrong. She needed him in her life, even as a friend. Anything was better than a ghost.

‘Yeah. Friends.’ Daryl muttered, hair falling over his eyes as he dipped his head, retrieving a glass from the shelf below and moving to fill it with ice. When he turned back and handed Beth a blackcurrant soda, she felt tears threatening her eyes and blinked them away, cursing herself. It was a bittersweet feeling, a mix of relief and wistfulness, that her and Daryl were okay, that her and Daryl were not what she wanted them to be. But she had chosen this because the alternative of him shutting her down and pushing her away was not an option. She could do this – she could pretend this wasn’t killing her inside.

‘I used the jukebox, the other night.’ Beth said finally, straw lolling against her lips as she leant back.

Daryl grunted as he picked up a box from the ground and slammed it down across the countertop, pulling out a stock form and raking his eyes down it, crossing off certain things. ‘Didn’t think you’d been back.’

Beth felt a twinge of guilt that she’d been purposely avoiding him. ‘Yeah, well. Glenn really wanted to come.’

Daryl nodded, eyes still glued to the sheet. ‘He told me ‘bout him and Maggie.’

Beth let a wave of relief wash over her that Daryl seemed to be speaking to her as normal. ‘Yeah. He’s got it bad. You seen him much lately?’

‘Nah, only a coupl’a times.’

Beth took in a deep breath. ‘He say anything about me?’

Daryl did not answer for a moment. Then, finally putting the sheet down and looking back up to meet Beth’s gaze with his own closed-off one, he muttered, ‘just wanted to see if we’d talked.’

‘I didn’t tell him, about us.’ Beth clarified hurriedly, feeling irrationally responsible for Glenn knowing about the two of them, but Daryl didn’t seem to be annoyed that he did. Instead, he gave her a tentative nod, turning to unpack the box. Beth sat in silence for a few minutes, chewing on her straw instead of sipping in an attempt to make her drink last.

‘I’m going home in a few days.’ She offered, not really sure how she wanted him to react.

Daryl blinked, eyes darting back up to her. ‘How long for?’

Beth shrugged. ‘Until classes start up again. You got plans for the holidays?’

‘Workin’.’ Daryl said in a gravelly tone, this time not looking at her. She remembered what he’d said about Christmas and, automatically, thought of the scars that littered his back and felt a painful twisting in her stomach. He’d been in so much pain the whole time she’d known him, even longer than that. And yeah, maybe he didn’t want to talk about it and yeah, maybe he hadn’t wanted her to know, but she couldn’t pretend as though it hadn’t happened. She’d seen his scars, whether he liked it or not, and Beth Greene was not the kind of person who could just watch someone she cared about suffering alone.

‘It doesn’t always have to be like it was, you know.’ She said softly, fingers slipping around the edges of her glass as Daryl caught her eye. Heart racing to make up for the sudden fuzziness in her brain, she went on. ‘It’ll kill you if you let it. You can’t let it. It’s what he’d want.’

Daryl froze at her words and she knew her meaning had been clear enough. She almost expected him to snap at her, would almost have welcomed that instead of the deafening silence between them. Daryl fished for a dishrag and began wiping down the already clean bench, jaw clenched harshly.

Beth didn’t need a response from him, just more to know that he heard. Humming softly under breath, she swirled her straw around the glass, listening to the dull clinking of ice as it slowly melted. Daryl was not tensed up when she looked at him again but his jaw was still jumping in his cheek.

More to fix the silence she’d created, Beth said playfully, nodding over to Martinez, who was sitting in a booth speaking with someone, ‘bet he wouldn’t even notice if you ditched work right now.’

Daryl’s shoulders dropped at her voice, hands wringing the dishcloth before throwing it into the sink. ‘Tryin’ to get me fired?’

Beth laughed, a familiarity that she’d missed comforting her. ‘It’s a wonder you haven’t been fired already. I mean, I’m not sure how Martinez runs things here, but I’m thinking he wouldn’t take too kindly to knowing you’ve been having sex with a customer while you’re meant to be working.’

Her bold stroke of confidence was just what the conversation had needed; at once, Daryl raised his eyebrows and the side of his mouth quirked at their familiar teasing.

‘Pretty sure you don’t count as a customer, Greene. You’re costin’ this place more money than you make it.’

Beth grinned, heart fluttering in her ribs. Above all else, this was what she’d missed the most. Before she got the chance to reply, a man at the other end of the bar waved Daryl over with an empty glass and Daryl clicked his tongue impatiently before turning away from her to take his order. Beth’s eyes followed him go, watching the way his hips swayed as he sidled around the counter, the way the dim light shadowed around his biceps when he reached out to grab the glass. She barely had enough time to tear her eyes off him and force her mind elsewhere before the bell above the door was chiming and Merle’s familiar drawl filled the bar.

‘Thought I might find y’all here.’

Beth sprawled her elbows against the bar as Merle dumped himself onto the stool next to her.

‘Where’s my brother?’

Beth nodded towards the corner of the bar in response, where Daryl was taking orders from the table he’d been called to. Merle grumbled and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, fumbling with his lighter.

‘You can’t smoke in here.’ Beth said automatically, clenching her jaw in annoyance when Merle rolled his eyes.

‘Think I liked you better when you didn’t care ‘bout the rules.’

Beth prickled. ‘When was that?’

She knew she’d fallen into Merle’s trap when the older man grinned crookedly and pointed not-so-subtly to the back doors. ‘Ain’t you been fuckin’ my brother back there every day the past month?’

Beth felt her cheeks redden. ‘Well, it’s not happening anymore.’ She grumbled, reaching out to pluck the cigarette from his mouth and ignoring his protests. She was spared having to deal with his gripes by Daryl reappearing, pulling out a few glasses and pouring various drinks for the patrons he’d just been with.

‘What’re you doin’ here?’ Daryl asked his brother, voice a low rumble. She didn’t know if he’d seen him much the last few weeks, but the edge to his voice suggested he hadn’t.

‘Tell blondie she can’t smoke in here.’ Merle shook his head disapprovingly at the cigarette between Beth’s fingers and she threw it at his head before pushing off from the bar, not in the mood to deal with Merle after she’d just confessed to him that she and Daryl were no longer sleeping together.

‘Goin’ somewhere?’ Merle asked in amusement and Beth grit her teeth.

‘Ladies room. Something you need?’

Daryl hid a smile behind the beer tap as Merle’s mouth moved wordlessly. He quickly recovered, waving a hand at her in dismissal.

‘Just as well, got business to talk to my brother about that don’t concern you.’

Beth slowed as she walked by him, turning her ear back towards the two. ‘Business?’ She echoed, feeling a slow spreading dread that told her she knew exactly what he was talking about. She looked to Daryl who was staring at his brother through narrowed eyes and was relieved that at least he didn’t seem to be unsurprised.

‘What business?’ Beth asked again, frustration building at Merle’s smug smile.

‘Thought you two weren’t gettin’ each other’s rocks off no more. What’s it to you?’

Daryl glared at his brother, a flush creeping up his chest that Beth pretended not to see. ‘Answer the question, asshole.’

Merle chortled, shaking his head and putting his hands up in surrender. Beth moved back to her seat and waited, a flower of apprehension opening in her chest. When Daryl’s brother spoke, he did not look her way.

‘Got a big deal goin’ on. Need your help shiftin’ a couple pounds –’

‘Are you kidding me?’ Beth interjected, not caring that half the bar probably just heard her. Merle glared at her in annoyance and she fought to keep her voice at a reasonable level. ‘You realise what you’re asking him, right?’

‘Ain’t none of your concern, blondie.’ Merle’s tone was decidedly less amused now. He turned back to Daryl, who was staring between the two of them with an unreadable expression.

‘Ain’t nothin’ my brother ain’t done before –’

‘Years ago.’ Beth hissed, feeling irrationally angry at Merle for even trying to drag Daryl into a life that he had clearly been trying so desperately to get clean of. ‘Did you forget my dad is friends with the Sheriff –’

‘Oh, and I’m sure he’d be more’n happy to know ‘bout you knockin’ boots with a Dixon, won’t he?’ Merle asked smoothly, a hint of impatience crossing his face. ‘Keep quiet ‘bout this and so will I.’

Beth closed her mouth, swallowing hard. As much as she despised Daryl’s brother right then, she knew he was right. If he found out about her and Daryl through Merle, then she could just about kiss her freedom goodbye and watch the trust she’d carefully cultivated after she’d nearly killed herself slip out of her fingers again.

‘You ain’t sayin’ nothin’ to no one.’ Daryl snarled at his brother, balancing a tray of drinks between his tensed arms. He took them to the waiting table and was back in a flash, making sure Martinez was well-occupied before nodding at Merle to keep talking.

‘All I need’s one day, just you and me drivin’ a couple pounds of coke down to my guys, and you get paid well enough to take a nice little vacation from this shithole town. You know, Daryl here’s never even left this place.’ Merle added, turning to Beth as though this news would somehow change her mind about the whole thing. Daryl shifted uncomfortably.

He hadn’t refused yet and Beth could barely believe that he seemed to be considering it. She whipped her head around to him and felt a stab of annoyance to see him avoiding her gaze.

‘Daryl – you can’t –’

‘C’mon, girly, loosen up. ‘Sides, I ain’t been caught in years and I ain’t ‘bout to –’

‘It’s not about being caught.’ Beth said to Merle, although she knew that was only partly true. The thought of Daryl in prison terrified her, but it was the thought of him becoming that person he was trying so hard not to be that scared her more. Although he wouldn’t say so, she knew that part of the reason he was considering this at all was because she’d seen his scars, because he thought that had changed things. She couldn’t put into words right now just how untrue that was and just how much she knew he had been trying all his life to be better, not with Merle listening raptly. She knew another part of the reason he was considering this was because this was his brother, and as complicated as their relationship might be, Daryl was loyal to a fault, and he wanted more than anything to just have him around.

‘Drop’s next week, night ‘fore Christmas. I’ll swing ‘round in the mornin’ to get you.’ Merle said with a sense of finality, and smacked his hands against the bar as he heaved himself up. Beth watched him go with an increasing feeling of panic bubbling up in her gut. When he was safely out the door and the Christmas music replaced the beating of her heart in her ears, she turned to Daryl.

‘You’re not going to do it, are you?’ She’d meant her voice to be apathetic but it had come out confused, laced with concern and misgivings. Daryl didn’t meet her eyes as he pulled out a rack of dishes to clean and as she opened her mouth to protest further, Martinez’ voice cut across the room.

‘Hey, chica. Haven’t seen you in a while.’

Beth sank back into her chair, watching Martinez as he moved past Daryl behind the bar and pulled a notepad out from behind the register.

‘Yeah. I’ve been uh – busy with college and stuff.’ She answered lamely, glad that the other man seemed to be only half listening as he distractedly flipped through pages of messy scrawls.

‘Well, I’ll see you tonight anyway.’

Beth frowned, noticing the way Daryl’s chest swelled as he took a breath in.

‘Tonight?’ She repeated, feeling as though today was determined to punish her for all the time she had missed here.

‘Did Daryl not tell you?’ Martinez asked, peering at Daryl who was busying himself with the clean glasses still. ‘We’ve got our Christmas party on. All the boys are bringing their family and friends and well – you’re always here, so I told Daryl to invite you last week . . .’

Beth fought not to think about the time they hadn’t spoken, of how he had not only existed in her mind and all around her, haunting her, but of how she had also existed for him without being there. Daryl was avoiding both their gazes now, but they were friends, and they were agreed on that. And the only thing that would be worse than going and wondering whether things would be weird was not going and confirming the glaringly obvious fact that she did not want to just be his friend.

‘Yeah, sure. I’ll be there.’

Martinez beamed at her, clapping Daryl on the back as he moved to return to the booth in the corner. Now that Beth was looking for it, she could see the small twitch of Daryl’s mouth at the contact, the way his body seemed to stiffen slightly as the other man raised his hand. Her heart ached for him in a way it had never ached for anyone else before. This was not like when her mother had died and she’d been drowning in grief and sorrow, this was another form of hurt entirely. It was the hurt of loving someone in any form they’d take, regardless and maybe in spite of the fact that they did not believe they deserved to be loved.

‘Know anyone else going tonight? Glenn? Merle?’

Daryl hummed, finally putting down the glasses and looking up at her. The shock of emotion that ran through Beth every time they made eye contact was something she’d never anticipated to last, but it had been months now and she still felt that little strike of electricity at the base of her spine each time his hard blue eyes collided with hers.

‘Just you.’ Daryl said in a rough voice and Beth felt her stomach contract with an excitement she had to pretend wasn’t there. Friends. For the hundredth time. She could do this.

‘Okay. I’ll see you later, then.’ Beth offered him a small smile which he returned, nodding, teeth worrying at the corner of his mouth as she got up and gave him a small wave, making her way out of the bar. The sun was stronger now, cloud dissipating as the breeze blew fiercer. Merle was leaning against the brick next to her, clouded by smoke. At the noise of the bell he turned, chortling at the sight of her, taking in another long puff.

‘You’re a stubborn one, I’ll give you that.’

Beth squinted, putting a hand up to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun. ‘You know he’d do anything for you.’ She fought to keep her voice from shaking but without Daryl there, she did not have a reason to attempt to be civil.

Merle snorted, blowing out more smoke and licking his lips. ‘Y’ain’t known him ‘fore this year. Ain’t known him all his life like me. He ain’t changin’ who he is, who he’s always been. Not for me, not for you.’

‘He’s trying to be different.’ Beth said harshly. ‘Better. For him.’

The older man let out a raucous bark of laughter and Beth narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘So, what – you do this and just hope that it all goes well? And then you keep dragging him further in until he’s exactly the same as you?’ Beth didn’t attempt to control her disdain.

‘He’s already same as me, blondie. Same as our daddy, same as every other asshole redneck out here. He ain’t gonna change for you, no matter how bad you want him to –’

‘He’s not the same.’ Beth said stubbornly, her stomach churning at Merle’s words. She didn’t know what kind of scars their father had left on Merle but judging from the way Daryl always spoke about his brother, he’d gotten out much sooner than Daryl had been able to. To compare that monster that had abused and tormented them to Daryl and say they were the same was almost too much to bear. She fervently thanked that Daryl was not there to listen, nor to see how her hands shook with anger.

Merle’s laugh was like a hot iron. ‘Ain’t nothin’ you can do ‘bout it now, darlin’. Ain’t you already said you two aren’t fuckin’ no more?’

‘I don’t have to be having sex with someone to care about them.’ Beth snapped, but at Merle’s eye roll, she knew nothing she could say would get through his thick head. With an impatient noise, she threw her arms up in the air and walked past him, trying to drown out his cackle of laughter that echoed through her head all the way home.


	9. Always You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth get too drunk at the Christmas party and the morning after Daryl decides to do something about his feelings for Beth once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't wait to hear what you think about this chapter!! also, the amazing gala brought this fic to life and i need everyone to see it so they can fall in love with it as much as i have.  
> https://darylbeth.tumblr.com/post/643330887545683968/the-amazing-gala-art-made-my-fic-come-to-life

Daryl spent the rest of his shift with his head down, mind reeling at what his brother had asked of him. It wasn’t unusual for Merle to come past and hint that he could use help with whatever bullshit drug operation he was part of, but he had never asked this of him. Daryl had been trying so hard to escape that part of himself but it seemed impossible if he wanted to keep Merle in his life. And he did. He just wanted his brother back. After the years that’d gone after Merle had moved out and joined the army, not speaking, not even knowing how the other was, to Merle suddenly moving back into town and wanting a relationship with Daryl, he’d take it, no matter how strained or broken. And if Merle was asking him back into something similar to their shitty childhood, Daryl knew that despite all his misgivings and how he knew this was not the right decision, something in him was being tugged towards the darkness, the same feeling he’d got when Beth had been his scars. Beth. She’d seen more of him than he’d ever shown anyone, and not just his scars. She’d seen his soul. He’d never felt like this about another person, had never wanted something like what he wanted with Beth before. And he’d thought that he could be that person he’d always wished he was for her, but after she’d seen his scars and he’d lashed out, he knew that he would always have that part of himself. There was no escaping it or running from it anymore, and if he could not be for her what she deserved, then maybe he could be what Merle needed, no matter how treacherous.

‘Everything okay between you and Beth?’ Martinez was leaning over the other end of the bar as Daryl cleaned up stray glasses and picked up discarded straws. They’d closed early for the Christmas party and although Pete was keeping to himself as he brought out alcohol from the back room, Martinez appeared to have finished his business for the day. Daryl allowed a brief glance at the other man, which did not work as well as he’d hoped to deter him from personal questions.

‘C’mon Dixon, you two have been glued to the hip all year. Girl practically lives here and suddenly she hasn’t been around in two weeks.’

‘She’s been busy with college, you heard her.’

Martinez shook his head, grinning at Daryl as he moved to rearrange the gold tinsel behind the bar. ‘Oh, right. I might just believe that if the tension between the two of you wasn’t palpable.’

‘Palpable?’ Daryl echoed with a raised brow. ‘Thought you owned a bar not a fuckin’ bookstore.’

Martinez shook his head, a low laugh escaping him but he dropped it. Daryl tried not to dwell on the fact that Martinez had noticed something going on between him and Beth – his brother had, Glenn had, hell, even her sister who had barely spent more than a night with them could see it. It wasn’t just that he didn’t like talking about his feelings, especially not when he hardly knew what he was feeling himself. It was that whatever he and Beth had been, they were over now, and talking about it to people who did not know would just reopen a wound that hadn’t even healed fully yet.

The bar was full by the time the sun went down, twinkling fairy lights casting a golden glow. Daryl had nursed a beer as people had arrived, head down and keeping to his corner until Martinez had pulled him up to meet his family. His Christmas music was still stubbornly blaring through the speakers, and each time a new carol came on, his kids squealed with excitement and danced in circles around barstools. Daryl eventually bit, allowing Pete to drag him into a conversation where he stood somewhat awkwardly, nodding and sipping his drink, grateful no one expected any input from him. He let his co-workers introduce their family and friends to him, shaking hands politely and forcing himself to make casual conversation all the while keeping an eye on the door for Beth.

When the bell sounded for what felt like the hundredth time that night, Daryl turned to see her stumbling in, almost tripping over the thick welcome mat that usually got stuck in the threshold. The door swung shut softly behind her and she peered around with wide eyes, shrugging off her jacket and revealing a white flowy dress underneath. Daryl’s eyes raked over her thighs, where the lace trimming was brushing the skin there that he knew was softer than butter. Before Beth caught him looking, he tore his eyes away, clearing his throat and making his way over to her.

‘Hey.’

‘Hi.’ Beth smiled brightly, the warm lights catching the gold glitter in the corners of her eyes. She looked like an angel; ethereal, gilded hair spilling down her back with a messy braid weaved into her locks, blue eyes flashing like the ocean under a full moon.

‘Want a drink?’ Daryl asked, turning away from her and hearing the patter of her steps behind him, following him all the way up to the bar.

‘God, yes. Hey, Caesar.’ She replied, waving towards Martinez and his family before looking back to Daryl. ‘Sorry I’m late, I didn’t know what to wear.’

Daryl skimmed his fingers over the bottles of alcohol behind the countertop as Beth took her usual seat and it was all so familiar, all so comfortable, all so right. He thought of her sliding her satin dress on, wondering whether or not she looked good, and fought the bubble of compliments that had risen to his throat to tell her that she did.

‘’S alright. Ain’t missin’ much.’

Beth smiled as she glanced around, taking in the extra decorations, the small tree in the corner. Daryl wondered what her home looked around Christmas, what the inside of the farmhouse and her room was like, if she liked weaving tinsel around the stair spindles or if she liked gingerbread scented candles. Christmas had never been something he’d ever even consider celebrating but things had changed since he was a child. Even working at Martinez’ had slowly changed his opinion of the holiday, but he hadn’t really seen the value of it until Beth. It was in everything she did – in the way she’d let out a tiny gasp when they passed an extravagantly lit house on the street or when someone came in wearing a set of antlers. Christmas had become something Daryl wasn’t sure meant anything, but he knew he’d never be able to go another year without thinking of Beth Greene, and her joy for this stupid holiday that was not so stupid anymore.

‘What’re you drinking?’

Daryl nodded towards his nearly empty beer bottle and Beth wrinkled her nose at it upon closer inspection. ‘Nope. Not on Christmas.’

‘Y’know it ain’t Christmas yet.’ Daryl said lightly, and Beth rolled her eyes.

‘Close enough. You’ve gotta try something else.’

‘Like what?’ Daryl asked, slightly amused at her demands and how he would listen to no one else in the world except Beth, whom he adored. Friends. Yeah, right. Things were getting fuzzy again.

Beth seemed to take his question quite seriously, because after considering the alcohol behind him, she jumped up and darted around the bar to his side, bumping against him lightly as she passed him and throwing him completely out of orbit.

‘Something sweet. Let’s see . . . strawberry liqueur and – oh, peppermint!’

Daryl couldn’t help the slow smile that spread across his face as Beth stood on her toes to reach the bottle of schnapps, making a neat row on the bar before retrieving a few mixers then two long glasses. She haphazardly measured liquids and then mixed them thoroughly with a straw, thrusting a full glass into Daryl’s hand with a bubbling laugh.

‘There you go. Better than beer.’

‘We’ll see.’ Daryl muttered, reaching up to clink glasses with her. The pink liquid sloshed around his glass as he raised it to his lips and there was far too much peppermint liqueur and definitely not enough tonic water, but he had to admit that this was a little more festive than drinking beer alone in a corner. Although it was certainly not a drink to be taken as a shot, they finished it quickly. Martinez was preoccupied with his family and no one else seemed to be paying them any attention, so Daryl felt quite free to allow Beth to pick out a few more spirits and mix a new drink. After the forth, things were starting to get a little blurry. It wasn’t so much that Beth was great at making drinks as she was surprisingly heavy handed for someone who could play an instrument as delicate as the piano. The taste of candied orange, mango vodka and coconut were burned onto Daryl’s tongue, and as he reached over to grab Beth a bottle she’d spotted on the highest shelf, he accidently bumped her hip and she fell into him, laughing. It hit him how close they were and he realised he was not just a little tipsy anymore, and Beth certainly wasn’t, either. And all of a sudden it became a lot harder to ignore his feelings for her.

‘Okay, okay, this is gonna be the one.’ Beth giggled, swiping the bottle from him and narrowing her eyes as she poured out a shot with mock precision. ‘Ignore that.’ She directed as rum spilled over the lip of the glass and onto the countertop and Daryl bit back a grin. A moment later, he was accepting the margarita glass filled with something that certainly was not a margarita, scrunching his nose at the taste of sour passionfruit.

Beth sputtered, blinking her watering eyes but finishing her drink anyway. ‘Okay, that was not the one.’ She turned to Daryl, playing her fingers absently around the stem of her empty glass. A breathless laugh escaped her and she softly began to sing the song playing over the speakers under her breath. Daryl knew she wasn’t looking for a compliment but he also knew that now was the only time he felt brave enough to give her one.

‘You sound fuckin’ good, Beth. Don’t know why you’re always so shy ‘bout singin’. Keep singin’ like that, I’ll quit this place and take you straight to New York, fuck Memphis.’

Beth beamed at him, her eyes bright. ‘Yeah, right. Bet we’d get far in New York with just our good intentions.’

Daryl rolled his shoulders back, glancing over her. ‘Maybe I get that money Merle promised. Maybe I take you then.’

Beth’s smile froze and then, after a few seconds of her eyes searching his, it fell, and she looked away quickly. ‘Don’t joke about it. Can barely think of you getting caught up in all that without feeling sick –’

‘Ain’t gotta worry ‘bout me.’ Daryl muttered, strangely touched that she cared so much. But they were friends, and friends cared if other friends were planning on doing something illegal that had the potential to change the course of their whole lives, despite the fact that right now, they did not feel like friends.

‘Sure I do. What other bartender’s going to fall for my fake I.D if you’re fired?’

Daryl snorted, shoving her lightly and Beth’s bubbling laugh was back again, contagious, somehow managing to settle somewhere in his chest and encourage his own out.

They glanced over the room together, grateful that the steady roar of chatter and loud laughter masked the weight of their conversation. Usually when he spoke to Beth, it felt like they were the only two in the world. Right now it felt something like that, except it felt like they were ghosts, and everyone else around them could not see or hear them. They were in a world alive with bright colours and sounds, and they were invisible, only bright for each other.

Daryl should have known not to drink so much, should have known that no good could come out of both of them getting drunk together. It wasn’t so much that he knew this would happen, but now that they were both breathless and past the point of being tipsy, it seemed so obvious to him that something was bound to happen. For a moment he thought he might be the only one realising it, or he’d just read too much into things, but then Beth was staring at his eyes with her wide blue ones and her tongue was running over her lips and her cheeks were flushed with a rosy glow and it was clear he was not the only one thinking this.

Daryl swallowed hard, glancing around to make sure no one was watching them, before he leaned in closer to Beth, bumping her hips into the countertop. She bit back a big smile, letting a finger flick a lock of hair out of his eyes and god, he was so drunk and she was so beautiful.

‘Remember when we first –?’ Beth mumbled, a little louder than necessary, but the music covered enough unwelcome ears that no one else but Daryl heard her.

He ran his hands along the smooth polish of the bar and felt his stomach twisting. They’d had sex so many times that most people would probably not remember separate details from each time, but Daryl did, even now. How could he forget the first time – where he’d sat her right where they were leaning and she’d spread her legs open for him, mewing and moaning all around him? Hell, even the thought of it was getting him half-hard. He adjusted himself beneath the bar, but evidently not subtly enough because Beth noticed.

‘Is that . . . are you –’

‘Sorry.’ Daryl muttered, feeling a heavier weight enter the conversation. It was fine to joke about sex with her and talk about it when it didn’t have much substance, but Beth noticing his prick getting hard did not only hurt his ability to seem as though he did not want more from her than friendship, but it made him worry he was making her uncomfortable.

Beth grinned easily. ‘It’s okay.’ She reached out again and this time poked him in the chest, finger tracing over his heart and Daryl thought she’d cut it out and take it if he hadn’t already given it to her months ago.

At the coy smirk that had taken over her face and the set of her huge eyes on him, he knew that he was not making her uncomfortable in the slightest.

‘I’m getting wet, thinking about you.’

It took Daryl a moment to register her words, and then all of the shitty Christmas music and loud laughter in the world could not cover the deafening silence that fell between them. _You._ She’d said _thinking about you_. Not just sex, not just getting fucked on the counter. Him.

Daryl’s fingers were thrumming with anticipation as he turned to stare at her, somehow much closer than he’d though she was. If he bent, he would almost reach her lips. If he reached out, he could easily take her waist and pull her close. He tried to remember what they had agreed about being friends, but nothing in Beth’s eyes was friendly. There was raw heat there, a growing desire that matched the one budding in his chest for her. All he wanted to do was kiss her, was hold her, was fuck her until she was moaning his name again, and he thought he wouldn’t be able to do that again, but now she was looking at him as though he could do just about whatever he wanted. Who was he kidding? He was never going to be the stronger one, not when it came to Beth. If she was saying she wanted him, he didn’t even have to consider it.

Not bothering to check that no one was watching them, Daryl tugged on the edge of her dress, cream satin slipping against his fingers as he pulled her a little closer. Beth moved easily, falling against him and letting the folds of her dress cover her hands as they stretched down his torso and kneaded at his hardening cock. Daryl hissed, taking in a sharp inhale as Beth let out a stuttering breath, the air filled with the smell of raspberry liqueur, pushing into him harder and playfully yanking at the button of his pants.

‘Gonna be the fuckin’ death of me, girl.’ Daryl rasped, grabbing her wrists and holding her steady. Beth let out an exhilarated laugh, and if the thought crossed either of their minds to stop before they potentially ruined their already precariously balanced friendship, they ignored it.

‘C’mon, Daryl.’ Beth breathed, her voice halfway between a whine and a dare. Before he knew it she was spinning around, pushing through the double doors that led to the backroom and Daryl was hit with a déjà vu that he desperately wanted to relive. He followed her after one quick scan of the room, making sure no one was noticing them slip away. The moment he got to the other side of the doors, Beth was bunching a fist in his shirt and dragging him further in, towards the back door that led to the alley. They stumbled through it and out into the dark, warm night, and Beth’s back hit the wall sooner than Daryl expected and suddenly he was kissing her and it hit him that they were definitely crossing a hundred lines they’d silently agreed on but it didn’t matter, because she was kissing him back.

His hands were frantic as they moved to cup her face, deepening the kiss and pushing his whole body against hers, feeling every hard edge and small curve of her against him. His eyes were closed and his head spinning across a black canvas, alcohol and the taste of her rendering him incapable of the basic common sense that told him they probably shouldn’t be doing this out here, where anybody could stumble across. The less rational part of him reminded him, as Beth’s hands snaked down his biceps and squeezed, that they’d had sex in this very alley before.

‘Christ, Beth, you’re soaked.’ Daryl managed as he broke their lips apart to draw a breath, his hand already playing across her pussy over her underwear. He’d missed her so much it was almost painful, and now that he was touching her like this again, his alcohol-riddled brain didn’t think he’d be able to ever stop. Beth whimpered a little, head resting back against the cold brick as he impatiently moved her panties out of the way and let the warm air flit across her quivering lips. Her hands were already jingling at the buckle of his belt, hastily unhooking it and reaching in for his hard dick. When her soft hands found him and began to slowly stroke down his length, he let out a jagged breath, his own fingers moving quicker against her until she suddenly pulled him in for a kiss again.

‘This doesn’t have to mean anything.’ Beth muttered hurriedly, as though afraid he’d scare off if he thought the opposite. Daryl thought of their fight and his heart raced, knowing she was thinking the same. ‘We’re friends.’

The alcohol had loosened his tongue as well as his control. ‘Ain’t never had a friend I wanna fuck so bad.’ Daryl growled in her ear, trailing down searing kisses across her jawline.

‘What are you waiting for, then?’ Beth breathed lightly, her voice teasing. Daryl didn’t need telling twice; his fingers were already slipping into her sopping entrance and moving quickly in and out of her as she teased the head of his dick with slow strokes. When Daryl took in a shaking breath, Beth pulled his hips closer and hooked one leg around his waist, grinding her pussy hard against his cock.

They were both a little drunk and both a little careless but maybe that was why this was working so well. Overthinking could lead to nothing good, and thanks to the alcohol silencing misgivings and rational thoughts, all Daryl knew was the heat of her against him and the feeling he had been chasing for months slowly being understood as it reared its head behind the protection of his rib cage.

Daryl’s cock twitched against Beth’s slick lips and she moaned, standing on her toes to reach his mouth once more. His hand was at the base of his dick and he squeezed hard before swinging it back and slapping her pussy. Her legs shook and her fingernails dug into his bicep and when he did it again, she bit down on his lip. Her heel was digging into his back as she lined herself up and Daryl snaked a hand under her thigh to hold her leg up as he slowly teased his tip over her. Beth’s tongue ran along his own, sending wild sparks through his chest as he pushed his hips closer to her, slowly sinking into her pussy. He kept his eyes on her as he penetrated her, watching the way she slowly surrendered to the feeling, eyebrows furrowed and lips parting.

‘Fuck.’ Daryl let out a strangled breath at the feel of her walls contracting around him and Beth swallowed his gasp with one of her own. He didn’t try drawing her out or taking his time; he could tell by the way she was losing balance and shaking on her leg that she wanted this now and she wanted it fast. Her pussy was soaking wet and Daryl slid in and out of her easily, mashing his pelvis into her with each long stroke.

‘God, yes.’ Beth cried against his mouth, wrapping her arms tighter around him. One of his hands was on her ass and the other still holding her leg up as he fucked her against the brick wall. The dim light sent shadows across them, tangling them up into one figure instead of two.

‘Been thinkin’ ‘bout your tight little pussy.’ Daryl growled into her, dipping his head to suck on her neck.

‘Missed having your cock inside me.’ Beth keened, and Daryl’s heart ached. They were drunk and they were just words but there was a big part of him he was ignoring that wished they weren’t just words. Beth fumbled with her hands to unravel them from his hair and pull the front of her dress down to expose a hard nipple. Daryl cursed at the sight, lifting her up a little higher so he could take her breast in his mouth.

‘Fuck – just like that.’ Beth moaned breathlessly as he swirled his tongue around her, teeth grazing along her soft skin. Faint Christmas music was escaping the bar and filling the heady air around them, the only noise aside from Daryl’s low groans and Beth’s sharp breaths as he thrust into her, balls slapping her hard.

A keen thrill was pulling back in Daryl’s gut and he pounded into her quicker, biting down on her breast and knowing she liked it by the way she moaned his name and weaved her fingers back through his hair, keeping him there. Her legs were shaking and his arms tensed as his corded muscles strained with the effort of holding her up and balancing himself at the same time. When he lifted his head back up, Beth’s lips were waiting for him already, moving in and sealing the air between them with a kiss that tasted like raspberry and vodka and something that Daryl’s drunken mind attributed to sunshine but it was really just her.

‘Harder. Oh, fuck, harder, Daryl.’ Beth’s voice was scratchy as it escaped her throat, no longer caring if anyone might hear or see them. Daryl responded by squeezing her ass cheeks hard, pushing her hips higher and allowing him to go into her deeper than he thought he could. He knew by the way Beth’s eyes squinted shut and her lips parted in a small “o” shape that this was a new kind of pressure she hadn’t expected. Daryl’s cock was aching inside her, just the sight of Beth breathless and on the verge of orgasm like this more than enough to make him blow his load if he wasn’t holding back to wait for her. Her breasts were bouncing up and down and her neck was glistening with sweat but as she opened her eyes a fraction and Daryl was able to recognise their familiar colour, everything else melted away. Beth’s hands had travelled under his shirt and now they were against his back, tracing his scars with butterfly-like pressure and Daryl felt his heart stop. There was nothing tentative or scared about her touches and Daryl fought the feeling of panic rising up in his gut as he allowed himself to feel her there, pressing her skin into him, reminding him that things could feel good.

It only took a few more hard pumps into her to feel that familiar jerk in his gut, stomach tensing up as his body shook with anticipation. He spat down between them and they watched as his warm saliva hit her clit, dripping down to mix with the juices on his cock. Watching the physical act of him fucking her was something altogether different to feeling it and yet it gave him that same unbridled thrill as his hard dick disappeared between her slick folds, clit swollen and red and glistening. And then Beth was coming, brows creasing together and eyelids heavy as she watched her pussy taking his thick cock, head finally lolling back as she shuddered around him. Daryl was a moment behind her, groaning lowly as he spent himself, thrusts growing sloppier as his come shot out in hot spurts, dripping out of her pussy and onto the cobblestoned ground beneath them.

Daryl’s head spun as he righted himself, putting Beth down gently and tucking his softening cock back into his pants. He glanced around quickly, making sure no one had spotted them as Beth pushed her hair out of her face and wriggled around, adjusting the straps of her dress. She giggled when he met her eye, and he knew that they were both drunk enough that it would be okay tomorrow to blame this on the alcohol and go back to being friends. The word barely meant anything anymore and yet it was the only one he clung to so desperately, the only one that had the power to sum up what he and Beth were all at once and not at all. Because they were friends. And even after all this, they still would be. Never mind how Daryl’s heart ached with a longing that sent him reeling, never mind how he yearned for a life with Beth that he’d never even let himself imagine. His scars were burning from her touch but they were not hurting with their familiar ache as they usually did. His veins were thrumming with adrenaline and his gut bubbling with confusion as his drunk mind tried to sort through these feelings, these racing thrills that told him she did not think him unlovable, these sinking jolts that told him it was just the heat of the moment.

‘We should go back in.’ Beth said after a moment, walking past him and trailing her hand along his, pulling him behind her. Daryl let himself be guided back to the alley door, peering through and making sure no one was around to see them slip back in. Once they were safely in the back room, Beth dropped his hand, tucking her hair behind her ears and watching him through a satiated grin.

‘We’re drunk, right?’

Daryl let out a soft laugh, shaking his head at her because yes, they were drunk, and yes, they’d just fucked like they weren’t, he was so madly, undeniably in love with her that being drunk couldn’t even compare to the thrill she gave him each time their eyes met. But they were drunk. And what just happened didn’t change the fact that he was who he was and he would never be able to be someone else for her. Even drunk he could see that he would never be something whole enough. But it didn’t stop the truth of it all – they were friends, but they hadn’t been friends in a long time. Friends laughed together, friends teased each other and friends took care of each other as they did, but they were not friends. Not any longer. Friends did not kiss like they did, did not fuck in a back alley during a Christmas party because they couldn’t handle the distance between them any longer. Not friends. Something else.

‘Yeah, we’re drunk.’ Daryl muttered, chewing at his lip. A look of something like relief crossed Beth’s face and she kept her easy gaze on him until she finally turned, peeking through the window to make sure the coast was clear.

‘C’mon.’ She whispered, waving her arm for him to follow as she cracked open the door and entered the loud bar once again. Thankfully, Martinez and his family were at the other end, preoccupied with the jukebox and everyone else was either too drunk to notice them or too distracted. Once Beth had successfully slid back onto her usual stool, she flopped her head into her elbows, blinking sleepily. Daryl knew she took care of herself much less than she should and that her roommate didn’t exactly make it easy to get a good night’s rest. She’d been pouring everything she had all year into college, and knew that now was the only chance she’d get to relax before the holidays and before it all started back up again next year. Daryl refrained from thinking of the nights she’d spent at his – the first time, where she’d moved her body into his during the night and they’d woken up far closer than when they’d gone to sleep, and the second time, where they’d fallen into an easy slumber against each other after making love and had awoke tangled up together, still not close enough. It couldn’t be like that all the time, Daryl tried to remind himself in a haze of racing thoughts – things were always uglier, things were uglier because of him. But not her. Beth no longer simply lived amongst bright and beautiful things in Daryl’s mind, she was them. She was the lilac sky as the sun glanced through clouds on frosty mornings, the thrum of his motorcycle engine vibrating through his veins, the smell of vanilla rum when he opened a new bottle in the rowdy bar, forgetting all else the moment the familiar scent caught him.

Daryl, eventually realising that he was not actually working and had no real need to stand behind the bar, made his way to the other side, nudging Beth lightly as he passed her and signalling her to follow him to an unoccupied booth in the corner. She collapsed gratefully onto the soft cushions and Daryl took the seat opposite her, fiddling with his fingers across the table as the golden lights glimmered over them, Christmas carols filling the empty space. The window they sat beside was adorned in silver tinsel and there were paper snowflakes stuck haphazardly over the grimy glass and Daryl thought he finally understood the festivity behind decorations, the reason that Beth loved to decorate and bake for this holiday. It wasn’t just about Christmas. She was always like that – always making things better, always blowing into lives like a tornado and leaving everything upturned and messy and yet different, more. Glenn was better for knowing her – hell, even Merle had begun to carefully consider his words when she was around without even realising it. And Daryl was better. Always better with her.

Beth flicked a hanging star out of her face and blew an exasperated breath out, turning to the crowd. Daryl didn’t miss the way her eyes roamed over the jukebox, almost hungrily, and he couldn’t help the smile that teased at his mouth.

They sat in the booth for the rest of the night, flicking balled up napkins at each other when they were bored and making up back stories for the people they’d never seen, inventing wild tales that probably weren’t remotely true in comparison to boring realities, but it was fun anyway. When Martinez finally turned the music down and everyone began to clear out, Beth yawned widely and stood up, stretching, and Daryl got up automatically, feeling his pockets for his keys before realising he had planned to walk home.

The streets were deserted on the way back, the still air blanketing them as though it was soundproof, as though nothing could enter the bubble they’d created between themselves. Beth’s warm hands brushed his carelessly each time they rounded a corner, her blonde hair tickling his neck as the breeze blew her closer.

‘Thanks.’ Beth muttered as they finally reached her dorm. She turned away, walking a few steps on unsteady legs before pausing suddenly at the front entrance, turning back with a determined set to her eyes. ‘I’m really glad we’re friends again.’

Daryl’s heart hammered at the sincerity of her voice, at the longing he held deep in his gut that had come to the surface too many times tonight. There was that word again, there was that thing they should be but weren’t. Did she know, they weren’t that anymore? Did she know, how they could never be just that again? He fought to keep control of his voice as he muttered, ‘yeah. Me too.’

Beth’s wide eyes raked over him, travelling down to his lips, blinking slowly as though lost in thought. Her eyes were red from exhaustion and her fingers were toying at the frayed edge of her bag but her voice was clear when she finally murmured, ‘goodnight, Daryl.’

‘Night, Beth.’ Daryl watched her go, making sure she was safely inside before turning away, disappearing into the dark streets, a dizzying feeling spreading through his body that he could no longer blame on the alcohol.

* * *

Beth slept in the next morning, only roused by the harsh sunlight that was streaming in through an uncovered window. Cursing Sarah for the hundredth time that week for always keeping her side of the curtains pulled back, Beth sat up, groaning. She never usually got hungover and she was barely hungover now, but it still wasn’t ideal to wake up on one of few precious days of complete freedom with a pounding headache. She rifled through her draw for an aspirin before gulping down a bottle of water too fast, fighting the churning in her stomach as memories from the night before came back to her. Beth hadn’t been drunk enough to forget what happened, but it still made her suddenly hot when she recalled how Daryl had pinned her against the wall and fucked her hard in the alley, tasting like spiced rum and feeling like heaven inside her. Running a hand through her hair, she turned her room upside down until she located her phone, peeking out between under her slip of a dress from the night before, lighting up with a notification as she gazed at the time. Midday already. Momentarily distracted by the text from Glenn that had popped up telling her to meet him at Martinez’, Beth made it out of her dorm a few minutes later with no thought of Daryl until she stepped outside and blinked in the sunlight, recalling how he had taken her back to this very entrance the night before. She couldn’t measure just how drunk he’d been, but she suspected he had a higher tolerance than her, and if she hadn’t been drunk enough to forget anything, then he would remember even easier than her. Was he thinking about them having sex again – regretting it, wondering why they’d let themselves get carried away with kisses when it shouldn’t have been about that at all, thinking of how to ensure she knew that it had been a one-night thing? They couldn’t seem to find a middle ground and if Beth was honest, she never wanted to. This wasn’t enough – this desperate need for him, this half-having – but she could make it enough. She fought not to think about Merle’s offer, at how Daryl hadn’t refused, at how she did not want to lose him to his past. Taking in a deep breath and hoping he wasn’t regretting the night before, she began the pleasant walk to the bar, putting her headphones on and trying to drown out any other thought.

When Beth arrived, she saw Glenn waiting out front, leaning against the brick and squinting in the sun as he pulled his cap off.

‘Wild night, I take it?’ He asked with humour as Beth greeted him with a weak wave, tugging off her headphones. Unbidden, Daryl was in her mind again, and she realised he never really left, just waited to be remembered.

‘Let’s just say I’m no good at knowing which alcohols don’t mix.’

Glenn laughed as he pushed the entrance open, and the bell overhead dinged, and it was automatic for Beth to search across the bar to find Daryl, and have his eyes already on her. He was wiping the counter down, tanned arms taut in a tight black t-shirt and she suddenly felt a heat rising up her chest, colouring her cheeks. How many times had she seen him doing this, sat across from him as he worked and found it hard to concentrate on her assignments with him looking like that?

‘What did you wanna meet for?’ Beth asked Glenn quickly as they sunk into their stools, conscious that Daryl might say something, and not knowing if she was prepared to attempt to pretend that last night meant nothing just yet.

‘Oh.’ Glenn’s voice was a little quieter now, leaning in to Beth and nodding at Daryl in greeting, who nodded back, eyes fixed on Glenn. ‘Okay, I need advice. It’s about Maggie.’

Daryl played the cloth between his fingers as he chewed on his bottom lip, turning back to load up the dishwasher.

Beth grinned despite herself. ‘What about?’ Her voice was resigned, used to years of Maggie’s boyfriends unable to crack her tough exterior and instead going to Beth for advice on how to handle her big sister. Glenn seemed to be doing better than all the others, although he didn’t know it yet.

‘I just – I’m crazy about her and I’ve never been in a serious relationship before and I don’t know how to do it, any of it.’ Glenn said in a hurry, looking away awkwardly. Beth smiled encouragingly.

‘Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Maggie seems intimidating but I haven’t seen her this into anyone before.’

Glenn’s eyes widened and he breathed out a sigh of relief, thanking Daryl as he slid over a drink. Beth couldn’t help but turn automatically at Daryl’s movement, and when his eyes finally met hers a shiver passed through her spine.

‘You sleep alright?’ He asked gruffly, and if he was trying to act indifferent, it was working. Beth shrugged, fingers tapping against the bar top distractedly.

‘Eat anythin’ yet?’ This time Daryl’s voice was a little softer, betraying what his hard eyes were hiding. It wasn’t an invasive question; he knew her so well that it was automatic to ask her, but it shouldn’t have felt this intimate, shouldn’t have pulled a butterfly flutter out of Beth’s chest.

‘Only woke up half an hour ago.’

Daryl snorted and shook his head, disappearing to the back without another word. Glenn glanced after him, sipping his drink with a smug grin.

‘What?’ Beth snapped, knowing whatever it was, it was all over her face.

Glenn didn’t bother to raise his hands in mock surrender as he usually did, or act like he’d seen nothing. Instead, he rolled his eyes and pointed after Daryl in such an obvious way that Beth was glad there was hardly anyone else in the bar to notice.

‘What was that about?’

‘What?’

Glenn shook his head, laughing. ‘“You sleep alright?”’ He imitated Daryl’s low drawl and Beth fought to keep her face straight. ‘Okay, are you ever going to tell me what’s going on or do Merle and I have to keep up our weekly chats covertly guessing about the two of you?’

The unexpected knowledge that Glenn and Merle often spoke about them caught Beth off guard but she recovered quickly. ‘I thought we were here to talk about your problems.’ She reminded him with a forced edge to her voice. In reality, she knew she should talk to someone about her and Daryl, knew that half the reason she was feeling so confused about it all was because she was stuck in an endless cycle of feelings she could not act on. But what was the point, if they were to be friends?

‘Okay, okay.’ Glenn muttered, but Beth didn’t miss the cheeky glint in his eye when Daryl came back with a grilled cheese and glass of soda for her.

It was such a commonplace thing, but each time it made Beth swell with fondness for him, for the casual way he slid over the food to her and moved along, not waiting for gratitude, as though taking care of her was not something to consider or a chore. She’d unconsciously began missing meals, knowing she was going to Martinez’ that day, and Beth thought that maybe Daryl knew that by now, too. Maybe he’d always known.

‘So – Maggie.’ Beth prompted Glenn before she bit into the warm goodness of melted cheese and crunchy toast.

‘Right. Yeah. I don’t know, what do you think I should do?’

‘Well,’ Beth said through a mouthful of bread, ‘do you like her?’

‘Yes, but –’

‘Does she like you?’

‘I guess . . .’

Beth felt goosebumps appear on her arms as the cool soda hit the back of her throat. She hadn’t realised how hungry she’d been, but half the day had passed already and the last time she ate was dinner the night before. ‘Then that’s all you need to worry about. Just – tell her how you feel. I know my sister, trust me, she’s just as crazy about you.’

Glenn looked to his hands, wringing together nervously on the tabletop. Daryl was glancing at Glenn with mild interest, sorting through a drawer next to the register. When someone came over to order a drink, he turned his attention away, but Beth sensed he was still listening.

‘Alright.’ Glenn sighed heavily after a moment. ‘I like her, she likes me.’ He repeated. ‘Don’t need to make it any more complicated than that, right?’

Beth shook her head, smiling softly, thinking of her own desperately tricky situation and wondering at how she could easily give such advice to Glenn when she was terrible at following it. ‘Exactly. Sometimes the hardest step is the first one. But if you never take it, then you’ll never know what could have happened. You owe it to yourself, to try.’

The silence that followed Beth’s words was filled by the quiet Christmas music tinkling out of the speakers and Daryl rattling around the till for change. Beth chanced a look at him and his expression was closed off as he handed money back to the patron and pulled at the beer tap, filling up a glass. Glenn whistled lowly.

‘And trust me,’ Beth went on, forcing a small laugh out to ease some of the tension her last words had created, ‘you got nothing to worry about from Maggie. Knowing her, she’s hanging for you to ask her to be your girlfriend.’

She shifted uncomfortably on her wooden stool as Glenn considered her words. Finally, he broke into a grin, sinking the rest of his drink and clapping Beth on the back enthusiastically.

‘Alright, I’m gonna do it.’

‘Do what?’

‘I’m asking Maggie to be my girlfriend.’

‘What, right now?’ Beth sat up in alarm, suddenly nervous as she swivelled in her chair to watch Glenn stand up and make for the door.

‘Right now. I’ll lose my nerve if I wait.’ He waved to Daryl then pointed at Beth. ‘You’re the best. And seriously, if you ever need any help with your _situation_ , I’m here.’

Beth’s heart sped up as she resisted the urge to drop her head into her hands, painfully aware that Daryl had stilled, head raising in interest.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ She sung out as Glenn moved farther away. He stopped, turning back and laughing, wiggling his brows at her and Daryl, and Beth knew at once that he was about to leave her in whatever awkwardness his next words would induce, knowing that both of his best friends were far too stubborn to sort out this issue themselves.

‘You two give me whiplash. Call me when you stop pretending like you and Daryl haven’t been having sex all semester.’ Glenn pointed to Daryl as he reached the door, grinning. ‘And tell your brother he owes me a twenty for being able to keep my mouth shut about the two of you until now.’

He was out the door before Beth could even begin to do more than let out a breath of shocked surprise, mouth hanging open. It was dead silent between her and Daryl now, a few patrons in the corner turning in their seats at Glenn’s words. Beth, face burning and muttering curses at him under her breath, turned her body back towards the bar in an effort to pretend she wasn’t being stared at. Daryl was glaring at the place Glenn had disappeared with a look like he’d been hit over the head. From the back room, Martinez emerged, grinning between the two of them.

‘I knew it. But for the love of god, don’t tell me you guys did anything in this bar.’

Beth sputtered as Daryl froze, but Martinez was apparently not looking for the truth as he let out a bark of laughter and shook his head, disappearing back behind the doors before giving them a wink.

‘God, that was –’ Beth said quickly, feeling the only thing worse than risking the possibility that she’d make things awkward by talking was not saying anything and ensuring it was made awkward with her silence.

‘Assholes.’ Daryl muttered hurriedly, moving to reorganise bottles of alcohol on a shelf behind him. Beth finished the last of her soda and, playing with the crumbs left on her plate, nervously waited for whatever Daryl would say next, but it appeared he was done talking. A little annoyed that he was able to keep up his apparent indifference so well when she felt like she was spiralling out of control, she stacked her dishes, more for something to do, startling a little when Daryl turned at the noise and wordlessly collected them.

‘Thanks.’ Beth muttered and Daryl nodded, not looking in her eyes. He stayed silent as he rinsed off her plate and glass, loading them into the dishwasher and moving around the bar to collect empty glasses. A few new people entered the bar but Beth paid them no attention. She forced herself not to watch Daryl move, to tear her eyes away from his clenched jaw and corded biceps, instead studying her nails for a stretch of time unbelievable for anyone assuming she was just looking at her nails. He returned behind the bar a minute later, still silent, still avoiding her gaze and it was so strange, all of it, that Beth could bear it no longer. But just as she opened her mouth to ask if he was okay, a smooth, slightly familiar voice interrupted her and suddenly she was turning to see Zach sliding onto the stool next to her, grinning in a way that suggested less that he was being friendly and more that he was still that self-assured prick from the beginning of semester.

‘Hey, Greene. What you up to?’

Beth prickled, finding it increasingly strange to be called by her last name from anyone other than Daryl. By the way Daryl turned to glare at Zach, he was thinking the same, although Beth would wager his thoughts were decidedly less polite than hers. She half-hoped he would intervene just like he always had, telling him to leave her alone, but after a second, he turned back around and began stacking the wine glasses on the top shelf.

‘Not much.’ Beth answered in a clipped tone, a little annoyed that Daryl seemed determined to pretend he didn’t care, a little annoyed that Zach didn’t seem to remember how vehemently she rejected him months ago.

‘Saw your roommate the other day, she says you’re not gonna be in town much longer.’

‘Yeah, she’s right.’ Beth replied, not taking her eyes off the back of Daryl, where he was determinedly ignoring them. If he was going to choose now of all times to pretend he did not care if someone hit on her, then she would have to pretend that she did not mind being hit on. And yes, it was petty, and yes, they were both adults, but the truth was they had agreed to something neither of them were prepared to see through and now they were both suffering for it. Until one of them broke, it would be like this. Maybe she could make him break.

‘Going home for the holidays?’ Zach asked as he slid a hand onto the counter, moving in closer to her.

‘Yeah.’ Beth answered, then, unable to contain her annoyance at Daryl any longer, she asked, ‘you?’

Zach seemed delighted that she’d shown a modicum of interest, and he swivelled around on his stool in what he no doubt thought was a charming way, grinning at her. A man came up to the bar and cleared his throat to get Daryl’s attention, and Beth was painfully aware that he could hear hers and Zach’s conversation and ardently hoped he did not try to hit on her as obviously as he had previously.

‘Haven’t decided yet. My parents are going up to California for a few months to our holiday house, might hit up Laguna for a month or two, you know, surfing, partying.’

Daryl didn’t even bother to muffle his snort as he turned around and took the man’s order. A moment later, when the customer had shuffled away with a bottle of beer, Zach turned to him, raising a brow. Beth thought he might make a comment, but instead he smirked in his direction before turning back to her, arms sprawling out a little too close for comfort. Clearly, her not shutting him down immediately had given him a boost of confidence.

‘We’ve got plenty of rooms. Nice big house. Maybe you could come up for a bit, I could show you around?’

Beth’s stomach twisted uncomfortably as she ran through a list of excuses in her head. Daryl had looked up at that, irritation flashing in his eyes as he looked to Zach. The dull Christmas music was all that was audible for a painful few seconds as Daryl grit his teeth, resting his hands on the bar top now. Beth studied the golden tinsel blowing lightly under the breeze of the air conditioner as she replied easily, ‘I’ve already been to California.’

Zach laughed. ‘The showing you around part was optional.’

Beth smiled politely and she knew that Daryl was going crazy staying silent, that he’d probably have a hundred snide comments to make that he’d usually whisper to her as she fought not to laugh or rant after whoever was hitting on her finally left her alone. Why should he interrupt, why should he care if all he wanted was for them to be friends? They were messy and they were stubborn but there was not a single bone in Beth’s body that would change the way she felt about him. If he was still fighting with himself on how he felt about her, then there was nothing she could do but wait to see what he’d do about it. In the meantime, there was no reason at all to not talk to Zach, even though she knew full well there was no way she’d ever go out with him.

‘Got it.’ Beth grinned, flicking her eyes over to Daryl, who was now frowning hard at the computer screen in front of him, punching in numbers on the keyboard harder than necessary.

‘So . . . how about you let me buy you a drink, then? Played hard to get all year, Greene, the least you can do is give me a shot.’

Beth had expected Zach to be forward with her but she still wasn’t prepared with an answer when he asked. Privately thinking all the four-leaved clovers in the world could not make him lucky enough to buy a drink for her off Daryl, Beth covertly glanced to him. Daryl scowled but did not say anything, and she knew at once that he was waiting for her to show any sign of disinterest before he interjected. Because he had no right to if she didn’t. Because friends didn’t stop friends from being hit on for no good reason. Because Zach may be a pompous ass, but at least he had enough balls to ask for what he wanted. Never mind if he was using the nickname only Daryl used for her and never mind if his feelings were sorely unrequited.

‘I’ll think about it.’ Beth said after a painful moment of silence, turning to smile at Zach apologetically. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t downright reject him but she knew that she would not put her life on hold if Daryl was determined to be stuck in a state of indecisiveness. It wasn’t like she was interested in Zach in the slightest, but she knew that if anything was going to rile Daryl up enough for him to finally say something to her, it was this.

At her words, Zach raised his brow and looked behind the bar, taking in Daryl’s glower. He threw a ten onto the counter and smirked in Daryl’s direction.

‘Yeah? You sure your friend over here’ll let you this time? Why don’t you make her a vodka soda, on me.’

Beth’s eyebrows shot up to her forehead and immediately she remembered why she had hated him so much in the first place, instantly regretting being civil to him. But this time, she didn’t have to worry about a reply because Daryl’s voice was already rasping through the silence between them, sounding angry beyond belief.

‘Why don’t you fuck off?’

Zach opened his mouth in surprise but recovered quickly. ‘What the hell –’

‘Y’heard me. She ain’t interested.’ Daryl growled, eyes flashing bright blue as Beth watched him, a grin spreading across her face, delighted. A red cloth was twisting in his fists as he snarled, ‘get out before I kick your sorry ass out.’

Zach turned to Beth, a furious look on his face as though he expected her to defend him, but Beth did not take her eyes off Daryl. She was far beyond caring about Zach’s feelings being hurt. This was Daryl admitting he wanted her despite everything he’d said when they’d fought, despite everything they’d agreed to. This was him choosing, something, no matter how little or how much, this was him saying he cared more than he should. Beth was grinning at him, feeling a fluttering open up in her chest as Zach scowled at her, shooting a look of rage to Daryl before kicking out off his chair and stalking away from the two of them angrily.

Beth let Daryl glare at Zach’s retreating figure stonily before clearing her throat, bringing his attention back. His gaze softened when he looked at her, and, like he was done pretending, he sighed out deeply.

‘What’s it to you who I talk to?’ Beth teased, leaning forward on her elbows, feeling her heart jump into her throat with a sudden excited nervousness. ‘Thought we were just friends.’

Daryl shook his head a little, finally throwing the dishrag that’d been scrunched up tight in his hands into the sink and turning his body to her, muscles hard as he slammed his hands across the bar top. ‘I don’t wanna be your damn _friend_ , girl.’

The directness of his words were like a punch to the stomach. Beth felt all the air being knocked from her lungs, felt her heartbeat refuse to pump blood around her body any longer, felt her throat closing up with emotion. She wasn’t aware that she’d stood up, just that she was on the other side of the bar and right in front of Daryl before she knew it. When she spoke, her voice shook but she didn’t care, and she knew she wouldn’t care if she knew everyone in the bar was listening now or if none of them were.

‘What do you want?’

Daryl wasn’t hesitant now, his voice still impossibly rough and somehow dripping in honey at the same time, only for her, always for her. ‘Want you. Always wanted you.’

Somewhere in Beth’s chest her heart restarted, but she barely paid the new pattern it beat in any attention as Daryl’s rough hands found the sides of her face, tangling his fingers in her hair so gently that it made her stomach flutter. His lips were trembling and she thought she heard a catch in his breath when her own hands reached forward to grip his shirt and she was so happy that she could burst as he dipped his head and she stood on her toes to bring her lips to his. This kiss was urgent, burning, filled with weeks’ worth of longing that they’d been disguising and all the things they hadn’t told each other yet. They’d kissed the night before but it was under a completely different guise and it was nothing like this; raw feelings swapped in between each tender press of the lips or flick of the tongue.

Beth’s arms wrapped around Daryl’s neck as the kiss deepened and one of his hands was now squeezing her waist lightly as he pulled her in closer. Her veins were fire, blood something closer to water, flowing through her easily and washing over her with the same feeling of newness that the ocean brought, like Daryl’s eyes each time he looked at her. When they broke apart, Beth pressed her heels back to the floor shakily, staring up at him to find the same punch-drunk look on his face that she suspected he could see on hers.

‘C’mon.’ Daryl muttered, taking her by the hand and lacing their fingers together. Beth followed him out, barely finding it in her to worry about leaving the bar unattended as they left through the front entrance. The sun was warm and prickled along Beth’s skin as Daryl led her to the side of the building, where they were quite alone.

‘Wanted to do this . . . so long. Wanted you so long.’ Daryl muttered in a low voice, reaching out and running a thumb along her cheekbone. ‘Never felt like this – never wanted anyone like this before.’

Beth felt a smile melt across her lips and pulled him closer, pushing away the sudden worries that had arisen at the sight of his motorcycle parked at the end of the alley, reminding her of his brother and of what he’d asked of him. Now was not the time for that, not yet. They’d denied themselves enough already, and the worry that entered her head was gone the moment she looked at him.

‘I want you, Daryl.’ Beth said softly, and Daryl’s eyes fluttered a little, shaking his head slightly as though he still couldn’t quite believe it. A shaky laugh escaped Beth as she pulled him closer. ‘I’ve always wanted you. Even before all this. Just never thought you’d want me back.’

Now it was Daryl’s turn to let out a disbelieving chuckle and then he was grinning, really grinning, pointed canines poking into his bottom lip and lines scrunching adorably around his eyes and all Beth could do was watch him looking at her like that and feel herself falling further, past the ground that she’d thought wouldn’t yield under her feet, past the clouds that she thought had been her limit.

Daryl pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, voice scraping out from somewhere deep. ‘Think I fell for you the moment I saw you, Beth. Think I’ve always known.’

Beth felt her heart thump harder and the tips of her fingers tingle with longing as she snaked her hands up his biceps, laughing in delight as she pulled him in for a kiss. They stayed under the sunlight like that, kissing and aching and laughing and neither of them seemed to mind that Daryl should get back to work or that Beth’s phone was buzzing in her pocket. It was easy, not to worry about anything else when you found a way to stop time.


	10. Made For More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl finally chooses between his past and his future, and Beth goes home for Christmas only to have a certain someone turning up on her doorstep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second last chapter!! so sad to be finishing this one up, but working on something new at the moment which is exciting! as always, leave a comment if you enjoyed :)

Daryl could not concentrate on the last hour of his shift if he tried. He and Beth had gotten back a few minutes after they’d kissed in the alley, trembling breaths and tentative hands tangled in the air between them even as they made their way back inside. Martinez was still at the back and hadn’t noticed their absence, the rest of the customers in the corners of the bar still quietly seated. Beth jumped onto the stool across from him as he leaned on the counter, palms hot against the cool mahogany, and watched her through heavy-lidded eyes, a grin forming at the corners of his lips. There was something tangible between them now, something that had come alive in the last hour, something that they both now knew the other could feel too. When Martinez finally emerged from the back room and pulled Daryl aside to run through a sheet of figures with him, Daryl cleared his throat and tore his eyes from Beth, busying himself by rearranging a stack of glasses that were fine the way they were. Beth pulled out her phone and kept her eyes locked on the bright screen as Martinez went through the paper. Daryl was barely listening. He was too aware Beth was sitting barely three feet from him, too aware that all of a sudden they were each other’s in a whole different way.

By the time Martinez was done, Daryl’s shift was over. He nodded to his boss before leaving through the front door, Beth right behind him. He thought he might feel strange knowing that Martinez could see them leaving together, but there was nothing in his chest but the slow happiness that was blooming at the feel of Beth’s fingers reaching for his as he led her to the alley where his motorcycle was parked. This time when she hopped on behind him, she saved her hesitant touches, instead letting her soft hands run underneath his top and hug him across his middle, cheek pressed hard into his back. Daryl did not take her back to her dorm like every other time. The sunlight was blinding as he sped down the streets, only half taking in everything around him. What was the point, looking at the way the trees blew in the breeze, the way birds flit across hanging branches, when Beth was right behind him, melting into him with each second that passed? She was the beginning and end of everything, and there was no sunlight without her, or maybe there was, but with none of the warmth that burned through his skin now.

Before Daryl knew it they were at his apartment building, and Beth was untangling herself from under his shirt but he was reaching forward to grab her hand, pushing down the wave of fear that threatened to drown him. He could do this. He’d wanted her for so long, imagined that he could be someone she’d want too. And she did. And now he was. And all he wanted was to fall into a mess of bed sheets with her and find new ways to show her how much he adored her, how much he would never want anything else as much as her. There was nothing that would ruin this, nothing that could convince him to be anything other that someone she deserved. There was nothing, until Daryl opened his apartment door and saw his brother sitting on the couch, turning his head and not masking the look of surprised amusement on his face. All at once, the reality of Daryl’s life crashed down on him and he remembered Merle’s plan, only three days from now, and how he had thought, when he and Beth were still pretending to feel otherwise about each other, that he could do this for his brother, that he could be what he needed him to be.

‘My, my.’ Merle chortled, eyeing their hands. ‘Am I interruptin’ somethin’?’

Beth scowled at him, crossing her arms over her chest and Daryl felt a physical ache as their hands separated. He looked to his brother with growing annoyance.

‘What’re you doin’ here?’

‘Just came to run through the drop with you. Got some good men goin’ with us, make sure we don’t get caught up with the Sheriff.’

Beth was silent as she listened to Merle, but Daryl could feel her eyes on him. He was torn, as his brother looked at him how he’d wanted him to look at him all his life. Needed. That’s what it was. He’d needed Merle for so long and hadn’t had him. Merle needed him now, and it was deeper than just being someone he could use, even if that was the truth. It was that Merle needed Daryl now, and only Daryl. It was the feeling of being the person he’d ached so long for so many years that sent Daryl reeling, that made him falter. Somewhere deep down, he knew he couldn’t have both Merle and Beth, not like this, not in the way they both wanted. And he knew what he should pick, what had been ingrained into him his whole life. The only one that would ever care about him was Merle. Until it wasn’t. Until Beth.

‘Get that bike of yours to the shop ‘fore Monday night, make sure it’s up to the trip –’

‘And what’re you planning to do if the Sheriff does catch you?’ Beth asked in a mild tone.

Merle glanced to her, waving a careless hand. ‘You gonna tattle, blondie?’

Beth tilted her head but seemed to bite back what she wanted to say. Merle smirked at her silence, apparently taking it as permission to continue.

‘Should be back here mixin’ drinks behind that shitty bar ‘fore Thursday. Most of the money’ll come by next week –’

‘I should go.’ Beth said suddenly, her voice a little quieter as she moved past Daryl and to the front door. Merle shook his head impatiently, waving his hands in the air as he waited.

‘Beth –’

‘It’s okay, Daryl.’ Beth said quickly, fingers gripping the door handle. When she looked at him, her eyes were wide and understanding, but underneath all that, he could see the growing apprehension in them. ‘You don’t have to say anything. I’ll understand, if you need to do this.’

Daryl’s words caught in his throat at the sight of Beth’s small smile, fighting not to show him how her heart was breaking. This was it – this was the moment he needed to decide. It had always been him and Merle. But he could no longer pick someone who would drag him back into the life he’d been trying so desperately to leave behind, no matter if this was his brother, no matter if it broke his heart to do it. Because if he did this, he wasn’t just saying no to helping Merle. He was saying no to all of him, because even having him like this in his life meant that he could not give himself to Beth in the way he ached. In the way she deserved. And she seemed to know that and yet she still understood, she’d still rather have half of him if he could not give her a whole. But he could. And it shouldn’t be a choice between the two of them and maybe it wasn’t, but Daryl was making it one. He needed to make it one.

Beth slipped out of his apartment before Daryl could say anything else, leaving him with a small smile and eyes that were brimming with worry. She was so good that she would not say anything if this was what he decided – she would support him even if it hurt her to. That’s how he knew that he couldn’t. Because as much as he loved his brother and as badly as he wanted him in his life, he knew that Merle was always going to put himself first. Maybe that was Daryl’s flaw. Maybe he’d been ignoring what he needed too long. Maybe this was the start of all of the change he’d been denying himself all these years.

‘Ain’t doin’ this, Merle.’ Daryl’s words fell into the silence slowly as he turned around. Merle snapped his head towards his brother, mouth pulling into a dangerous smirk.

‘Funny. Thought I saw that girl take your balls when she left –’

‘I ain’t kiddin’.’ Daryl said, voice a little louder now. Merle stared at Daryl for a few seconds, then, realising he was being dead serious, pushed off the couch and stood up and for a moment, Daryl saw his father flash across his brother’s face and all he could think over the sudden sweating in his palms and pain in his head was that he never wanted to look in the mirror and see the same monster.

‘Oh, you ain’t?’ Merle purred, voice carefully controlled. ‘You choosin’ that girl over your own blood? Cause last time I checked, she ain’t been there for you ‘fore, not like I been.’

At this, Daryl felt a wave of anger run through him. He didn’t care if Merle was baiting him or if he genuinely believed it or not – he was not going to tiptoe around his brother any longer just to keep him in his life.

‘What, like when we were kids? Like you were there for me then?’

Merle’s mouth slackened and his eyes hardened as Daryl’s words set in, but Daryl didn’t give him a chance to respond. ‘I can’t get back into this . . . I can’t be this anymore. Ain’t right. Ain’t what I need.’

‘Oh, that’s what ‘s ‘bout? What you need?’ Merle mocked, angrier now.

Daryl hung his head, feeling his own anger slipping out of him, instead replaced with a sorrow that this was what it was coming to, that his brother was far gone enough that he could not see how unhealthy this all was. If there was one thing Daryl was more frightened of than getting dragged back into this life, it was not realising how it had ruined him.

‘’S her, huh?’ Merle asked finally, voice low. When Daryl met his brother’s piercing glare he found he did not have the words to explain. He nodded finally, tasting blood as he chewed on the inside of his lip. Merle blew out a breath, shaking his head and moving to leave.

‘Ain’t made for this.’ Daryl said to his brother’s retreating figure, voice shaking a little. Merle stopped, hand on the door exactly how Beth’s had been, determinedly not looking back. He thought he didn’t have the words but he did. ‘Made for more. Made for her.’

Merle was silent for a long moment. He had every right to hate Daryl but when he looked back, he saw a flicker of something cross his older brother’s face that looked an awful lot like envy. He didn’t say anything as he left but Daryl hadn’t expected him to. He left the door swinging open and Daryl listened to his brother’s footsteps fade down the hallway as he walked away, slowly sinking his head into his hands as he tried to process what he’d just done.

* * *

Daryl had almost hopped on his motorcycle and taken off after Beth right after Merle had left him the day before, but something had pulled him back. Maybe he’d just needed the day to think, to mourn what he’d just lost, to understand how things with his brother would never be the same. Or maybe he was just terrified of finally being able to stand in front of Beth and offer all of himself to her, without anything holding him back, without anything to hide behind. How did it seem so much more impossible to be that man he’d always wanted to be now that it was so easy to?

Ever since Beth had seen his scars, they seemed to prickle less and less, and maybe it was because someone else knew about them or maybe it was because he was just slowly accepting them as a part of himself. Maybe both were true, and maybe they couldn’t be true without each other. Maybe he was no longer giving weight to things that hurt him. Maybe that’s all trying to be better was – allowing things that helped you grow in and trying again, despite all the things that hurt you before.

Daryl woke in a fit of nervousness the next morning, sun barely peeking over the horizon before he was out the door, squeezing his keys into his palm hard enough to draw blood. He had work but he could barely concentrate on the drive in as he thought of seeing Beth. He pictured her sitting on the same rickety stool she always did, sunlight pouring through the grimy windows and catching on her hair, eyes pooling like an ocean each time she looked up at him. What would she say, if he told her he was all hers and only hers? If he found a way to still the hummingbird trapped in his chest, tattooing his heartbeat against his ribs, and show her how he was going to do everything he could to be enough for her. Because he was enough for her anyway, he’d always been enough. She’d said as much the day before. But he’d never be enough in his own head if he still had one foot in the doorway of his old life. Maybe by finally being enough for himself would he finally deserve her.

It was too early for anyone to be at the bar when Daryl opened, so he spent the first few hours of his shift unpacking boxes and balancing the registers in silence. Then, the tinkle of the door bell sounded and Daryl’s head was snapping up, breathing out a half-relieved, half-disappointed sigh as Glenn walked in, flashing him a grin and waving.

‘Busy.’  
Daryl had been leaning on the bar top, flicking through the month’s figures for something to do while his mind wandered about Beth.

‘Says you, comin’ into a bar at eleven on a Tuesday.’

Glenn laughed, plopping down onto a stool and accepting the cider Daryl slid his way.

‘Well I was meant to meet Beth, but she went home last night –’

Daryl’s heart painfully slowed. ‘What?’

Glenn raised a brow at the strain in Daryl’s tone. ‘She went home last night. Maggie came to pick her up and take her back to the farm. I’m spending Christmas with the Greene’s, actually.’ He went on nervously, but Daryl wasn’t listening.

Beth was home. She’d left, and she hadn’t told him, hadn’t said goodbye. He remembered the heartbroken look in her eyes that she was trying to hide the day before. He’d hurt her – he’d hurt her without even realising it. It was strange to think that she didn’t know how drastically different things were now, how he hadn’t even been considering helping Merle the day before. He hadn’t told her, he realised as Glenn babbled on, hadn’t told her any of how he felt and so she was thinking that he was going back into a life that would put her second. He needed to tell her.

‘What do you think?’

Daryl blinked at Glenn, fingers clutching his notepad too tightly. ‘Huh?’

Glenn laughed. ‘About me, spending Christmas with Maggie. I mean, I know it’s soon, but she was so happy when I asked her to be my girlfriend and then she said that her family was all going to be together for the holidays and asked if I wanted to come –’

‘You’re goin’ to the farm?’ Daryl asked, the makings of an idea forming in his head that he half-wished he could ignore.

Glenn shook his head in amusement. ‘Honestly, it’s not a wonder why no one but Beth can only get a grunt out of you.’

Daryl didn’t have time to unpack that sentence. ‘When are you leavin’?’

‘Christmas Eve.’ Glenn answered, a little slower this time, a little more suspicious. ‘Why?’

Daryl bit down on his lip hard. Glenn knew already, but there was still something so hard about talking to him about this. He could barely tell Beth his feelings half the time, couldn’t tell himself the other half.

‘I, uh – I gotta tell Beth somethin’.’ At the last second, he lost his nerve. ‘Can you tell her somethin’, when you see her?’

Glenn considered him in silence. Then, cheerfully downing the last of his drink and smacking his lips together, he declared, ‘nope. But you can.’

‘What –’

‘Come to the farm with me.’

‘I can’t –’

‘Oh, come on.’ Glenn said exasperatedly. ‘I don’t know what the hell’s going on with the two of you but you owe it to me to see her and tell her whatever it is that’s destroying that poor book.’

Daryl followed Glenn’s gaze down and noticed the notebook was folding in half in his tight grip, pages crinkling and ripping out of the spine. He unclenched his jaw, relaxing a little. The thought of turning up at Beth’s home was terrifying, and yet he knew he had to do it. There was no way he could wait until college started up again and no way he was doing this over the phone or via Glenn, especially since the latter would not agree.

Glenn shook his head, muttering something about them giving him hypertension as he got up to leave.

‘I’ll meet you here Thursday morning and drive us down. Should get there by dinner time.’

Daryl forced a nod, trying to fight the fear that rose up in his gut at what he was going to do. To turn up at Beth’s home with a sister he barely knew and an overprotective father and brother was asking for trouble, but for once, the fear of what other people thought weighed so much less than what Beth thought. Glenn seemed to sense something was wrong, because he paused at the door.

‘I know you’re all dark and broody and whatnot. But if you wanna talk about Beth, just say so man. I’m here to listen, if you ever need.’

Daryl couldn’t say just how much this meant to him, to have a friend like Glenn, to have someone that genuinely cared about him without any ulterior motive. He nodded, feeling it was a lousy reply but knowing his throat was closing up with emotion. Glenn seemed to understand though, flashing him a grin and offering a wave before disappearing, leaving the promise of Thursday and the hope that he could finally give Beth what they’d both been waiting for.

* * *

It turned out Glenn was far better road trip company than Daryl would have guessed. He’d expected to spend the majority of the car ride to the farm in awkward silence, running through every possible scenario that the day could bring until it drove him mad, but, to general surprise, most of the drive was spent talking. There was something easy about Glenn – he was like Beth – he could make Daryl feel comfortable enough to speak without having to think about what he was going to say first. And it was easy to, when he spoke about Beth. At first, Daryl had grunted one-worded responses when Glenn asked little prodding questions, but he kept persisting, kept up his good mood despite Daryl shutting him down and so Daryl had tried something else. He spoke. And it felt good. He spoke about how he’d known for a time longer than he could probably admit to himself that he’d fallen for Beth. He spoke about the first time they’d had sex, how he would never have imagined she’d ever feel the same way. About how jealousy roared in his gut each time some useless prick hit on her at the bar and how a wave of relief washed over him each time she’d scrunch her nose and deftly reject them. When they’d gotten drunk at the house party Merle had dragged them to and Beth had told him how she truly felt. The first time they kissed. Their fight. What Merle had asked of him. How Daryl had chosen Beth and how she didn’t even know.

Glenn listened patiently, making small noises of surprise or raising his brows but never interrupting, and maybe he was just a good listener or maybe he was purposely aware that if he might, Daryl would stop. Either way, Daryl kept talking, and he found that it did not take anything from him to let Glenn in, to trust him. Beth had shown him this. He wouldn’t be able to do this if it wasn’t for her. All this time he thought he’d ruin her, but he never thought that she could make him better. It was her changing him, all along.

‘Nearly there.’ Glenn said finally, checking his GPS. Daryl felt a nervous thrill run through his stomach and he clenched his jaw as Glenn turned off the highway and onto a narrow dirt road. Beth had no idea he was coming. Would she be happy to see him – would she find it strange he’d turned up just to tell her about Merle? No – he didn’t have any room left to doubt himself. He knew how he felt and he knew how she did. All he had to do now was take a breath and let things happen. He’d never liked sitting back and relinquishing control but he knew now that he had to.

‘Don’t worry.’ Glenn said after a moment, turning to eye Daryl’s tensed fists. A knowing glint was in his eye as he turned back to the road with a smile. ‘She’s gonna be so happy to see you.’

* * *

Maggie had called Beth almost the moment she’d left Daryl’s apartment the day Merle had showed up. She answered, blinking away the harsh sunlight as she walked aimlessly down the street, feeling a pit of disappointment settling in her stomach. She would never make Daryl chose between her and his brother, but there was something about knowing that he might put himself in danger for him that didn’t sit well with her. She had him – he was finally letting her in, admitting how much he wanted her, letting himself have her. So was she selfish, for wanting more? Beth thought she would be okay not thinking about all that could go wrong if Daryl went with Merle but seeing him and hearing him talking about it had been something else. All she knew was that she could not lose anyone else. And if Daryl chose to help Merle and he got caught or worse – she did not think that was something she could recover from. It took her a few tries to figure out what Maggie was saying.

‘What, you want me to come home tonight?’

Her sister laughed into the phone at Beth’s state of distraction. ‘God, what is with you? Yeah, I was going to come and pick you up tonight, that way you can help me set up for Christmas. Glenn’s coming down, I invited him and I don’t want to hear any teasing from you or Shawn, you got it?’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’ Beth mumbled, thinking silently that it’d be rich of her to tease Maggie about how quick she was moving with Glenn when she was head over heels for a Dixon.

‘Alright then. I’ll pick you up at six, make sure you’re all packed, I wanna miss the traffic on the way back.’

Beth stammered in agreement before hanging up. Maybe this was good. It made sense, to distance herself from Daryl. Maybe he could do what he needed to and she would see him when she got back next semester and her fear of losing him would be gone. It made sense, at the time, anyway.

Now that Beth was in her childhood home, she was cursing her past self for leaving without so much as a goodbye. Was he wondering where she was? Was he hating her for leaving? She’d tried to stay as distracted as she could for the next few days, but it was hard when the only chores to do around the farm were routine tasks in easy silence. Even helping her sister decorate and get the farm ready for Christmas had seemed to lose its usual fun. Maggie noticed she was a bit off, trying her best to poke and prod information out of her but when Beth didn’t bite, settled on trying to distract her instead. It had worked, especially when Shawn had come home the night before Christmas Eve, and they all sat around the fireplace and caught up together, laughing and reminiscing on past Christmases, when Annette had been alive. Beth was glad to be home, but she couldn’t help the little tug at her heart each time there was a lull in conversation and she let her mind wander back to Daryl, wondering what he was doing, wondering if he was getting ready to go with Merle.

The main perk of being home aside from seeing her family was that she could finally catch up on some much needed sleep. Beth woke up sometime in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, finally rolling out of bed hopping into the shower. It was achingly hot and sweat was already beading at her temples when she emerged, her hair curling into tendrils. Maggie and Shawn were downstairs already, hanging tinsel from the mantelpiece.

‘You’re up early.’ Maggie remarked and Beth yawned, tossing a bauble at her sister’s head.

‘Don’t listen to her, she’s just frantic because her boyfriend’s coming over later.’ Shawn snickered in Maggie’s direction, and she scowled. ‘Isn’t that right?’

‘Get it all out now before he gets here, or so help me –’

‘Everything alright?’ Hershel’s voice sounded through the kitchen and then he was entering the living room with a smile.

Maggie, who’d wound her arm back in preparation to launch a lethal-looking star ornament at Shawn, dropped it and smile angelically.

‘Bethy, can you set the table for me?’

Beth nodded, grateful for something to do as her brother and sister began bickering again the moment Hershel was out of earshot. The rest of the afternoon went by in a flash, and before she knew it, Maggie was running up and down the house like a headless chicken, making sure everything was perfect for Glenn’s arrival. Beth and Shawn watched her blurry figure zooming past doorways with amusement, betting on which one of them could hold out on making a smart comment longest.

‘Ran into Amy on campus the other day. You remember, Andrea’s little sister?’ Shawn said after a moment, tossing a balled up piece of paper in the air and catching it again. ‘She said Andrea saw you a few weeks ago at some party.’

Beth’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Yeah. Uh – Maggie and I went.’

Shawn raised an eyebrow. ‘She said you went with Daryl Dixon.’

Beth turned away, clearing her throat and praying that her voice was nonchalant as she answered. ‘Yeah, he’s a friend.’

Beth was spared hearing whatever warning her brother was going to give her about hanging around with a Dixon by the sound of wheels crunching along gravel as a car pulled up outside.

A small scream sounded as Maggie heard, and then a soft thump as she lost her footing and fell down the last few stairs.

‘She must be head over heels.’ Shawn observed, grinning proudly at his terrible joke.

‘You owe me.’ Beth said to him, thinking of their bet earlier. He shook his head, amused, and Beth darted from the room before he could make a comment about Daryl. She missed him with such a fierce intensity that it kind of scared her. She’d taken for granted just how incredible it was that she could walk out of her dorm and find her way to him and sit and talk and touch him. She’d thought all along how Daryl was always the one more afraid of whatever they had, but now she was starting to think that they weren’t so different. She was scared of being apart from him. She was scared and he was not here and she could not tell him. Maybe he and Merle had already left. Maybe it was better that she didn’t know the details.

Beth followed Maggie out to the front, preparing to greet Glenn once her sister unlatched herself from him, but stopped dead in her tracks before she reached the bottom of the porch. She’d never paid much attention to silhouettes but she’d know Daryl’s edges anywhere – the set of his shoulders, the tilt of his head, the curve of his biceps. He was climbing out of the passenger seat, chewing on his lip as he glanced around the farm nervously. For a moment, Beth was silent, a warm breeze playing in the space between them, tantalizing her with stray leaves that danced around him, taunting her closer.

‘Daryl?’ His name tumbled out of Beth’s mouth softly. When Daryl’s eyes landed on her, he broke into a smile, and it was that and nothing else that had Beth running the rest of the way down the stairs and past Maggie’s bewildered look and Glenn’s smug one and straight into Daryl’s arms. He pulled her off her feet – or maybe she jumped – and he laughed, spinning her around and burying his face into the crook of her neck and his laugh, god that laugh, found a way to sink into her skin and render her speechless.

‘Ahem.’ Maggie coughed, not bothering to be subtle as she watched the two with a raised brow. Daryl finally placed Beth on the ground, fingers lingering over hers as he pulled away. Beth spun around to see her family watching the two of them, and felt colour flood her cheeks. Maggie was blinking slowly, eyes narrowing suspiciously between her and Daryl, Glenn had his face in his hands as though embarrassed and Shawn was standing at the bottom of the porch with his mouth hanging open. It was her father, that Beth was searching for, suddenly thrown into a fit of worry over how badly unprepared she was for this and how there would be nothing worse than having her father disapprove of Daryl if she told him what they were to each other. Hershel was a little away from them all, wiping his hands over a pair of filthy overalls and walking over with a stony expression.

‘Good friend.’ Shawn remarked with an eyebrow wiggle at Daryl and Beth could have hit that smug grin off his face.

‘Daddy, this is Glenn.’ Maggie said hurriedly, throwing herself in front of Beth and Daryl as though hoping their father wouldn’t notice. He was momentarily distracted by greeting Glenn, but Beth knew it was only a matter of time before he said something to them. While they waited, Beth snuck a glance at Daryl and was startled to see his brows knotted together uncomfortably, throat bobbing as he swallowed.

‘And you are –’

‘This is my friend Daryl.’ Beth said hurriedly, jumping a little at her father’s brash tone. Beside her, Daryl stiffened. Friend. She’d called him her friend. Oh, boy.

Hershel surveyed Daryl with a stern gaze, finally reaching out his hand in a gesture of nicety. Daryl shook it. Her father’s piercing glare did not wane as he looked Daryl over, and Beth knew that Hershel knew as well as any of them that he was a Dixon. What he knew about that family Beth couldn’t remember, but she knew it must be more than her by the way he seemed to be measuring him up.

‘Daryl. I knew your father, years ago. Your brother too, for a while.’

Beth’s heart slowed painfully as she looked to Daryl, who’d turned pale in panic at the mention of his father.

‘What’s for dinner?’ Beth asked brightly, turning to her father and hoping that he would drop the topic. 

After what seemed like an age, Hershel finally muttered, ‘we’ll have to set another plate.’

‘I, uh – wasn’t plannin’ on stayin’, just needed to have a word with Beth ‘bout somethin’.’ Daryl said quickly, clearing his throat, but Hershel waved him away.

‘You’ve come all this way, surely you’re hungry.’

Beth knew Daryl wouldn’t refuse, but knowing how badly he wanted to and how he seemed to be going against all his better judgement to stay did not go amiss. He nodded once at Hershel, holding the older man’s gaze, before they all shuffled inside. Between the polite chatter about the drive down and if they needed help carrying any bags – for Glenn had brought enough to last him a month – Beth was able to process the last few minutes enough to realise how badly she’d screwed up by saying she and Daryl were only friends. If her father wasn’t there she might have been able to admit to Maggie and Shawn that they were much more than that, but then she’d seen Hershel and that stupid fear had welled in her gut at the thought of her father disapproving of Daryl and worrying about her and the choices she made. Annette would understand, Beth thought numbly as she followed Maggie into the dining room. Annette would see the good in Daryl like she did with everyone and it wouldn’t even be hard to find because he had so much of it. But her mother wasn’t here, and part of the reason why Hershel was worrying so much about her was because of that. The scar on her wrist seemed to burn through her bracelets.

‘Should I put these somewhere?’ Glenn asked, waving his bags around and Maggie laughed nervously, eyeing her father who, for the moment, seemed distracted with Shawn. Beth allowed the small grin teasing at her mouth to spread, knowing that her father would not be okay with Glenn and Maggie sharing a room and knowing that Maggie was going to find a way to do it anyway.

‘Beth, come help me bring these up.’ Maggie nudged her as she passed, eyeing her in a way that told Beth it was not just help carrying bags that she needed.

Beth glanced to Daryl, who seemed to freeze at the threat of her absence. The last thing she wanted to do was leave him alone with her father and brother, but when Maggie tugged at her shirt urgently, Daryl nodded to her.

‘’S alright.’

‘I’ll be right back.’ She assured him, shooting an apologetic look his way. Glenn punched Daryl on the arm to draw his attention away, and Beth caught a glimpse of Daryl glancing around the house as she and Maggie disappeared up the stairs. He looked out of his depth; with his eyes darting around nervously, his hands shoved into his pockets and his teeth worrying at his lower lip. Beth was only able to wonder for a moment about how Daryl had grown up, how he’d probably never been in a house like theirs before, how he got beaten and bloody instead of smiling pictures hanging from walls, before Maggie was pulling her into her room, Glenn’s suitcase knocking painfully against Beth’s shins.

‘Ouch – what are you –’

‘Okay here’s what’s going to happen. Glenn and Daryl stay in your room. Me and you stay in mine. Except that doesn’t really happen and Glenn stays in my room and you stay in your room. We just have to tell dad that’s what’s happening otherwise he’ll probably get out his shotgun.’

Beth’s eyes were still watering from the bruise that was probably already staining her shin green. ‘And what exactly do I get in return for helping you sneak your boyfriend into your room other than a scolding when dad finds out?’

Maggie raised her brows and laughed like it was obvious. ‘You get to share with Daryl.’

‘What – why would –’ Beth sputtered, and Maggie rolled her eyes impatiently.

‘Don’t even try to tell me there’s nothing going on. I saw you at the party and I saw the way he looked at you just then. So, deal or what?’

Beth took in a deep breath, the nervous tangle in her stomach unknotting. Maybe it was good that Maggie knew. If there was anyone else other than Glenn in this house that wouldn’t make a big deal about them, it was her sister.

‘Fine. But you tell dad anything about me and Daryl and I’ll grab his shotgun myself.’

Maggie guffawed, shaking her head. ‘I’m guessing there was never a Zach?’

Beth grinned as they made their way back down the stairs. ‘Oh, there was a Zach.’ They reached the dining room before she could explain, met with a stern look from their father, and immediately Beth felt the giggle die in her throat. Glenn was sitting somewhat awkwardly across from Hershel and Shawn, Daryl next to him with his eyes glued to the table and his fingers clenched together.

‘Someone should show our guests around the farm before dinner.’ Hershel said as Maggie and Beth took their seats, and at once Beth jumped up like she’d been burned.

‘I’ll do it.’ She and Maggie said in unison.

Shawn raised an interested brow but Hershel didn’t seem to think anything of it as he nodded them out, telling them dinner would be ready within the hour. Once the four of them were out in the safety of the front yard and out of earshot, Maggie blew out an exasperated breath, leading them towards the barn. Her and Glenn spoke in soft voices as they made their way through the long grass, laughing every now and then and skimming their fingers along the other’s hands. Finally out in the fresh air and without the weight of her family’s judgement, Beth turned to Daryl.

‘You’re here.’

Daryl glanced at her through heavy-lidded eyes, the ghost of a smile playing across his face. ‘’M here.’

Before she could say another word, Maggie had whirled around.

‘Glenn and I are gonna take a walk around the back of the farm.’ She emphasised his name and it was clear she wanted to be alone with Glenn. Which suited Beth just fine.

‘Okay. See you at dinner.’ Beth waved them off with a smile, ridiculously happy that she and Daryl could be alone. Maggie gave them a knowing grin and pulled Glenn along behind her. He shot finger guns at them and winked, and Beth groaned while Daryl dropped his head into his hands.

‘Guess there’s no point pretending anymore in front of him.’ She remarked with a grimace and Daryl snorted. The sun was setting, casting an orange glow over the green fields and poking through the worn slats of the barn they neared. As they walked, Beth let her hand brush across Daryl’s leg. She didn’t know what she expected him to do but it wasn’t grab her hand like he did, lacing his fingers through hers. Beth felt her heart ache, not with the longing she was used to, but with the knowledge that she no longer had to pretend with him. His thumb was playing across her palm softly and he seemed to be thinking the same thing. They reached the door of the barn and as Beth shouldered it open they were met with a few chickens clucking around, scampering into the open field they’d just left behind. It was empty now, the horses still grazing in the paddock Maggie and Glenn had disappeared towards, and Beth wandered in towards a wooden ladder with Daryl trailing behind her.

‘I used to come up here all the time.’ She said as she dropped Daryl’s hand and tested the rungs. Daryl followed her up and a moment later they were both sitting on the small perch, gazing down at the empty barn. ‘Haven’t been up here in a while.’

‘Ain’t never been to a place like this.’ Daryl said quietly, nodding towards the window where the farmhouse was visible. Beth shuffled in closer as he spoke. ‘’S nice, here. Quiet.’

For a moment they were silent, the only noise the tinkling of the wind chimes in the light breeze as the sun set.

‘Sorry about telling my dad we’re just friends. I know he worries about me all the time, after my mom. Got scared, I guess.’

‘’S alright.’ Daryl replied, and Beth could tell by the sincerity in his voice that he meant it. She breathed out a small sigh of relief and sat back on her haunches, back against the old wood.

‘What happened with Merle?’ She asked finally, turning to look at Daryl. ‘You said you wanted to tell me something, earlier.’ She hiked her knees up to her chest as he held her gaze, and a shiver went right through her when he spoke again in that gravelly voice, each word being weighed carefully.

‘I realised somethin’. When you were talkin’ to Glenn, tellin’ him the hardest thing to do is to start. Realised I might never be someone who deserves you. Realised it’s not somethin’ I can just be or not be. ‘S gotta be somethin’ I chose, everyday, to be better for you. Ain’t choosin’ that shitty old life I used to have, Beth. I’m choosin’ you. And I’ll keep choosin’ you, everyday, if you let me.’

Beth’s chest swelled with emotion and her eyes suddenly prickled with tears. She would never in her wildest dreams let herself imagine that this would ever happen, but here she was, with the only person she’d ever felt like this for, and here he was, telling her he would choose her forever.

‘You don’t have to deserve me, Daryl. I want you anyway. I want you always.’ Beth’s voice shook and she couldn’t help the bubbling laugh that escaped her. She was stupidly happy, and she couldn’t even begin to care about what the rest of her family would think or what would happen after they left this barn. She’d stay in that barn for the rest of her life for all she cared. As long as he kept looking at her like he was now. And suddenly words were not enough, could not encompass anything remotely similar to how she felt, and Daryl knew this as well because as Beth tilted her head to him he met her in the middle, pressing his lips against hers and letting out a sigh of relief into her. Beth let her hands run up his shoulders and then the kiss deepened, and Daryl was pulling her onto his lap, hands squeezing her hips as she sat on him. Beth giggled through their kiss and felt Daryl’s lips curve into a smile against hers, but before she could act on any of the hundreds of racing thoughts she had of just how badly she wanted him, the barn door was creaking open and light poured in. Beth scrambled off Daryl hastily, pulling her dress down around her thighs.

‘You’re lucky it’s dark enough up there that I can’t see what you’re doing.’ Maggie’s voice echoed, getting fainter as she walked back to the house. ‘Dad says dinner’s ready.’

Although Beth was no longer on top of him, she could still feel Daryl’s heat coming off him in waves, and when he ran a gentle touch over her thigh, felt a bundle of electricity shoot through her gut.

‘We better go.’ She mumbled regretfully and Daryl nodded in agreement, eyes tracing over her neck unabashedly now, pupils wide with desire. They climbed down the ladder and made their way back towards the house quickly, ushering the chickens back into the barn.

‘Might wanna do something about that.’ Beth said slyly, eyeing his groin where his cock was straining against his pants.

‘Might’a done somethin’ ‘bout it, if we hadn’t been interrupted.’ Daryl murmured roughly and Beth felt a throb at his words.

‘Yeah?’ She asked lightly, as though this hadn’t affected her at all, ‘like what?’

Daryl met her eyes and saw the challenge there. They were nearing the porch now, a minute away from being inside and sat down at the table for dinner with everyone else, but the only people that existed right then were the two of them.

‘Careful.’ Daryl muttered in a dangerous tone, smirking, but Beth was done being careful.

Standing on her toes, she pulled Daryl back by his hand and leant forward to whisper in his ear, ‘bet you break first.’

His eyes widened and so did his grin, shaking his head ruefully at her before he followed her inside. They took their seats silently, across from Maggie and Glenn who were already sitting gazing lovingly at each other. Hershel and Shawn entered from the kitchen, bringing the last few plates of food out and setting them down before talking their seats. Beth’s father nodded to Daryl evenly as he took his seat next to her, and Daryl returned the nod and all Beth could think while the noise of cutlery clinking against ceramic filled the room was that Daryl had a hard on she could touch if she reached out. Her pussy was wet at the thought, and she knew that she should just get through dinner but the sum of the last few days without him was driving her crazy, and knowing that they could be together now, really together, was doing nothing to stop her excitement.

‘So Daryl, I hear you work as a bartender.’

‘Yessir.’ Daryl answered, accepting the bowl of potatoes Shawn offered him and passing them to Beth. Her hand brushed against his subtly enough that no one noticed, but she saw the jolt that ran through his arm and smiled inwardly.

‘Is that how you and Beth became friends?’

‘I go there to study.’ Beth clarified. ‘It’s the only quiet place around. That’s where I met Glenn.’ She said brightly, raising her brows at Glenn expectantly, and he took the bait, nodding in agreement and launching into explanation about how Beth and Daryl were the first friends he made in the city since he moved. Beth took a bite of her food as she listened, almost choking when she felt Daryl’s warm palm pressing into her bare knee under the table. Eyes flicking around to make sure everyone else was distracted by Glenn, she stared at Daryl. His eyes were on Glenn too, but a small smile was playing at the corners of his mouth and Beth knew he was challenging her right back, determined she would break first. Yeah, right. Beth shifted as Daryl’s hand trailed up her thigh and was suddenly painfully close to her underwear. Slowly, she brought her hand off the table and moved past the folds of her dress to stretch the silky fabric of her underwear over to one side. She sank in her seat a little, holding back her smile and fighting to remain still as Daryl’s fingers brushed her wet pussy. He drew his hand back quickly, clearing his throat and when Beth turned to him, his cheeks were growing red. He flicked his eyes to her and shook his head ever so slightly, fighting a smirk as he bit down on his thumb.

‘Beth?’ Maggie’s amused voice cut through and Beth’s head snapped around to the source of the noise apologetically.

‘Hm?’

‘Dad asked how college is going.’

‘Oh.’ Beth said quickly, shovelling more food into her mouth to make it seem like that’s what had been distracting her. ‘Good. I’m taking a bunch of new classes next semester and they’re more about creative freedom so I’m looking forward to that. Maggie, did you tell Dad and Shawn you saw Andrea?’

At this, Hershel’s gaze shifted easily to his eldest daughter, asking how her old friend was. If Maggie knew what Beth was doing she didn’t say, just leant into the table on her elbows and started speaking about her and the party. Knowing everyone’s gazes were back off them, Beth poured herself a drink as she worked off one of her shoes, crossing her leg and resting her foot on Daryl’s thigh. She hastily glanced around to see if anyone had noticed, and, satisfied they hadn’t, stretched her leg out so that her ankle bone grazed over Daryl’s groin, which she was delighted to find was still hard. He let out a soft hiss, hastily taking a gulp of water with an unsteady hand, eyes glued to the other end of the table. Beth bit down on her lip to stop a grin forming as she wiggled her foot around on his cock and felt his hips buck into her ever so slightly. Daryl cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and when Beth dropped her head into her hands to pretend she was putting up her hair, she snuck a look to him and saw his chest was rising and falling quickly as he bit down on his cheek. Hershel had asked Maggie something else and then Glenn was leaning over to say something to Shawn and they were all distracted enough that Beth was able to move her chair in a fraction closer to Daryl so that she could run her foot down the length of his hard cock again, toes circling the tip. Daryl slammed his hands down onto the table a little too hard and the stream of chatter broke as Maggie, Glenn, Hershel and Shawn blinked in their direction.

‘So – how’s Rick?’ Beth asked quickly, desperate to get her family’s suspicious gazes off Daryl. It half worked; Hershel began filling her in on what their family friend had been up to and Shawn moved his attention back to his plate but Glenn was shaking his head and covering his eyes as though he had x-ray vision and Maggie was darting her gaze between him and them as though trying to work something out.

When it was finally safe to look at Daryl again, Beth found him staring determinedly away from her but under the weight of her gaze, looked at her out of the corner of his eye and mouthed, ‘you cheated’ so low that no one but her heard it. A ridiculous amount of joy filled her and she fought not to squirm in her seat as Daryl’s hand once again found her thigh, tracing patterns over her knee gently. For so long this was all she’d wanted, and now she had it, and she didn’t quite know how on earth she had got here and she suspected Daryl was thinking much the same but it didn’t need to make sense to anyone but them. And if nothing else made sense at all, there were more answers than questions in the way her gut twisted in pleasure under his touch, the way her skin was set alight and the way her heart bled a tattoo onto her chest when he was near.

The rest of the dinner went by surprisingly quickly. Once Beth had helped her siblings pack up the table, she sank onto the couch next to Maggie, eyeing Daryl from across the room. Hershel had offered them all coffee but everyone seemed too tired to stay up much longer.

‘I’d make up the guest bedroom but I haven’t had a chance to move any of my wife’s old things out of there yet –’ Hershel began slowly, turning to Daryl and Glenn, and Beth felt her heart ache. Annette’s things were all still boxed up in the old room, waiting to be taken away, to be forgotten.

‘’S alright,’ Daryl said quickly, nodding to the couch, ‘slept on worse.’

Hershel frowned at this, but Maggie got in eagerly before he could say anything.

‘I thought Glenn and Daryl could share Beth’s room and she could stay with me.’

Beth waited nervously as Hershel considered this. ‘I suppose –’

‘Really, it’s what makes most sense.’ Maggie went on, shooting a meaningful look to Beth.

‘Yeah. I don’t mind sharing with Maggie for a night or two.’

Hershel seemed a little unconvinced but did not seem suspicious. He was always far too trusting of his daughters. ‘Alright then. You two can show our guests where the upstairs bathroom is and the linen cupboard. I’m off to bed. Goodnight, everyone.’

He was met with a string of goodnights as he waved himself out, moving to the other side of the first floor where, thankfully, his bedroom was. Shawn followed not long after, muttering something about being jetlagged. When they were sure he was out of earshot and neither their brother or their father were returning, Maggie let out a relieved laugh, nodding at them to follow her up. On the way up the stairs, Beth fell back a bit to walk beside Daryl, and he turned to look at her with a soft smile, brushing her hands with his. She couldn’t help but think of that dinner, of how the smallest touch from him had always made her weak with desire, how this was no different and how they were going to be sharing a bed again, finally. Not just any bed – her bed – her room, where no one else had been, not like this, not with her.

Maggie flicked on a lamp as the four of them spread out onto the landing, Daryl and Glenn hanging back a little as they took in their unfamiliar surroundings. When Beth opened her door and collapsed onto her bed, Glenn’s head popped through.

‘Somehow I don’t think Daryl and I will both fit in there.’ He said politely, eyeing the double bed doubtfully. Beth let out a giggle as Maggie sighed exasperatedly from behind him, pulling him towards her room.

‘Good thing you’re not sharing with Daryl.’

‘Oh. _Oh.’_ Glenn grinned, turning back to wave at them. ‘Night guys.’ He muttered with a wink, and Beth and Daryl shook their heads at him before wishing them a goodnight. Maggie closed her bedroom door softly, quirking her eyebrows at Beth in Daryl’s direction as he walked into her room, allowing one last moment to let her know she knew exactly what was going on between the two of them. She didn’t know when her sister had decided that Daryl Dixon was not as bad as she’d thought, but she knew it must have something to do with Glenn.

Beth rolled her eyes, jumping off her bed to close her door, feeling a thrill shoot through her stomach at the thought of finally being alone with Daryl. When she turned, he had his arms crossed, standing politely in the corner, still, as though he was afraid of messing anything up. The yellow fairy lights strung up around her room cast a soft glow all around them, making it hard to believe that anything else existed outside of this room, and reminding Beth so strongly of the lights around the bar that her heart ached.

‘Guessin’ your dad would kill me if he caught me in here.’ He muttered, eyes growing heavy as he took her in, as though realising as she had that they were finally alone for the night. Beth laughed lightly, moving back to her bed and sitting on the edge, letting her dress fall over her thighs.

‘Maybe.’

‘He would.’ Daryl replied, moving in a little, hands dropping to his side. Beth swallowed, feeling her body thrum with anticipation at his closeness. ‘He’d kill me if he knew what I been thinkin’ ‘bout doin’ to you ever since I felt you under the table.’

Beth burst into a smile, colour rushing to her cheeks. ‘Told you you’d break first.’

‘Nah. You cheated.’ Daryl said through a half-grin, his low voice running through each vertebra of her spine.

Beth bit down on her lip, thinking of his fingers slipping unsuspectingly over her sopping pussy under the table, the way he had to hide a smile. ‘You liked it.’

Daryl let out an amused huff as he reached the bed, lowering himself over her as she fell back onto the soft mess of blankets, instinctively moving her legs apart for him to fall in between. One of his hands had bunched her dress up around her thighs, fingers trailing over her underwear with enough pressure to make her squirm. When he pushed the fold of material away impatiently and grazed a knuckle over her entrance, she let out a strangled groan.

‘Know you did.’ He rumbled as he deftly slid a finger into her, a smile snaking over his lips as he moved in to kiss her. She matched the fierce intensity of his lips, trying to control the shocks sent through her body at the feel of his hot tongue against hers, one rough hand cupping her cheek as the other worked inside of her. Beth had briefly thought of how she loved him a little more each time he smiled, how it was something she never seemed to be able to get used to, how she hoped he’d keep taking her by surprise everytime she did something to earn that look, but she could not focus on it any longer as Daryl’s finger slid out of her and played over her throbbing clit.

Beth moaned softly as Daryl bent to kiss her neck, trailing his lips lower to the edges of her collarbones. He smirked against her, warm breath dancing over her chest and making her shiver. Again, she’d taken that smile from him. Again, he’d given it to her. She’d missed this more than she could express – this closeness – this tangle of limbs and shaking breaths that they reduced each other to. The way Daryl seemed to know her body better than his own, the way he could brush over and pull her apart by instinct alone.

When he tugged at the zip on her back and pulled her out of her dress, Beth fell forward against him and he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her on top of him. She wrapped her legs around him and found his lips again, grinding her pussy into his cock with enough friction that he tightened his grip on her, bucking his hips up. After another minute, Beth’s clit was practically rubbed raw against the seam of Daryl’s pants, and she finally let her hands trail from his hair down his back lightly, coaxing him out of his shirt. He caught his breath as she pulled it off but when he broke away and looked into her eyes, Beth saw his uncertainty was waning. Before she could get the chance to tell him how beautiful she thought he was – how beautiful she’d always thought he was – he was tugging at her underwear, placing soft kisses on her shoulders as he worked off the scrap of fabric. Beth was doing the same with him, and soon enough he was as naked as her, and it struck her that they’d never really seen each other quite like this before. She had no thought to awkwardly cover up or feel embarrassed as Daryl gazed across her body, eyes moving slow as though tracing the blood pumping through a single vein that ran down from her lips to her neck, past her breasts and hipbones. And then he was looking back into her eyes and his gaze was wide and disbelieving, as though still somehow uncertain at how he had gotten her, how she could possibly want him back, and all Beth could do was pull him in again, desperately crashing her lips against his. Daryl’s hands were on her ass now, pulling her into him and not stopping once she reached his lap, instead encouraging her closer as he lay back onto her pillow. With one hand he gripped her ass still, drawing her close enough that his nose brushed against her clit, and with the other he pushed her slick lips apart so that his tongue could dart in between, lapping up her juices eagerly. A whine escaped Beth and Daryl pulled her closer still, until she was sitting on his face. Trying hard to steady her breathing but knowing she did not care much right then if anyone heard her, Beth threw her head back and gripped her headboard as Daryl’s tongue swam in circles around her clit, his hands moving up to cup her breasts. When his tongue poked through her wet hole and inside of her, Beth’s hips jerked forward and she shuddered at the sudden contact of her clit against the rough stubble above his lip. His eyes fluttered open and Beth had to fight to keep another moan from escaping her as his shocking blue gaze pierced her, the ghost of a smirk playing on his lips at what he was doing to her.

She moved to reach back for his cock so she could stroke him while he fucked her with his tongue, but his hands found her wrists and moved them to his hair.

‘Stay.’ He muttered against her, teeth nipping her pussy lips. Beth felt another shock of pleasure run through her and knew immediately that this man could tell her to do just about anything and she’d listen. His tongue was swirling around her faster now, her pussy so wet that it was easy to slip up and down his lips.

‘Your cunt tastes so good.’ Daryl hummed against her and another tremor ran through her, pussy far too over-stimulated now to even have air blown over it. He brought her hips back down onto his face and then he was eating her pussy out so quick and fast that Beth doubled over, leaning all of her weight onto the headboard for support as her legs shook. Daryl’s hands gave her hardened nipples one last squeeze before moving back to her ass, kneading her cheeks apart and teasing her there with his calloused fingers. When Beth moaned again, Daryl sunk his tongue further into her, this time rocking against her to create a rhythm. She followed, feeling waves of pleasure coursing through her as she fucked his face, his little approving grunts doing nothing but pushing her farther to the edge.

‘Daryl –’ Beth gasped, feeling her stomach clench tighter and tighter as Daryl’s tongue slipped across her pussy, darting down to swipe her asshole.

‘You’re so fuckin’ wet.’ Daryl moaned as he sucked on the inside of her thighs, giving her a moment to savour the feeling of being so close to the edge. One more low growl from him and she’d be done, one more hot, wet lick and he’d ruin her.

Beth’s hips stilled as Daryl pulled her up even further, and then all of a sudden he was behind her and dragging her hips up so her chest fell to the bed, ass in the air. Beth wiggled around in front of him, biting back the begs that rose up in her throat for him to keep going. He seemed to know just how badly she was fighting herself because he smiled somewhat bashfully, hands moving back to her breasts as he pressed himself up against her backside. His cock was hard against her but he seemed to be intent on ignoring it for now as he bent lower, thrusting Beth’s hips further into the air and burying his nose between her ass cheeks.

‘Oh!’ Beth gasped at the feeling of his hot tongue rimming her, and at once his hand was falling over her mouth, reminding her to be quiet. She knew he too was thinking of the time Pete had nearly caught them fucking in the storage room at the bar and he’d placed a hand across her mouth and she’d practically purred at the feeling. Now was no different, and as his thick fingers fell across her lips she darted her tongue out to lick them, taking his first two in her mouth and sucking on them, thinking of his hard cock inches away.

‘Christ, Beth.’ Daryl groaned into her. He pulled his fingers back and stuck them straight into her pussy and her neck grew weaker as she surrendered to the feeling. With his thick fingers pumping into her hard he ate her ass, and Beth squinted her eyes shut, blinking back tears as pleasure hit her like a physical punch, twisting her gut and making her blood pump faster.

‘I’m gonna come, Daryl –’ She whimpered and Daryl went quicker, spitting onto her already wet hole and thrusting his fingers in and out of her more urgently until she was biting down on her pillow, saying his name over and over. She barely stopped shaking before she was pushing herself up, satisfied but nowhere near done with him. She pulled him onto the bed and then she was on top of him, sliding his hard cock over her dripping entrance and it was Daryl’s turn to whimper, eyebrows knotting together as he gazed up at her.

‘You like that?’ Beth teased, heartbeat still thumping in her ears from her orgasm, smirking at Daryl’s eyelids grew heavy. She sank down onto his cock, using her knees on either side of him to bounce up and down on him, feeling her breasts jiggling to the rhythm of the rest of her body and knowing it was driving him mad.

‘Fuckin’ Christ –’ Daryl gasped and this time it was Beth who leaned in closer, who whispered “shh” in his ear, who was met with his wildly out of control gaze when she looked back at him. After a minute, Daryl’s hands found her sides, and he held her as she moved up and down, bucking his own hips to match hers and then he was thrusting into her twice as hard, pressing into that spot inside that made her squirm, and Beth’s knees grew weaker as she collapsed onto his chest. When she finally gathered the strength to pull herself back up, Daryl was moving with her, cock still inside her as he lifted her up, sitting on the edge of the bed before allowing her to sink back down onto him. Beth’s nails raked over his back, over his scars, as he messily thrust into her again but the low growl that tore from his throat was one of pleasure. They locked eyes as she bounced up and down on his lap again, and Daryl’s hands tightened against her hips as he drew closer, lips falling apart as low pants escaped him.

When he sucked in his cheeks, hips jerking upwards, Beth moved even quicker, slamming down onto his cock as she brought him closer to release. Daryl dipped his head, taking one of her bouncing breasts in his mouth and biting down on her nipple before sucking obscenely, slurping and grunting into her as he leant back on his elbows, taking her with him.

‘Beth – oh, fuck, Beth . . .’ Daryl rasped as his head fell back, hips growing sloppy as he no longer controlled the pace of them, letting her fuck him as he rode out his wave of pleasure, grunting like a wounded animal as he came inside her, heart jack rabbiting out of his chest and against hers. Beth stilled, feeling his cock throb inside her and wanting nothing more than to stay exactly as they were, wrapped up so tight in each other that neither of them knew or cared who was who.

When Beth lifted her head off his shoulder, pushing away hair that had stuck to her forehead, Daryl thumbed her cheek adoringly, eyes soft on her. He helped her onto her shaky legs and followed her to the bathroom, which thankfully she didn’t share with either of her siblings. She let the shower run until the water was hot, tracing her fingers along Daryl’s hand and pulling him in.

‘Come here.’ Beth muttered, grabbing a bottle of shampoo and nodding encouragingly as Daryl hesitated. He moved in closer, dipping his head so Beth could run her soapy hands through his hair, gently massaging his temples. Somewhere in her, she knew he’d never been treated so gently before, or indeed – been loved like this before – but she knew now that she never had either. Not a love like this, not as intense as it was fragile. Beth rinsed his hair, turning him around so his back faced her and she saw his shoulders tense up, heard his breathing catch, his jaw jumping. His scars were red under the hot water, burning under her touch. When she slid her fingertips from them and replaced them with her lips instead, she heard Daryl’s strangled breath, and spun him around once she’d taken great care to caress each of them with a kiss, pulling him in closer and wrapping her arms around him. Daryl held onto her tightly, pressing kisses down her neck, and Beth’s stomach flipped at each one. This was love as she’d never experienced it – this was something new entirely. She couldn’t believe anyone else had ever felt anything like this, it was too raw, too good, too much and not enough.

They got out of the shower ten minutes later, flicking her fairy lights off as they fell into bed, searching for each other in the dark. Daryl pulled her in, somehow managing to fit his wide shoulders comfortably so she could lay against him. The bedroom window was open but neither of them minded as a cool breeze entered, playing over the sheets as they lay wrapped up together.

‘My father,’ Daryl began unsteadily, voice cracking, ‘he did that to me.’

Beth stilled, heart thumping loudly in her ears as she remembered their conversation after they’d fought, how she’d told him he could tell her anything. How she’d hoped he would but had never thought it would actually happen. And now here they were, laying in her bed together and he was telling her about the thing he never talked about, the thing that she knew caused so much more pain than she could ever understand.

‘Used to get blind, shoot things inside the house. Got Merle a gun by the time he was twelve. After my mom died and Merle left, it was just me and him for a while.’

The silence was deafening, the chirping cicadas sounding through the window doing nothing to ease the tension. Beth stayed quiet, intent on listening to anything Daryl wanted to say. He took in a trembling breath but seemed to force himself to go on.

‘This one time, I was watchin’ TV. Some dumb cartoon, don’t even remember. He comes home pissed, off some week-long bender. Tells me to get him a beer. We ain’t got any left but I don’t wanna tell him. So I hide in the pantry, hopin’ he passes out before he realises I ain’t back. He didn’t. Finds me there, starts yellin’ his head off, pulls off his belt and I just freeze. Can’t run, can’t move. Know what’s comin’ and I don’t try to fight it. Didn’t fight it for a long time. ‘S how I got this.’

With a shaking hand, Daryl moved Beth’s to the small of his back, over a raised welt. She didn’t notice when she held her breath, just that her chest was suddenly collapsing on itself, fighting for air and rejecting it at the same time. She felt sick and angry and she knew nothing she could say would make it better, but Daryl didn’t appear to be waiting for a response. Maybe it was enough, to tell her, to know she was listening.

‘He got worse. I did too. Left soon as I could, but didn’t make a difference. Felt like I was runnin’ from somethin’ that was already in me. Felt like that for a long time. Til I met you.’

Beth ran a hand over his jaw, tracing her finger over the prickly stubble under his chin. It meant more to her than she could express, that he’d opened up to her like this, but more than wanting him to know that, she knew she needed to show him that it wasn’t for nothing. That giving her parts of himself like this meant he would never have to be that again. ‘You’re safe with me.’ She whispered, and perhaps her words seeped through his skin rather than just passed through his ears, because he shivered against her, skin erupting in goosebumps like the words were trying to come out but he’d made them stay.

‘I know.’ Daryl breathed, voice rough. He pulled her even closer, letting his head drop into the crook of her neck, an arm splayed out over her waist. For a while he traced his fingers in circles across her hipbone, wiping away the tear that had escaped his eye and fallen onto her chest.

‘That guitar in the corner yours?’ Daryl asked, clearing his throat, voice stronger. He turned so he could see her better, and now with nothing but the moonlight pouring in through her window, his eyes were glowing, a little glassy still.

‘Yeah. It was my mom’s.’ Beth said with a half-smile, remembering.

Daryl bit his cheek. ‘Must be hard, bein’ here again. With your dad and all the memories of her –’

‘Yeah.’ Beth blew out a soft breath. ‘But it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.’

‘Why’s that?’

She grinned, and she knew that her face was in the shadows and he couldn’t see her smile, but the way his eyes roamed over where her mouth was made her think he somehow knew without seeing.

‘She would’ve liked you.’ Beth went on, watching as Daryl swallowed hard at her words, as his eyes flicked around thoughtfully. ‘She would’ve liked how happy you make me.’

Daryl cleared his throat, and although he didn’t say, Beth could tell just how much that meant to him. They lay in silence for another few minutes, Daryl’s fingers moving to absently trail over Beth’s forehead, tangling in her damp hair.

‘Ain’t never gonna get sick of this.’ He murmured in a low voice after a while, pulling her closer and nuzzling against her neck with his nose, pressing a lingering kiss to the hammering pulse below her jaw.

Beth’s heart slammed against her ribs with a new vigour. ‘You’re stuck with me now.’

Daryl let out a huff, a low rumble escaping his throat that Beth knew was the beginnings of a laugh. ‘Been stuck with you since the first moment I met you. Just didn’t know it yet.’

Beth let out a delighted giggle, let her head fall into the crook of his neck, and they stayed a mess of limbs and damp hair until the sun came up in the morning.


	11. All Of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A happy ending for Beth and Daryl.

Daryl woke with the sun in his eyes and Beth’s golden hair falling across his chest. He was getting used to being wrapped in gold, wrapped in her. It took him a moment to remember it was Christmas, and as he shifted to check the time, Beth stirred awake, blinking her bright eyes open.

‘Morning.’

Daryl felt his lips quirk into a smile as she hummed contentedly against him. ‘Mornin’.’ His voice was raspy and barely more than a growl, but it still made her smile grow.

Beth pushed herself up on her elbows, eyes suddenly wide and awake. A dazzling grin fell across her face as she rolled on top of him, pushing her hips down onto his groin. ‘Merry Christmas.’

Daryl’s hands were already on her waist, running up her back and winding through her hair. They’d slept naked, only the thin fabric of underwear between them, and in the light her skin was radiant, softly brushing his chest as she leaned in closer.

‘Merry Christmas.’ Daryl murmured, knowing that he’d never said that to anyone and meant it. Beth’s grin grew wider and she pressed her forehead to his. A shock went through his body when their lips meant, and his heart was racing, gut twisting in pleasure as it always did with her.

When a burst of laughter sounded from downstairs, they broke apart, Beth groaning. ‘Guess we’d better go down.’

Daryl nodded, following her out of bed and gathering his clothes off the floor. He suddenly felt a spark of anxiety shoot through him as another wave of chatter sounded from downstairs. He’d never spent Christmas with anyone before, least of all a family like Beth’s. In the rush of the last few days, he’d almost forgot to pack her present. He retrieved it quickly from his jacket pocket, fingers fumbling over the clumsy wrapping before pulling her arm back as she spun to the door. He’d never done this before.

‘Oh, Daryl! You didn’t have to get me anything.’ Beth laughed in delight as she accepted the small package, glowing. Daryl watched nervously as she ripped open the wrapping, biting down on his cheek and trying to ignore all his misgivings. He’d got it on a whim months ago and had almost convinced himself he’d never get to give it to her because there was no way they would be what they were now. But here he was, and here she was, and she was pulling it out of the box and her eyes were widening and when she looked up at him, her face was disbelieving.

‘Ain’t much, but –’ Daryl started quickly, but Beth shook her head and he fell into silence.

‘Are you kidding?’ She asked incredulously, pulling out the guitar pick from its tissue wrapping and moving into the light to have a better look. It was made of glass, with a small date inscribed around an edge. Her mother’s birthday. Beth had told him one night, when she was hopelessly distracted from her assignments and Daryl’s shift was going by achingly slow at Martinez’. He couldn’t even remember how they started talking about it, but one way or another, the date had stuck in his head, and he found himself wanting to give her something that she could use, something that kept her mother with her, listening to her play, helping her as she used to.

‘Daryl – it’s –’ Beth was out of words, shaking her head at him once again before pulling him into a bone-crushing hug, laughing into his neck, sending shivers through him. It was hard to remember sometimes, that he made her happy. That he could make her happy like she made him. He was never made for this, but he was finding out each day with Beth that he could make himself whatever he wanted. And he wanted to be this person, this person that could make her laugh and sing and moan. It was hard to believe sometimes, that he was that person already.

‘Thankyou, I love it. I love it.’

Daryl’s mouth was pulling into a reassured smile now, bending his neck down to reach her lips. Footsteps grew louder up the stairs and they jumped apart.

‘Beth?’ Maggie whispered, knocking softly. ‘You up?’

‘Yeah.’ Beth said, sighing in relief as she opened the door. Maggie poked her head through, grinning at the two of them and raising her brows at the mess of bed sheets.

‘Merry Christmas indeed.’

Beth rolled her eyes, pushing Maggie out by her forehead.

‘Don’t be too long, breakfast is ready. Plus dad keeps asking why Daryl didn’t go down with Glenn this morning . . . guessing he was too busy going down on –’

‘Alrighty, see you in a minute.’ Beth said quickly, pushing her laughing sister out the rest of the way. Daryl felt heat rise to his face as Beth turned back to him, biting down a smirk. He thought of the night before and couldn’t help his own sly smile, shaking his head as he followed Beth downstairs, stomach knotting nervously at the sound of her family’s voices.

Hershel raised his head as they entered, and Daryl remembered that he was under the impression they were friends. He hastily slowed his pace so he could fall a bit behind Beth, taking a seat next to Glenn at the dining table. The smell of pancakes and bacon filled the room as plates were passed around amidst a chorus of Merry Christmases. They ate with a steady stream of chatter, polite questions directed at Glenn and Daryl and laughter filling the air every now and then. Daryl wasn’t used to this – being around people that seemed to want to be around each other. It felt strange, to be a part of it all after so long wondering what something like this would be like. Halfway through Shawn’s story about his roommate drunkenly attempting to scale the outside of the science lab, Beth’s foot brushed Daryl’s under the table, and she met his eye with a soft smile.

‘Presents?’ Maggie asked once they were all done and the rest of them murmured in general agreement, moving into the living room. A tall tree stood in the corner, adorned with ornaments and lights, gifts scattered amongst the pine needles below. Daryl stood a little away from them all, watching with his arms around his chest as the Greene’s opened and exchanged presents, eyes on Beth as she let out bubbling laughs or clapped enthusiastically, her gaze darting back to him every few minutes. When they were done, Hershel and Maggie got to cleaning the ripped up wrapping paper while Shawn and Glenn cleared the breakfast plates. Beth reached under the tree, pulling out a package wrapped in brown paper, a red ribbon looped around.

‘Merry Christmas, Daryl.’ She breathed as she pushed it into his hands, and all at once Daryl’s heart seemed to race and slow down, chest tightening, stomach twisting.

‘For me?’ He asked doubtfully, feeling a flush of emotion as Beth nodded, grinning. A small smile played across his mouth as he stared at her in disbelief. Finally, he dragged his eyes away from her and down to his hands, where he gently peeled back the stripes of tape that held the wrapping together. Out fell a small wooden frame, a picture of the two of them inside. Beth was smiling at the camera and Daryl was laughing in her direction, an arm around her, and it was blurry as hell and Daryl could barely remember when it was taken but it didn’t matter. It was proof that he had moments like these, that he had had enough moments like these that he couldn’t pinpoint this exact night. It was a promise that he was going to keep having moments like these. He swallowed hard, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

‘Glenn took it, ages ago at Martinez’. Thought your apartment could use some pictures.’ Beth said, voice a little softer as Maggie shrieked with laughter at something in the kitchen.

‘I –’ Before Daryl got the chance to try and stammer out a thankyou, Hershel had appeared, eyeing his daughter with a concerned glance.

‘I think Shawn and Maggie need some help clearing up, Bethy.’

‘Oh, of course.’ Beth answered quickly, darting past Daryl and skirting around her father, disappearing into the kitchen. Daryl felt a strange tug when she left, not altogether just for her absence but also because he was now alone with her father, clutching a picture of the two of them tightly. Hershel sighed, pulling up a chair and gesturing Daryl to sit with him.

‘You know, my wife was the one who taught Beth how to play guitar, nurtured her talent with singing. Always believed in her. She was beautiful, my Annette.’

Daryl shifted uncomfortably in his seat, a suffocating feeling taking over him as he listened to Beth’s father’s words. He didn’t blame him for being protective of her, especially towards him. He’d known his father after all – he would know enough about the Dixons to know he didn’t want any of them near his daughter.

‘Bethy’s a lot like her. Sees the good in things.’ Hershel clasped his hands together and leaned forward, his tone sharp. ‘I think there’s something more going on between the two of you.’

Daryl’s grip on the photo frame tightened as his heart raced and he knew at once that he couldn’t lie to Beth’s father. He dropped his eyes to the table, feeling his stomach sinking. If his feelings for her weren’t going to be taken well either way, then he might as well admit the truth.

‘Am I right?’

Daryl took a deep breath in. ‘Yeah.’ When he raised his gaze back to Hershel’s eyes, he was met with an even stare, not entirely as cold and disproving as he expected.

After a moment Hershel nodded, sighing out deeply. His eyes glanced over the picture Daryl clutched, and his gaze softened even more. ‘You do anything to hurt her –’

‘Never would.’ Daryl managed, his voice growing a little steadier. Beth’s father seemed to detect the sincerity because he nodded once more.

‘She’s changed a lot this past year. I suspect it has something to do with you.’ Hershel murmured, surveying Daryl over. ‘And what I know about your father, about your brother, I have to put aside. You’re not them, and I’m willing to start clean with you if you can prove it. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that her mother wanted to see her happy. And so do I. And I haven’t seen her this happy in a long time.’

‘Ain’t just her.’ Daryl replied evenly, holding Hershel’s gaze. ‘She makes me happy, too. I ain’t lettin’ her go. Gonna spend the rest of my life, tryin’ to be good enough for your daughter.’

A look of understanding passed between the two men and then Shawn was poking his head through the doors, calling them into the kitchen, and Daryl and Hershel were following him and Daryl could scarcely believe he’d gotten through that conversation with Beth’s father not only letting him stay in his house, but apparently not disproving of his and Beth’s relationship. Maggie and Beth were looking through old family photos, smiling wistfully each time they reached a picture of Annette. Daryl let his breathing reach a steady rate again, exchanging a glance with Glenn, who smiled at him encouragingly.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. They played games and ate another delicious meal, finally finishing the night by sitting out on the front porch under the moonlight. Beth had her mother’s guitar and she was strumming it softly with the pick that Daryl had brought. She’d shown it to Hershel a few hours ago, and ever since then he’d caught the older man shooting curious looks their way, eyes surveying Daryl with a new interest each time. Daryl hoped he would be able to one day be deserving of Beth in Hershel’s eyes. He hoped today had been a start.

Once the cicadas began their low chirp, Maggie and Glenn announced the were turning in for the night. Shawn followed not long after, then Hershel, eyeing Beth and Daryl deliberately before wishing them a goodnight.

‘Your dad knows about us.’ Daryl muttered to Beth in a low voice once they were alone on the porch. They were sitting under a flickering lantern, warm yellow light pooling across them.

Beth’s head snapped around, but before she could begin to worry, Daryl interrupted.

‘’S okay. He just wants you to be happy, ‘s all. Can’t blame him, for not thinkin’ the best of me.’

Beth shook her head in disagreement but seemed content enough at this news. ‘I’m glad he can see how happy you make me. Hope you can see it too, one day.’

Daryl smiled at her, dropping his heavy lids down to the grin teasing her lips. ‘I can see it.’

Beth laughed, a tinkling, light sound that seemed to wake the night from its hibernation. ‘No you can’t. Not all of it.’

Daryl thought of how Beth had got him that present, of how she knew he’d never got anything for Christmas before, of how just the lightest touch from her could send shivers down his spine, of how her laugh was like the sun. Happiness was always so fleeting, never guaranteed, always evading him.

‘Tell me.’ Daryl muttered as Beth shifted closer to him. She tilted her head to brush her lips over his jaw, moving down to his earlobe, before sinking her head onto his shoulder.

‘I love you.’

Her tone was so simple; as though it had just occurred to her and she didn’t quite know what to do with this information. But Daryl did, had known for a while. And the shock of hearing her say that to him was only lessened by the need to say it back.

‘I love you, too.’

And then Beth was laughing in delight, that radiant smile lighting up her face, and Daryl thought that if he could keep making her do that, then happiness could never evade him again.

* * *

The day Beth Greene moved into Daryl Dixon’s apartment was a Tuesday. It was mild outside but the sun shone bright as Beth peered over the stack of boxes in her arms and navigated her way through the narrow hallway. Daryl was behind her, arms full of her things and holding them so tightly that he fervently hoped nothing inside was fragile enough to break. He still had their Christmas decorations up – he couldn’t bear to take them down and now that she was moving in, he was settled by the thought that he didn’t only need parts of her there like that when he could have the whole thing. The thought still blew his mind, still rendered him completely and utterly disbelieving.

Beth dropped the box onto the hardwood floors and pushed her hair out of her face, eyes bright as she turned to him with a grin.

‘’S the last of it.’

Daryl placed her belongings gently down next to the rest and straightened up, drinking in the sight of her. For the longest time, he hadn’t believed in home. Knew it was never a place, knew he’d never find it in the shack he grew up in surrounded by neglect and pain, knew that moving away into new walls he was just swapping one cage for another. But he’d never believed that home could be a person. He hadn’t believed in a lot of things, before Beth.

Merle had come around the day before, knocking sheepishly on the door and grinning in relief at the sight of Daryl and Beth together, muttering something that sounded an awful lot like an apology. He’d never admit it of course, but Daryl could see that his brother, in his own strange way, was trying the same as he had been for years. Judging from the fact that Merle was in one piece and didn’t seem to be running from anyone, he guessed that his deal had gone well, which was a relief even if he wouldn’t admit it. He’d sat down next to them and teased them mercilessly about their relationship but when Daryl had finally rolled his eyes and gone to the front door to let Glenn in, he heard Merle saying in an undertone to Beth, ‘’m sorry for bein’ an asshole. You’re a damn pain in my ass Greene, but you’re good for him, you know. ‘He’s lucky he’s got you.’

Beth had smiled at that, cheeks flushing red as she attempted to shrug off the compliment, although Daryl knew just how much this meant to her. For some insane reason, she cared what Merle thought about her.

‘Yeah.’ He’d heard her saying as Glenn entered, greeting them enthusiastically with a stack of pizzas balancing in his arms, ‘I’m luckier.’

Beth had been overjoyed when Daryl had mumbled into her neck late one night, tangled up in his sheets with the warm breeze seeping through the window dancing over them, ‘stay here tonight. Stay here forever.’

At first she thought he was joking, and she’d said as much, and Daryl thought that he should just say he was, but he swallowed the lump in his throat that made him doubt and he forced himself to try again. This was what it was, what he’d promised himself it would be. Trying. And each day with Beth, it was a little easier.

‘Don’t wanna go another day wakin’ up without you here. Move in with me, Beth.’

And she’d smiled that sunshine smile and an excited giggle had escaped her lips and she was saying yes over and over in between kisses and Daryl swallowed her words like they were air.

He’d helped her pack all of her things up, had watched as she’d waved goodbye to her roommate Sarah, whom Daryl hated on principal but whom he also felt strangely grateful for because if it wasn’t for her constantly kicking Beth out, he didn’t know where they would be in their relationship. Beth was nothing but smiles the whole way to his apartment, even though he warned her that his bathroom was small and sometimes his microwave didn’t work and the light in the laundry flickered out every now and then. But she was glowing, and she stayed that way even as they unloaded her things and even now, when they stood side by side, looking around at the potential around them. And Daryl thought that maybe this was what he had been surviving for all this time. The chance to live. The chance for a life with Beth. And hell, maybe it was just all a bunch of random coincidences that had led them there, but Daryl thought there were a hell of a lot of things that had to happen to get them to meet, and he thought that maybe he never used to believe in fate, but he did now. Something told him he’d meet this storm of a girl no matter the circumstances, no matter the lifetime. Some things were too big to be coincidences.

He kept the photo Beth had got him for Christmas on his bedside table, always the first thing he saw in the morning, the next best thing to having Beth there. Now that she was here, so were all of her family photos, and it felt strangely comfortable to have pictures of Maggie and Glenn and Hershel and Annette and Shawn scattered around his living room and pressed between old books with broken in spines and dried flowers. Beth left so much of herself everywhere she went, it was a wonder that she never ran out of that bright thing inside her that Daryl couldn’t get enough of.

‘Well, Dixon, you really are stuck with me now.’ Beth laughed, leaning her head against his shoulder, mess of blonde hair falling across him. Daryl turned instinctively, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in, placing a soft kiss against her cheek. He didn’t speak for a while, eyes filled with the sight around him, struggling to make his brain comprehend that this was his, this was theirs.

‘What’s wrong?’ Beth asked after a moment, wide eyes searching his, and he felt that same thrill pass through him that she’d always given him. He swallowed, moving his fingers to tangle in her hair before pulling her in for a sweet kiss and not pulling away until he was dizzy.

‘Nothin’.’ He muttered, and for the first time in his life, he truly meant it. ‘’M happy.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it!! thankyou so much for all your comments and support, it means the world! keep an eye on me, i'm posting a new fic very soon! <3

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this fic is just as fun to read as it was to write!! college student beth and bartender daryl being the best of friends and slowly falling for each other is something i can never get enough of. hope you like this and as always, i'll be updating regularly so let me know what you think :)


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